#notmyfault

[mellowfluffy]

Not guilty! It’s @gachiakaisen ´s fault!

Not me. Nonono

No

No

[starlitprism]

Me to my GM: "Ok, my character is prepping for this party" GM: "yep. On the night everything goes wrong and she's anticipating this and scheduling it then... on purpose" Me: "yeah!"

GM: "all right. Should be fun"

*one week IRL time later*

Me: "ok I got a music playlist and multiple party games with mechanics."

GM: "laughs"

Me: What? I wasn't going to make you do it!"

Meanwhile on the day of the in session party:

The other players on the day of the party as I list everything that's been created for it:

"Jess (my character's name) what the fuck"

Appropriately, my character has been so busy greeting people that, insofar, she hasn't had a chance to do a SINGLE party game. Sadness.

[whenweallvote]

You tomorrow after taking 3 mins to register to vote now at weall.vote/register: 🎶 I woke up hotter than I was yesterday 🎶

P.S.: We're gonna have the #NotMyFault music video on repeat ALL weekend long 🔂 

[isabellaflores98]

I slept with my teacher, it' s not my fault 🤭​

[cdlhunter]

Muddy throwback! #stuckinthemud #needatow #needatowel #helpimstuck #notmyfault #throwback #workingtruck #workingtrucks #history #vintage #missthosedays #13yearsago #rustytruck #rustytrucks #throwbackpic #yearago #thosewerethedays #throwbackthursday #ayearago #throwback🔙 #cdljob #cdljobs #cdlhunter Follow @cdlhunter https://www.instagram.com/cdlhunter/p/CYcry8NJTm9/?utm_medium=tumblr

[0202ale]

Finally, you’re here... I really couldn’t believe it came.

I had been holding it in for hours. The day, really. I could feel the dam losing its grip... there was no more capacity, no volume... I had to push through. Had to.

5, 4, 3, 2, ...1. Thank God. Thank God.

Happy New Year!

My daughter reached for me and hugged me so tight. “happy new year, mommy, I love you so much”. I squeezed her and held on. And then a little nudge pushed on us both. Our puppy wanted in and so did my son... I left her embrace and reached passed the puppy to my son “I love you, baby, so much... so, so much.” “I love you too, mom”.

I looked at both of them and was so thankful for their faces. So beautiful.

“Ok guys, I need you now to run up to bed, it’s late and make sure you brush your teeth!”... I squeezed them both and off they went.

I turned to see my fire burning in the fireplace. The wind whirled and cackled outside.

We were expecting “weather”.

I pushed my chair closer to the fire and sunk into it. And then I let go...

I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. You know the kind of crying you do when you don’t even make a sound? You can feel release but physical pain as well? Like your heart is breaking. And it hurts. I almost didn’t make it this time. I’m getting better at holding off letting this pressure out, breaking down crying...until they go to bed. Once they are who over the stairs, I can cry.

Because today especially? I’m one month clean. One month out. One month devastated. One month terrified. I made it one whole month and I’m still here. I did it.

And I need to acknowledge this accomplishment.

...It’s been one month since I left an abuser.

I am someone who was mentally and emotionally abused by my husband.

[lesbeinlove]

What just happened

TW/CW: suicide, toxic relationships

So I was talking to the girl I met online for about a month. Things got intense fairly quickly, as lesbian relations are wont to do. We bought each other gifts for Christmas and were sending them to each other’s houses and stuff. And then after a week or so of really bad fights, I broke up with her and blocked her. She was accusing me of all this horrible shit and being super toxic. I was trying to fix things and she kept screaming at me and making me feel small and not good enough.

Today I replied to an email she had sent me to tell her to contact her mom because her mother tried to message me on Facebook. And I got a message back from what looks like her mom saying that Kim had an “accident”, and speaking about her in past tense. I can only imagine that she killed herself. Her mother was calling me a monster and saying that I had brought so much pain and disgust on their family.

Like...this is not my fault. I never told her to do anything. I tried to be caring and loving but have my own boundaries and not get sucked into another toxic relationship. And then she fucking kills herself. I get that their family needs someone to blame. But it still hurts. I just feel numb.

I deleted my Facebook and Instagram for the foreseeable future, keeping this as my only social media. Her friends and family are trying to message me and blame me for everything. I just can’t deal with it right now.

[mysecretproblem]

Doctor Day

I went to the doctor yesterday... So my general doctor is the best doctor I could ask for and she is very understanding. I told her what was going on and I didn’t feel like I was judged in any way (which I hope wouldn’t happen to anyone) (but you never know). I told her about the picking of my skin but also how I have to compulsively lock my car because I forget and feel anxious about whether or not it is locked. So we talked about medicine I can take for the OCD/Anxiety and a gel I can rub on the acne, blemishes. Then she referred me to a CBT talk therapist.

I really want to get through this and really when it has been happening for so long and you are in denial and even shame and embarrassment its hard. I thought for a while about how this could be happening to me. I went to school to be a counselor and I went to school for Psychology yet I have this problem and this issue. The worse part is that I have studied the DSM V and know about these disorders. But my doctor brought up some good points. In that it isn’t our fault that we have these issues. There is something going on in our brain. The serotonin levels that is causing us to do this. We can’t blame ourselves. We can learn from this and grow. We can join support groups and get support from our friends, families, etc. It isn’t something that is going to be healed overnight and there are going to be really hard days. But I know I can get through it.

Just because I went to school for something where I can help others doesn’t mean I should feel shameful about the problem I have currently. I will get through it.