How could love ever have been a calm, gentle gut feeling like a big growing peony or a happy rock down there? For Lizzie it was an intermittent stabbing sensation in the heart and lung area so that a desire to give was always associated unconsciously with a slight inability to breathe.
And love came with a sense of loss. All she had lost. That had made her work terribly hard.
'You need what we all need, Tom,' she says. 'You need what we all need.' Which is love. And the peace of mind to feel it.
"That's part of the problem,' she says. You can feel love, and know that you love someone deeply. But in your mind you're going to be quietly unravelling it. So that comfort doesn't come. Because how could you bear it? To latch on, and be pushed away, with your mouth open and your hands flailing madly?"