OKAY SO LET ME EXPLAIN MY LIFE FOR THE PAST SEVERAL DAYS
It’s Thursday, I go to see my therapist, I stop by Whole Foods on the way home because I know the Thanksgiving stuff will be out and I’m getting myself some stuffed Gardein cutlets because I can, and I go home and preheat the oven and prepare myself for a lovely lunch.
Those of you who follow my blog know of the adventures of Not Milo and Not Milo 2: Electric Boogaloo, the doppelgangers of my cat Milo who insist on showing up outside my house, but I don’t think I’ve ever blogged about Not Loki, so let me remedy that now.
Not Loki is a doppelganger of my cat, Loki, whom I had never seen up close before Thursday because he avoids my house. I can only assume he senses Milo there and knows to steer clear.
But today, he was all up on my porch, accompanied by Not Milo 2: Electric Boogaloo. So I opened the door to take a look and holy shit.
My first up close look at Not Loki was a mostly adorable tabby cat with one green eye and one eye that was a portal to hell itself. That is, red, inflamed, and oozing. It was so infected I was amazed he even had an eye at all.
Unlike the Not Milos, Not Loki did not have a collar. I didn’t have time to waste searching for an owner, so instead I grabbed Milo’s cat carrier, forced Not Loki into it, and took him to the vet’s office nearest to my neighborhood so I could have him treated and checked for a microchip, and maybe the vet would recognize him.
Except that office is closed on Thursdays for some reason, so instead I had to take him to a different vet.
That vet’s office was like “I don’t know if we can save his eye” but they gave me medicine for it. Not Loki did not have a chip, but he’s neutered and declawed on his front paws. Plus his fur was nice and sleek and he wasn’t emaciated, so presumably someone was caring for him.
I took him home and put him in my garage, where the litter box is, and locked the cat door from the house into the garage so that Milo couldn’t get in and terrorize him. Then I went door to door down my street ringing doorbells and trying to find Not Loki’s owner, but no one was answering because it was 2:30 in the afternoon and they were all at work and also it was raining very hard so I went back home.
Whereupon I found that somehow Milo had gotten through the locked cat door and was terrorizing Not Loki like the dick he is.
On Friday I got about 200 copies made of a FOUND CAT poster and went around putting them in mailboxes on my street and the surrounding subdivisions, and then going to various businesses and putting them up there too. I got one call that day from someone who was sure that Not Loki is her neighbor’s cat, but the neighbor had moved and there’s no forwarding information. Then on Saturday I had someone stop by the house to see if Not Loki was her daughter’s missing cat, but the lady decided he wasn’t.
Also on Saturday Not Loki had a checkup with the vet and they said at the start of the visit that they still weren’t sure if his eye could be saved but once they took him back to examine him further they said he was really improved but then they told me to put a towel under the door of the room I’m keeping him in because they didn’t even want me to risk Milo breathing his air, so I have no idea where he’s at health wise.
Anyway, I can’t keep Not Loki because the entire saga of Loki and Milo cohabiting has proved that Milo is a violent dick even to cats that he likes, and Not Loki has no front claws to defend himself, and also I can’t afford him, having just bought a house. So I guess I’ll start putting the word out about a free cat, and if that doesn’t bear fruit, there are a lot of no kill shelters near me.
Oh, and while I was distributing fliers in mailboxes, Not Milo 2: Electric Boogaloo decided to tag along.
