#notreadytodie

[hyperdosemusic]

[hyperdosemusic]

"Not Ready To Die"

[hyperdosemusic]

✂️ Hyperdose - Not Ready To Die - FIRST TIME REACTION!!

60 seconds · Clipped by HYPERDOSE · Original video "(HOW IS THIS THEIR FIRST SONG?!) HYPERDOSE - Not Ready To Die (FIRST TIME REACTION)" by

[sleepybluehaze]

Just freaking out

Ok I need to stop with the googling. I already got my urinalysis results back... said there was some trace of blood in my urine and a couple other things.

I could have kidney cancer... like a lot of the signs are there. I will be very angry because I suspected that months and months ago when I felt I had a growth on my side. They did an ultrasound on my kidneys and one said it was small but they said something like we think the view wasn’t that good though. Like wtf send me again then!!! But they never did.

It said rapid weight loss is a sign the cancer has progressed.

It’s scary to think I might die (ok here come the tears) and for so long I’ve kept wanting to die from the depression and I might just get my wish.

I haven’t told anyone about any of this and I’m not going to until I know what’s going on. No need to worry other people unnecessarily. But I do kinda wish I had someone to talk to about it but I can’t think of anyone who I’d really feel comfortable telling. D back in the day certainly. Right now I’d LOVE to talk to him but it’s late in NYC and of course, he’s home where he should be with his wife.

If I’m gonna die I sure got a lot more living to do in the mean time.

I hope I can hold on at least until my daughter graduates but that’s a big who knows as it’s 4 years away. If I die my daughter will go to her dad and her whole life will change. She will have to move to another state and leave everyone and everything she knows. Maybe I can get him deported before that happens lol. Don’t put it past me because DO NOT want my daughter to have to lose me and everything else.

I don’t want to miss out on the growing and all the next steps. They’ll need me!!! I need my mom so much and I’ve needed her for so much. There’s nothing like it.

Ok I’ve moved into more of a panic now.

I felt for a long time there has been something bad going on. For a long time I thought lupus and I’d definitely take that diagnosis next to late stage cancer. Although lupus can kill you it’s not usually fast.

It’s such a horrible mind fuck now kicking myself for wanting to die for wanting to disappear this weekend. I still do wanna go spend some solo time on Sunday by myself.

I’m only 38 I’m not ready to die yet.

[sam-onebookishgirl]

17th July | WWW Wednesday

17th July | WWW Wednesday

WWW Wednesday is a book list hosted by Taking on a World of Words. To participate all you have to do is answer the three questions below and leave a link to your post in the comments for others to look at. No blog? No problem! Just leave a comment with your responses.

The three W’s are: What did you recently finish reading? What are you currently reading? What do you think you’ll read next?

Wh…

View On WordPress

[write-something-every-day]

No, not yet.

Autobiography

[jmoneyco]

JMONEY X HALL OF FAME UNSOLVED™ COLLECTION AVAILABLE NOW. @halloffameltd #UNSOLVEDMYSTERIES #NOTREADYTODIE #TOLIVEANDDIEINLA #BLACKFRIDAY #UNAUTHORIZEDDUPLICATIONISAVIOLATION (at Fairfax District, Los Angeles)

[jmoneyco]

JMONEY X HALL OF FAME UNSOLVED™ COLLECTION AVAILABLE NOW. @halloffameltd #UNSOLVEDMYSTERIES #NOTREADYTODIE #TOLIVEANDDIEINLA #UNAUTHORIZEDDUPLICATIONISAVIOLATION (at Fairfax District, Los Angeles)