#narnia ramble

[iristial]

I was reminded that I still love The Chronicles of Narnia as my favourite book series in the children and Christian genre

I used to have the complete set of seven books but I was still young so first I hated the ugly covers, then I tossed out the books because I couldn't stand looking at the sliced covers, and now I regret it. At least I still have The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

[megsjournalforstupidthings]

Losing Chester has been almost as hard as losing my family members in the past five years. The newest album hurts. They all do. The newest one made my emotional hell of a week process a bit faster. The titles, the lyrics, the pain.. everything was just put into music for me to hear and feel and dive into. Everyone talks like suicide prevention and talking about your mental health is so easy. They say it affects any and all. But that still doesn't make me feel any less guilty about having days where offing myself are just thoughts in my head that swim like i'm in the deep end of a pool. It makes those days even harder to acknowledge to my boyfriend because he just makes me feel worse. I've been in a crying rut where i've been crying every day since grandad's death anniversary. Multiple times. Ugly sobbing and all. The only thing keeping me relatively calm is my boyfriend. I just hate that on the days those thoughts show up, i can't actually communicate them. What reason do i actually have to kill myself? What reason do i actually have to feel depressed?

[megsjournalforstupidthings]

Missing people that i used to call my best friends I know i'm not the greatest person to be around But they always put up with my shit and listened when i spiraled out. They dragged my stupid ass back to common sense. Yeah. I have my boyfriend. Yeah. I have my family. Yeah. I've got two best friends here. But none of them know me and how i used to be. None of them know me like they do. Part of that is just because shit keeps happening and molding me into a bigger bitch every year. Because of that, i lost them. And i'm not good at apologies. So i never got them back. So i'm alone. And the people that knew me best, And for the longest... Are gone. And i'm consistently reminded of that when i spiral down. My boyfriend is great, and so is my family. But Outside voices help too sometimes when i need an even bigger boost to get back on track.