04/26/2001
I got admitted to the new operation program today and I don’t know if I should be excited or not. I’ve seen a few guys undergoing their training and it doesn’t exactly look like a piece of cake. I have no idea how they can actually be thrilled to do that. I wouldn’t do it for the life of me. One broken soul after the other. They’re worth millions of dollars, invisible human weapons that don’t exist on the paper, getting rid of our public enemies. I’m glad I get to be part of the project, because of the psychology behind it and me being in charge to monitor the mental health of our agents. As of right now, there are John (alias Christian) and a guy that has been into training for a few years now: David (Jason). I talked to him for the first time today. He was sleep-deprived and had some tremor in his hands from not getting any rest. He doesn’t smile at all. But he has something gentle to him. I don’t know what it is, but I wonder if he’s doing this voluntarily. He’s 30, I believe. At least that’s what I read in the files. As soon as he joins Treadstone as an agent, he’s “all in” and there’s no going back. I wonder if he has a family somewhere. I shouldn’t question his motives, but from a psychological standpoint this is definitely interesting. It’s like slowly assassinating yourself, a masochistic martyr. I will try to support him as best as I can, but he will be sent on a mission in Geneva soon. Conklin and Abbott say he’s the best they got. Now that he’s been assigned to me I hope to get to know him a little better, but I know that’s impossible due to the positions we’re in. He wouldn’t risk that and I’m not even sure I would. If they feel you’re “too close” or “too friendly with each other” you’re out. And “out” can mean a lot of things in this context. I guess I will just stick to my duty and he will undoubtedly stick to his.
