#nella rambles

[nellaland]

...

I haven't posted anything here in some time and not ever anything very personal. But I just feel like I need to rant and get stuff out of my brain so I could maybe get some sleep. So here goes.. My parents got a divorce, like, 7 years ago now. And at first all seemed like it was gonna be fine and civil and just dandy. Until it wasn't. About 6 months aftet the divorce my dad started acting weird - sent my sister awful letters, didn't want to see us anymore, said hurtful things. And then he just disappeared. For 7 years. No word or call or message or anything for 7 fucking years. And now he called me. Today. Fuck, I need a drink.. He called and said he'd like to meet up and talk and see his grandchildren (whom he hasn't seen even once so far as they're 3years and 8months, respectivelly).... And all I managed to say was 'Sure. Fine. We can talk.' So now he's coming over tomorrow. Tomorrow! Fuck. ...I have no clue what to say to him. Honestly. I don't even know what I'd like to say to him. Or what I'd want to happen. Just...no clue. What do you say to someone who just deserted you at one point, seemingly with great ease and no second thought? What do you ask them? How do you talk to them? ... Just.. wtf? I definitely need a drink. Fuck.

[nellaland]

...

Being sick when you're 9 months pregnant is the worst. Having to take care of a 2-year-old at the same time is just...I have no words, no words. 

[nellaland]

...life update...

So...health-wise I'm not doing so awesome.. 1. I feel exhausted ALL THE TIME. I want to sleep for, like, a year 2. I'm now taking 4 pills a day to try to up my iron levels (if this doesn't work I have some injections to look forward to - yay!) 3. My teeth are decaying. No, seriously. I went to the dentist today and I have like 2 months of dental work to survive. 4. The dentist began those necessary works this morning which means half of my mouth is numb and I can't eat for the next 4 hours or so. I'm so hungry!!! :( All those above issues are due to my pregnancy, so...yay? Seriously, though. I'd like to switch bodies with someone until this pregnancy is over. That would be great. Any volunteers?

[nellaland]

...

It's Stockholm Pride week and most of the city buses are driving around with little rainbow flags on them - it's so cute!

[nellaland]

...

I fell on the stairs today. Twice. Also, I stubbed my toe. Fuck that hurt.

I don't think I could be more of a walking disaster if I tried.

[nellaland]

...

I wrote my Masters thesis in the last 2 weeks before the deadline and got the top grade for it. To this day I consider it my best achievement and proof that you can totally half-ass your way through law school at the last minute.

[nellaland]

...

I still don't know how people become friends with other people.  I feel like I missed a lesson in kindergarden or something and now it's just too late to pick up that skill.

[nellaland]

...

The ways in which I'm still failing as a supposed adult:

- I'm terrified of talking on the phone. Even to order take-out. Seriously, it's reaching ridiculous levels of fail on my part. - I'm incapable of having social interactions that don't end up in me being utterly humiliated in some way - I only own tennis shoes. And 0 respectable/'smart' outfits.  - I have no sense of direction. I always get lost and am then too socially awkward to ask for directions. - I can't drive a car - Filling out tax forms confuses the hell out of me - I have to rehearse what I'm gonna say to people before in my mind. And go through different scenarios of how any conversation could possibly pan out. Always. Even if it's just to say "No, I don't want a receipt, thanks" to the cashier.  - I don't iron my clothes because... laziness ... to be continued...