feeling more like death today.
i have so much fucking anger in me today
just generally for everything that went wrong in my life.
every time i was alienated, every time my pain was minimized, every time some stranger was favoured over me, every time i was yelled at just for wanting food, every time i was treated like im annoying for having health issues, every time i was told i was the issue just for feeling like i did, every time i was ignored, every time i posted suicidal shit openly and everyone (classmates, teachers, etc) just went on with life and i was just told im 'too much' and then left to deal with everything on my own, every time i wanted to teach myself basic household shit and just got denied access to even just the device because "i would not do it right" instead of showing me how to do it, every time i had to teach myself shit because nobody else was there and neither did i get support for anything, every time i asked for help with my mental health and all i got was useless platitudes or had my pain minimised...
EVERYTHING. im so fucking angry and sad because it couldve been so much better, everything couldve been better. i could be well adjusted or not felt shit every time i tried socialising, i could maybe not have been alone and isolated for 26 years, i could be less of a touch deprived worthless failure, i could be less in dissociative pieces, but no, mum had to be catered to bc obviously shes the authority figure™ ... when she was rly more like a child with a power trip and i had to be the parent...
