#nonbinary seonghwa

[lunadarlingbelle]

Sharing this one again because it has way less hits than my skz chaptered fic but more kudos. I feel like it would be way more popular if more people had seen it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/73348291

[kinkteez]

seonghwa, as a nonbinary person, do you ever feel dysphoric during scenes, or does that affect how you present yourself during sex?

A/N: This is a poly-ATEEZ kink ask blog! Feel free to ask any of the eight members a question! :) > Reblogs are very appreciated!

Seonghwa: Thank you for your question, darling! I do sometimes, yes, though not very often. I've worked out a lot of what can set me off, and gotten better at avoiding those things. The others are aware as well, of course, and help out in that regard.

I have a bit of genital dysphoria. It's not the absolute worst, and it's not constant, but I have my moments. Parts of what can set it off is how others talk about and interact with my body. If someone interacts with me like I'm a man, that feels bad. Most of the time, I dislike being called daddy. And people begging for my cock, using that word or anything similar. They can say they want me, or that they want me to fuck them, because those don't feel as amab-typical to me. And because I am assigned male at birth, I think it feels extra good to be treated and talked about in a bit of a femme way? Like it balances it out, almost. Like they're acknowledging my feminine sides despite how I look physically.

Oh, actually, when I'm wearing lingerie, being called daddy is usually more than okay! It's about the contrast to how I look in that moment, it makes my brain trust that my partner isn't seeing me as a man.

I do carry myself differently than a lot of cisgender people in bed, I think. I don't have any specific role I go for, I just try to do what comes naturally to me, no matter if it comes off as masculine, feminine, neither, or both. The only goal post is being authentic and enjoying it, not living up to some arbitrary idea of what a man or a woman is supposed to be like.

I sometimes wear lingerie and makeup for scenes, because I like the contrast between it and my physique. It feels non-normative and... Would probably be confusing to some people? I like that feeling a lot, and for that same reason, I like to be called mommy and mistress and things of that nature. Ah, and... [They blush a little bit] I like it when my partner talks about my ass but calling it my pussy. There's just something about it. I think it has to do, again, with the contrast to the physical reality of my body, and also just that it comes off like they don't actually care what my body looks like. In the sense that they don't conflate it with who I am as a person. They like to fuck me and make us both feel good, and that's their focus. Not what equipment I have.

When I sub, my dom always makes sure to ask me if I'm a good boy or a good girl that day, or just good. Well... Or bad~ You never know [Laughs]. But it changes from day to day, depending on how I feel, how I look, and what kind of scene it is.

It can be a hassle sometimes, because sex and scenes are very sort of... Gender and body focused. It's like your gender and your sex are brought to the surface and put on display - and if there's any mismatch between the physical reality and how you feel and identify, it can become weird fast. Sometimes I feel one way going in, and I tell my partner that they can call me a girl that day, but then halfway through, suddenly that's not what I want any more. It can feel disruptive to have to bring it up, but I've had to learn to just do it anyway. My boyfriends care deeply about me and my comfort, and they've helped me re-frame it in my mind not as me making demands or being difficult, but as me helping them out. Helping them help me feel good and comfortable. Learning that was so very important to me. I wouldn't want to be put in a position where I was unknowingly making any of them feel bad, so why would I want to put them in that same position?