Day 2: coming out
written for @transnaturalweek
ao3 wc ~ 663
cw: a little angsty
follow up to these (x) (x) but can be read alone too
w*ncesties dni
Sam and Dean were once again sitting outside the motel watching the sunset. Dad was out on a hunt, and he had taken the Impala. That meant no late night trips for Sam and Dean. Dean liked sitting by the motels more than he liked driving. It had never been fun to drive; Dad had ruined that too. One day he might get his own car and then he would take Sammy and leave. He didn’t know where, but he knew he wanted to leave. And so did Sammy.
“Dean?”
Dean hummed, turning his head from the sun to look at Sam.
“Do you ever just want to leave? Live your life the way you want to?”
Sam rested his head on his arms and looked up at Dean with big warm eyes. There was a sadness behind them, and Dean was unsure if Sam was gonna begin to cry or if it was just the sun reflecting in his eyes.
“And do what?” Dean asked back. He turned his head, not wanting his face to betray how much he really wanted another life.
“I don’t know.” Sam closed his eyes and warmed his face in the sun. “Settle down, get married, have kids.”
Dean didn’t answer. He knew that that was exactly what he wanted. But he couldn’t tell Sam that. He had to make the best out of their current situation, and daydreaming about another life wouldn't help.
“Eat proper food,” Sam muttered. “Not own any weapons.”
Dean gasped. He knew it had been hard the last couple of months, but he didn’t know it had affected Sam that much. He slid to the side, his thigh touching Sam’s, and wrapped his arm around Sam’s shoulder. Sam brought his arms closer to Dean, and pressed his face into Dean’s chest.
At first Dean thought Sam was crying but it seemed like he just shuffled around a bit. Hopefully the kid was thinking of much better stuff.
“Do you think Dad will accept me as I am?” came a muffled voice from underneath Dean’s arm. “He doesn’t accept you.”
Dean had some suspicions but he didn't want to pressure Sam into telling him anything he wasn’t ready for. He knew Sam would tell him when he was ready.
“I guess that depends on who you are,” Dean answered and laid his chin on top of Sam’s head.
“What if I’m-” Sam trailed off, he sounded nervous so Dean was quiet, letting him take his time, “not a boy.”
“That’s okay,” Dean whispered into Sam’s hair.
“But for Dad?”
“Probably not.”
Dean kissed the top of Sam’s head, pressing him a little closer towards him. He started to pick on a loose thread on Sam’s dress. He was the one who gave it to him, and nothing more had made him more happy than seeing his little sibling’s face light up with joy.
They sat quiet for a while, watching the sun go down, their shadows getting longer and longer, until they faded out in the dark. Dad wouldn’t be home until the day after tomorrow, and Sam had done all his homework before dinner; they could sit outside for as long as they wanted.
“But like, I’m not a girl either,” Sam spoke, continuing on the conversation from earlier. “I’m just, in the middle.”
Sam lifted his head and looked up at Dean, his hair falling into his eyes. Dean smiled softly, using the scrunchie he had around his wrist to put up half of Sam’s hair. Sam smiled back as a thank you.
“That’s okay too.” Dean pressed his lips to Sam’s forehead. “I love you no matter what.”
Sam broke into a wide smile. He threw himself around his older brother, hiding his face against his neck. Dean held Sam tight, one hand on the back, one in his hair. He felt the tears in his eyes sting, but instead he closed his eyes and hoped for a better life.
