#nightly garble

[joyfullycoldstranger]

Sleep Evades Me

Why the fuck can’t I sleep.

I’ve done it a thousand times before, all I have to do is close my eyes and let the darkness take me away. It’s not that hard. I repeat it everyday.

It’s as if sleep is running teasing me like the kids in 6th grade.

Anxiety tugs at my mind, never letting it stay still enough to sleep. 

I need to sleep, I have a full day tomorrow. Full of things that I like to do, things that I may not be totally prepared for, but I have 18 years of experience behind me. Even if I fail, I can get back up.

I have done this so many times before. 

This is insanely stupid. It could be a sign of mental illness, I think.

I don’t know, I know what mental illness looks like and I don’t fit the mold. 

All the things I regret flow my head all at once.

The bike that was stolen last weekend, the packages that I didn’t file for insurance. The time that I ran away from someone asking me out in the 5th grade. All of the things that I could have done. Me in middle school deciding to play football instead of soccer. Me not taking a film class. The people that aren’t responding to the resumes that I send them. All of the money that I lose. The bass audition that i completely fucked up.

The white noise of the fans isn’t helping me, the black darkness of the night isn’t helping me. 

I am just laying in my bed writing about how the fuck I can’t sleep. It helps?

I don’t know yet, I can’t write and sleep at the same time.

My brain is punishing me for not sleeping. I have a sleep monster banging against the inside of my head causing a pain that only a prescription of sleep will cure. 

Perhaps I should just consume marijuana. I’ve heard that helps. But I’m under the age of where drugs don’t hurt the development of my brain.

But lack of sleep also prevents me from sleeping. 

Is there a way that I can take a film class at college?

I don’t know if that’s a passion of mine yet. It could be.

I try to drown out the voices of my brain with the sounds of songs. But they still peep through. Reminding me of all that could have been.

I’m near tears. I have been having these problems. 

I guess that professional help could help me. 

Or not.

I don’t fucking know.

My facade is so god damned important to me. 

Why did my parents have to be mean to me all the times that I had a fucking crush. They could have just let it go and asked about it instead of fucking teasing me with sharp tongues relentlessly. 

I can’t fuycking deal. I fucked up all the goddmamned relationhsip that I had. Who the fuck am I supposed to blae]=me. should I blame sanyone? I mean i  know I shouldn’t be doing it.,, but I sitll do it. I  can’t tuyyep . 

Ufck.

Damn. that was an emotional outcry.

Maybe I need to get close with someone?

It’s been a while.

[joyfullycoldstranger]

Making of a Story

I had a great idea from a story where a guy falls from social grace, loses all of his friends but he turns out OK. So I started the first chapter and right now all I am doing is writing. I might want to turn it into a film later but making into writing is really helping me get all of my ideas down.

Seneca’s phone buzzes in his hand, glances at the airport gray notification on the screen of his phone and looks up. Across the human-less channel of line 2 bus he sees John some-last-name from 5th period bio, gazing down at the textbooks like bricks in his arms, with earbuds in, listening to whatever music.

Seneca looks back down at his phone, unlocks it, and brings his heavy right thumb up to get ready to text. he pauses for a moment, thinking of what he would write back. Should he do it now? He has had feelings of separation, but he has been doubting these feelings, whether they were really real, or just some made up figment of the imagination that stems from a lack of adventure in one’s life.

“Not right now,” he thought. He wanted to wait to see if the feelings would eventually subside.

Seneca has had feeling of wanting to break up before, usually stemming from one fender bender of a conversation or other stuff of the sort. But these didn’t really stem from any one thing, just a gut feeling. But Seneca had that kind of feeling before, the same when riding roller coaster, so he thought. You feel a weighting down sensation when you reach the bottom of the hill, but that’s just all from coming down from the fun part.

The bus screeched to a halt, daintily stopping in front of the school that he would be seeing for one last year. Seneca didn’t feel any different about the year, he had a feeling deep down that it was coming to an end, but he really did not want to think about that, it would just complicate things.

“Just focus on what you are need to do for the next class, then you can deal with the other things later,” he thought.

Like a herd of cats, the students got off the bus, walking like a roll of fog onto the narrow channel over a tunnel before having to cross a street to get to the front of the school. Seneca was holding his phone and put it in his pocket to keep going on with his day. He looked up and a tree appeared in his path. The stream of students and the whizzing cars blockaded him from continuing past the tree. Waiting, he sees the white walker give way to a final countdown with red hand that keeps flashing. Once the bulk of students pass, he jogs to cross the street.

“Wait here,” orders the cross-walk guard.

“I can make it,” protested Seneca .

“Don’t worry, it will turn back again. You’re not going anywhere if one of those cars hits you.”

Resigned to waiting with his loneliness, Seneca waited next to the crossing guard, staring at the red hand, trying his hardest to telepathically return the white walker to his rightful position of granting him passage.

“That ain’t gonna work,” the Crossing-guard noted dryly. “It takes a little time, but it will be able to cross. Just give it time”

“Yeah, but why do I have to wait?”

“That’s just how it is.”

Seneca folds his arms and waits.

[joyfullycoldstranger]

Stand Up Idea Rough Drafts: Biking and Weather

For some stupid reason, I am trying to write funny things. I like comedy, and I want to be good at comedy, but I amn’t good at it.

Anyway, here is me trying.

So I am a biker. No not one of the Harley-Davidson vroom vroom assholes. I’m the kind that wear skin tight clothing anytime they ride. No, I have just started trying to bike around more recently, dare I say bike-curious, and I am starting to see why biker dudes are so angry and pissed off all- their testicels are getting constantly squeezed by that stupid ass skinny seat. I honestly feel like whenever I sit on that my balls are going to be sucked up right into my body. They are going to be pressed for juice or something.

Lance Armstrong must have been relieved when he had his testicle removed, so he could have more space for the other one. That’s also probably the reason he did so well- he wasn’t constantly reminded of his manhood- or lack thereof. That could have been attributed to the steroids- both actually.

Anyway The reason I have started biking recently is not because I’m environmentally friendly or anything, it’s cause I can’t stand driving and I can’t afford to drive anymore. If I had all the money in the world, I would be the biggest fucking polluter. I would take a helicopter from place to place. I would take a black hawk 5 miles to work. probably hit a few birds on the way just to give more of an f-u to the environment.

But like, I can’t stand traffic anymore. Literally whatever you do, it’s a lose-lose. Just sitting in traffic for hours, enjoying the sights of endless cars and smells of gasoline.

The one thing about biking is that I am so much more aware of my mortality- like I could just be biking along and be door-ed at any minute. Like I’ll just be riding along and someone opens the door and *bfff* *AHHHHHHH!*

That’s how bad traffic is- I’d rather take the risk of being slaughtered in a variety of different ways rather than just sit there moping along, listening to “Take On Me” over and over again.

Goddamn that song is annoying.

Whenever I stop at a red light, I just have to stand with a little piece of metal between my legs, while several two-ton silverados surround me. Of course, everyone is on their phone, which just increases the risk of my body being dragged along under a chevy.

I am one really bad moment away from ending up like Lots O’ Bear at the end of Toy Story 3, just hanging to the front of a semi.

 I don’t get why people say “It’s supposed to rain” or “it’s supposed to rain.” It’s stupid. The weather isn’t “supposed” to do anything. It just is what it is. I mean you could say, “I predict it’s going to rain later today.” You are placing unwanted  obligations on the rain when you say “It’s suppsed to rain.” What if the weather doesn’t want to rain? Huh? It doesn’t have to rain if it doesn’t want to, it will rain whenever the hell it feels like it. If you say, it’s supposed to rain later today, and it doesn’t has the weather let you down?

[joyfullycoldstranger]

High School Graduation

Eyyyy, so I graduated high school. It’s been four long years. Anyway, I wrote a graduation speech but I didn’t try out because I wasn’t there for the auditions and I didn’t want to give a personal speech in front of my parents. So, here it is instead.

Graduation Speech

One of my favorite quotes is, "Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end."

While this may not be true all of the time, one of the things that (Typical High School) has taught me is that themes are arguable statements of universal truth.

But back to the point.

The beginnings of my first and last year at (typical high) were book ended by the same ugly face that is confronted by many students: my parents decided to separate, and then to never see each other ever.

On a scale of bad things to happen, it is not a particularly bad one. (Typical) students (typical) suffer from depression, anxiety, hallucinations, epilepsy, assault, discrimination, parental deaths- and these are just from a few people I know. We are all suffering one way or another and we have all learned to or are learning to cope with them in our own way as we begin to take many of our own responsibilities and make big decisions for the future.

Anyway, my parents’ separation and the fallout was the first time I really had to confront problems that affected me so close to home. Home was a nice island with a nourishing coconut tree in the middle of a vast, unforgiving  and raging storm that is middle school. But this separation that my parents was a different typhoon that completely submerged the island and made it inhospitable.

Luckily, I was able to swim to refuge at (typical).

I became a part of the different programs here: music, baseball, theater and through these I made new friends and I was able to weather through the huge ‘ish storm that was my life.

And I was able through all of the other massive changes that I had at (typical). Changing friend groups, changing relationships, and rough times in new classes. Despite the issues that I was faced with, I was able to find help and navigate the unknown.

And so while not everything at (typical) is great and fantastical, it has helped me get through.

So here we all are- all gone through our own stuff standing here ready to search and explore the even bigger void of moving on with our lives and taking care of ourselves.

Some of us will succeed, some of us with fail, but do not worry- we will all end up dead anyway.

[joyfullycoldstranger]

Parody Country Song Rough Draft

Country Songs

(Intro)

(1st Verse) This morning I woke And rolled out of bed, You were the first thing [thang?], That popped into my head, I could not stop thinking, ‘Bout your big sleek body, You pop into my dreams, I wanna do you naughty.

I yearn for the times, That we’d sneak out for a few, Going downtown, Just to eat some Texas barbecue, After we’d be at, A perty [pretty] place of shoreline And baby you feel oh so fine-

Just let us lay where we lay Cause you know I want to say….

(Chorus Ideas, the first chorus has to be a big reveal that he is in love with a truck, it’s also a big chorus that Is much bigger than the sound of the verse) You are one true bae, Though you’re a big Chevrolet, Many nights spent together, Committing foul play, We would go down by the river, We would touch and we would shiver You’re my big sweet truck, We would kiss and we would *ahem* massage each other

There is no one else, That I can imagine myself with Our love is so illegal That I need to plead the fifth!

(2nd Verse/Bridge [tbd]) Through the morning, The evening, The late afternoon, The thought of you baby, Makes me swoon. Hey, where are you going? What’s this you’re saying…?

[the message he is receiving from the car] It’s not you, it’s me?! But, but… (//*For second half, I want them to break up if it can be written with the right lyrics) You were my one true bae, And you’re still Chevrolet, I go drink up and down, To forget you everyday I go drinking by the river, To forget your touch and your shiver

(Outro) I guess I have to move on And have faith in the lord, If I’m good I might find myself A big ol’ Ford.

Experimental Lines I’d feel your exhaust pipe in my hands (Puff of exhaust blows into singer’s face)

In the heyday of May [consider taking out] ‘Cause baby you know, I just wanna say…[pause]

That I can go on steady, And baby you know I’m ready.

[joyfullycoldstranger]

Grim Reaper Sketch Rough Draft

This is my attempt to be funny.

Grim Reaper Digital Short by Jake Procino

Empty stool in front of a white screen. GRIM walks up and sits in it.

GRIM Hi, I’m the Grim Reaper. This is my story.

GRIM (v.o.) It’s a pretty lonely job, nearly everyone that I meet dies, or is already dead.

GRIM walks through a park alone. Sees PERSON 1 sitting alone appears to be reading a book. GRIM greets PERSON 1, PERSON 1 slumps over, dead.

INTERVIEWER What do you do for fun?

GRIM I like to bake bread, and feed the birds.

GRIM throws full loaves of bread on the ground to feed birds

GRIM I’m also in a band

INTERVIEWER Really? What music do you play?

GRIM We play death metal. I’m just kidding. We are a One Direction cover band.

Four GRIM REAPERS are singing “You don’t know your beautiful” in hell’s choir room.

INTERVIEWER What music do you listen to?

GRIM Personally, I’ve been listening to the Hamilton soundtrack Non-Stop, after listening to the In The Heights soundtrack 96,000 times. And Icelandic space jam. But in hell, there’s a lot of German folk music.

People eating school food cafeteria-style in hell while German music plays over the speaker system.

GRIM I’ve been trying to do standup lately, and, I must say, my jokes have been killing.

Flashback: GRIM is behind the mic on a stage.

GRIM Don’t mess with me, there might be some…Reaper-cussions …!

Silence. PERSON 2 collapses.

PERSON 3 Oh my god! She’s not breathing! Someone call an ambulance!

The red and blue lights of an ambulance are seen on stage.

GRIM *sigh* I got this.

GRIM jumps off the stage and walks towards the person.

Present day:

GRIM It hasn’t been the best…

GRIM is looking through a skeleton form of Playboy, PlaySkeleto

[joyfullycoldstranger]

How Trump fits into Presidential Power

This here is a little essay that I wrote for AP Gov about the power of Trump's presidency. It's a piece I am a bit passionate and a bit proud of, but didn't get a chance to revise- even though I should have- because of a time deadline. The essays The Presidency—Focus of Leadership by Clinton Rossiter and Presidential Power by Richard E. Neustadt outline what powers the president has, what presidents are expected to do, and the limits that presidents have and we can see this in how President Trump wields his power. Rossiter argues that the president hold tremendous and unique power through being the sole head of the executive branch and through being the initiator for the legislative branch. Trump shows this through the many executive acts he has signed at the beginning of his presidency and the leading of the public towards certain issues like immigration and keeping jobs in the U.S. Neustadt argues that president is the head of politics and people must ask for his help in order to get what they want done, yet he is kept in check by others in the government when there is no catastrophe. Republicans in the legislative branch want to get certain things done like repealing the Affordable Care Act cutting taxes. Trump’s presidency has enumerated Rossiter’s point that the president wields tremendous power as the singular head of the executive branch and the main influence of the legislative branch. Rossiter says that the president controls the executive branch because he hold the power to appoint and fire members of the executive branch and through the constitutional power of the “take care” clause. Trump has, like almost all other presidents, nominated people to be members of his cabinet. Also already, Trump has fired two, now former, members of the executive branch. He fired the attorney general Sally Yates after she defied Trump’s executive order banning immigrants from Muslim dominant countries. He also recently forced the resignation of national security advisor Michael Flynn after controversy with Russia and a stated “eroding level of trust.” The people that he fired did not follow the message that his administration was trying to push, so he got rid of them. On the flip side, the people that Trump nominated to his cabinet have supported him since the beginning, like Attorney General Jeff Sessions and Secretary of Urban Housing Development Ben Carson. The people that Trump is appointing are people that have supported his presidential messages for a while. Other than being the head of the executive branch, the president initiates the process of passing legislation. While the president is constitutionally separate from the legislative branch, the modern president controls public opinion and the main goals of the government. Trump has largely controlled what many people in the United States care about. He has advocated for a refugee ban, a giant wall on the U.S-Mexican border, bringing back jobs to America, nationalization, and the repeal and replacement of the Affordable Care Act (a.k.a. Obamacare) among other political ideas. These ideas that he has been advocating for are largely the ideas that are getting discussed and talked about in America. Members of the legislative branch want to keep their jobs in politics, so they have to respond to the demands of the public which is what Trump has been pushing forward. Neustadt has argued and Trump’s presidency has shown that members of government and the civilian population need to get stuff done by asking the president for help, for they cannot get stuff done on their own since the president is the head of politics. The power that the president wields, as previously mentioned is mainly over the executive and presidential powers and the initial phase of the legislative process. The negative of this statement has been shown so far. The Republican base of the legislative branch has largely been running on the promise that they will repeal the Affordable Care Act. The repeal of the Affordable Care ACt has stalled. This has not happened yet because President Trump has largely ignored the issue so far and released a statement that they will begin the repeal process at a later time. The outcries from the Republican Party do not matter much as they do not have collective influence comparable to the presidency, much less will they actually start the engines for the “repeal the Affordable Care Act” process yet. Although the President has a lot of power and influence of the running of the government, Neustadt argues that the president is still limited. Most members of congress believe that the government should be a democracy, therefore it is very unlikely that the president will have significantly increased power. However, the only times that this changes is during times of catastrophe. The 9th district federal court halted the implementation of the refugee ban executive order, limiting the total power that Trump’s presidency has. But, Trump is attempting to create a feeling that the U.S. in in a catastrophic period. Most of Trump’s campaign was based on the opinion that the country was failing badly, most likely so that the presidential power is increased so he can get stuff passed like the refugee ban. Trump’s presidency has shown so far the great power that the president wields. Yet it has also shown that he is not a king and does not have unlimited power to do whatever he wants.

[joyfullycoldstranger]

Quick Updates

Well some things have happened: I am single I still listen to Hamilton like a madman A reason that I don't write as much is that I have started a podcast I absolutely hate this keyboard I am writing on I completely changed friend groups Well, that's as about all I can think about right now.