not sure if this is a weird question but is it normal to actually want to be cut during sex? ngl debaser kind of awakened something in me LMAOO but im not sure if thats even a normal or safe thing to actually want irl or how thatd even come up in convo w my partner lol nd i just kinda feel like a weirdo 😭😭 would i be a terrible person for wanting that or wanting to do that to someone even with full consent? like i dont wna cause crazy trauma or something
Alright so when it comes to kink its worth asking what normal is. Is normal average? Because there's lots of kink activity thats not average or common, but that doesn't make it wrong to do with caution and consent.
Second consideration: is it safe? No. But a lot of kink play isn't safe, and neither is vanilla sex.
Choking as an example is a really risky kind of play. If you don't know how to position your hand you could easily damage the trachea, and you really dont want someone without oxygen for long because brain damage could occur. Someone should never be allowed to pass out from choking, thats an extreme risk.
There are safer ways of choking, like compressing the blood vessels in the side of the neck, but it's not risk free. The safest option is covering their mouth and nose but that's also not risk free.
Similarly, slapping in the face can cause injury to the neck if you dont brace their head, and it can bust an eardrum if your hand hits in the wrong place.
I think of most kink like bungee jumping or scuba diving. If you do it with knowledge and caution things shouldn't go wrong, but sometimes even with experience people doing everything right mistakes can happen. That's why you sign a consent waiver.
The approach I take is called RACK- Risk Aware Consensual Kink. It means you want to always be knowledgable about what risk could occur, you want to take all reasonable safety measures, and you want everyone involved to be freely consenting with full awareness of that risk.
In terms of knife or bloodplay specifically we're talking about something on the riskier side. Specifically you need to worry about blood-born illness and the possibility of infection from unclean equipment, you need to know exactly where and how deep to cut so you can avoid arteries or significant blood loss, and you need to be aware of the fact that just dropping or slipping with a knife could cause real injury.
Beyond that knives and being cut are things that cause real visceral reactions in people. Its really really hard to predict how you or someone else is going to react to that, and whenever you're doing kink of any kind you need to be ready for the possibility of a psychological response that means you have to stop and give or receive care.
That counts for both the cutter and the one being cut, sub and top drop are real things, so even if the scene itself goes well its really important to check in with each other and take care after it happens.
I personally have been hit with immense feelings of guilt after a scene that was fully consensual and went well. I had fun while i was doing it and so did my partner, but it's also a lot of adrenaline and when that wears off sometimes self-judgment creeps in.
As kinky people we're constantly fighting against societal perceptions of us as morally problematic, and sometimes that crashes in on you. Luckily I've had partners i could check in with, who would reassure me that they had fun and I'm not a monster.
The sub might also have feelings of guilt or self judgment after a scene, but also any cutting or blood loss carries the risk of shock, so it important to make sure you have something like juice on hand for them after, to make sure they can get their blood sugar up. It's also important to make sure cuts are properly cleaned and bandaged after.
In general you only want to do this with someone you trust deeply and feel comfortable speaking up to if something is wrong. Its extremely important to be able to communicate openly and honestly with anyone you're going to do kink with.
In terms of physical safety, it's best to do this with someone you're fluid bonded to. Fluid bonding is mutual consent that your bodily fluids can be in contact with each other, often this means cum but it can mean blood too.
The reason this is important is because bodily fluids can carry STIs and other infections. You want to get fully tested (including hepatitis and HIV, which aren't always routinely tested for) before fluid bonding with someone. If you have multiple partners it's important to always get tested again between them. Always be aware of what you may be exposing yourself to, and know that even being as careful as possible doesn't completely eliminate risk.
If you or your partner is on blood thinners, has drank alcohol, or has something that causes excess bleeding or difficulty clotting its probably best to avoid this entirely.
Otherwise is also very important to be knowledgable and careful about where and how you're cutting. You want to be knowledgable and careful about your equipment too, because something like a little rust could cause tetanus.
Im going to say absolutely do not do knifeplay until you thoroughly read this resource: https://www.knifeplay.io/safety
Prioritise safety in knife play with Knifeplay.io’s expert guide. Discover essential tips, best practices, and tools to ensure safe, consens
Even if you dont buy the book, just scroll down. It's got extensive information about how to choose equipment, safety in terms of where you're cutting and how, as well as other risks to be aware of and what to do in an emergency.
I cant lie, it's a lot of information and you need to know it all. Knife-play is a fairly advanced kind of kink, and its one of those things that requires a lot of studying (in case you didnt know most kinksters are fucking nerds).
Its more information than I feel like I can reproduce here, and honestly that resource has it all written out really clearly.
This is already in that resource but I'm going to talk about it anyway: if you're going to do this, start slow. You don't know how you or your partner will react, so start with something that you cant really cut with. If you cover someone's eyes, a cold butterknife can feel like its cutting without actually doing so. Its never safe to put a real knife to someone's throat so this is how I get around that. Knife play is a kind of fear play so creating an illusion works well. Ill show my partner a real knife, cover their eyes, and switch it out for something safer.
Even if you aren't doing that kind of thing though, start out with something relatively hard to cut with. You can find wooden or acrylic knives like these:
https://www.chaotickink.com/knives
Shop our original acrylic knives and daggers for safer kinky knife play. Used in BDSM as a wax scraper, scratch sensation, and some new ones
Which can break the skin with enough pressure but aren't as dangerous as something sharp and metal. You'll likely want to avoid actually cutting at first, try just running the knife over skin or scratching with it to get a sense of how it feels and how you react.
You also want to pick something small, light, and easy to control. The buck knife they use in debaser is what I would call an extremely risky option. It's heavy, large, and the curve of the blade makes it hard to control if you don't really know what you're doing.
If you get to the point of actually cutting its worth also going very slow and light, different peoples skin vary in thickness, some people slice more easily than others, different people bleed at different rates too, and you can always cut more but you can never cut less. It can also help to restrain the person being cut, minimizing any sudden movements that could knock a knife out of position.
So yeah, this part is important. Its always scary bringing up a new kink with a partner, and I think that goes double for stuff like this that might freak people out. Im lucky in having had some really kinky partners who were very into the idea, so it felt relatively safe to talk about.
It helps if you can explain why you want it, what you would get out of it. For me it's partly the fucked-upness and the fear reaction, as well as some knife and blood fetishism. But it's also the immense trust I'm being given when my partner lets me do this. Im not joking when I say it feels incredibly romantic to me, and I genuinely enjoy patching them up after.
Beyond that though, I think its important to recognize that consent is an ongoing practice. You never want to do something like this if both parties aren't fully in for it, and you always want to make sure you're doing it on a day you both feel healthy and ready for it. It's fine to put things off even if you made a plan, and you should always feel safe backing out even after giving consent.
You aren't fucked up for wanting this, and it doesn't need to be normal to be ok to want it. Trauma can happen when you're doing this, but trauma can happen during vanilla sex too. Whats important is being knowledgable, having clear and honest communication and mutual care. So yeah, go forth, be as safe as you can, but don't forget to have fun 🖤
