Two Steps for One
There is this meme I saw somewhere on Pinterest back when I started playing (sorry, I don’t know who is the author):
Back then I chuckled and nodded, but after I got to know Astarion better, now I’m not so sure it’s fair anymore.
I’ve been thinking about how I went from feeling skeptical about Astarion to absolutely falling for him, face first.
Just today again, I saw in a discussion on Reddit with some people saying how there are surprisingly big numbers of players who can't stand him, maybe 50/50. Some said that even when they try to give him a chance, they can't go past the first meeting at the beach, and off to camp prison he goes.
I have this weird trait a friend once described as being a hipster – though I don’t mean it like that. But I am often skeptical about popular titles, characters or trends. There’s this thought that comes up in my head: “Well, I probably won’t like it.” And if I give it a try, I often end up liking it anyway haha.
Maybe it’s something a little rebellious, but I think it comes from the difficulty in fitting in that I've been feeling my whole life. Me telling myself – if everyone likes this, it doesn't mean that I have to, too. Even the fact that I made my first Tav a half-elf is related to me wanting to express this inner duality. And that's what made me naturally suspicious about the popularity of Astarion, which found me on social media when the game was released.
I’ve always loved romantic stories. When I was younger, I played a lot of dating sims and otome games, quickly falling for one character after another, then moving on just as quickly to the next story or crush.
The longest one was Hijikata Toshizou – or rather, his romanticized version, since he’s a real historical figure – after I watched Hakuouki. That crush was sitting in the back of my mind for years, resurfacing once in a while, until it quietly faded, maybe around the time I saw his memorial in Japan and realized he wasn’t actually my ideal anymore. To be honest, it had been a while since I felt that kind of strong character pull. Partly, I think, I overgrew surface-level romantic stories and felt a certain depth missing (or maybe it just became harder to impress me after I consumed so many of them haha). I was starting to think maybe it wouldn’t happen again. Until Astarion.
I remember the moment when my casual curiosity turned into something more – the first night with Astarion, during the camp celebration. Or rather – the morning after it. When we see him enjoying the sunrise, so disarmingly relaxed. And the scars on his back.
That moment already hinted at his hidden depth, but it wasn’t even that.
It was the way he responded when asked nicely.
And here’s the thing: during my first playthrough, I barely stayed at camp and missed a lot of the early interactions. There were no first night talk, no poison/knife/strangulation talk, no sharing preferences of companions' blood or the bear blood scene. My character didn’t even know he was a vampire at all yet! When they spent that night together, I didn't know anything about him – just wanted to see where this was going.
If you don't know he is a vampire spawn, he tells you he used to be a slave, and this was what his former master left him.
I had the impression that a character like Astarion would try to be evasive and deflect, change the topic, hide behind charm and wit, and avoid anything sincere, especially considering his proficiency in deception. But his answer was simple and straight. Yes, it wasn't all the truth, and he was slightly reluctant, but it was what he could give at that moment, and he did it willingly.
And that's what changed everything for me. It was unexpectedly open and sincere.
And I found myself wanting to know more.
After that, it happened so fast I don’t even remember how or when, exactly. But by the time of his confession in Act 2 (the one after Yurgir), I was already completely gone.
Trying to understand what happened and why, I realized that Astarion gave me something I’ve always longed for in relationships:
To be seen, understood, and met with the same sincerity I am trying to offer.
I’ve always been guarded when it comes to romantic relationships. I'd like to think I have a strong intuition, and most of the time, my first impression ends up being right, even if I don’t act on it. And the main deal-breaker to me is when I feel that a man doesn't truly see or hear me.
The reasons might be various – sometimes it’s projecting his own fantasies, sometimes it’s cultural, or maybe just emotional distance.
But whatever the cause, it makes me shut down.
Another, related fear is being taken for granted. It’s hard for me to say no, especially to people I like. And boundaries are still a challenge.
I had friendships as a kid that fell apart this way – I kept saying yes to everything, just quietly hoping they’d notice when it became too much. But it became something expected instead.
And I’m not saying I was in the right, or a victim, I hope you understand. I’ve learned that I had a big part in this too: I didn’t communicate well and thought people would just somehow magically know, and it wasn't fair. And sometimes I placed similar pressure on others, without even realizing it. But that childhood experience is a part of what shaped me and taught me to pay attention to similar patterns – to protect myself from being hurt.
But Astarion – he notices everything.
Maybe because his survival depended on how well he read people, including Cazador, not even a small detail or gesture goes unnoticed. Your choice of words, tone, how you react, how you treat him – everything matters to him, and he responds accordingly: opens up or pulls away.
And when you take a step toward him, he doesn’t just meet you halfway, but all the way, sometimes two steps for one.
And this is overwhelming in the best possible way. Maybe even healing, in a way I wasn’t expecting.
Sometimes I wonder if my bar is too high, but in the end, I just want this:
A relationship when two people see each other, attuned and actively choosing each other to build something special.
In the end, this is all it takes.
(Of course, it’s the same if you choose friendship with Astarion. It's just that personally the romantic side struck me especially deeply.)
So maybe that’s what makes Astarion’s romance or friendship so powerful – not because it’s perfect, but because it echoes the kind of mutual recognition and effort that many of us long for, whether in fiction or real life.