#need strength

[phantomonabudget]

If you do one thing today for yourself...watch this.

I know I’ve posted the song before, but you need to see and feel the raw emotion in this run through. 

[haik11]

Hormones II

6 November 2021

Since I’m not feeling well lately, with my mom being sad over my grandpa for suddenly collapsing and now it’s nearly depressing now a days in my grandma’s house. Though we manage sometimes to get through it, smile and laugh, but not always enough, specially if my grandpa is getting worse, maybe? I don’t know but we hope he gets better. So as I was saying, with this depressing vibe it’s kinda hard to keep on smiling a lot, with my hormones too it’s not helping either. 

I don’t feel like talking with my friends. I know I’ve written a lot about them and how I don’t fit and all this kind of stuff, I even may have over reacted stating they don’t give a shit about me, it’s my hormones really I swear they do, but I can’t shake the feeling of being so different, that I shouldn’t have made them my friends. I feel like crying right now because I hate overthinking this. Huh. My tears are dropping now, of course it’s 100% hormones fault, but I just can’t deal with it anymore, and I can’t run from it either. I can’t just stop being their friend, because they didn’t do me wrong, and I can’t pretend I’m 100% their true friend. 

It’s too much for me. 

I can’t talk about it because I don’t want to, it already took from me time to realize all of that and time to accept that. I’m sure of every word I say. I don’t want in a peer moment to forget about all of that just because I like the idea of having them as my friends. I have other friends too, we don’t communicate much but I like them. Sure I totally know that those are different from me too but you know what’s the different between them? It’s because with them I had to work it out. I ignored all about what I felt towards this and ignored how different I was and moved a long with it. But with those? I simply didn’t give much effort. I didn’t put my self to the edge to work it out. I just simply sat there and let it happen, either it will work, whether it will last, I never worried about that. And that’s why I think it was easy for me to keep them in my life, they never disappeared, they are there, I know that. I guess because it was more spontaneous, it wasn’t hard for me at all. Unlike them, I had to doubt myself many times, I had to question myself all the time, I had to choose between myself and them and I hated that the most. Of course I winded up choosing myself in the end, but I had to get through hell to do that, to admit that, to accept that. 

All I wanted to say is, never let anything be above yourself. Be who you are, screw all those who don’t like you. Choose yourself always, don’t put yourself behind and always be strong to confront the hardships, they exist to test your strength. You are always strong, because all the hardships in your life are existed for you to beat them and become stronger version than you ever been. No matter how strong your hardships sounded, you’d always beat them, because they are strong as your strength.  

[themidnightcleric]

worst thing is feeling toxic dynamics play on all your own worst traits and feeling out of control like damn i do not want to be like this and then you get a break and are like okay yeah i can do it i can be different and the second they come back its right back to square one

[mythoughts-amigoingcrazy]

I'm starting to feel like a prisoner. Almost like Rapunzel, but I'm not in a tower, there's no cheerful songs for the audience or a person coming to rescue me.

[onecresentmoon]

Ive put myself in this position. Its a high hill to climb, its something I need to work on. Bismillah

[mrsbuckdharma]

Slept a good 13 hours this morning. Woke up for 2 hours, and then went back to sleep. Now I have to work and I'm already holding back tears. I just need the strength to get through these 4 hours, then I can come home and have a drink and sleep again

[verocos]

Conversation left in awkward terms... Long days, weeks with no talk... Now you remembered my birthday... But darling, you shouldn't have said anything... It was hard enough trying to forget you while thinking that you don't care about me at all...