Do You Believe In Fate?
Pairings: Jaemin x Reader
Words: 2.4K
Warnings: some angst, some fluff
Summary:
Fate /fāt/ noun
“The development of events beyond a person’s control”
There’s a plan for every one out there, at least that’s what Jaemin wholeheartedly believes. What happens when fate takes a different path?
Because love is a little difficult, sometimes you have to say goodbye.
collab: for @rvse-hvvck‘s Sometimes Letting Go
“사랑이 좀 어려워”
~Bye My First...
“Do you believe in fate?” You felt the soft rumble of his words vibrate through you as your head rested on your boyfriend’s chest.
“Hmmm?”
“Fate? You know, like people that are destined to be together?”
You nodded in response, eyes still shut, sleep dragging them down. Jaemin tended to do this. It was always well into the night when he decided he wanted to get deep and profound. You enjoyed this side of him just as much as you enjoyed the goofy energizer bunny he was, but you preferred these discussions to happen when you weren’t trying to get well needed sleep.
“Do you?” It came out as a murmur, but Jaemin was listening so intently that there was no way he could’ve missed it.
“Yeah, it brought me to you.” You smiled at his comment, he never failed to make your heart flutter.
Your eyes wandered over the silhouette of your boyfriend, his body language telling you that what you dreaded was in fact reality.
You hadn’t fought in months, but things weren’t right.
You wished you could remember the exact date, you wished you could pinpoint the day that things began to fall apart. Maybe then things wouldn’t be the way that they were now.
It didn’t happen overnight. It was slow, but at the same time it happened so quickly. It snuck up on you.
You could feel it, but you ignored it, for days, weeks, months. Far too long.
It was at some point when there had become a defined line on each side of the bed, yours and his. It was a separation that had come gradually, and without noticing, you had found yourself spending countless nights huddled alone on your side of the bed. The small gap between the two of you had grown, it felt like a canyon, impossible to cross.
It didn’t used to be like this.
The date nights you had once adored, fizzled to an end.
“That one’s Venus… I think.” You giggled at the face Jaemin made, utter concentration. He had studied the constellations just for tonight, but it seemed that no matter how much he tried to focus, his mind was running circles around you.
He gave you a shy smile and peered under his lashes. Rubbing the back of his neck he was quick to admit that he forgot.
“I’m gonna be honest, the only star I see right now is you.”
It should’ve made you cringe. But the smile that accompanied the line was more than enough to make you swoon.
You stared at his side profile, something you could never get used to. You felt the urge to reach out and touch him, to assure yourself that this was real.
Getting caught staring at him, you tore your eyes away, nervously searching the sky for a new constellation, something to get your mind off of him. You hummed to yourself, a nervous habit you had taken up.
He shuffled closer towards you, your heart falling to your stomach. There were no words that could explain how you felt. It was a nervous sickness that made you feel nauseous, but at the same time it was butterflies dancing in the pit of your stomach, dying to be let loose.
Your heart was beating so loudly you were sure that he would notice by now. It was in a matter of seconds that you realized that you were only inches apart now. The specks in his eyes visible, sucking you in.
You gripped the fabric of the blanket below you unknowingly, a way to keep you grounded.
It happened in less than a second, but lasted for what felt like forever. It wasn’t until you felt the lingering faint breaths that you had realized he had kissed you.
He pulled back slightly, taking a glance at your reaction, timidly making eye contact.
“Oh.”
“Oh?” He asked, a slight waver in his voice.
“That was fast.”
He sat back, rolling his head back up towards the sky, a grimace pulling taught over his features. You could see the beginnings of regret accumulating in his posture.
“I’m sorry.”
You bit your lip, trying to find a way to rephrase that.
“Could you do it again? It was too fast, I feel like I may have missed it.” You smiled shyly at the way his eyes popped open, eager to find yours.
Despite his reaction, he didn’t move and you frowned, becoming impatient.
You leaned over and pecked his cheek, watching as a light blush raced across his face.
That was the last time hesitated with you.
The wild nights that you thought would never end, midnight memories that made your heart swell. They left with the rising of dawn.
Your legs rocked in rhythm with his, the swing creaking under the constant movement.
“Do you think that there’s a plan for us?”
“A plan?”
“Yeah, like we were supposed to meet … like do you think there’s someone up there watching us and smiling cause we made it? We found each other?”
“Maybe.” You giggled at the sudden thought, “Maybe they’re laughing at us right now.”
He turned to face you, “Why would they laugh at us?”
“We’re kind of boring aren’t we? Kind of dumb too.” You laughed, throwing your head back, almost falling off the swing set.
“So? We can be dumb and in love.” He pouted at you, head tilted as if waiting for you to argue.
“Yeah, you’re right.” There was a pause. You watched the breath of air condense and then disappear.
“We’re pretty lucky aren’t we?” He was using that tone again, the one where you couldn’t quite tell if he realized he was speaking out loud.
“Yeah.”
The two of sat in silence as he snaked his hand around the chain, grasping yours in his own tightly.
“Let’s go to the beach.”
You couldn’t stop the smile that blossomed on your face.
“Now?”
“Why not?” You laughed at the determined look in his eyes.
“Alright.” Before you could even finish the word, you were dragged to his car, the warmth surrounding you for a moment.
His hand rested on yours throughout the drive, the soft music of the radio leaving a comfortable ambience.
It wasn’t much later that you began to see the horizon fill with water, just the glow of the moon as light.
You felt the car slow to a stop, and the slight squeeze of his hand in yours indicated you arrived.
He gripped your wrist, tugging you to the trunk of his car, already set up from your last date. Together you fell against the pillows, tangling yourselves in the multitude of blankets.
Lingering in each other’s clutches you gazed into the scenery before you, the moon reflecting on the surface of the ocean. Only the sounds of your own breathing and crashing of the waves as background music.
It was some time later when the white glow began to pick up pigment.
The faded orange of the sun started to repress the once hollow black night. It was the only moment in the day that you could look directly at the sun, washing away any of the serene moments that hid in the night. Moments like these.
The comfort of insomniac nights, you would lay staring at the ceiling, talking about your future. They too disappeared with the moon.
“What if we got a dog?” You laughed at his suggestion.
“A dog? Why so sudden? Jaemin you can’t even take care of yourself, how on earth are you going to take care of a dog?”
He flopped backwards on the bed, “That’s what I have you for.” He winked at you, a sly attempt in winning you over.
“Come on, Jeno and his girlfriend just got a dog, they go on cute dates with him all the time. I wanna go on cute dates with a dog.” He whined at you, tugging you into the bed alongside him.
“Then let’s borrow their dog. Taking care of a dog is a lot of work.” You poked his side, not willing to give in. As much as you adored the thought of getting a puppy with Jaemin, you knew how much work it would be.
“A cat then? They aren’t that hard to take care of.” He had turned to face you, trying to catch your attention.
“Jaemin, we’re not going to get a pet just for the sake of getting a pet.” You giggled, staring up at the ceiling and refusing to meet his stare.
“A goldfish?”
“Jaemin.”
“Fine. But a hamster would’ve been really cute.” He pouted beside you and you rolled your eyes at his antics.
Seconds of silence later, you moved to get up, but before you could he wrapped his arms around you.
“Don’t go.” He whispered, trapping you inbetween the sheets, his chest pressed tightly against your back.
You sighed at the sounds of his pleading, it broke your heart to hear him so vulnerable.
“Just for a moment.” You hushed back, not willing to break the mood.
A moment passed, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move.
You felt his hand trail up your back, tracing the line of your spine.
Your eyes searched the night sky, staring past the window at the sparkle of the city below you.
Jaemin’s hand had reached a steady rhythm, slowly lulling you to sleep.
“Do you want to live with me?”
It was such a big step, such a heavy question to have in the middle of the night. But you didn’t doubt your answer for a moment.
“Of course.”
You didn’t need to look at him to see the huge grin overtake his face.
“I want to wake up everyday with you in my arms. I don’t want to have to say goodbye, I don’t want to have to wait a whole day to see you.”
You hummed, finding comfort in his arms that reached around you, only to grip tighter.
“I’m not leaving.”
He rested his chin on your shoulder, following the movement of your eyes, only to land on the face of the moon, watching over the two of you.
The two of you bathed in the moonlight for a moment, it was gone when you woke up.
It was in the moments in which you did nothing in particular that you felt the most content.
You stared down at your boyfriend, his head laying in your lap, his bottom half sprawled across the couch. The TV was playing in the background, not garnering much attention from either of you.
Your fingers ran through Jaemin’s hair, watching his expression soften the longer you continued. He had been silent for a long time now.
It was comfortable, something that you knew was dangerous.
You leaned your head against the back of the couch, closing your own eyes, a wave of relaxation washing over you.
He spoke up quietly, never opening his eyes.
“I think I could stay here forever.”
It wasn’t something uncommon for him to say. He let you know often how much he wanted you to be his eternity, how much he believed you were his forever.
“Me too.” There wasn’t doubt in your voice. You were sure of it, just like you were sure that no matter how many live’s you live, you would find him again.
He rolled onto his side, facing towards your stomach as he cuddle deeper into you.
“Jeno broke up with his girlfriend.”
You opened your eyes, surprised at his sudden admission.
“Really? I thought things were going so well though? They were so cute together.”
He hummed back.
“Is he okay?” You bit your lip, not liking the feeling you got in your stomach.
“Yeah.” It came out raspy, as if he was struggling to say it. “I don’t ever want that to happen to us.”
You tensed underneath him.
“Me neither.”
“Let’s never even think about it, okay?” He tilted his head up to meet your eyes with his. A promise in his gaze.
A loud bang from the TV startled you, and you faced the screen. He continued to stare at you, fighting the growing knot in his stomach.
Contentment isn’t love. Contentment is settling, you don’t settle for love, you fight for love.
But there wasn’t much to fight for anymore.
“I think we’ve had enough.”
You froze, you knew this was coming. In fact it should’ve arrived months ago.
It took all the strength and energy in you to nod. He was right.
You collapsed onto the couch, burying your head into your palms. It still hurt, no matter how much you had expected it.
You felt the couch dip and his body warmth let you know of his presence. Without a word he pulled you towards his chest, engulfing you for what may be the last time.
“I still love you.”
“I know.”
You nuzzled into his neck. If you closed your eyes, it didn’t feel like it was the end.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.” Words didn’t need to be said or heard. You both knew why.
It would be worse to stay here, struggling together, sucking the energy out of each other. It would be best to end things before you ended up resenting each other. At least you hoped that much.
He continued anyways, a brief silence not strong enough to hold him back. “I don’t know when it happened. It wasn’t something that you did, or didn’t do.”
Head still snuggled into his side, you refused to move.
“I know, it wasn’t either of our faults.”
For a moment he stilled with fear, you could feel it in the way that his arms tensed around you.
“I’m being selfish aren’t I? Is this a mistake?”
You wanted to agree with him, you wanted to say with your whole chest that he was right. He was being selfish. This is a mistake. Why would he ever leave you?
But you couldn’t. It was the right thing to do.
“It’s okay to be selfish.” You forced the lump in the back of your throat down.
Whether he noticed the way your breath hitched in your throat or not, he didn’t care to show it.
“I don’t want to be.” He mumbled into the top of your head, and you savoured the feeling for the last time.
“Do you think they’re looking down at us laughing right now?”
He shook his head, a sad smile on his face.
“You know, I think fate had a different plan for us.”
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