#personal.vent

[r0ttingcanine]

always love (/sarc) having a narc crash because i have nothing i can rely on for supply atm and im too fed up or exhausted to deal with people...

and then the worthless thoughts come again.

"look at all those people who are surely to have more fans and friends than you will ever have. you are pathetic and worthless."

ugh shut up, im just gonna try and ignore that. so done with you brain. so fucking done.

[r0ttingcanine]

i wonder if you will ever notice me again...

i should be able to accept a 'no', logically i know that, but after over one & ⅓ years still unable to let go of you, its hard to accept i guess...

[r0ttingcanine]

send hate.

i deserve.

[r0ttingcanine]

im a miserable idiot for still grieving your loss.

and i will probably never stop.

knowing you're doing way better without me there just hurts.

but i guess id rather you feel good than bad.

so i guess its better i miss you if its better for you to not know me.

[r0ttingcanine]

gonna go get stoned now ✌️

[r0ttingcanine]

anyone have coping skills for rage?

Im so close to just explode bc this family is so fucking ignorant of literally everything and the guy i buy from isnt replying (like fuck i wanna give u money but ig youre stupid too) im so close to idk lash out or punch a wall or smth... ugh...

[r0ttingcanine]

there are people that are so fucking stupid that i get a headache ngl.

[r0ttingcanine]

the nomadic canine never staying in one place;

+Mawl . 26 . central europe

+Aceflux Omni Transmasc (he/they).

+im a traumatized, messed up, nonhuman wolf/werewolf therian* stoner with asd, bpd, npd (+ substance abuse issues) and avpd traits. host of a did system.

+enjoyer of languages, psychology, wolves, substances, metalcore, post-hardcore, art, praise, attention, blood, and basically everything else dark or edgy or whatever (i do not care what you think, cringe culture is dead, my guy, my brain does not process bullshit social rules).

+this is my main PD Blog mostly about all things cluster b. here to document life with my PDs and the other messy stuff in my head.

*i am not really active in the therian community though and im strictly a psychological therian.

(i also have a tellonym if you wanna send me some supply <3)

I collect resources and diagnostic material for PDs:

cluster a: [ ppd resources ]

[ stpd resources ] [ szpd resources ]

cluster b: [ npd resources ] [ bpd resources ] [ hpd resources ] [ aspd resources ]

cluster c: [ avpd resources ]

[ ocpd resources ] [ dpd resources ]

i dont have a filter so i dont put a filter on my posts or things i talk about here for a reason, so if that content is not for you, then you dont have to be here. as a pd blog, naturally, vents and breakdowns are gonna happen and that may not be for you so you can block the tag or leave (and if you piss me off ill block freely).

mentioned on this blog:

what pds are like for me, pd venting, being a therian, the hobbies that i do let show, substance abuse, depression, pd struggles, trauma, neglect, growing up in unstable household(s), therapy, suicidal ideation, therapeutic letters to former fps, traumacore, shameful vents, breakdowns, blood and pictures of blood (not my own unless otherwise specified), mental health research and resources, mentions of self-harm and pd crashes.

(I dont see DNIs as very effective but still write one so people who do fit them and see them, dont interact, other than that i block freely anyway.)

DNI: Fascists, Minors, Narcissistic Abuse Believers, TERFs (or other transphobic folk), radqueers, radfems, transID/transX idiots, endos/endo supporters (not taking part in syscourse just dont wanna see endos), and ppl against well researched self-dx (researched means critical thinking, self-awareness, multiple months of journaling, reading studies, talking to diagnosed people and collecting experiences/perspectives, etc etc; not just a single online test or some easily put on label)!

i love living rent free inside narc abuse truther's heads though <3 ;)