I have made the decision to cut alcohol out of my life. This is after ten years of mostly functioning alcoholsism. It is hard to realize that is how much time has passed.
I moved here to Bellingham ten years ago now, and not long after moving here fell in with a crowd of people who used heavy drinking as pretty much their sole source of entertainment. Having no friends, no community connections, and no aspirations at the time, it became my new normal. Working fast food and living with my parents wasn't helping me feel much fulfillment either. Leaving one bad romantic relationship, and falling into the next, my self-image was next-to-none.
Looking back and thinking about the girl I was then, she almost seems like a stranger. I have grown and changed so much since then. I was just past being a kid then, and now I have a kid of my own. I maintained my sobriety for a year during pregnancy and into breastfeeding, but fell right back into the old habits.
I have now gone full circle again, living with my parents. If it weren't for my son, I would have figured anything else out. Anything else. Not that I don't love them, but going on thirty I always dreamed and hoped so much more for myself.
The fog is lifting, and I am seeing more and more, that my dependence and addiction to alcohol has brought me here. So many bad decisions, so many unfortuante situations, so much money spent. I don't want my son to be guided by the same. I don't want him to remember his mom always having a drink in her hand. I want to be better for him, and give him a better life.
