I’m the anon who asked whether Noel was more insecure or unmotivated.
Thank you for putting so much thought into your answer. I think sexuality is a very complex subject for some people, often deeply tied to hidden aspects of their lives, especially their childhood. I feel that Noel falls into this category, much more than Liam in my opinion. I believe that none of his partners ever had a completely clear idea of what he truly feels, and it’s even harder for us to figure it out based only on photos and news online.
BUT I’m very interested in your take that he saw Sara more as a mate, since she is a strong woman in her own way. Imo the biggest issue in their relationship, even sexually, was that she belittled him too much, and that always seems to hit Noel in a painful way. I think this created a strong emotional distance between them and it weighed heavily on his insecurities.
However, I do think he could let himself go if he ever found someone who made him feel emotionally safe. Unfortunately he’s never had a great instinct for choosing these kinds of people, either in friendships or relationships. I’ve never understood how he can be so blind, it feels like he sabotages himself.
I also find it hard to imagine him letting go sexually with a man, even more so now, at this age, than when he was younger. I feel there’s still a lot of shame surrounding certain aspects of his life.
Hm. I disagree with you about the shame aspects of his bisexuality. I think he is pragmatic but not ashamed.
I think he keeps his sexuality out of the news because he doesn't want a big fuss, and he especially doesn't want to be pushed to identify with the queer community or be criticized because he doesn't want to.
My theory (which I admit is a theory) is that Noel has been reconnecting with his gay side since his divorce. That's why (I believe) we see him with a woman with whom he pretty clearly has little intimate connection or sexual attraction. She's pretty, she's a great companion, she understands his world, she understands confidentiality and privacy in the way he needs them. My theory is that there have been men in his life in the past couple of years, and that he's more likely to fall in love or get really attached to a man now than he has been for many years.
But I think you're right that his bringing-up affects him a lot. I meant to mention this as a possibility in my anon but forgot to add it - many men who were abused are too traumatized to really enjoy sex. They may do it, compulsively, but without much joy or even real pleasure, or they may avoid it. My husband was in that second group, and I can confirm, it definitely made me a very cranky wife.
And yes, absolutely, contemptuous treatment kills libido in both men and women!
