#not heartless

[glamgrungeelectricedge]

Not heartless just using my heart less</3

[the-infinite-simalspaceinmyheart]

Only In My Dreams

Last night, I dreamt that I met someone. They were kind and hip and a little goofy, and I had a strong desire for them to want me as a little something more than a friend or as a queerplatonic partner (let’s say their name was Sam). 

A passerby had read the buttons that were pinned onto my bag, and asked what they meant (I just recently bought four buttons each with a different set of words: asexual, aromantic, genderqueer, and she/her/hers). So, I explained (with Sam right next to me) and the passerby listened then continued on her way. I looked at Sam with a worried look in my eye, and in my gut all I wanted was for them to still want me and to accept me. They then opened their mouth and asked, “Would you like some ice cream?”

The dream was wonderful and when I woke up I was a little sad... because it was just a dream and not real life. Sad, because I had to put on my mask and interact with people who don’t know “Me”.

Only a small handful of people out in the world know I am aroace, including my mom, but excluding the rest of my family. Of the people that know I’m aroace, only a few know I’m also agender, not including my mother. Sharing this part of me is so incredibly hard, especially when the people I am around say crap about the LGBT+ community. There have been so many times where I’ve nearly outed myself, because I am so tired of hiding, but then I think about all the things I've heard them say and I hold back. I’m stuck.

I just want, so so much, to be accepted as “Me”.

[the-infinite-simalspaceinmyheart]

Would it matter?

Probably not.

_Then_

When I came out as aroace to my friend I told him I still wanted a companion because I do find myself longing for someone to share my life with. 

Friend: Would it matter if they were a man or a woman?

Me: I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.

_Just Recently_

Me: I’ve thought about your question that you asked awhile back.

Friend: Oh yeah?

Me: Yeah. I don’t think their gender matters.

What is my preference or should I say my compatibility? I mulled over his question for a long time - about half a year - and I would try and imagine myself sharing a life with someone, anyone. Turns out, in my imagination, I was happy regardless of my companion’s gender. I have a longing for someone to live by my side, to own a house together, to go on adventures with, and to maybe raise kids with someday, but nothing sexual and nothing romantic. 

[mynotetrash]

i love Zoelle and Elijah SO MUCHHHH

[nick-co-nickeylove]

True story

[thelittlemonsterus]

heart less

[builtforsinrp]

[itsaship-literally]