I am writing, that is how you know I am feeling.
Maybe today I am feeling more than usual, or maybe less than usual and that is how I can hear my own thoughts for once.
As I start to write-something that is a past practice that my fingers practically forced me into- I suddenly start to feel too much again. I have always said there is not such thing as feeling too much but I take that back now because although it is beautiful to have so many thoughts, emotions, ideals, and dreams swarming through my mind every waking moment-It is also absolutely detrimental if you have no outlet..or the outlet your soul craves, that is.
See, I used to have you, and you opened me up more than I think I ever will be opened up by another human being. But, truthfully thats ok because you also gave me armor. I suppose now I am just balancing my wounds with my swords. You showed me parts of myself that I adored and despised.
So, thank you and screw you- but mostly thank you, because I cannot help but to have hope. Hope that I will meet my old self and my new self someday soon. And that they will mesh so gently because quite frankly I have been a mess since. I have experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows.. so here is to meshing into the past, present, and future destiny.
Id like to meet her again and try this entire living thing I used to know- no more solely existing.
