So my kids just inspired a crack fic, basically....
My kids do this all the time, actually. They ask for these stories at bedtime, usually, when I'm way too tired to actually think of anything. So last night I told them if they caught me during some other time of the day I'd actually have the mental energy to come up with a good story.
Tonight at dinner they took me up on the offer, which I typed while I came up with it.
HAVE SOME CRACK FEATURING DEADPOOL, GANONDORF, A MERMAID, A LIFEGUARD, ZOMBIE-WATER, TIME TRAVEL, "THE GUY FROM THE MATRIX THAT ALSO PLAYED THE ELF GUY IN LORD OF THE RINGS" (my son's words, not mine), GANDALF, THE TENTH DOCTOR, THE POWER RANGERS, PERCY JACKSON, AND EVEN THE WONDER TWINS!
My kids each picked a character they wanted to hear a story about, and this time they picked Ganondorf and Deadpool (though to be fair my four year old ALWAYS picks Deadpool, IDK.)
This was my older son's prompt: Ganondorf is being evil at the pool - making zombies swimming in poisonous water
So one day last summer, Deadpool was swimming at the pool. He was doing cannonballs, and jumping off the high-dive, and one time he even went down the waterslide… BACKWARDS. He played Marco Polo with his friends, and a mermaid, a guy named Frank, and the lifeguard, Mindydindy. All of a sudden, Mindindy blew her whistle and everyone had to get out of the pool.
“There’s thunder!” she cried, and everyone looked worried. Especially the mermaid, because mermaids can’t get out of the water. But she didn’t want to be shocked by lightning. This was a really big problem!
Deadpool, Frank, and the other pool guests all got out, and while they were climbing out, Deadpool was trying to think of a way to help his mermaid friend whose name was Fred. Fred was short for Frederinabobina. It’s easy to see why she would want to be called Fred.
So he’s racking his brain trying to figure out what to do, when ALL OF A SUDDEN the source of the lightning and thunder becomes ominously transparent: this was no sudden storm caused by thermal displacement, no. IT WAS GANONDORF WHO WAS UP TO NOOOOOOOOO GOOD.
SO at that point, Deadpool, Mindydindy, and Frank have TWO problems: save their mermaid friend Fred, and stop Ganondorf from doing whatever nefarious plan he was about to hatch.
“YOU FOOOOOOOOOLS!” Ganondorf cried. “YOUR FLIMSY PLANNING WILL BE FUTILE BECAUSE YOU CAN’T STOP MEEEEE! I WILL TURN THIS ENTIRE POOL INTO POISONOUS ZOMBIE WATER!”
Deadpool, Mindydindy, and Frank all just looked at each other like, “What is this guy even talking about.”
And that was fair, because really made no sense. Everyone knew that zombie-water was extinct. It had disappeared with the last major tsunami of Rivendell. Basically Gandalf and the guy that played the bad cloney guy in the Matrix who was also the head elf guy PUT A STOP TO THAT BUSINESS.
So HOW oh HOW could Ganondorf have either found or replicated the missing formula for ZOMBIE WATER?
“That’s easy, you pea-brains,” Ganondorf yelled. Suddenly Deadpool wondered if that guy could read minds because they hadn’t said any of that stuff out loud.
“I can also read minds!” Ganondorf cried. “I replicated the formula by STEALING THE TARDIS AND GOING BACK IN TIME WITH MY FRIEND, THAT GUY FROM JURASSIC PARK THAT RE-CREATED DINOSAURS AND HE HELPED ME FIND THE MISSING FORMULA AND ALL THE NECESSARY INGREDIENTS.”
Then Fred wondered what the missing ingredients were. He didn’t say it out loud though, becuase what was the point? Ganondorf could read minds.
“THAT’S SUPER EASY YOU GUYS!” GANONDORF SAID. “It was like, just a matter of finding some chocolate chip cookies and a comet. SO NOW I CAN REAAD MINDS AND THEN WE JUST FOUDN THE GUY THAT INVENTED ZOMBIEWATER AND I BROUGHT HIM WITH ME.”
That’s when Percy Jackson stepped out from behind Ganondorf on the flying surfboard they were apparently both sharing and said, “IT WAS IIIII EVEN THOUGH I WAS NOT ALIVE THE LAST TIME RIVENDELL HAD A TSUNAMI. I’M REALLY JUST THAT COOL AND CONTINUITY IS NOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD WORRY YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEADS ABOUT!”
Then Deadpool, Frank, Mindydindy, and Frederinabobina all said, ‘WONDER TWIN POWERS ACTIVATE! IT’S MORPHIN TIME! ALLONS-Y!’
Then the Tenth Doctor and the Power Rangers, and the Wonder Twins all appeared, and together the group banded together and used their indomitable powers of good to not only show Percy Jackson the err of his ways, BUT they made Ganondorf apologize to the kids who spilled their ice creams in terror while he tried to fill their pool with zombie water. Then he paid several heavy municpal fines and had to deal with several civil action suits from angry parents for psychological trauma that their kids had suffered due to his machinations. He was quite sorry he had tried to take over the world in such a gauche way and decided to spend the rest of his days baking cookies and volunteering for local charities to work off all that bad karma. Everyone lived happily ever after, THE END.
nerdycomic86 said I should "Cap all the way!" , while lifeofamarriedfangirl voted for, "BIOSHOCK!" And that was it. Thanks for playing, both of you. Also, as it was a tie, I still don't know what to do. All the rest of you are fired. :D
nerdycomic86 replied to your post: Did a bit of (OMG SUPER ANGSTY) writing today, and... How many levels of yay are there? Oh, Colin. You know the answer to this. There are ALL THE LEVELS OF YAY! :D
