#nervouskat

[ifthetreefalls]

HE LOCKED THE DOOR.

AGAIN.

IF ANYONE ENDS UP HEARING SCREAMING AND NOTICES A TRACK OF ORANGE BLOOD LEADING HERE, PLEASE DO ASSIST ME.

I HAVE TO FIND MY SICKLES.

I DON'T FEEL SAFE UNLESS I'M ARMED.

[ifthetreefalls]

WOULD I BE JEALOUS AND CLINGY THE WAY I AM NOW?

WOULD I HAVE MOVED ON?

WOULD I HATE MYSELF FOR NOT CONFESSING?

..WOULD HE MATTER AT ALL TO ME?

...

SOMETIMES... I SECOND GUESS MYSELF. AND IT FEELS HORRIBLE.

I WANT TO BE BRAVE. I WANT TO MATTER AS MUCH AS SHE DOES. I WANT TO BE TRUSTED AND SPOKEN TO. I DON'T MIND BEING FUSSED OVER. NOT IF IT'S HIM.

I WANT TO MEAN SOMETHING TO HIM. NOT JUST THAT GUY HE HATES. I WANT TO BE SOMETHING SPECIAL.

I WANT TO BE NOTICED.

I WANT HIM TO BE ABLE TO READ MY MIND, BECAUSE IT WOULD MAKE EVERYTHING SO MUCH EASIER.

IT'S SO AGONIZING. I HATE THIS. I HATE HIM.

I HATE CARING SO MUCH WHEN I DEFINITELY NEVER MEANT TO CARE.

BUT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SOME DEEP SHIT TOGETHER. I NEVER DOUBTED HIM. I ALWAYS STOOD STRONG FOR HIM.

BUT THEN I WONDER IF HE WOULD BE ABLE TO DO THE SAME FOR ME. BECAUSE I THINK IT'S STARTING TO END UP LIKE THAT. I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN, AND I'M NOT SURE WHY.

I'M AFRAID OF LOSING HIM WHEN I'VE WORKED SO HARD TO KEEP HIM.

WHEN I ASK MYSELF IF I'M WORTH HIS TIME, I HAVE TO PAUSE AND SWALLOW BACK THE FEAR.

THE TERRIFYING MOMENT WHERE I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW.

FUCK... FUCK, FUCK, FUCK... FUCK... I KNOW THEY SAID, 'OOH, TREEKAT, YOU'RE A MAIN FOCUS, YOU MATTER, YOU'RE SPECIAL,' BUT ISN'T THAT WHAT EVERYONE TELLS ME? 

...I'M SELFISH... I KNOW I MATTER TO HIM, I KNOW IT, I'M SORRY, I'M SO FUCKING SORRY, IT'S JUST THAT HE MAKES ME FEEL SPECIAL AND WHEN HE'S NOT HELPING ME AALONG I FEEL LIEK IM FUCINKG UP AAND I KNWO IM NEEYD AND IM SSORRY IM SUCH A DESSPERATE PEEICE OF SHSIT

...

THERE'S SO MUCH... I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR... AND SO MUCH I WANT TO SAY TO HIM... BUT I CAN'T... I CAN'T EVEN FACE HIM WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A DISAPPOINTMENT AT THIS POINT... I CAN'T DO ANYTHING, I'M NOT BRAVE, I'M NOT STRONG, I'M NOTHING I CLAIMED TO BE. I'M WEAK...

I WANTED... TO HELP... I JUST WANTED TO SEE HIM, BUT HE'S FUCKING BUSY AND I'M SCARED THAT HE'LL SAY NO, HE CAN'T COME, HE'S TOO BUSY, HE DOESN'T WANT TO, HE'S SPENDING ALL DAY WITH HIS MATESPSITY

I WANT TO ASK, I REALLY WANT TO ASK, AND I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME BUT I JUST CAAN'T DO IT ANDD I CANT FACEW REJCETDION RIHHT NOW

[ifthetreefalls]

NO HAND SHALL CROSS THE SACRED LINE BETWEEN HIP AND GLUTEUS IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN FOREST.

ONLY THREE HANDS HAVE DARED TO VENTURE SO FAR, AND NEVER AGAIN WILL THEY REACH LONGINGLY FOR MY POSTERIOR ONCE MORE.

NOT A DRUNKEN BOUNCEKAT, HERE TO SHATTER MY HEART LIKE AN EMPTY TEACUP.

NOT AN ALLIKAT, HERE WITH THE HATE BUCKET AND KNOWLEDGE OF EVERY SEDUCTION TRICK KNOWN TO MAN.

NOT A BROADWAYKAT, OBSESSED WITH GETTING HIS HANDS ALL OVER MY SO CALLED 'DAMN FINE ASS.'

NO.

NOT ONE FINGER.