Gyms. Gyms are so freaking intimidating. And not the actual gym itself. I think gyms/working out can be fun. It's great to push my body, but I don't. Because of gyms. Here's the thing. When you're overweight, gyms are not a safe and welcome environment. You don't feel like you fit in. People stare. They judge you for not having a six pack. They judge you for trying, so instead of going and being healthy, you stay home. Afraid of their judgement. Which is stupid. But. I'm already insecure about my weight. About my body. About the way it moves. Add in fluorescent lighting, sweat, and the judgement of in-shape people and I'm not so into the idea of working out anymore. But. I'm trying to overcome my fears. Trying to kick my anxiety in the butt. So I signed up for the gym today. Luckily, I was able to do it online. If it was on site only, I probably would have talked myself out of it before I even got dressed to go. But in the confines of my bed, I paid my money and signed up for my monthly membership. They've already taken my money. Now I feel obligated. I feel like I HAVE to go or else I just wasted money on the start-up fee. No one likes to waste money. I'm also lucky to have a very in-shape roommate who is obsessed with working out. He has visited the gym numerous times and informed me when the least number of people are there. Even better. He's waiting to go with me. He thinks nothing of this gesture, but it means a lot knowing I'll belong there on some macro level because my friend is there. Annnnnways. The point is that I'm doing something that terrifies me because I know it's the healthy choice. I know it'll help me in the long run with my self-confidence and my--at times-- soul-crushing anxiety. Now that I'm in grad school, I need all the help I can get with both of those. So here goes nothing.
