♣
♣ - a fading memory
There are years of your life you don’t remember.The years between leaving the city orphanage and the end of the world. Living on the streets, hand to mouth, doing odd jobs, stealing, running drugs, doing Lord knows what else to get the money to get high on anything you could get your hands on.You remember bits and pieces.The way it felt to hold a needle in hands shaking so bad you could barely keep a grip. The anticipation - feeling like you were drowning, like your chest was being crushed, your heart being squeezed, like you were on the edge of something huge, something dark and ugly and terrible and unbearable crashing down upon you and the only thing that can keep it at bay for any longer is in that needle. You remember not feeling it going in. Feeling nothing but frustration as the dulled point dimples your skin and you had to push harder. Feeling nothing even as you missed, had to try again. Watching the point move beneath your skin until finally, you see the vein pushed and punctured.You remember that nothing, absolutely nothing compared to the feeling when you finally press down the plunger and flood your veins with poison. You’re not hungry anymore. You’re not cold anymore, you’re not alone anymore, you’re not the unwanted son and the scum of the street anymore. You’re on top of the world, higher than the clouds, bigger than the sky and happier than a king.
