Today, i was haunted by my past. As if the morning rain and cranky set-off coming from the lack of sleep are not enough to make my life uneasy as it is.
The day didn't came off as expected, or the usual thing that happen that i will wake up expectant that she's somewhere out there thinking about me. Or the fact that there she is that i can greet and set the day with encouragement and confidence knowing that am just around here.
Apparently i woke up late for work with just 2 hrs of sleep. I dozed off unsettled to the reality that she's gone again. That she's ditching me for she's being attacked by confusion having been in affection with me and she does not have any hopes to act on it. So there - cup of coffee ran dry and is light-weight again.
And i dropped off my routine for today. No gym. But still the love coffee floats atop everything. I grabbed a cup at 4:30 in the afternoon. The soonest I touched my lips to the mouth of the mug, i saw a very familiar face coming near to me. It was from my past and a part of my stories.
There, walking up to me was my comrade and my confidant, my brother, my childhood bestfriend.
He was with some of his colleagues and i was alone by myself. It made me felt like an ex girlfriend being jealous of the life he has. Not that mine is boring, it just so happen that am all alone (though i enjoy it much more). The days we had haunted me to the very core and it felt like no amount of coffee can fill the void because i had 3 cups already and my eyes were locked to the direction he was sitting.
We grew up together. Spending weekdays and weekends and sharing stories. We shared a lot of interests at that time. He played football and so did I. I play guitar and so did he tried learning it. I can still remember when we were still sophomore and we had this activity on a particular subject where in you describe your bestfriend and tell the class who he or she is. At that moment, we were placed on different sections, and yet despite of the distance and the separation i proudly presented who my bestfriend is. And after that day ended we walked together in the hall and we can hear whispers like, "they're the best of friends the teacher was speaking about" and "they are truly inseparable". The latter made the two of us so giddy. And i held on to that for so long.
Fats forward 2018, there i was taking every drop of coffee into my body. Alone. And i can only catch a glimpse of my old buddy from afar.
Why would the desire to be with the people you valued keeps on coming back? Maybe because you shared your life with them. And being pulled away from it feels like pulling a segment of your DNA off of your story.