Souichi Presents- The Monsters of Steven Universe!
Kyahaha! Welcome back, everyone~! As surely as it was always a dark and stormy night when something bad happens, it's once again time for... Souichi Presents to be a little delayed. The Writer of This Blog has had basicaly the longest week later, and is adjusting to a medical concern, so theres just not a full reviews worth of jokes available.
However! To ensure Souichi’s dreadful darlings aren’t left alone in the cold, please enjoy this little write up on Souichi’s favorite monsters from one of his FAVORITE shows right now, Steven Universe!
Steven Universe is the kind of show that doesn’t get insecure about making sure YOU know whats going on- there’s no opening monologue no deep first episode info dump about the detailed history of the setting. You can tell that there IS a history, but exactly what that is has been left, so far, up to the viewer to untangle. There’s ancient ruins, and strange technology, super awesome magic warrior nongendered gem heroes, Connie (VERY IMPORTANT), and of course, the MONSTERS.
To keep this organized, Souichi will mimic the ever popular internet format of a list article with his FIVE favorite Steven Universe monsters.
#5- The Crystal Shrimp (Cheeseburger Backpack)
#4- Sugilite (Coach Steven)
Big, loud, mean, and the QUEEN, the only reason she’s so fa down the list is because Souichi suspects this is bending the rules of what is or isn’t a ‘monster’. The combination power up of Garnets fixed intensity with Amethysts aggressive tendencies, Sugilite is a behemoth And part of what Souichi enjoys is that she’s not conventionally PRETTY. A lot of times if female-coded characters are allowed to become more powerful, they get more… sparkly. Which is all well and good, but if thats the only option, it gets disheartening. With her squished nose, jagged teeth, furrowed brow, and wild oni-style hair, its immediately clear that Sugilite is both the baddest AND raddest.
#3- Worm Monster (Bubble Buddies)
Just like the Crystal Shrimp, part of the appeal about this monster is the fact that when it’s first encountered, the Worm Monster seems to just kind of be aimlessly doing it’s own thing. Before it’s attention is attracted, it seems content to swim and eat on it’s own. Which to Souichi is much more INTERESTING then if it only showed up to menace things. This monster looks the most like a giant leech or eel, with an appealingly gooey looking translucent sheath that seems to form nubby grasping ends around the mouth. And if that wasn’t charming enough, ou can make out it’s gemstone core from the outside, suggesting that even its more inner body may be fairly translucent. Does it eat glowing plants to add the glowing effect to it’s own body, the same way real life species do? The mind positively boggles to think <3
#2- Evil Breakfast (Together Breakfast)
Like a monster out of a ad executives most terror struck nightmares, the fate of Stevens exited attempt at cooking is one of those monsters that is shockingly EVOCATIVE considering it’s origins. Made up of nothing more then waffles, syrup, popcorn, whipped cream, and a berry, the possessed version of a complete breakfast feels not only menacing, but disgusting The texture of drooling syrup and the suddenly lumbering piles of whipped cream make for an effective and memorable monster, growing in a recognizable but amorphous kind of pile that does at least half a dozen silent hill monsters to shame. Making this monster even more frightening is the clear suggestion that the evil spirit that brought this tower of pastry to life was aiming for Steven- or more specifically, his gem, since the plate was held over his stomach. We can only shudder to think of what the result of something like THAT would have been…
#1 Frybo (Frybo)
What is it about mascots that make them push right over the edge of whimsy all the way down to nightmare town so easily? Maybe the answer lies somewhere between how they always seem so massive in person, and the lack of expressions in their face, or the insincerity of a item created to earn children's love to get money out of their parents. Or maybe this is just one of those things where the eventual creepiness has kind of a ratio relationship to the money/skill it was made with/how good of shape its in. Look up the original opening of Disney World mascot costumes for an example of THAT ratio hitting a bump in the road!
But whatever the cause, Frybo beautifully exploits all of it. With big cartoony eyes, a distressingly wide open mouth, and creepy, squishy, ORGANIC fry-legs, Frybo crawled up out of all of our collective nightmares to do a little dance on our souls. This nightmarish costume turned hell monster stars in what Souichi would personally call the darkest episode of the cartoon to date, for which he must applaud the creators for really stretching what a cartoon can get away with vis a vis ketchup use on kids programming.
Honorable mention goes to: The mirror from Mirror Gem, because as soon as a ancient artifact tells a kid not to tell it’s parents it’s sentient, everyone in the audience over 14 begins to scream on the inside.
Souichi hopes you enjoyed this little travail down Cartoon Network beasties~! He’ll be back soon with this weeks fresh update!
