Terra Basement Rough Draft
Terra Basement.
There is a couch seats and a chair in center stage, the upstage. Lights up. MILO is sitting on the couch with his feet on the chair. He takes his backpack and he puts it at his feet. He pulls out the contents of his backpack: a textbook goes on one of the side chairs, a laptop goes on top of the textbook, and he pulls out and a way overstuffed folder of paper. When he pulls out the folder, KATHY, talking loud and obnoxiously into the microphone on earbuds enters in, upstage and behind the chairs and she paces back and forth. MILO, startled, ducks down behind the chairs to hide, folder in hand.
KATHY
So, I was talking to this guy and he was totally stalking me. I would see him around corners and peeking out from, like, bushes. I never see his face, but I am always like- I KNOW YOU’RE WATCHING ME, BITCH!
(MILO drops the over-stuffed folder and papers go anywhere. MILO lets out a little audible gasp.)
KATHY
(Into the microphone.) Hold on a second. (Takes earbud out.) Hello? Who’s there? (Pause.) I know someone’s there. Show yourself, perv.
(MILO slowly rises up.)
KATHY
Why’d you have to scare me like that?
MILO
(Softly.) Sorry, I didn’t mean to, you scared me.
KATHY
Whatdaya mean I scared you? You were hiding behind the couch waiting to scare me! I mean, nobody spends time in the Terra Basement, there’s nothing down here. You scaring me is the only reason I could surmise you being here, unless you were, ya know (Makes male masturbatory motion.).
MILO
I was doing homework. It’s quite nice because it’s always empty down here, so I spend time in here- and I am somebody.
KATHY
Well, you’re nobody to me.
(MILO is dejected.)
KATHY
Well, I gotta get back to my conversation.
(Puts earbud back in. MILO sits back down in the chair and starts reading his book.)
KATHY
Yeah, sorry, there’s this weird creepy dude in the auditorium.
(MILO puts down the book in his lap.)
KATHY
Yah, I guess he’s just here to scare people? Like some Phantom of the Opera bullshit.
(MILO turns around.)
KATHY
What?
MILO
None of those things are true.
KATHY
(Into phone.) Sorry, let me talk to you later. (To Milo.) Then why are you here?
(MILO is made uncomfortable by this question.)
KATHY
What? Are you avoiding someone you slept with in the res halls? Lord knows that happens to me every single day…
MILO
No, I’ve never really had…
KATHY
(Ignoring MILO, steps up to sofa and leans over it.) …I see them every goddamned day and every goddamned night. Not only do I get to see their jolly faces every morning, walking down the hall leaving for class, I have to see my “experiences” in my classes, in the toilet stall of the gender-neutral bathrooms next to me- Jesus H. Christ the Carpenter how I dread mandatory Hall Meetings, everyone else in the room is someone I’ve “known.” It’s like a wax museum of all the people that you are now involved with, except they’re alive, not wax. It’s just weird to see them everywhere, but it doesn’t bother me and life goes on. You know what I mean, right?
MILO
Yes- well no. Kinda?
KATHY
Well which is it?
MILO
I know what you mean when you say you see people that you kinda don’t want to see, people you’d rather not see. It feels awkward to see people that I’ve had awkward situations with, and I try to act like I don’t notice them. I mean I see them, but I act like I don’t see them.
(KATHY nods)
MILO
But like, I don’t have any exes, so I don’t know what the experience is like to date someone- I mean I don’t know what it’s like to see my exes in the hall passing them.
KATHY
Woah, woah, woah woah-wait a minute. You’ve never dated anyone?
MILO
(Feels interrogated, brings knees up protectively.) No…
KATHY
But, like, you’re in college though, right? I mean, you look mature as all the Chris’s combined, you’ve got that handsome 5 o’clock shadow going on and everything. I mean like, how have you not dated anyone? I would totally go for you.
(KATHY goes and sits next to MILO, who lets his knees back down.)
MILO
Well, it’s just, I guess I never found the right person. I’ve like people before, but the more I get to know them- and the more they get to know me, the worse things get. I don’t want them to hurt me. But more importantly I don’t want to hurt them. (Beat.) I break it off usually, I say I’m too busy, or that my parents don’t like them, or that I’m going to boarding school, or I make them hate me so they get away from me.
KATHY
Are those the weird experiences that make you avoid people?
MILO
Oh no, no, no. It’s never like that. I just have awkward situations, like I don’t know their name when they know my name, or they recently broke up with my friend, or I hit them in the face with a trombone in the 6th grade and she had to get six stitches on her chin.
KATHY
I’m sure they don’t remember all of those small things happening.
MILO
Yeah, your probably-
KATHY
Except that girl with stitches, I’m sure she remembers. I can’t imagine…like every time she does makeup she has to stare at that big, fat, ugly scar. I wonder how much she’s invested in foundation. Yeesh.
(MILO looks away, anxious.)
KATHY
Look, I gotta go get dinner. I guess I’ll see you around.
(KATHY starts to leave.)
MILO
(Fumbling his words a bit.) Hey, um what’s your name? My name’s Milo, by the way.
KATHY
Well it’s pleasant to meet you Milo, my name is Kathy.
(KATHY bows out and starts to leave again.)
MILO
Wait hold on!
(KATHY freezes and turns around.)
MILO
(Very nervously.) Is it alright if I go to dinner with you?
KATHY
Um, yeah sure. I mean, my friends are probably not exactly your speed…
MILO
I’m sure it will be fine! (Very, very nervously.) As long as you are there, I am sure that it will be fine.
(MILO holds his breath. KATHY smirks and rolls her eyes. MILO breathes out.)
KATHY
It’s ok, you can sit with us- we’re not Mean Girls. Oh, wait, hold on, I have to stop by my room first is that ok?
MILO
Yeah, of course, that’s fine. (Realization.) Wait, actually I have to submit a paper real quick, I can meet you there?
KATHY
Yeah, sure. See you there!
(KATHY exits, MILO pack up all his things in his bag, and SAM enters.)
SAM
Hey Milo!
MILO
Oh, hey Sam.
SAM
Whatcha doing down here? No one comes down here, it’s haunted.
MILO
Well, I met this girl a couple of days ago, and we went and we had dinner together.
SAM
You had dinner with her? Dang, that’s a big step for you.
MILO
Yeah it was, I mean all of her other friends were there too, but yeah it’s a big step. We met down here a week ago before going to dinner. I’ve been down here every day for the past week mostly doing homework hoping to see her again.
SAM
Um, you know she hangs out-
MILO
Yes, I know where she and her friends hang out. But the key part is that she is with her friends. I’m hoping to find her alone. Other people just, get in the way.
SAM
I guess that she’ll come down here? I mean, there’s no reason to come down here.
MILO
It’ll happen. I mean, you came down here
SAM
I just came down to- ughh you know what, just, good luck with that. I’ll Facetime the fam somewhere else.
(SAM exits. MILO pulls homework out to do, looks around, and starts reading. KATHY enters. KATHY enters.)
KATHY
Oh, hey Milo.
MILO
Hey, what’s up?
KATHY
Not much, I just came down here to escape “the above ground” for a little while, I just want to take my mind off things.
MILO
Ah. What sorts of things?
KATHY
Just, things.
(Awkward beat. KATHY and MILO stare forward.)
KATHY
So, you’ve really never dated anyone?
MILO
(Back into conversation.) Nope.
KATHY
Do you want to?
MILO
Yeah.
KATHY
Well, I could, (MILO leans in.), uh, if you were ok with it, introduce you to some friends of mine. I mean other than the fact that you scare people in the basement, I’ve seen you around, you seem pretty cool
MILO
(Leans back, not what he was hoping for.) Um, yeah. I guess. I don’t know if your friends will like me though…
KATHY
Yeah, I don’t know, they probably won’t.
(MILO is quietly shocked.)
KATHY
(Trying to be comforting and explain herself.) They are just not your style, ya know?
MILO
Um, yeah, uh, I think I, um, I think I know what you mean.
KATHY
But, I think it’s worth a shot! You never know who might be into the nerd type.
MILO
I don’t think any of your friends are into the nerd type.
KATHY
Whatever. I’m just trying to help you.
MILO
You could-
KATHY
Shut up? Yeah, I could and probably should do that. But I don’t, so yeah.
MILO
No, that’s not what I mean. I mean you could (Takes deep breath.) you could go on a (Tries to take another deep breath, but starts hyperventilating.) you could…
(MILO starts having a mild anxiety attack.)
KATHY
Are you ok?
MILO
Yeah…just give me a second…
(MILO starts quickly pacing around behind the couch, rambling to himself- having a mild anxiety attack.)
MILO
What the fuck are you doing? She is way out of your league! This is insane! Why are you taking so long? Just ask her out if your going to ask her out! The worst she says is no. And then tell all of her friends, and you’ll get ridiculed and even more ostracized by everyone. AHHHHHH. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Just do it, if you don’t take risks that you’ll never get anywhere, it’s ok to put yourself out there, people ask out other people all the time, I’m sure you won’t make a difference to her, she’s been out with a bunch of people. You’re not special to her, gahhhhhhhh!
(MILO bends over, putting his hands on his knees, panting.)
KATHY
Are you sure you’re doing ok?
MILO
Yeah, it’s just hard for me to do what I’m trying to do.
KATHY
And what is that?
MILO
You might see in a second.
KATHY
Might?
MILO
It depends on whether or not I can get over myself.
KATHY
Um, ok.
(MILO takes another deep breath and stands up straight. He walks back over and sits back in the seat that he was sitting in previously.)
MILO
It’s just an anxiety thing. Don’t worry about it. Anyway.
KATHY
…Anyway?
MILO
Oh yeah! Anyway, you could, I mean, would you like to go on a date with me? Possibly this Saturday?
KATHY
Oh, that’s so sweet. Unfortunately, I can’t do this Saturday.
MILO
It’s ok, I’m sorry I asked. I look forward to seeing you later, wherever I might see you.
(MILO stands up to leave.)
KATHY
No, you dunce, don’t give up that easy.
MILO
I’m not giving up, you said no.
KATHY
I did not say no.
MILO
You didn’t suggest a different day, though.
KATHY
Yeah, well, I thought you were going to ask another day.
MILO
But what if you didn’t want it? Then I would just be harassing you.
KATHY
That’s if you keep going when she obviously says no.
MILO
You obviously said no.
KATHY
I did not.
MILO
Yeah, you said you weren’t available on that day, which I think means no.
KATHY
Ok, well yes, that does mean no for the day- but that doesn’t mean no in general.
MILO
Ok, I’m sorry, I just thought that if you actually wanted to go on a date with me, you would have suggested a day that you were available. I mean, I feel that I would suggest another day.
KATHY
Have you ever been asked out before?
MILO
Yes.
KATHY
Really?
MILO
...No
KATHY
Anyway, suggest another day.
MILO
Does Sunday work for you?
KATHY
Not well, I got church in the morning.
MILO
You go to church?
KATHY
That’s irrelevant. Also, I have to get homework done that rest of that day.
MILO
Ok, what about Friday?
KATHY
Next week? Yeah, I think that works.
MILO
No, no, no, no, today Friday.
KATHY
That’s pretty bold for someone that’s never been on a date before.
MILO
Is that a yes?
KATHY
No, I’m hanging out with my boyfriend tonight.
MILO
I’m sorry, what?
KATHY
I’m just joking! Sure! A date with you sounds nicer than anything else I was going to do tonight.
MILO
Ok, that sounds great!
(MILO and KATHY sit in an awkward silence.)
KATHY
Do you have a plan?
MILO
Um, no. I don’t. I was kinda hopin’ that I would just wing it and it would turn out ok.
KATHY
I know you’ve never been on a date, but it is good to plan it out a little bit. Especially since you’re that one that asked me out.
MILO
Ok, well, um, how about five?
KATHY
That’s comically too early. I have to enough time to get ready.
MILO
Right. Ok, um seven?
KATHY
Yeah, that will work.
MILO
I’ll see you at Matthews parking lot I guess.
KATHY
I guess I’ll see you there, too. Bye!
(KATHY kisses MILO on the cheek, he barely keeps himself together. MILO watches KATHY takes all her stuff and leave. When she exits, MILO releases all of the tension in his body and splays himself over the chair.)
MILO
Holy shit.
(SAM walks by, stops, notices MILO)
SAM
Oh, hey Milo! You’re down here again?
MILO
Hm? Oh, hi Sam. Yeah, I am. I don’t know it’s pretty nice down here.
SAM
Is it as nice down here as your date with Kathy a couple days ago?
MILO
Yeah, I guess. I don’t really have anything to compare it to, so yeah, it’s going fine.
SAM
That’s good.
MILO
(Beat.) Sam, is it normal to be jealous?
SAM
Um, yeah, I guess. How do you mean?
MILO
I mean that, say someone you’re dating has been with a lot of people before you. Wouldn’t you feel like that person is now just scraping the bottom of barrel to get to you?
SAM
True, I mean, you could just look at it to mean that the person is just looking for the right person.
MILO
It’s just that she could have been with me all along, but no, she decided to be with other people. And I know it’s not supposed to matter, but I can’t help but feel this way.
SAM
She’s with you now, isn’t that something?
MILO
Yeah…yeah…that’s fine.
SAM
You just have a little bit of faith in her.
MILO
Yeah, yeah, I will.
SAM
Everything is going to be fine, just have a little faith.
MILO
Sure, Joel Olsten.
SAM
You know I’m atheist.
MILO
Uggghh, sure.
SAM
So, you’re going to be ok with the relationship?
MILO
I should? I don’t know, relationships are a two-way street. Even if I’m ok, it still might not turn out ok.
SAM
If you do all you can do, what do you have to worry about?
MILO
Everything. I mean, like how much should I change and how much shouldn’t I change? Should I give up all of the things I’m doing to spend more time with her? I don’t know how much of my life I need to give up in order to make it work. I want to spend time with her, don’t get me wrong, but I still have all of my own things that I want to pursue in my life. I don’t know if she’ll understand all of this.
SAM
Why don’t you tell her all of this?
MILO
I don’t want her to be upset with me- I don’t want her to be angry with me, or something.
SAM
Why in the world would she be angry that you communicated with her?
MILO
I don’t know, I just have a feeling she might. Maybe she’ll expect me to have all of the answers. As you can see, I don’t have all of the answers, I just have questions.
SAM
Look, if she can’t take a question, then maybe she isn’t the right person. You should probably share your feelings and then try to concede some things to her and to do the things that you really want to do.
MILO
Don’t you feel it’s too early for that? I mean we just started dating last week…
SAM
You just need to relax bud.
MILO
You know that’s the worst advice.
SAM
I mean, unless you talk to her, nothing is going to happen.
MILO
Ugghghg, ok. Like, I want to talk to her, but I don’t want to overdo it, or seem desperate, or all of the other bad things that happened when you bother someone too much. But, you know, maybe I’m not talking enough- I should be talking with her more, right? Flirting and shit?
SAM
Do you even know how to flirt?
MILO
Yes.
SAM
Alright, Don Juan. Just do what feels right and-
MILO
But what if what feels right to me isn’t really right? I mean, it’s not like I’m experienced, what in god’s name am I supposed to do?
SAM
Just do what feels right but make sure that you listen, too. Like you said, a relationship is a two-way street, so is communication. Be heard, but also make sure that she feels heard.
MILO
OK, I’ll try. But I feel like it’s just going to be horrible. I don’t know what I’m doing and we’re totally not compatible at all.
SAM
Come on, you don’t know that yet, dating is just taking in data, you’ll figure it out along the way. The only way you’ll get better at dating is by dating.
MILO
Guh, fine.
SAM
Why don’t you call her up right now? I’m sure that will help you, and she will appreciate talking to you.
MILO
I would but there’s no reception down here.
SAM
Bummer. I’ll see you later, then.
(SAM exits and MILO picks up a book and starts reading. Gray light filters in through the blinds in the background. MILO is sitting on the couch with a laptop focused. KATHY enters and drapes herself onto the couch, bored out of her mind.)
KATHY
Mmmmmmm, when are you going to be done.
MILO
Just a bit more.
KATHY
Can’t you put it off until later? For the weeks that we’ve been dating, all you’ve been doing is homework and more homework.
MILO
I am already behind, if I delay any more I’m not going to sleep.
KATHY
(Annoyed exhale) What class is this for?
MILO
It’s political philosophy. It’s about a bunch of dead white guys writing about how they think the world should be run.
KATHY
Saucy. You should stop.
MILO
I’ll be done soon-ish.
KATHY
Meh. Wanna do something tonight? …Milo!
MILO
Uhhh! I’m sorry, what did you say?
KATHY
Wanna do something tonight? You know, do something?
MILO
What are you insinuating?
KATHY
The only thing people insinuate.
MILO
But, it’s a Thursday. I have class tomorrow. You have class tomorrow. We both have class tomorrow. It makes no sense to do something tonight.
KATHY
Yeah, but, why wait ‘til tomorrow when you can do something today?
MILO
The something that I’m doing today is the homework for my class.
KATHY
So you’re choosing a bunch of dead white guys over me.
MILO
Yes.
KATHY
Fuck off. (beat) If I started grading you on things that you did for this relationship, then would you pay more attention to me?
MILO
Look, I pay attention to the things that have a real effect on my future.
KATHY
(The mood has obviously shifted) You don’t think we have a future?
MILO
No, I do think there is something between us that could go on into the far future, but it also could not. My GPA and degree are going to last forever and will have a definite effect on my future. Look, my mom and dad thought that they had a future forever, now they don’t. All they have are all of the other things that they’ve done.
KATHY
They made you.
MILO
Yeah, and that was a mistake, and they and I have to live with it. Look, I like you, but I have other priorities as well.
KATHY
Um, well, ok. I’m going to go now.
MILO
(Puts book down, sits up at attention) Didn’t you want to hang out later?
KATHY
Not, right now, I’m gonna go now.
(KATHY starts to leave.)
MILO
Wait, Kathy!
(KATHY is gone. MILO starts to walk after her but stops, looks down, looks to start again but he’s too anxious to go follow her. MILO is standing alone on stage, staring after her, book in hand. He’s an anxious wreck- he’s breathing faster, he sits down, stand back up, walks around the couch, and sits back down. He wipes his face with his hands and stands back up.)
MILO
Fuck! I was just trying to get my work done so that I could spend time with her! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! She knows that I have other priorities, right? Right? Fuck. I know it’s harsh, but like, that’s life!
(MILO collapses back onto the couch. He looks around, wipes his face with his hand again, and then lays out along the couch opens the book again and starts reading. SAM enters.)
SAM
Oh, hey Milo. How is it, uh, going?
MILO
Pretty well.
SAM
How are things with, uh, Kathy.
MILO
Ugly well.
SAM
I take it that things are going good. (beat) When’s the last time you talked to her?
MILO
A couple days ago.
SAM
(deep breath out) How are you feeling about it.
MILO
(puts book down and sits up) I don’t know.
SAM
Are you happy, sad, depressed, woeful?
MILO
I feel like it’s the end of the line.
SAM
But, that was like the first fight you had, right?
MILO
We don’t really fight, it’s just like, disagreements. We have them all the time, I’m kinda surprised you haven’t noticed.
SAM
It’s kinda hard when I don’t really see you guys in that state.
MILO
Yeah, no, I don’t blame you. It’s not something that either of us really want to imagine. But yeah, I feel like it’s that end of the line.
SAM
That’s, uh, some heavy stuff.
MILO
I think it’s that we just have different ideas of a relationship, you know? Like, I think it’s a fun side thing-ish thing. I have other stuff that I want to do and I fit her into my life. She compliments me. We are our own individual people and we lead our own lives. I want to have her be a larger part in my life, but I feel like it’s bad for my future. (Runs hand through hair) I think I’m going to end it so I don’t hurt her anymore. She’s clearly expecting more from me than I can possibly giver her right now. God, I just wished I met her later in life. That would be perfect. I would’ve had everything figured out and I wouldn’t have to worry about where my life was going to go because my life would just be happening and we could spend time together, and go places, and check out new restaurants, and cuddle, and take naps, we’d living the life, worried only about shit like rent and determining the upper limit of the pets we could have and, and yeah, all those things. But right now, it’s just- I only have so much time. I’m laying the foundation for the rest of my life, if I fuck up now, then I will be fucked the rest of my life. I don’t want to take night school, or be forced to live the rest of my life as a bus driver, just focusing right now, I will be fine later.
SAM
I don’t know man, I think your whole life you’re going to be busy.
MILO
Yeah but, just right now, it’s crucial. My dad always tells me that he wish he did better in college, I don’t want to end up like him.
SAM
(sighs) I guess. I don’t want you to miss out on life.
MILO
Yeah, I don’t want to miss out on all of the cool things that I could be doing right now. I think I’ll do it the next time I see her.