#negatove

[cryhounds]

Me:

My rsd: everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone h

[ladyymontilyet]

My arm smells like pennies but at least i can sleep

[insanitylock]

im not okay

[castaform]

shit under here 

okay Im only doing this cause its 9 nearly 10pm and I cant sleep while Im crying like this soo

despite getting a routine, despite doing more things to help people, despite taking somewhat of a backseat from the internet, despite pretty much anything Ive been doing I still feel absolute crap 100% of the time bar those like 3 times a month where I feel happy, and I know I cant be happy all the time but like I should be happy like 5/7 days a week at least not 3 days a month.

I have so many problems on my head rn but these are like off the top.

I am honestly so lonely that its going beyond physical pain and idk how, like especially at night it really really hurts, it hurts more than the time I had my head smashed open. Literally online friends seem to rapidly going down and honestly whenever Im like okay just shut this person out they then come running along, and only like what 5% of them actually feel like friends even more, and Im so sorry if you think it applies to you or something but honestly Idk anymore Ive lost the ability to tell. and then irl I have way too little and like whenever I fucking ask the one whos free its always a 6 hour wait or some bs to an eventual no and idk wtf I keep on trying, even my mum is like ‘kai stop trying’ but if I stop trying everyone says I didnt try hard enough :)))))))))))))) and I honestly I want to slap him so fucking hard its ridiculous. but besides that I have none and the zelda, my semi-therapist, told me that its just something Ill have to get use too and why should I have to live my life as someone whos alone all the time. All I want is friends who I feel comfortable with, talk too and maybe hang out with, without feeling like they all hate me. this isint even going to what that means about the romantic side because if I cant even get friends well.

and like Im sure after this Ill get some message being like ‘lets be friends!!!’ but that feels so fake to me, and like the word friends is slowly becoming alien??? like I cant even tell what its definition is anymore because everyone has different standards. even when I do start talking to someone new they just want something or stop talking and replying to me like everyone else

and then I feel like Im lacking purpose, after that stupid thing I went too where theyre like ‘aim big and high’ I feel like an idiot for just wanting a simple life, and my mum is pressuring me so much to do it but like if I do it fucks up the schedule I just sorted and like its supposed to help social skills and help you make friends, at the meeting the other 3 uys where the complete oppisite of me and just gave me death stares so I can only imagine whatthe rest will be like.

I just honestly dont see why I should go on knowing Im not going to have friends, if Im gonna have a secure future, if Im gonna be loved, if Im ever actually going to be happy. I lie here and think about jumping out my window again, or swallowing something, or running away from home or something.

but qapparently Im not allowed to do any of those things, its better for me to be miserable, or hey to put a fake hapopy face on because it tricks people. I just cant anymore, I know tomorrow Ill seem right as rain but as I said it’ll probably be a facade because theres no other method and its better to bottle it all up than let anyone else be hurt because at the end of the day Im not important and therefore its okay for me to get hurt, everyone else is and deserves to be kept safe. And I know that just seems to have gone against me ranting but dw Ill be punished somehow for it, just wait.

honestly no one gives a crap about someone like me anymore so Im just gonna go back to crying and eventually fall asleep. I apolagise for spoiling your dash with my garbage and aI hope you can forgive me, enjoy the rest of your day. bye

[rosie-the-gay]

i really wish I could stop time sometimes, shits getting too stressful for me

[clowncorpse666]

I'm an emotional wreck right now.

[cervidaylight]

3fddrgcdcvzswww

[timothy-burrnathy]

Tumblr is a scary place

Im following this chick cuz she posts a lot of black love right so as im scolling down my dash minding my business I see a picture of a guy with like half a hand up his butt..........I aint homophobic or nothing, but nah. Nope. Nein. Hell nah.