ITEM NUMBER: 8896
ITEM: Wizardwares Gnome Home Wondersponge
ITEM HISTORY: Item 8896 is a novelty kitchen sponge, sold briefly in mundane and esoteric markets in 1988 under the name Gnome Home Wondersponge. Manufactured by the now-defunct Wizardwares Inc., the sponge caused significant political controversy and property damage before its removal.
The sponge purported to replicate the effects of a brownie, a fae subtype known for its beneficial (if capricious) effects in the home. Typical brownies were in short supply at the time, being both rare in North America and engaged in unionization efforts during the late 1980s. Though Wizardwares claimed that the introduction of the sponge to markets during the widespread strikes was a coincidence, the North American Seelie Court released a statement claiming the sponge was “a clear attempt to undermine hardworking American fairies,” with NASC Chairfae Jack B. Nimble going as far as saying it was a legal strikebreaking tactic.
The sponge’s method of operation is not entirely clear - Wizardwares enchanters would claim in later inquiries that the sponges were “loaded with thaumometric data from ten million instances of dishes being washed by hand.” Later investigations would conclude that up to 97% of those “ten million” instances were themselves not technically existent, extrapolated from the first 3% using quantum timeline analysis. This could help explain the sponge’s deleterious effects.
The sponge could be used as a normal cleaning implement, but at some point during the night, the item would typically animate and continue cleaning, usually washing dishes. Due to its faulty “database,” errors compounded - at first, it would not recognize which items were safe to run its abrasive surface against, potentially damaging dishware. Gradually, it would begin to wash cast iron, floors and surfaces in the kitchen, leaving unsafe conditions. If left unattended, the sponge would begin to work on other areas of the home with more vigor, breaking valuables, scratching glass, and traumatizing household pets.
Though protests were held at Wizardwares headquarters, the federal government did not act until the sponge was confirmed to have been sold in mundane stores. At that point, Office veil-preservation contingencies activated. All stores and cities known to have sold the sponge were canvassed, citing a “hallucinogenic compound” in the chemical treatment of the sponge.
The NASC subsequently released a statement that said while they were pleased the sponge had been removed from stores, they were disappointed it took threatening the veil for the Office for the Preservation of Normalcy to act, and not the struggle of the workingfairy. The Office has not officially commented on the sponge after an official report announcing its removal.
