#not apples

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Sam Rutherford on Star Trek: Lower Decks is right. F*** pears.

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What on earth...

What monstrosity is this?

I know apples, and these, sir, are no apples.

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Excellent roast of fruits. Notice no apples were made fun of, as apples are the perfect fruit.

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Today's Sumo Orange

The grocery store keeps advertising these oranges. So fine, I'll try it.

First of all, there is no crisp element at all. People eat non-crisp fruit? And it's already divided into slices, like I'm some kind of baby who can't just eat my fruit whole.

Besides all that, it tastes pretty good.

I rate this "not bad" on the Not Apple scale.

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Ep 452: Process of Elimination (VOY S5E7) | Maximum Fun

When Seven is full of people who are really excited about improv class, Captain Janeway is willing to get risky to help her crew member esca

In this episode, the hosts (Ben and Adam) mention that grapes are a very consistent fruit. You can immediately see if a grape is wrinkly and skip it. Meanwhile, every other grape is good.

I do have to hand it to grapes. They are quite consistent. But that's also why there would be no point in reviewing individual grapes. The excitement behind this apple blog is that you never know what you're gonna get!

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Today's fancy pear

I know. I haven't been eating my apples. It's the holidays and my routine is all screwy.

I got this fancy pear as part of Christmas time treats. You know how I feel about pears...

First of all, it's not crisp. It's utterly the opposite of crisp. It's so not crisp, it practically melts on the tongue. It's kinda amazing. So soft and delicate, but somehow holds together.

It's mega sweet. And quite juicy. It's... nice!

I rate this non-apple "nice" on the Not Apples scale.

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Today's Non-Apple

I ate another peach. They are not crisp. They are decidedly uncrisp. They are the opposite of crisp. It's like biting into a cloud. It offers no resistance to my bite whatsoever!

Weird.

But it tastes good.

I rate this peach "pretty deece" on the Not Apple scale.