#non-commital

[ladybugsimblr]

simshaderoom welp! we heard the rumors but looks like #baileykay made it official. soon-to-be-a-baby-daddy #djdlo is back on the market. did he ever take himself off tho??

[xoxo-iheartyojo-xoxo-blog]

Zing

We all know what it’s like to experience chemistry with someone.  It’s not felt over a text or a message or a phone call even.  There’s nothing quite like looking someone directly in the eyes and feeling that ‘zing’ chase your neurons at lightening speed through your body.

So, why is it that everyone I experience that ‘zing’ with, disappears?

It’s not something that happens everyday. Why is it that others seem to take it so lightly? In my adult life, that feeling has happened about 3 times.  Each of those times, they disappear.  Sometimes it’s within a few dates and sometimes it’s within a few months, but the end result is always the same.  Gone.

In this strange and unusual world of social media where the next best thing could easily be right around the corner, I wonder if the possibility of the grass-is-always-greener chick is the reason the other party might not be committing.  

But then I wonder too…is it because I am too territorial of this feeling and grasp on too tightly too soon?  I mean, it genuinely doesn’t happen every day…so if a feeling is there, I should embrace it right?  I don’t think I am scary and clingy and all relationshippy off the bat.  I try to find a nice balance of “hey, I’m cool” and “wow! I really like you!”.  

Or is it because I don’t sleep with the other party if I do like them.  At least not right away.  There’s no hard and fast rule that I adhere to with this.  It’s more of a when-the-time-is-right feeling.  But it’s certainly not on the first date, or even the second.  

Perhaps my ‘zing’ is felt to a greater extent than their ‘zing’. Or maybe they lie to me about the existence of said ‘zing’.  Or maybe it’s that ‘zings’ are entirely too unreliable.

And what I come back to time and time again, is the fact that I’m intelligent.  I’m wickedly independent.  I can do everything by myself and not feel the least bit strange about it.  I don’t need anybody.  And I think this is where most men get hung up.  I don’t have a drive to get remarried.  I don’t want anymore kids.  And I don’t need someone there to take care of me.  We are still driven to believe that men need fat wallets in which to take care of their women.  They don’t come equipped emotionally to be emotionally available or spiritually open.  

Honestly, I think it’s because I want someone there as a nice little cherry-on-top to the rest of my life.  That involves being emotionally and spiritually and intellectually available.  Most of the men I come across are none of those things.  And the ones where the ‘zing’ is felt are so balls-out afraid of me that they bolt.  

Perhaps it has nothing to do with me at all.  It’s most likely them…they can’t handle being vulnerable.  And they can’t handle being vulnerable with a woman who has the possibility of outsmarting them when they are pretending to be.  

Gentlemen…time to do some serious work on yourselves.  It’s ok to let your balls shrink up and accept that sometimes a woman is stronger, smarter, and more with it than you are.  Get over yourselves…because you are overlooking some seriously amazing women who will just turn your world upside down and of course, add a lot of extra ‘zing’.

[redlipstickproject]

Bare Minimum Boyfriend

How many times have you spent an evening out with friends, staring at your phone on the table amongst wine glasses. stifling your disappointment. waiting.

“For the love of god. just text back.”

While conversations happen around you, all you want to do is dissect the excuses and replay every happening that got you to this place. Stuck in a quasi relationship with a partner who is amazing in theory…

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[traumaticloveinjury]

On The Move - Leave the Ambivalent One

As I get ready to change scenery, the task of packing has left me reflecting on what to take and what to leave.  This occurs on a logistic level of course, but I also wonder about the abstract things I will take and what should I leave. 

The easy answer is, "Leave the ambivalent guy already!" 

Here's a short back story:

I have been hanging out with a guy for three years.  He pulls me in with serious relationship behavior.  He even talked about finally committing.  However, there has constantly been excuses to keeping me at bay, and I accepted them.  I valued our friendship so much that I hurt myself.  Apparently, I don't value myself as much as him. 

Actually, my consistent fear would be that I would walk away and then he would suddenly have a turn around.  I would be shut out while he was finally ready to commit and stop his hot-and-cold act.  I would be missing out, but I was already missing out.

Ambivalence is not a caring action.  This guy claims to care about me a lot but will take me on a rollercoaster ride of emotions, lies, and insecurity.  When confronted, my words get turned around on me or I am met with silence.  I lost every time. 

I have referred to him as my Mr. Big, but I don't think I'm ever going to wear blue Manolo Blahniks.  The trust has been broken, and I still need to forgive myself for being strung along for so long.

That's the short of it, surprisingly.  This short version led to a teary episode (I'm making progress and not having a sob session about him.) when my goodbyes brought him up.  I had begun to wonder if he would be one of my goodbyes.  I didn't know whether to make sure it happened or move with no words unless he contacted me. 

My friends quickly gave me the answer:  "You go."

Two words and I knew the truth:

If I made the goodbye happen, I would kick myself.  I would be unable to speak on the hurt I was experiencing simply by his lack of effort to make sure he saw me, his supposed friend, before I moved far away.  If i tried to tell him, I would hear, "Well, I'm seeing you now, right?  Why do you always have to go to the negative?"  Silence was the answer.  I would finally walk away. 

I can't take this baggage with me.  Well, I can, but I should move forward, both literally and figuratively. 

This ambivalent man-child will not fit in a box or my luggage.  He has not tried to be with me when I am near, and I need to make sure he is not with me when I am far.  This person does not deserve to travel in a pocket in my heart.  He is something I cannot pack for this move.

[sovietsiren]

I'm in love with that man --> over there. He's brilliant. and sweeter than he lets on. And incredibly patient. and weird and silly. and oozing with wonderful artsyness. and at times... spewing with absolute bullshit. and most days.... I wont tell him.

because we promised not to use that word.

[sovietsiren]

I love you. I mean... I adore you. I mean... you're my everything. Kinda.

-Lover

[warmstrangers]

Please don't say you're going to do something, when you're not.

I'd rather you say nothing at all than sweet lies. 

[owlbungalow]

why do I want NEED these?