What do you do for inspiration, when your well's run dry, so to speak? How do you get unstuck?
Oh boy, that’s a heavy question for sure...I think we all find ourselves there at one time or another. For me, I find myself generally uninspired a lot of time. My dayjob is high intensity and takes a lot of emotional energy, and so I end up worn out and kind of empty.
I try to give myself space for that and try not beat myself up for being what I perceive as unproductive. Like, provided I am meeting my barest responsibilities--put on clothes, go to work, do my job, at least wave at my spirits regularly--I figure I am doing okay.
It’s easy to get into a rut of go-to-work-come-home-and-stare-at-things-got-bed-repeat, though, and so I try not to get too bogged down in that (super easy for me). So, sometimes that means I pull out all my paints and slap down paint on something, even if it looks like trash and I have no clear idea of what it is that I want to be doing. Picasso said that inspiration has to find us working, and IME that’s true...when I start doing *something*, it often shakes off the dust and cracks the dried mud of mental lethargy and I find myself with more ideas. When I am feeling more inspired, I keep a notebook of projects I want to complete or ideas I have, and sometimes paging through that will give me something to work with. At the very least, I can go through the motions of doing SOMETHING.
When I feel uninspired spiritually (for me, this is often hand in hand with lack of artistic inspiration), I try to shake things up. Like, I went through a recent period of feeling like I had absolutely nothing to offer my spirits (which is not true, but Feelings), so part of trying to move past that was completely redoing their table/altar. Like, I pulled everything out/off the space, cleaned all their things and cleaned the space, and changed it all up. Changed out the table they had been sitting on for something different, new fabric to cover the table, rearranged what sits where, and made plans to add some different things in the future.
I’ll sit with them, too, and tell them I feel empty and like a creative desert, or that I feel like I am failing at what they have set me to do, and I inevitably walk away with a different perspective. I know what I went through to be here and what I went through to pursue relationships with them, and, after all that, I can do damn near anything including pulling through a tiny dark night of the soul. I pray, or commit myself to a series of prayers that has me at their table each day, or I put some work to work for myself to both bring light and heat to my spirits which brings light and heat to my life.
I try to bring into focus the investments they have made in me, which, when I am feeling empty or low, reminds me that I have worth and I have a place in the world. I recount what has changed, what they have done for me, and what is coming up in partnership with them (fetes! going back to Haiti!) .At the very least, it means I can be a useful tool, and remembering that can remind me of my larger purpose.
Just before my maryaj lwa, I had a conversation with my spirits: what you see is what you get with me, and I come with all sorts of human failings and mistakes. I keep that conversation in mind because it reminds me that I don’t have to be Super Houngan. They didn’t ask me to show up because I am this deep well of inspiration or knowledge or compassion, they asked me to show up because I am who I am in totality. That also means they get me on my bad days when I am feeling like a sentient garbage can, or in my pajamas with bad hair, or when I am so tired that all I can do is say that I am tired, or when I am pissy and resentful, or scared, or whatever. Sometimes that’s just enough to keep going.
This feels rambly, and I hope it has at least worked towards answering your question. Let me know if it doesn’t or if I can say more.
