Stone Cold Sober, a nataliexreader one shot
soooooo, basically you’re close friends with nat and you’re both gay :)
You don’t know why you were even chosen for this. You weren’t the second best shot, Travis was. He should be hiking out to the middle of nowhere where right now, not you. Also, he was a boy and this felt like boy stuff.
Travis was being difficult but no one could give him a particularly hard time about it. Seeing Coach skewered on a tree freaked you all out but it devastated Travis. He wasn’t like this before. He would never be the same.
Coach Ben volunteered you to accompany Natalie on the hunt, he said solo hunting parties were dangerous when hiking that far out. Natalie tried to convince him it was fine but he held firm.
And, yeah, it hurt that Natalie had basically refused to spend time with you alone the entire time you had been stuck in these god-forsaken woods. Especially because she was the one who kissed you.
Natalie didn’t have a car so you gave her rides to things sometimes. Your parents liked to live a little ways from town so you were only a couple of streets over from the trailer park Natalie and Van lived in. You had offered them both a ride but only Natalie accepted, Van had been getting rides from Taissa recently even though you knew Taissa lived by the school. But whatever, if they thought they were being slick with their queer little looks, you would play along. Can’t throw rocks in glass houses and all that.
Usually, it was fun to ride there and back together. You would get slurpees on the way back and Natalie’s parents didn’t care about you guys smoking weed on their porch. That’s the only nice thing you had to say about either of them.
The ride there was standard. Natalie and you always looked a little funny together. You were pretty square, wore whatever your mom got you from the GAP every season. Natalie was something else entirely. She didn’t have much more but she had an identity. You were sometimes envious of that about her. She didn’t feel all this pressure to not be herself.
You got to the party and Natalie went off with her alternative friends. They were apparently trying to score acid but you doubted that ginger kid she hung around wouldn’t get ripped off with some tissue paper. You never drank but you smoked a little, early enough for it to wear off by the time you had to drive home. You wouldn’t want to wrap yourself around a tree the night before nationals.
Shauna and Taissa got into some kind of catfight. Shauna always got confrontational when she was drunk. She kept everything too bottled up sober to not. Jackie tried to fix it but there was no fixing the fact that Taissa subconsciously crippled a freshman.
You were trying to catch Natalie’s eye, you usually would make eye contact when Jackie was acting like an 80s high school rom-com protagonist but she was staring off into space and giggling. Jesus Christ. That ginger managed to score acid.
You got pulled away from the team huddle by some baseball boys you were cool with, they offered you some wine coolers and a ride home but you declined. You weren’t ditching Natalie like this (and you kinda thought they were pigs who were only good for getting joints).
Eventually, you got back to Natalie where she was transfixed on the bonfire. She was mumbling things about Misty Quigley and the Olympics. You just hoped she came down in time for Nationals.
“Come on, let’s get you home.” She didn’t react until you put your hand on her shoulder. She jumped but settled when she realized it was you and smiled. The weed must’ve been strong because you felt floaty all of a sudden again.
She kept looking at you for a little before she stood up. She didn’t follow you until you grabbed her hand to guide her to your car. The person next to you parked like shit so you had to crawl over her in the passenger seat to get to the drivers. She grabbed onto your hips and tried to help you into your seat but it made you feel less coordinated for some reason. You’d really have to get one of those boys to get you more of that weed when you got back.
When you went to shift gears, Nat put her hand on yours. You assumed she was just feeling the LSD and wanted some connection so you let her have it. She was still giggling occasionally, you didn’t know what about. She started tracing her fingers on your palm but you couldn’t make out what she was drawing or writing. Maybe it was just the tactile sensation she wanted.
After a while, you pulled up next to her trailer. She didn’t rush to get out. You didn’t mind if she wanted to stay and talk, you’d always be happy to talk to Natalie, even if she was drugged up and incoherent.
She took a deep breath and turned to face you. You were already looking at her. She was just so cool, it almost hurt. That jacket she never took off, except for practice, looked almost blue in the motion-activated lights.
You thought she was going to say something. Maybe something funny but knowing Nat, it could be something accidentally profound. Instead, she reached over the console and kissed you. Closed mouth, chaste, but a real kiss. She was still holding your hand and everything. You were going to push her away but she backed up first. You thought she would look freaked out but she was still looking at you expectantly. That same look as when she slides her Slurpee next to yours at the counter and just knows you’ll pay for it.
You’re gonna pay for this, you thought to yourself.
“You’re high, Nat. You didn’t mean that.” You nervously chuckle, all of a sudden half hoping she did.
Natalie obviously didn’t see anything awkward or out of place. She was still holding your hand for Christ’s sake. She was smiling at you like you were just the sweetest thing.
“I liked it though.” So cheeky, always. So herself.
You looked down at your joined hands, why hadn’t you let go yet? Why hadn’t she? You liked it too and that scared you.
“Yeah, but Coach Ben talked about how when you’re drunk, you shouldn’t really do stuff with people because they don’t know what they're doing and I’m pretty sure that extends to acid, y’know?
Her voice was all low and gravelly. “So if I wasn’t tripping, you’d come inside?”
“I’m going to assume you didn’t mean that either. You should go inside, Nat. Alone.” You were talking big game for someone who hadn’t let go of her hand yet.
“I don’t want to be alone right now, I want to be kissing you.” How could she just say things like that? Girls didn’t just say things like that. It was uncouth.
You tried to tell her exactly that but she just groaned a little and said “You’re not convincing me you don’t want to kiss me.” She was all pouty and emotional right now. God help you.
You were going to say something stupid because of her. Stupidly honest.
“If you still feel this way tomorrow, we can talk about it then. We’re going to be sharing a room with Taissa and Van and they sneak off together a lot.” She was going to argue before you cut her off by saying, “You’re not going to be able to convince me to take advantage of you.”
She giggled more. “No matter how much you want to?” Starry eyes was not an apt phrase for hers.
You kept looking at her and let go of her hand slowly. What are the odds she even remembers this tomorrow? What the hell, say it. “No matter how much I want to.”
You guessed that was close enough to what she wanted. She got out and skipped to her front door. She looked at your car before walking in and blew you a kiss. You hoped no one saw anything. You hoped she forgot this all because you blew one back.
She obviously didn’t forget it all.
She got out of Van’s mom’s car and didn’t look at you once at the airport. She saw you saving a seat next to yourself and sat a couple of rows up front alone.
The only time she had talked to you, hell, even looked at you, was when she found you after the crash. You had a nasty gash on your calve and your nose was bleeding from a bag falling on your face. Adrenaline had you running from the wreckage further than everybody else because your brain was telling you it was going to explode for some reason. You ran for a minute or two until your leg started to hurt and you realized that no one else was with you. When you didn’t hear any explosions, you started limping back.
It took more time to get back than it did for you to sprint away. You returned to chaos that was mostly directed by Misty Quigley.
Taissa was looking around, shouting Van’s name. Natalie was shouting yours. You were already out of breath but seeing Natalie shouting for you made it worse. You couldn’t get a big enough breath in to let her know you were ok before she saw you and started running.
Your face must’ve looked worse than it was because she lost it. Natalie didn’t show concern like this usually. She was more likely to get pissed off at you for putting yourself in the situation to get hurt. This was panic.
“Are-Are you ok? God! You’re bleeding a lot. I’m going to get Misty, OK? She’s good at this stuff.” She was tempted to touch your face but didn’t know what hurt. She was terrified to make it worse. To hurt you. “Um, lean forward! Wait! No! Lean back. Or does that make the blood go down your throat? Whatever, keep your head like that. I’ll be right back.”
She didn’t really come back after that. She sent Misty to check on you and made sure you were bandaged up but that’s it. She sat next to other people around the fire, passed the water to the person that was next to you, avoided eye contact.
This was why you never let your mind go there. She had opened up all these feelings that you were content to push onto other things like baseball boys and soccer but now you were 100s of miles away from both and the girl you kissed won’t even look at you.
Actually, correction, she kissed you!
And Coach Ben had somehow contrived the worst way to force you guys to be friends again. If friends was even the right word. Two girls don’t get along anymore? Let’s give them a gun about it!
The two of you tromped through the woods in silence for a long time. You had no inclination to lead and certainly no inclination to be to one to break the silence so you quietly followed. You didn’t even know how to tell the cardinal directions.
The complacency made you feel slightly crazy but she owed you an explanation. She practically forced you to admit to whatever you implied you felt and now she has the audacity to act like you made it weird. She’s the one that kissed her girl best friend! Not you!
This was what drove you insane about Nat. She acted on impulse and did what she wanted. She knew who she was and at one point had chosen to honor that. You both admired her for it and regretted the way it inconvenienced the both of you. So why was she so self-conscious now unless she was disgusted by you?
You were never going to do anything about those urges. You knew it was wrong but sometimes you wanted to touch girls the way boys touched girls. You knew Shauna and Jackie practiced kissing so it wasn’t such a weird thing. And Tai and Van seemed to have a thing too. This is why your father didn’t want you to do women’s sports. It did turn you into a lesbian.
Natalie could practically hear you spiraling. She knew you were losing it but didn’t dare to address anything. She was sure you were just being nice to her when you said all that stuff about talking when she was sober. You were nice and from a good family. You didn’t need to throw all that away by turning gay and dating a burnout.
Natalie didn’t want to make you say it. She knew you were too nice to just tell her she was a weird predator. You fought to not have to come with her today even though three weeks ago, you had volunteered to go to Saturday detention with her even though you had no slip. You were sweet like that.
Natalie mourned the inevitable loss of your relationship. She valued your opinion in a way she never had anyone else. She trusted you. She knew you were a good person and Natalie knew how rare that was. Of course, she would go and fuck it all up.
She heard you sniffling. She hoped your nose was ok. It looked like the bruising went away but you started making that nasal sound again.
It took a little for her to realize you were crying. You didn’t cry. Natalie turned around to face you, knowing she had to put an end to this. You obviously were taking it hard.
It was embarrassing for you to cry like this, especially when you were so committed to staying steadfast but you needed Nat, especially with all this crazy shit happening. You couldn’t take her just ignoring you until you got rescued.
Natalie was looking at you with a blank face which made it worse. How could she go from smiling at you to looking like that? You had read everything so wrong.
“I’m sorry I kissed you. I made everything complicated and I didn’t mean to. Can we just forget it happened? Say it was the acid and weed and call it even?” Natalie was trying to act casual like it was no big deal. Just an awkward thing to deal with like walking in on someone changing. But you didn’t want to forget about it. You couldn’t no matter how much you had tried. She had showed you an option you didn’t even know was there. One you kept exploring in your head.
Humiliatingly, you started crying more, wiping the tears away like you could hide them. You practically yelled, “No, you don’t just get to forget about it. You kissed me and you’ve just got to live with it no matter how disgusting you find me.” Not the plan but OK! Emotional honesty had rarely gotten you anywhere good but you could try again.
“What? I don’t find you disgusting?” She looked confused and walked closer as if to prove that to you.
“Then why do you refuse to even look at me? You kissed me! And I’m sorry I kissed back when I knew you were fucked up but I never would take advantage! I didn’t even know I would want to do anything like that until you did it to me first so this is all your fault.”
Natalie scoffed. “My fault? You’re the one that let me hold your hand the whole ride. You got in my lap on the way in!”
“I’m not going to do this with you. Let’s just turn back and tell Coach we can’t do this together.” You tried to school your expression. She totally didn’t read that right. You weren’t flirting that whole night.
You turn around to walk back to the cabin when she grabs your hand. That same hand you kept on the gear shift. The one she held before your worst nightmares came true.
It was enough to make you turn around. She was always enough to make you turn around.
She struggles to say it but Nat asks “Were you serious? About talking about it later? You weren’t just saying that to be nice so you could let me down easy later?” Natalie wasn’t usually unsteady like this. Sure of herself was her natural state.
“No, I wanted to talk about it at Nationals but…you know.” You were going to try being honest. “I liked what happened.”
Natalie exhaled something close to a chuckle like she couldn’t believe it. “I did too. Like it, I mean.” You squeezed her hand that had grabbed yours
You made the same sort of chuffed sound. “What does this all mean?” You asked.
She squeezed your hand, “Whatever you want it to mean.”
That was difficult because you had no idea. Natalie was the one who always knew what she wanted. She could walk into any thrift store and find herself in the racks, could walk into any classroom and find the person that was broken like her. You had spent most of high school feeling the contact high that was Natalie Scatorccio. Now she was asking you to score some on your own.
But maybe that was tiring, always being sure. Maybe it wasn’t as natural for her as it was necessary.
You braced yourself, about to say something ridiculous, “Maybe we could just do what we want out here. Figure it out a little more before we decide.” It felt contradictory that your big exploration of self started with being comfortable with not knowing but you figured that’s how it usually went. Acknowledging you have a problem first and all that.
“Does figuring it out involve kissing you again?” She was always so cheeky, you’re glad the plane crash didn’t take that.
“If that’s what you want.”
“I think it’s what I’ve wanted for a while.” She stepped even closer to you. The distance you two would usually have when she was telling you a secret.
And you knew this was all supposed to be a secret. That you both would get home soon and probably forget all about this. Baseball boys and goths would get in between the both of you. But for now, in the woods, away from your conservative father and judgemental eyes, you could finally just do what you wanted. And you wanted to kiss Natalie fucking Scatorccio, stone-cold sober.