“Do you think our tree with all those missing lights is dead or alive?” Joe whispered with his head on my chest... Today marks a decade since John and I moved into the house we built. My first Christmas without that house. Our bedroom, the only one finished when we moved in, held a tiny table top tree. Wire and plastic With a strand of lights way to long for something so simple. It carried silver and blue beads in its branches coupled with ornaments from my grandmother’s tree. It was make-shift and perfect. Our whole lives were in that room, a new home, a wedding and kids and hardship and joy, and figuring it all out. That little tree was passed on and new bigger and better ones have come an gone until this year... The last tree John and I picked out together. Slowly burning out, a strand of lights each week like my heart this first Christmas without him. There’s a light that still burns fierce with love while the rest of my being feels dark. With that light comes hope and courage minute by minute somedays. These days. the ones so close to our next adventure as three. My Grandma’s ornaments still hang at the top and the last ten years hang a as memories below. “I don’t think it’s dead Joe, I just think it feels like us.” #loveyourlife #alwaysanadventure #newfirst #keepgoing