Sep 18, 2017
and now they are bestfriend (trans)
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and now they are bestfriend (trans)
Arène Dump
old drawings exploring his toddler years ^
and this explores his love life ^
saeren sketchhh
dragon f- smoochers anonymous
romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel, this love is difficult, but it's real. // don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess, it's a love story, baby, just say "yes".
a series of one shots to do with the dragon brothers grieving their abusive dad after he died.
tw self harm in the last one shot
| you left me but i never left you // i never had the chance to. |
‘Your father died last night.’
Aidoneus didn’t know how to feel at first.
It was more- Whatever, right? His father was horrible to him. The dragon had better father figures in his life. His uncle, Mimir. His father in law, Sylvain. He more or less compartmentalized the horrible things his father did to him, and found comfort in the fact his husband, Ambrose, could be there to listen to him vent his hurt.
It had only been a week since he found out. His older brothers regarded the news with their own complicated reactions - but his oldest brother seemed… Numb. Aido didn’t expect that. They had more of a chance to wish for love from their dad, while Aidoneus flip flopped on it for years.
Hamtaro wanted his father’s love and approval. He was his first born. Aido was sure he had a complex that was threatening to come back from that. But for the moment, he was more focused on being a father. Which… Made sense, he supposed.
Onyx wanted his father’s hatred. That was easy to earn. But he wanted to drive him fucking mad. His only reaction, from what Aido heard, was to hoot and cheer, taking a shot as he mocked his name.
Aido was sure Onyx felt a way about it, despite his jokes.
He was just glad his only other sibling he knew about didn’t know that was her dad. He didn’t want to imagine how it’d hit her. To her, she was just seeing her brothers react to the death of the man that attacked her. To her, he deserved it for hurting the people she loved.
The dragon was more preoccupied with painting - flinging new types at a canvas as he listened to Rose in the background, humming an old religious hymn to himself. The usual silence that grew comfortable, as both men worked on their art form of choice. Rose, carefully adjusting the stitches on one of Aido’s pants. Ruined from their dog, Icarus, ripping into the side during a play fight.
He stared at his canvas - beginning to look like a vast image of black and blues. Starting to see something in its splotches. When he painted like this, finding images in the chaos was nice. He never explained the meaning of his abstract pieces to people - more content to see what they thought.
One of his favorite things was to place a painting in front of Rose, and make him question the meaning. What he saw in it. Sometimes he saw faces. Angels. The sky. Perfectly aligned with his husband. Rose was the only person he felt on the same level with when it came to explaining what he saw - Aidoneus was always too embarrassed to think about his methods in art. And when it came to people asking, it bothered him.
So he focused on the splotches forming. A comfort in the chaos, knowing how fun it’d be to ask his husband what he thought.
Faces. He saw faces. Familiar eyes. Familiar horns.
He aimed the next ball of paint, hoping for something new to form.
… One eye.
Kept throwing. He grit his teeth, staring at the canvas.
He wasn’t sure if it was just him. But the chaos had a pattern now. Hair, framing whatever this was. Crazed, blue hair. Horns twisted as they climbed for the sky. One eye blotched out. The other open in a chaotic splatter. Blue. Black. Blue. Black.
He didn’t want to stop - if he went to get a new color, it’d ruin the composition. But…
Deep breaths.
Throwing again. And again. Losing the form but still seeing its outline in the dark of the black he started to use. Soon enough he wasn’t looking for a concept. He was just throwing. Angrily flinging the paint at the canvas, as he tried to snuff out that image. That goddamn image. Those goddamn eyes.
[He deserved to die but I wanted him to suffer for all the shit he did to me and my siblings.]
If he had it in him he could have taken out both.
It was mostly black, besides some blue peeking out from underneath. Something about that color was pissing him off. He grabbed another fistful of the black paint, flinging it harshly at the canvas, feeling his eyebrows pull together in frustration.
[He wanted us all to die just for existing. He wanted me to die for existing.]
His arm hurt, but it didn’t matter so much. He was praying Rose wouldn’t look over, and see him senselessly throwing paint. He missed a few times, watching the paint hit the wall instead. Oh well, he could cover it up later. He tended to cover those spots in paint anyway.
[He had to blame his goddamn trauma on me. He had to treat us all like it was our fault we were even fucking alive.]
It was funny, to be so angry at the color blue. Blue was a color to indicate sadness. Calm. Stability. Wisdom. But right then, it felt like he was a bull staring at a scarlet blanket. It wouldn’t go away unless he just covered it all in black.
[What was so fucking wrong with me?! What was so wrong?!]
He grabbed onto something hard, as the anger rose in his chest.
[You never got what you deserved, you wanted us all to suffer!]
It was the platform holding his paint. He didn’t realize until it missed the canvas, clattering against the wall instead. Making a loud racket as it crashed to the floor.
[Dying was your last goddamn way to get back at us! To make us suffer! To make me suffer! You want me to hold all of the shit you did to me so you can just run the fuck away!]
He didn’t hear it at first.
He just grabbed onto the little stool the platform sat on, prepared to throw that too-
“Aidoneus!”
Cool hands wrapping around his wrist. He stiffened, shaken out of his angry haze. The dragon looked over, and stared at his husband, who looked back at him with wide, concerned eyes.
“A-Aidoneus, what is it?”
He wasn’t sure what to say.
He just swallowed, feeling something burning in his throat. His eyes.
“I-I’m-” He breathed. “Sorry.” He wasn’t sure if that was okay. “You were focused, I-”
“Aidoneus, you’re crying. What is it?”
“Uhm-”
Deep breaths.
“I-” Aidoneus stammered, eyes darting to the canvas. Rose looked too, and made a noise.
“There’s paint everywhere… Y-You’re not doing one of your usual…”
“It-It’s fine, anything that got on the wall can stay, it’s… I-I was just practicing-”
“The canvas is black.”
“You can see some blue.”
“Aidoneus, why are you crying? Please tell me.”
Was he seriously crying. Aidoneus used his free hand to touch at his cheek - oh god, he was. He swallowed, looking at the ground. He felt Rose touching his hand to his cheek, as he tried to get him to look back up. Fuck, it really was hard to stop now. He just started gasping, closing his eyes tight as he felt them start to fall.
Admittedly, he was a very emotional dragon. It was easy to make him cry. But right then, he wished more than ever that it was harder to make him cry.
“It’s- It’s stupid, this is stupid, I shouldn’t feel this way-”
“Aidoneus, if you’re this hurt, it isn’t stupid,” Rose calmly said, as he gently sat him down on the ground. His hand so lovingly holding his, soft fingers wrapping around his. Aidoneus couldn’t lie to himself - the warmth of his action made him cry harder.
“I just- It’s Dad, I-” He started gasping again, leaning to press his forehead against Rose’s. “I, h-hate him, I hate him, I hate him.”
“Y-Yes, I hate him too,” he said softly, trying to hide the contempt flashing on his face as he told him the root of the problem. “It’s okay to hate him. You aren’t stupid for hating someone that hurt you so badly-”
“I want him to fucking come back.”
“... You want him to what?”
“I want that piece of shit to come back,” Aidoneus started to say, speaking through grit teeth, “I want him to come back and answer for all the shit he’s done.”
Rose took a deep breath, staring at him with worried eyes.
“I’m such a piece of shit, but I want him back so I can hurt him. He shouldn’t have died so fucking peacefully. It should have been one of us. One of us to kill him.”
“Aido…”
“He didn’t get what he deserved. He died like any normal goddamn person!”
“I know, I know,” Rose softly said, as he rubbed his hand affectionately. “Your father should have died painfully. It’s unfair he didn’t feel a fraction of the hurt he put any of you through. Especially you.”
“I-I can’t stop- thinking about it- I don’t want to hurt people but I wanted to hurt him. I-I spent so long feeling like a goddamn mistake for how I was made, because he put on me all this goddamn trauma that he went through because he thought I could shoulder it!”
Rose was just pulling him over to hold him now. Wrapping his arms around him as he made Aido lay his head against his shoulder. Rocking him slightly, trying to calm his tears. Aidoneus just continued sobbing, crying harder than he had in a long time.
“Who does that? Who tells their child in deep detail about their goddamn rape?!”
“Aidoneus, please,” Rose murmured, pulling him to rest between his legs. “It’s okay, it’s okay. He’s suffering for what he’s done somewhere else. I know you can’t see it, but I know he is.”
“I want to see, I want to be the one doing it, he wasn’t fucking done living yet. Why didn’t he just fucking love me?! What was wrong with me?! What was so fucking wrong-”
His words were gone now. He just mindlessly sobbed into Rose’s chest as he sunk lower against him. Barely realizing he was getting paint on his clothes. Just whining into his shirt as he kept crying. Aidoneus didn’t realize it’d hit him this way - or that it’d hit him at all. He didn’t want it to hit him. He wanted to feel nothing. Like Hamtaro. It was a waste, why did it hurt? Why did it hurt like this?
“There is nothing wrong with you, Aido… You’re lovely, you’re a good person. I love you so much and nothing your dad felt about you makes you any less worthy of love. Nothing was wrong, he was just…”
He took a deep breath, getting his words together.
Rose stayed steady, lovingly running his hands through his hair, not caring about the paint. He just calmly spoke to him, whispering I love yous and peppering kisses over the top of his head. Trying to soothe the dragon from his breakdown.
“Just… Seeing it this way would be what he wanted,” Rose whispered, avoiding his damaged horn as he pet his head. “If your father saw dying without consequence as a way of payback, he’d want you to realize he got away with it and be angry.”
“How could I not be angry?”
“I’m not saying don’t be. I’m saying letting it take over will make him feel good. Do you remember what happened the last time you channeled your anger into something?”
Aidoneus looked up, staring at his husband with tired, bleary eyes. He shrugged, sniffling. Rose kissed his nose, wiping a tear from under his eye.
“You made art. Just like now. We can do something fun. We can both throw paint and I’ll help you pick the colors. We can take you places to do murals. Maybe desecrate his grave, if we have to. Make him feel angry even in death.”
He stayed quiet, listening to Rose.
“Your father’s treatment of you still doesn’t say what kind of person you are, Aidoneus,” he said. “Alive or not, he was horrible, and he’s not winning anything by being dead. You know where he is? The void. Nowhere. He’s gone. In shreds.”
“Is that part of your religion?”
“Yeah. He’s suffering and he’s nowhere at the same time. Forever stuck with himself in pieces. Isn’t that so much more powerful and comforting?”
He sniffled, staring down at the ground for a moment, before he looked back up.
“That image does make me feel better.”
“I know it won’t solve the immediate problem, but I think you should see it this way. Your dad can’t do anything to hurt you or your siblings any further now. His influence is gone. No assassins, no new memories, no petty bullshit. He’s really gone now.”
Aido took a deep breath, leaning his head back on his chest.
“I just want these memories to disappear.”
“They won’t, but they’ll stop hurting as bad. You have me to help, right? Me, all your friends. You aren’t dealing with this alone, Aido. I won’t let you.”
He peppered kisses over the top of his head, and it started to calm him down a lot more. Aidoneus sniffled, reaching to grab his hand, as he stayed in Rose’s comforting hold. He didn’t feel immediately better, but he was happier to just lie there and forget he just broke one of his palettes.
“You aren’t selfish. You aren’t bad. You’re handling this naturally. That’s okay. It’s okay to cry. Even if the person wasn’t good. You deserve this much, Aidoneus.”
He didn’t have more words. He just wanted to listen to Rose. Aidoneus closed his eyes, pulling to hug onto his hand for comfort. He just listened to him, sniffling. He loved him so much and he couldn’t put it into words at the moment.
“Do you want anything? Anything at all, Aido?”
The dragon took a deep breath, curling into himself as he lied in Rose’s lap.
“Milk. And a book for you to read to me.”
“Chocolate milk?”
“Please.”
“I can read The Tale of Despereaux to you, if you want.”
“You’ve read it for me like 5 times, is that okay?”
“It’s your favorite. It’s more than okay.”
“Please.”
“All right, Aido,” he smiled, as he sat up. “I’ll get you to your bed and clean your hands, and then I’ll go get everything. You can be as needy as you want, okay?”
“O-okay.”
Rose led him to his bed, and helped him get comfortable, then leaned back to grab one of his rags, and started working on scrubbing paint off his hands, humming.
“I love you, Aidoneus. I’ll be here while you figure this out. I always will be, especially now.”
The tired dragon smiled tearfully, limp as all hell, tired from his crying fit.
“I love you too, jewel.”
| would i do what you have done? // i like to think i’m a bigger man than that. |
Last night was an absolute rager.
In terms of the party’s quality, and his headache.
Onyx groaned, rolling onto his side. He wasn’t gonna be getting up today. He could tell already. He reached out to his nightstand, hoping to get his hands on something to drink, but of course, he didn’t get anything. Ugh.
Uncle Mimir was still home, so maybe he could ask him to fix something, but… Ah, he was too exhausted to get up. The dragon instead grabbed a pillow, burying his face in it as he groaned again.
Genius idea, dragon.
Look, it was a good reason to party.
Yes, and now I’m in pain too. Do you ever think of the other guy living in here?
Not really.
Rude.
Last night, as he thought to himself, interrupting the rude eldritch god, was definitely a lot. He went out to a bar and offered drinks for everyone. Lots of basic civilian drunks, lots of mercenary drunks, all declaring him the man of the evening. Onyx was ecstatic.
It wasn’t exactly a great reason either - at least, before you knew why he was celebrating.
He was celebrating his father’s death - news delivered to him just the night before last. He remembered his uncle coming to him when he got back from some small mercenary work, looking absolutely wrecked. He wasn’t in tears, but most definitely in a state. And he told him his dad died. His own fault - the motherfucker couldn’t keep it in his pants and he caught something. Naturally.
The man told no one and accepted no help. And so he died alone in his miserable goddamn castle. Just like he should have. Onyx would expect that much from him.
So, in his typical fashion - he went to the nearest bar he favored and got shitfaced. He had a big feast and used a hefty amount of his savings to treat everyone. And then he came home, drunk as hell with food to offer his family. He remembered - at least vaguely, before he passed out - passing his uncle and aunt the food before he blanked out.
That was embarrassing, though. He hadn’t been blackout drunk since he was a teenager. Especially coming home to his family. He’d need to apologize later.
You’re a grown dragon. What’s the use in apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong coming home.
Yama, you don’t exactly understand the idea of feeling bad for being a disturbance. This isn’t something you’re well versed in.
He could practically hear the god scoffing.
I’ve never felt bad for being a disturbance. What a waste of time.
Yeah, sounds about right.
And what’s that supposed to mean?
Onyx wasn’t having it. He tried to mentally shut the god out of his mind - grumbling loudly. Yeah, no, Yamaraja wasn’t going to help his headache any. Goddamn motormouth. Was he the eldritch god of hedonism and wrath, or was he the eldritch god of annoyances?
Rolling onto his other side, he reached to grab his body pillow, before his hand grasped onto something… soft? He frowned, looking at his hand, before he realized it was a little plush partridge.
“The fuck?” He mumbled to himself. Maybe Ren left it with him while he was passed out. If he or Hamtaro got sick, she was prone to leaving stuffed animals to cheer them up later.
Oh well. He pulled it over, deciding to hold it anyway. He’d just get some more rest and-
“Oh, you finally saw mister Rotundo!”
Onyx shrieked, pulling his legs up to his chest as he realized there was someone watching him. He hid his face for a moment, before realizing-
Oh, that was REN.
He quickly tried getting himself together, sitting up as he looked at his baby sister. The poor girl was spooked too - but immediately burst into giggles as she went over to sit on the edge of his bed.
… You got that scared of your baby sister?
Shut up! I didn’t expect to see someone here!
…
That silence brought on by the god was deafening.
“I’m sorry I scared you!” She laughed again, covering her mouth. “I was just hoping you’d notice. I’ve been coming in and out all morning…”
“Holy shit, what time is it?”
“Past noon. Papa wanted me to bring you lunch, but you were still out. We do still have it waiting for you, though…”
“Oogh,” he groaned, hugging the bird plush. “I would love food, but it might not agree with me.”
“That’s why Mama made plain stuff for you! She said white rice or bread might help, so she made rice for you. She also has some icky drink waiting in the fridge. Do you want either of it yet?”
“Maybe later. I just wanna wake up. Sorry about coming in so drunk, Ren. I hope I wasn’t too annoying.”
“Oh, nah!” She pulled her legs up on the bed to sit cross legged as she reached to pat his shoulder. “You were just cuddly and loud. You went to Papa and told him you loved him and got food for all of us because you love us.” She giggled to herself, rocking in her little spot now. “Mama tried to get you to stop almost crying because you were full of a lot of love! And then you begged to hold her hand.”
“Holy shit that sounds bad.”
“And then you fell asleep at the table and Papa had to take you back to your room.”
“He carried me?!”
“Well yeah! Papa is strong, of course he can.”
“I know that- I just- oh gods they’re gonna be saying something about that later.”
“And then I brought mister Rotundo in here because I thought you might want something or someone to hold. I would have stayed, but Mama said she didn’t want me to get caught in the barf fest you were bound to have.”
Onyx groaned, hiding his face in the chunky bird plush. He couldn't believe how much of an idiot he sounded. He peeked at his sister, whimpering.
“DId I at least not vomit?”
“Sorry, bud. You barfed.”
“Fuuuuck.”
Onyx sighed, reaching out to hold the end of his sister’s tail. Affectionately rubbing his thumb over it. He had a weird little thing - that sadly manifested in his drunken stupor - where he liked holding onto people. Even just idly. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes to ignore the light hurting his head.
He could hear Yamaraja laughing in his head. Clearly her reaction was funny. Did he see him get that drunk too?
Yes. I did nothing to stop you.
Yama. I trusted you.
… You trust me?
Not… Really, but I at least trust you to pilot this stupid meat prison when I can’t.
No thanks, ‘piloting’ a drunken vessel is irritating. I’d rather be ripped from existence.
Oh, I’ll rip you from existence all ri-
“Why did you get so drunk, though? I don’t remember the last time you did that,” Ren asked, pulling him from his verbal warfare. Onyx hummed, tilting his head.
“Normally I stay with a friend or I’m doing work if I do that. I uh…” He shrugged. “I don’t like Uncle Mimir or Aunt Scylla seeing me like that. I don’t want ‘em to think of Dad.”
“Was he really like that?”
Aah.
“I… Yeah. Dad liked alcohol a lot. He was a stupid drunk and I’m sure it’d just remind them of him. I mean, Dad was meaner, but… I just don’t want them to see him.”
“I don’t think they’d see your dad. You’re really nice, and funny when you’re drunk. Momma didn’t mention him at all, anyway. She was more concerned about getting you to bed.”
Onyx sighed, feeling a little better. Ren smiled as she reached over to brush his curly hair out of his face. He swallowed, staring up at the ceiling.
“I didn’t really answer you, huh?” Onyx laughed, looking at her. “About why I got drunk.”
“Not really. I’m curious, but if it’s weird or just boring you don't’ gotta say.”
“Nah, I can. It was just Dad related.”
“What? Were you sad about him like Papa?”
Mimir was sad? Well, he figured he would be. Maybe sad in the sense he lost his brother. He could see why. Uncle Mimir hadn’t been in everyone’s lives until a little while after he met Ren, from what Onyx was told, so he figured he regretted not being around more. He’d have to ask and see if he could help sometime.
Onyx shrugged, looking at the ceiling again. Looking over the stickers left up there from Ren when she was younger. She used to leave things up there to agitate Hammy - mostly in good fun. Hammy was always so much taller so he wouldn’t have problems reaching up to get it off. After a while he stopped, mostly just reacting in shock to make Ren laugh.
“Nah. I uh, just thought it worked. Have a drunk party to laugh about how shitty my dad was. I sorta… Do a lot of the same stuff he does, I guess, and I thought it’d be funny to get wasted and have a toast to him dying.”
Onyx paused, furrowing his brow.
“That sounds fucked up.”
“Eh, sure, but it’s not that horrible. Your dad was a poophead.”
Why doesn’t the girl just say shit.
Eh, it’s stronger that way.
Are you serious.
Well, you don’t swear all that often either.
… It’s like seasoning. You can’t have a lot of it in your sentence.
That’s sorta her reason too.
Shut up, dragon boy.
Ren sighed, patting his forehead. It was nice to feel that contact. Onyx hummed happily, closing his eyes. He honestly wasn’t looking to get out of bed today, so he hoped his aunt and uncle wouldn’t mind it so much. He sighed after her, opening his eyes to stare at her.
Something was eating at him, honestly. Something fierce.
“Can I say something, though? Something that might be… I don’t know, a little ridiculous of me to say.”
“Well sure, your secret’s safe with me, Onyx.” Ren smiled sweetly, tilting her head.
Onyx took a deep breath, chewing on his lip. Just the topic of his fear he’d be like his dad got him thinking about it already. And it was slowly starting to hit him. He didn’t want to dump all this on anyone else either. Aidoneus had his own shit going on, and Hamtaro was trying to take care of his fiancee. Onyx didn’t want to bother either of them, and Ren…
Ren thankfully didn’t know anything about the fact Idan was her dad, anyway. She was far more concerned with making sure Aunt Scylla and Uncle Mimir were okay. Which, he couldn’t blame her - as far as she knew, he was a stranger that clawed her in the face. Just because she wanted to introduce him to her mom and make her happy.
He swallowed hard, tugging on his shirt slightly.
“I’ve spent a lot of my life doing the things I do to prove to my dad that… I dunno, I favor him in a lot of ways, but I’ll never be like him,” he started. Onyx took another deep breath.
“And you aren’t,” Ren said.
“I spent a long, long time trying to do that. I always… Dreamed, about telling him up front that I did everything better. That I wouldn’t hurt the kids I have, or that I wouldn’t hurt anyone I was with. I was smarter and knew better. I just wanted a chance to finally see him like…” Onyx paused, staring at the ceiling as he just toyed with a button on his shirt. “I wanted to see him realize how bad he fucked up.”
“But that’s why you kept his last name and stuff, right?”
“Yeah. I wanted to make it mine. I guess you could say the focus I had on showing him up was sorta unhealthy… I mean, eventually I didn’t care as much, but there was still a part of me hoping that everything I did would make him feel so ashamed, he’d curl up and die from the shame.”
Onyx stopped for a moment, realizing how odd his voice sounded. He never said these kinds of things before - admitting so frankly he had all these scenarios in his head of how their next meeting would go. The type of suffering he wanted his father to live through, just because Onyx did it better.
He didn’t like the feeling he was getting from this.
“I… Hate it. I want to find a lot of joy in the fact he’s gone. The bastard deserved to die, especially the way he went. Alone, in pain and agony at his stupid fuckin’ castle. And somehow I…” Onyx swallowed.
“Onyx?”
“I feel empty. Like I’m not. There’s no purpose. There’s no reason for me to keep doing the shit I do. Living the way I do. Not when there’s no one to prove. I’m just… Doing shitty things, and for what, proving to a dead man that he sucks and I’m better? It feels almost pathetic. I’ve been at this for so long and I…” He bit his lip, eyebrows pulling together. “I want to be a better man. I do. But I enjoy the shit I do. I always will. But it feels like I should stop. I should stop what I do and just stop trying to prove I’m better, when…”
Onyx wasn’t sure why, but he was beginning to choke up.
“When he’s gone. That piece of shit doesn’t care. I spent all these years caring. Pretending I didn’t. I wasted so much fucking time. And it’s probably what he wanted. For him to consume my every thought and to be a part of my life in some way. Some way that he didn’t have to try too hard.”
Hey. Hey, stop that. Stop talking like that.
“Onyx, he wouldn’t know. You’re a good person,” Ren said, rubbing his shoulder. “You find enjoyment in the stuff you do, right? Maybe it isn’t just to prove him wrong.”
“But I still do all these shitty things. I do all these things and he never realized I was better. How am I better if I never got that validation? The chance to see him realize someone did better than him. I…”
He couldn’t stop thinking about it. All those fantasies were gone. All the hopes that he’d piss him off - he was so much better and Idan could finally shut the fuck up and realize how much of a piece of shit he was. Onyx would be a better father, brother, son, lover. And his dad would suffer. He would disappear.
No. He was gone and it didn’t matter. Onyx was just obsessed with revenge. And it didn’t matter.
“I… Am such a fuck up. I let all these stupid fucking things happen to me- I-”
You didn’t let that happen. I. I let it happen for too long and I tried to wake you up.
“Proving him wrong worked, though. You proved him wrong to us, the other people he hurt. You’re so nice and so much smarter,” Ren got closer, trying to comfort him. “You help us so much here and you wouldn’t hurt any of us. You aren’t a screw up.”
“If I didn’t have you, I would have been a shittier person. I guess that’s sort of an opposite, at least I’m a better dad to his daughter than-”
Onyx stopped talking.
Onyx.
He stammered, tears starting to well up in his eyes. He couldn’t believe he did that. He fucked up. He fucked up oh gods he fucked up and let it slip. Oh god. Oh god-
“Ren, I didn’t, mean, I- Meant his niece, his-”
“It’s okay,” Ren breathed, brushing his hair out of his face, reaching to wipe away a tear. “Please don’t feel bad, I-”
“I’m fucking sobbing to you about my stupid dad issues I brought on myself and I just, told you- I wasn’t supposed to tell you that, why am I such a fuck up? Why, why, why-”
“Onyx, I knew already!”
…
He stammered again, eyes opening wide.
… She knew?
Onyx couldn’t reply to him. He just stared at Ren, tears rolling down his cheeks.
“... did I fuck up somewhere?”
“No, I…” Ren sighed, looking down. “I knew… for a long time.”
“H-How? I thought- We were…”
“How could I not realize? How hush you and Hammy were about it, the fact Mama was always so awkward at first when I said Papa was my dad. She and Pap weren’t even together until a few years ago. I always knew there was something off. And besides, I… I favor Idan a lot.”
She knew?! The girl knew! I can’t believe she realized! You were so subtle about it!
Ren is smarter than she lets on.
Well obviously! I’m just commenting on the fact she figured it out so easily!
“You… You do have the same endless hair he had…”
“I never wanted anyone to know. I didn’t want anyone to feel bad. It was easier that way. For you all to think you were protecting me. I don’t like it, but it made everyone happy.”
Onyx swallowed, reaching to take her hand.
“Do… You resent us for that?”
“No, well… Of course not. I get it. It was better to think of Papa as my real dad. He never hurt me. He welcomed us in and he took me into his arms like his own daughter. I’ll always see him as my papa first. He loves me and I love him. But I know Idan is my real dad. And he just saw me and tried to kill me.”
She sighed, looking away. “Not too far from how he tried to treat his other kids, but… I always knew. But I don’t really care about him. I care that he hurt you guys and my momma.”
“I’m… Sorry we kept it from you,” Onyx said, swallowing. “I never want you to feel the way me or any of our brothers do, it was… Easier. And Uncle Mimir loves you so much, I think it’d hurt him if he ever thought you didn’t love him like a dad…”
“Well, yeah. I never want him to know either. Maybe one day, but not now. I… Love Papa, I couldn’t ever see him as anything but my dad. So I just kept it to myself.”
Onyx sniffled, sitting up to pull her into a bear hug. Ren squealed, surprised, but returned it, taking a deep breath as she began to laugh.
“I’m sorry you slipped, but please don’t let Hammy or Momma know. Or Papa. Not unless if I’m ready.”
“You really trust me with that kind of information?”
Obviously.
“Of course I do. You… Sorta get me. You were calmer with me growing up and you always understood me better than Hammy at times. I love him a lot, but sometimes he’s a little…”
“Dense.”
“Yup. And… Well, you needed it. I don’t want you to feel so sad right now… Because really, Onyx, you do some of the same stuff, but…” Ren smiled, trying to wipe his tears away again. “You do a lot better than Idan did. You saw me as a kid and you wanted me to be safe. He saw me as a kid and he wanted me to be dead. Doesn’t that say enough?”
“It… Does, but-”
“Shh, you just sound like a poophead now.”
Oh, I see why she uses it! It’s demeaning and childish!
Shut up.
“I just… It’s rough. I hate that I sort of miss him. Just because at least things make sense. There’s always some goal, and-”
“Well, see it this way. Your new goal is to just be better for yourself. Isn’t that nicer? Idan didn’t improve at all. He just got worse and worse until he died because he was a dumbass.”
Yeaaah, I see why she spares the swears now!
Yamaraja.
“And you learn, right? You always do. Like when you made me cry the first time. Or when you hurt Hammy by accident that one time. You’re even taking anger management stuff with the cross stitching.” She paused, gasping. “By the way! Momma said she’s impressed with the hummingbird one you made.”
“Oh, I’m glad,” Onyx said, actually touched in the moment.
“But in all seriousness, you’ve already proven yourself to someone. That’s me, Momma, Papa. Hammy. Even Aido. You don’t have to feel like the reason to keep doing better is gone. Idan didn’t matter. But we do, right?”
Onyx smiled sheepishly, staring at her with upturned eyebrows. “... Yeah. You do.”
“Then you don’t need to feel so bad. It’s okay to miss him, even, but there’s no reason to feel like giving up. I think it’d be worse if you did.”
“That… You’re right,” Onyx said, squeezing her tightly in another hug. “I’m… Still gonna feel pretty shitty, but you helped a lot, Ren. I didn’t really think of it that way.”
“Course ya didn’t, you’re kinda stupid,” she laughed. “But like, in a nice Onyx way. Not a dumb Hammy way.”
“Maybe I should prove myself to Hammy,” he laughed. “That’ll show him.”
“Please don’t try to cook. Not again.”
“I’ll learn after I’m done with my cross stitching journey.”
Onyx laid back, taking a deep, ragged breath. Holding his sister and feeling the pain in his head ebb away was pleasant. He closed his eyes for a moment, working to stop sniffling. He hoped his dad didn’t see that, if anything.
Ren rose her head, poking his nose. He opened one eye to peek at her, chuckling as he realized she was staring pointedly at him.
“So, would you like the rice, or the drink? Momma might think you’re dead if I don’t get you something.”
“Bring me the drink. Rice might fuck me up.”
“On it~”
Ren happily hopped up, grabbed the stuffed partridge, shoved it between his arms, and left the room. He could already hear her calling to her mom, asking for the nasty hangover drink.
| i met you once over the phone // you sounded sad and you seemed alone. |
The news didn’t leave much of an impact.
Hamtaro took it quietly. His uncle stood in the room, delivering the news softly to him that night. He passed away last night. His immediate reaction was to just stand there, stunned. Like maybe he told him it was snowing during the summer months. Confusing. Foreign.
Hamtaro had no good response. He just came to hug his uncle, and hoped he wasn’t in horrible shape. A lot of the time he just stayed like that, tending to his family. It didn’t really hit him. He always had such a turbulent relationship with his father. Hamtaro knew everyone around him felt… Well. Strongly about him. And he did too.
It just. Didn’t hit him.
He had other things to focus on, honestly. In a few months, he and Aislinn were going to be parents. He still needed to figure out their wedding. Needed to find out where they’d both be staying. He still wasn’t sure if they’d be at the home he grew up in, or somewhere Aislinn wanted instead. Both were indecisive, but fine with the decision in the end.
Idan’s death meant nothing to him. He was pleasantly… Numb.
It didn’t come to him in dreams, or when he’d do something that’d remind him of his father. No. It was barely an issue. Hamtaro was just carrying on his life as normal, remaining a good source of support to anyone who needed it.
He just happened to be spending his time that particular day, humming to himself as he worked on a simple meal he hadn’t tried making since he was young.
He was used to making more elaborate food. Testing his talent, finding what he liked best. Learning to make new dishes was something he enjoyed, and thankfully his family were happy to try anything new. Just as long as it was good.
But tonight, he wanted something simple. Just some soup. Vegetable soup. He had rolls sitting in the oven, and he was debating on making tea for it. Maybe a generic sweet tea. Maybe juice instead. Whichever seemed best for Aislinn.
The dragon would joke often - ‘You’re eating for two!’ - but in all honesty, he was just going by whatever was best for her. He found himself asking his aunt, Scylla, what it was like when she was pregnant. She was the only mother he knew he could speak to about it. He just knew cravings and he knew that handling pain and keeping Aislinn’s health in check was important.
Honestly, her cravings weren’t so off the wall, either. Just that she wanted a lot of vegetables. That sort of brought on that night’s meal.
The smells were always so comforting. It was a favorite to make at Nali’s tavern - but his version involved ground beef. He felt it gave it a different texture that was needed. Different tastes and everything. He made it as a child - it was his first recipe - after his father shared some with him. When it was just the two of them in that big castle, besides some of his workers. He wanted to make it himself after he learned his dad liked it a lot.
And he remembered he liked what Hammy came up with. It was… Nice.
“Do you want any peppers in this, Ais?” He asked, as he saw her walk into the kitchen. “I have some left over from dinner last night.”
“Sure, you don’t need to go too heavy, though. I have a feeling we might just eat the bread and forget the soup,” she laughed. She sat down at the little island, watching him.
“That’s exactly why I’m trying to make it heavy. We’ve let too many soups go to waste in favor of its side dish.”
They laughed together as he continued periodically stirring the dish. Humming to himself to keep the noise in the room at its usual level. Aislinn was busy flipping through a book, having already set up their little table.
Hamtaro enjoyed dinner with his family, but it was always a lot more simple and fun having it with just his fiancee. He didn’t have to clean up as much, and there was always more than enough food left over for the both of them. He loved his family, sure - but he didn’t have to make nearly as much food to give everyone seconds.
Especially with ravenous siblings like Onyx and Norene. He always worried he wasn’t making enough for them...
Finally getting their bowls ready, he nicely placed two rolls on Aislinn’s dish and just one for himself, then turned away to start cleaning up a little bit. Just covering up the pot and getting anything that spilled. Before turning to look back at the redhead.
“Is it good? I haven’t made this since I was a kid, so I’m hoping it doesn’t taste too weird.”
“Oh Hammy,” she laughed in between bites, already making it through her roll, “it’s perfect. You haven’t made a single dish I didn’t like. I think you should do this one more often, it’d be good for when one of us gets sick.”
“Oh,” he laughed, face turning red, “I don’t know- The one time I did, it was for my father and he…”
It got quiet for a moment. He had to pause the memory. Didn’t want to think about one of the few pleasant moments he shared with his dad. He swallowed, turning back to continue clearing up his work space.
“How… Is everyone?” She asked, as the quiet settled in further.
“My siblings?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know. Onyx is planning a big party, he’s been calling it the ‘anti-memorial’. Aidoneus has been…” He clicked his tongue. “Ambrose told me he’s on a break. He’s never really needed one.” Hamtaro stared at the shining reflection on the stovetop. “Uncle Mimir is only sad because he lost his brother, Ren… Mostly doesn’t care, but she’s been taking care of her mom-”
“And you?”
Ah.
He took a deep breath, staring back to smile at her.
“It’s cruel, but I feel nothing. The same as ever. I’m more worried for my siblings than anything.”
“And that’s… The truth?”
“Yeah. I’m not dancing around it. I tried to see if maybe it’d hit me later, but nothing’s budged.”
“If… It does, you need to tell me, okay?”
“I will. It’s okay.”
He got himself together, and came back to start sharing dinner with her. It was mostly a comfortable silence - Hammy describing the ingredients he used, and critiquing his own meal. Asking Aislinn about her own day. They handled things as normal, and they even had a moment to talk about her stomach. It wasn’t quite showing yet, but they were sure that within the next month she’d be getting a bump.
After they were comfortably full and the rolls were gone (but the pot of soup still ‘mysteriously’ nearly full up), Hammy got up, deciding it was time to clean more. Just wash their dishes, store the leftovers, and get Aislinn to bed if she felt it.
“Have you decided if you want a baby shower?” Hamtaro asked, as he set up the water and got ready to start washing things.
“Not really. I haven’t figured out if we really need the help getting anything. I mean, I can pay for everything, and everyone knows I’m pregnant. It’s not something I really need.”
“Oh, but it’d be fun…” He pouted to himself. “If anything it can just be a fun get together. No gifts or anything.”
“You just want to make a big meal for friends.”
“Maaaybe,” he laughed.
The smell of the soup was extremely nostalgic. The scene itself holding a special feeling in general. Hamtaro remembered his father was sick, it was part of why he wanted to make it. He wanted to make his father feel better. He remembered how much he liked it, especially with the extra meat. Preferring his food to be hearty as all hell. He suggested he make rolls to dip in it next time, and…
That’s what he did. Huh.
If things were better… Would his dad have been happy to hear about this? Would he like the rolls? They were crisp on the outside, fluffy on the inside. Perfect. But would he care? Would Hamtaro… Would he have shared a bowl of it with his father if he wanted it?
He listened to Aislinn in the background humming, the sound of her reading that book again. His father was pretty happy with what he made that one time. He felt worlds better after a few helpings and good night’s sleep. It was one of the only times- Well… The only time he complimented his cooking.
Every other attempt, he disliked.
He swallowed. That always did hurt. But not because he… Wanted his father to approve of his talents, or anything.
When he was younger, he seemed more interested in humoring him, at least. Hamtaro remembered him suggesting foods for him to try making. You could argue that he was just making him get out of his hair, or that he was just using him for his budding talent, but… Hamtaro really wanted to believe it meant something.
Taro stood up, getting dishes together and making his way to the sink. He wished he asked his father what his favorite food was. Food was a love language, why didn’t he try harder? His father seemed nicer before Hammy put more focus on Onyx when he got left with them. So why didn’t he just cook more and involve him in more of their business? Wouldn’t it have…
Why didn’t he appreciate what he did, anyway?
He swallowed - he wasn’t sure why it was bothering him now. It had been an extremely long time since he made that meal for his dad. He didn’t care then, he wouldn’t care now. He was dead. It didn’t… He swallowed again, closing his eyes as he held the little bowl in his hands.
Something reminded him of-
This stupid bowl his dad had. Okay, it wasn’t stupid. But he remembered his father using that bowl for most of his meals. Some kind of attachment. Hamtaro saw the same trait in Aidoneus, who preferred a certain spoon over the others. His father used it when he made the soup, and he remembered seeing it was full one night - he must have made some kind of pasta thing. Taro couldn’t remember.
It was full. His father didn’t come to dinner that night. He didn’t bother.
He swallowed again.
Hamtaro closed his eyes, took a deep breath. It didn’t matter what his father thought of him. Idan didn’t care about any of his kids. Their existence annoyed him. Even when it was just Hammy, even when it was him and the others. What he thought of his cooking didn’t matter. None of it did.
He started working on scrubbing away at the bowl, scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing- he wasn’t sure if there were any stains anymore. Just that he needed to keep doing it. He swallowed again. Trying to get that lump in his throat to go away.
Why wasn’t he happy with him? Hammy had some pleasant memories. He was sure there was something else there. He was sure there was more to Idan. He always was, deep down. A man afraid of being taken advantage of, a man unable to accept his own mistakes- why was he trying to see more depth in a person who didn’t care if he was dead or alive? A man that tried to get him killed?
Hammy’s hand slipped, he bit his lip, staring at the bowl in the sink.
Broken, cracked. He swallowed again.
“Hamtaro, what happened?”
He didn’t really process the voice, just-
This overwhelming urge- he was supposed to be together, all normal and supportive. Hamtaro didn’t have a deep reason to be so hurt. It didn’t matter. Onyx had bigger issues. Aidoneus had bigger issues. Even Norene - he was sure something was wrong. Hamtaro was as close to a favorite as you could get. Why was he such a screw up?
Hands moving, barely processing. Why did he do that? He broke the damn bowl. He stared at it in the sink, water rushing over its cracks. He could have fixed everything. He could have calmed his dad down. Why didn’t he take the brunt of his anger? Taro was capable, he could handle it. Onyx couldn’t. Aidoneus couldn’t. Ren couldn’t.
So many people suffered because he couldn’t figure out how to calm his father.
That was the responsibility of the oldest child, right?
What was so wrong with him?
He didn’t realize he had rolled up his sleeve, claws already digging into his arm. No scratching, just digging. Squeezing. He grit his teeth, hunching over the sink - this burning wave of self hatred hitting him full force. A long whine left him as he broke the skin, he closed his eyes tight, head pressed to the faucet.
“Hamtaro-!”
He didn’t process the voice still - but felt warm hands firmly grabbing onto his wrists, pulling his claws away. Taro let out a long breath, startled after a moment, looking at who had done it.
Oh, that’s right-
Aislinn stared at him in terror - horror? She stared at him, eyes darting over his face. She started to pull him away from the sink, keeping both his hands separate from each other as she intertwined her fingers with his.
“Hamtaro, w-what’s- Why are you-”
“I-I screwed up.”
“You didn’t screw up- You dropped a bowl, that’s okay, that’s fine-”
“I’ve been screwing up since the day I was born,” he blankly said, tears running down his cheeks.
“No, you haven’t-”
“I could have just kept involving my dad in stuff and he wouldn’t have been so horrible to my siblings,” he said, looking down. “I could have kept him from being that way if I was just nicer and less of a coward and-”
“No, this is not your fault, Hamtaro,” she said, eyebrows pulling together. She started leading him away from the kitchen, while he stared back at the sink. Still holding a handful of dishes.
“Aislinn, you don’t understand. I was the first born and I saw him at a time he was a lot less angry. I could have done something.”
“You were a kid.”
He stopped himself, listening to her tone. Voice cracking. He was hurting her. He swallowed, trying to stop the guilt from overwhelming him. Letting her lead him to their room - while his thoughts bounced back and forth in its chaotic whirlwind. She didn’t even see the descent - she wouldn’t understand why he went to this thought process so fast. But she was already trying to help. Why was he such a nuisance?
He couldn’t help that thought - that maybe there was something surrounding him that absolutely ruined the lives of his siblings. Hamtaro tried to listen to her footsteps as she led him to their bed, but his skin was buzzing, his head pounding. Wrists burning. Panic was imminent and-
“Come here, come here Hamtaro, come here,” she breathed, pulling him to the bed, already enveloping him in her warm hold.
“I-I just don’t-” he took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears from interrupting him, “I don’t understand why I screwed it all up so badly.”
“You didn’t. Hammy, look at me-” she held his face, trying to wipe his tears away. “Everything that happened was because your father was horrible. He tried to kill you.”
“I reminded him of a time he clearly regretted.”
“Then he shouldn’t have gone around fucking without protection.”
“B-but-”
“Shh.”
She pressed his head against her stomach - he at first thought she was aiming for her breasts, but the softness of her belly was just as good. He blankly stared at the wall for a moment, listening to her breathing.
“Please just talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. Please,” she said, running her hands through his hair.
He had a million things to say, but somehow, only one thing came out.
“I’m- I’m scared.”
“...Scared?”
“O-Of everything.”
“What do you mean?”
“Things being my fault. The fact that maybe I could have fixed things with Dad if I just… Stayed, or was more insistent with him. What if he was like me? What if I got some of my traits from a younger him?” Hamtaro swallowed, sniffling. “What if he was gentle and kind and… Having more kids just changed that?”
“It was his choice, not any of yours. He was at fault, Hamtaro. Abuse is a choice.”
“But what if he still had good in him?”
“He wasted it, then.”
He swallowed, tugging on her shirt a little. Holding on tightly to her. Her breathing was so soothing. “What if I have that potential to be that awful? W-What if I end up like him- what if-”
“Hammy, shh-” Aislinn whispered, leaning to kiss the top of his head. “You’re too good to act like him. The fact you’re so scared says enough.”
“B-But what if I’m just like him and I’m horrible to our kid? I-I’m so scared, I don’t want to screw up- I can barely handle breaking a bowl, let alone hurting any child of mine, I-I just-”
Aislinn was quick to shut him up. Pressing her hand to his lips and getting him to stop. She just pressed more kisses to the top of his head, smoothing his hair out of his face, then making him lean against her stomach again. He whimpered, tugging on her as he tried to listen to her breathing. It was hard to get his thoughts rational, but she just hummed softly, stroking his hair.
“It’s okay, Hammy. You’ve done what you could, considering the circumstances. You were scared. How could you not be? Your dad was fucking terrifying. You were a child. You just took care of your siblings and that’s the best you could do. There’s nothing you did wrong just… Trying.”
Hamtaro sniffled, closing his eyes. He couldn’t fight her words. He knew she was just saying what she could to keep him from breaking down worse. He just sighed, listening to her soft voice.
“You’re so much better than he could ever be. Just the fact you’re afraid and telling me says more than anything he ever did. You’re so much more careful and sweet, and you would definitely not hire someone to try and kill your child because you got tired of them talking to you. Hammy, you’re so much better than your dad. I promise that.”
She took her time, pressing more kisses, until she just leaned back, holding onto him tightly. Listening to her breathing and keeping his head against her stomach was… Nice. He didn’t feel as terrified, it was so much more comforting just listening to her talk and try to cheer him up.
“We’re gonna do great. You’re gonna do great. Just… Please, rest your head and sit with me. We’re gonna be a good family. I promise you. It’s gonna be us and… baby nameless, and it’ll be wonderful.”
The elf ran her hand through his hair, lingering to gently brush against his horns. She propped one of her legs up on the back of his legs, just trying to stay closer. Pressing kisses to the top of his head, humming.
“We might screw up, but that’s okay. I want to be here and I want to help you figure out whatever ‘screw up’ you may make. You forget I’m a first time parent, too. It’s gonna be the both of us, and I know we can do this.”
That was… Really comforting. He looked up, sniffling as he blinked lazily.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think it’d… Hurt so bad. I wanted him to love and accept me for so long that I wonder if coming to his house to get my things was a way of trying to reconnect…”
“Well, he’s not worth it. He never was. And now you’re even more safe. The only thing you got from that was meeting me. And I’d like to think that was so much better than whatever else could have happened. You really… Changed my life, Hamtaro. And I don’t think I’d want to be anywhere else but here.”
She smiled, holding his face with both hands as she leaned in to press a tender kiss to his lips. Rubbing her thumbs sweetly against his cheeks. Hammy couldn’t believe he was still carelessly upsetting her, but in the moment, he couldn’t hate himself for it. He just smiled slightly, before shyly hiding his face in her belly.
“I… Really am happy it ended up the way it did,” he said, voice wavering. “I don’t think I’d be as happy if it didn’t.”
“Well, you’d be dead if it didn’t,” she laughed, rubbing his head.
“... True. That’s not something I really want…” He sighed, looking up at her. “I-I’m sorry I almost… Relapsed really bad, I-I guess thinking about dad and then breaking that bowl really set me off…”
“That’s okay, Hammy,” she smiled, kissing him again. “We can just take it easy. Just let yourself calm down and we can figure it out later, okay? This isn’t easy, I’m sure, but I’ll be here every step of the way to help you figure it out.”
The girl continued leaving kisses, until he started to laugh, reaching to hold her hands. He felt so loved and safe, the panic was really starting to melt away. He just wished she didn’t have to see that, especially being pregnant and so stressed as it was.
“I… T-Thank you. I’m not sure what I’m doing, but you being here will make it easier to figure out.”
“I’ll do my best. Come here, just take a nap with me and baby nameless and we’ll talk about it when you’re good, okay?”
“O-Okay. I love you, Aislinn.”
“I love you, too.”
D Subtle kindnesses. with Salem
I ALMSOT DELETED THIS QUESTON BY ACCIDENT IM GONNA KMS
ANYWAY HERE'S SALEM MY BABY BOY
Salem was happy to be home.
He trudged through the front door, sweat dripping down the side of his face. Taking off his little visor and kicking his shoes off, making sure they landed where Hamtaro requested everyone leave their shoes. They were on a strict no shoes in the house rule since he and Aislinn got new carpeting. It was only fair.
The tiefling had a rough work day. He got his first job a few months ago, stocking a grocery store they lived by. He didn’t really talk to anyone there and he didn’t do much besides work and go home. Salem wasn’t really one for conversation with strangers. But even so, he could understand the weary looks on his coworkers faces as they spent all day trying to figure out where to place the extra boxes they had today. Salem let out a long breath, instantly flopping on the couch.
He didn’t mind his job so much, but he found himself even more tired than normal coming home. Some days Ren would keep a blanket set up on the couch just because she knew how tired he could get. But today, there wasn’t anything like that. Which was fair - he barely had time to text today.
He was going to announce his presence, but he was all sweaty and tired and ugh. The second his head hit one of the throw pillows, he closed his eyes, not caring if his legs were dangling off the armrests.
And he was out.
//
And somehow, that sleep didn’t feel like actual sleep.
Salem groaned, slowly opening his eyes. It was dark in the room. Nice and cold. He laid there for a moment, processing. Until his eyes shot open and he sat up fast, looking around. Wait, he wasn’t on the couch anymore. Did he move at some point? Salem cringed at the idea of being half awake, stumbling up the stairs. But he had no recollection of doing that.
He looked around, realizing he was in his and Ren’s room, actually. He took a deep breath, laying back down. Okay, maybe he did somehow get up here. He used to sleepwalk, anyway.
After a little while, he realized his shoes and visor were off. Okay, he definitely didn’t do that. He was still in his dinky little uniform, but that was okay. He had a blanket set on top of him and - looking to his right, a little stuffed elephant tucked under the covers by him. Honestly, the darkness of the room was really nice on his head. After a few moments, he realized Ren’s noise machine was on. Playing soft rain noises. Did he…?
Yeah, no. Salem realized he definitely didn’t do that.
And as he came to that conclusion, the door opened. Slowly, gently, to avoid too much light filtering in. The visitor had to be Ren - he could tell by her footsteps. She just as quietly closed the door and walked over, staring at him in curiosity. She smiled a little, once she processed he was awake.
“Hey, are you okay, Salem?” She asked, sitting down on the side of the bed. “You still look really pooped.”
“Uh-” Salem stammered, looking around. “I’m more confused than anything.”
“About what?” She tilted her head as she reached for something on the nightstand.
“How did I get here? I don’t remember going up here and…” He trailed off, yawning.
“Oh! You didn’t come up here at all,” she laughed, handing him a glass of water. Salem sat up a little, taking it and thanking her. “Hammy and I were making dinner when you got home. We tried to get your attention but you were already out.”
“Oh jeez,” he muttered, staring at his cup. “Sorry.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” she brushed his bangs out of his face, smiling. “I asked Hammy to help me get you upstairs.”
“... He’s that strong?” He frowned, barely processing this fact.
“Don’t ask. I have no idea how either. I have a plate of food waiting for you downstairs, but I wanted to make sure you were okay first. Was work bad?”
He shrugged, leaning against the headboard. “Stressful. Lots of boxes. No break. Didn’t get to eat or stop once today.”
“Oh my god, so I’m bringing your plate up for you, then. That explains why you didn’t text or anything like you normally do.”
“I went in, helped with the boxes, and got out and I barely remember today,” he groaned, holding his cup up to sip again. “I think as soon as I got home, I just kind of knocked out.”
“You really did. You were drooling on the couch,” Ren laughed.
“Ugh, I need to get a few days off. That was too much.”
Ren nodded, reaching over to kiss him on the cheek. Cold lips against his flushed face. He was used to that. He sighed, leaning over and dramatically resting his head on her shoulder. Letting out the huffiest breath he could. Dispelling demons from work.
“If it helps, I can find a good excuse too. Hammy has a doctor’s appointment so we can say you took him. Get an excuse and everything for a few days.”
“Oh, you don’t have to, I-”
“No no, you deserve some time away. I dunno why you work anyway, we’re pretty okay on money. You know you’re just welcomed to stay and be safe. Hammy would hate it if you got sick just for us.”
Salem sighed, a little apologetic smile on his face. He really didn’t want to impose, but if he fought it, Ren would probably freeze him in place. The subtle and not so subtle kindnesses of this household was nice - unexpected considering his own father. He would have been yelled at if he came home as exhausted as he did today. And that was something he never expected from himself.
“I… Suppose, then. I’ll block the next few days on my schedule.”
“Good! I’m happy to have you home. I mean, sure, you stay up a while and all, but I want you to stick around more, you know?”
“I know, it’s just a little rough and I’m getting used to it. I’m sorry I-”
“Don’t apologize! I’m just a little selfish and like having you here, Salem.”
Salem scoffed, reaching to pull her up so he could hold her in his lap. Ren was just fun sized enough to make it easy, and he started laughing as she squealed, little bits of ice shooting from her feet in her shock.
“Shut up, if that’s selfish, then I want you to be more selfish.” He pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes and smiling. “Thank you for everything, Ren.”
She giggled, touching his face gently. Pressing a little kiss to his nose. Okay, he didn’t mind his stupid passing out then. Especially if he was getting free kisses. He felt sleep dying to overtake him, but he wanted to cuddle just a little longer…
Then his stomach started rumbling.
“I should probably get your food,” Ren laughed. “It sounds like your stomach is gonna eat you alive.”
“... Yes, I am feeling kind of ravenous.”
“Don’t say it like that! It sounds like you’re gonna eat me!”
“Do you think dragon tastes like shark?”
“... You’ve had shark before?!”
“It’s like chicken. Come on, let me try.”
Ren wasted no time in gasping, laughing as she playfully smacked him away. Salem laughed too, taking a moment to pretend he was going to lean in and start biting at her, making ‘nomming’ noises until the door bust open.
“I don’t know what’s going on in here, but if you’re about to cannibalize my sister, you better get this food in your belly before I cannibalize you!” It was Hammy. Oh god. Salem had the worst next words for him.
“You’ll be next.”
And a little dinner roll was thrown his way.