#number eight reader

[finalcreacher]

Invisible Hearts - Chapter Three

A/n - Please read trigger warning before reading! 

Previous Chapter(s): Chapter One, Chapter Two

This chapter was majorly edited, so that’s why you might be seeing this again. 

Also, I've been listening to the album " He Has Left Us Alone but Shafts of Light Sometimes Grace the Corner of Our Rooms… " by A Silver Mt Zion, which always makes me sob- and while it isn't necessary, I would recommend you listen to it as you read. :)

Word Count: 1,321

Trigger Warning(s)

Attempted Suicide - Not gory, but fairly descriptive

Drug-Use 

2006, 17 years old

Distancing myself from my siblings was hard to stop. It was like being struck with an awful disease, and not being able to get rid of it. It was a bad habit, and it was incurable.

It's not that I wanted to do this, not to Klaus, not to my siblings- not precisely. I knew I had to protect, to keep them safe from myself. But not to this degree. It was much harder to say hello and apologize for the months left with quick glances away, the absence of those midnight escapes to each other's rooms, and the talkless free time, than to continue looking away every time he looked back. I only said what I needed to, when our father- no, Reginald, made me.

It was challenging to face the fear that Klaus would no longer accept me, and I wasn't allowed to nestle in his arms on too gloomy nights. To whisper to one another are deepest, darkest secrets, and still know it was going to be okay- as long as we were here for one another. And knowing I had broken that trust, I would- he would not be able to look at me as the same person I was before.

The world was so much colder without him, and without Ben, and I'm sure Diego and I weren't about to stay close for very much longer- maybe if I were to stay. I never had a plan or an idea outside of the training, out of the endless work, and sleepless nights, and the looming feeling that he would always be watching.

With no place to go or a place in mind, I'd be moving out on our birthday. That's as far as my plan went. I'd slip silently into the night, feeling small as Klaus's loudness and the thought for birthday tricks and celebration came out. I'd be small and invisible, with a whole world to conquer.

All I had left were the few remaining months, and a fraction of the siblings I used to be close with and used to love me. Vanya and I? We haven't talked in years. Allison's been too busy, with her dreams of stardom, and walking down the red carpet- but most of all, starting her own life. Luther said he'd be staying, and he encouraged me, too. Diego thinks he'll get a job on the police force; he says he's been looking into it.

I doubt their dreams. We've never been much more than a group of fucked up kids- what could we really offer? Besides our powers, which never worked to most of our favors. Were we capable of anything that wasn't fighting or manipulation? That's what I was unsure of, I didn't honestly doubt that they couldn't do what they set out to do- but if there were ever an inkling otherwise, I'd find myself down the rabbit hole.

I played with the idea of staying. It wasn't- awful. I smiled, thinking I'd be able to see Luther every day, there was still a connection there, and I could try- for one last time- to stop my ugly disease. But I also think of Reginald, and how disappointed he'd be that after 18 years, 19 years, 20 years, 21...that I'd still be unable to fully grasp and take control of my powers. I quickly concluded I wouldn't be able to stand seeing his - almost- taunting face for another 10, 20- for the rest of your life- years!

I'd have to run away and never look back. It was my only option now. And I'd realized the years I'd given to pushing away have worked- there done with me. I'd let that thought sink in, and my chest felt heavy thinking of it. I'd never be loved again. Not as before, nothing had been as it was before for a long time, and that awful weighted feeling had finally set.

I had been lying in my bed, playing with all my ideas, feeling too restless to sleep. I'd tried, the lights were off, and I'd tried to keep my feelings silent- keep my brain shut off. It never worked. My head filled with racing, pacing, neverending thoughts. The things in my head lead me places that made me shiver, and I wished every time to be brought back to how it was.

Please, please- let me have one more night with them. One more night, I can lay my head down and feel comforted with silence.

I know it's useless.

I shake my head, and my whole body shakes and shivers with it. I slowly push myself off the bed, disappearing from my room- the only sound is my bare feet padding across on the wood flooring, and the occasional faint creaks of the old floorboards.

I find myself tiptoeing to Klaus' room, peering into his bedroom from the crack in the door- I can see his body slowly rise and fall in a deep sleep. I slip slowly through the door, scavenging his drawers, and finding nothing.

'Where would he hide it?'

There's a small wooden box near his bedside; it isn't labeled and blends right into the messy and dark interior of the room. Crouching down to pick it up, I let out a shaky breath, and when I take a glance at Klaus, his eyes clenched- he begins to stir. I hold my breath, and he turns to his other side- facing the wall opposite. I grab it, shutting the door a little too loud as I leave. I exhale- my breathing sounding scared, once more. 

Sitting on the edge of my bed, holding the box on my knees as my hands shake. Slowly tipping the lid open, letting fingertips fall against what was inside- a small bag of assorted, mostly white, pills, something that's probably weed, and an even smaller pocket of presumable coke(I think, I hope not though). I snatch the first little bag in one hand, spilling a sizeable amount of the pills into my other hand. The shaking- which hasn't stopped, and has only gotten worse the more I've stayed in my room, holding this box- makes the pills nearly fly from my grasp. 

I bring my hand slowly to my mouth, forcing my head back as the palm attaches to my lips- trying not to spit it out when my throat rejects it with a feeling sort of like sticking your fingers down your throat—successfully getting it down after a glass of water. 

I'm still holding Klaus' box on my knees when I begin feeling foggy. I think of him from a while back- staying in his room on a long night, holding him to my chest as he sobbed and whimpered, allowing him even as my shirt got wet. And remembering; as my fingers tousle his hair and run along his back in comfort. While he calmed down, finally lying in silence, and the feeling as he hugged me back before falling asleep. That was a moment I would miss. 

In the short moments we had alone as kids- dressing up with Allison and singing to pop songs on the radio and Five reading a book and allowing me to peer over his shoulder(and not getting mad when I asked questions, indulging me, even). With tall & strong Luther giving piggybacks across the hall or listening to Vanya play her violin(before Five left). Klaus, Ben, and I all sitting together, smiling and joking and laughing- a long, long time before the drugs and the pain. 

We were still kids, and I missed them- and all of a sudden I was scared again, I didn't want to miss the rest of this. 

I try to will myself up, the foggy feeling growing stronger, and my head feeling dizzy. My one clear thought is someone smiling up at me, tears clustered in their eyes, and— 

[finalcreacher]

Chapter Two - Invisible Hearts

Hey folks- back with another chapter! 

T/W - mentions of underage drug use

Previous Chapter:

Chapter One

Word Count: 844

2006, 17 year olds

Klaus Hargreeves was surely unsure of how to handle Y/n, especially in the state of a man who's high out of his mind on pills he found on the streets. He wasn't in a place where he could adequately comfort someone, but Klaus had to for Y/n, or he feared no one else would.  Klaus had spent much of his life running away from things that scared him, including such intimacy as this.

He had spent most of his life up until this point chasing after happiness. He found his solace in drugs, and for one day in his life, he was going to stop- just for Y/n. Y/n had been stuck invisible for a week. He hadn't exactly seen them in that whole time. Once or twice for an attempted dinner with the family, then back to their room they went. For sulking purposes, he figured.

There was only one other time that he could remember Y/n like this, almost two years ago when Ben had died. Except it was more flickering back and forth than staying stagnant. In Klaus' mind, it was now his duty to figure out why Y/n was upset, and how to change them back.

He crept along the vast hallways, practically tripping on his own two feet. The house was black, and even the moon could not give it light tonight. Everyone had been sent to bed early, as there was one less mouth to feed at dinner, it went by quicker. Of course, there was the oddball question from Diego, and in response, a concerned yet agreeable nod from Luther. Even Grace was worried about Y/n's absence. When Ben had died, they had never disappeared- and if they did, never for this long.

Klaus eventually finds his way to their door. It was the only room in the house without the light on(beside's his, of course). It was remarkable he had ever found it. He thought, perhaps, that one of the thousand times he had gone there, that he had memorized the way. He waved it off as silly, marking it as more luck than anything else.

He knocks gently at their door. As he expected, they do not answer. Though what worries Klaus, is he can't hear any noise behind the door. No sniffling, no crying, only quiet. He can feel his heartbeat slow, as he twists the doorknob. He's met with the same darkness as the rest of the house.

Sighing, he lays himself on their bed. He stares at the ceiling, wringing his hands to ease the evergrowing knot in his stomach. A whistling sigh rouses him from his coming sleep. "I'm sorry," they murmur.

"I know," Klaus admits, "but it's not your fault."

"But I'm also seventeen, and I barely know how to control these damn things."

"I can't either."

"Yeah, well, maybe if you weren't so stoned all the time, you'd be able to do it." Y/n puffs out. The two sit quietly. Y/n finally twists to view Klaus, his eyes are glazed over, but not red. He's trying, they think, and they're at it again. "Y'know, I didn't mean it." They turn back again, glancing behind them now and again. "Well, partially. I didn't mean it a hundred percent."

"No, no, I need to get my act together." They don't respond this time, believing the best option was not to aggravate Klaus but try to be there for him. For once. "I-I will," he whines.

"I know," Y/n begins, voice wavering, "I know."

They way they talk has Klaus feeling ashamed for them, he must be such an awful brother.

"Klaus, I know you're going through so much, but we all are, and I won't always be here to get you through. Past few weeks have been a good example of that. I'm fucked up, too. I can barely get through my own shit, and I don't want to lead you down my path."

Klaus jolts up, shifting to face you, his brows furrow, his lips quiver, and he looks teary-eyed.

"Please don't say anything, Klaus. You're upset, too, I get that. I only want to sit in silence a little longer."

"Okay," he whimpers out. Klaus knew he had failed his mission as a brother and a friend. They were pushing him away again. He was going to leave at the end of the year, and he couldn't even have this one small victory. He eventually left the room, staying outside, waiting by their door just in case. He could hear soft crying for a while, but they stopped, and he went back to his room.

Y/n had finally come out of their room that morning, surprising everyone, perhaps Reginald was the only one who wasn't. Even Klaus, who tried to coax them out, and tried to comfort, never expected them to leave their bed- not after last night. Y/n spent the rest of that week avoiding Klaus, doing everything that they thought would help him, in the long run. They would remind themselves that every time they looked away.

[finalcreacher]

Chapter One - Invisible Hearts

Hello, Cloud here! Excited to welcome you to the first ever chapter of “Invisible Hearts”. There are no major triggers in this chapter, but things get very dark very quick, so please make sure to read the T/W when used.

 This is also posted on AO3, Quotev, FanFiction.net, and Wattpad. 

Just ask if you want to be added to the tag list. :)

Word Count: 1,155

(Y/n) was used to it by now, after 15 years of living. Used to the empty chair at the dining table, to the wavering sadness of their siblings, to the empty hole inside their chest. It had been two years since Five disappeared, and Vanya still left peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches at the bottom of the stairs, awaiting his return. Diego was still a stuttering little bastard, and part of (Y/n) thought that it had gotten worse over the years(though in actuality, it had probably stayed the same, or had been better as of recent). Not that (Y/n) had concerned themselves with the status of their brother's stutter. It was merely one of those things that happened, they were used to it by now. It was almost comforting to be held in his arms on those late nights, and hear the soft slur of "I"s in the word "it."

It wasn't just the annoying ticks of their brother that held them comforted, but Klaus, and the constant loudness that he exuberated, and the underlying sadness in his words. Klaus was a reminder for (Y/n). For what, they never quite share, but something about him kept (Y/n) feeling warm at night. There, of course, was also their sibling Ben, as well as the other two previously mentioned brothers, Diego and Klaus. Ben was a quiet one, he didn't ask too much for or from anyone, he kept most of his thoughts to himself. Strangely enough, they enjoyed talking with Ben most of all between the three.

Though those days were few and far between, as they spent most of their time lying alone in their bedroom, trying to pinpoint how their powers worked. Often falling asleep crying, and waking up invisible. Klaus would tease them about it, and Reginald would be very disappointed. Reginald, their supposed father(though they weren't allowed to call him as such), would lecture them the morning they wake up, in front of all of their siblings during breakfast. And after eating, he'd practice with them till the point of exhaustion, sending them to their room when they were unable to turn back. When they were able to turn back, they'd go through it again, in an attempt to turn invisible. They'd be sent to their room.

Five's disappearance had shaken their odd family, to particular points where (Y/n) either thought things would never be the same again, or that it was better without him. (Y/n) only ever voiced the first concern, afraid the second one would earn an exceptional bond with their siblings that they did not wish to obtain. Though no one was very much concerned or saddened after Five leaving, many things had changed due to him going. Their family would never be the same again.

Much of the sadness (Y/n) had felt towards their dear brother Five, was not the fact they had missed him, but more so that part of their family would most certainly never return. It was that feeling again that their family had served as some sort of comfort blanket, and Five leaving had torn a massive rip in it. Anyone could have left, and the same thing would have happened. Indeed, that's what they thought, though later in their life it would appear that it was much untrue. They were never exceptionally close with Five, and that was all.

They were close to Ben.

Very, very close.

Ben's death had never fully clicked in (Y/n)'s head. They cried more for a sibling they never cared too much about than the loss of the most comforting soul in their life. Not once in the months he'd been dead, had their powers flicker them out of view. It was rare for this to happen, as it never happened. Their siblings also found this strange, as they still mourned the loss, and (Y/n) was cheery than ever. Some thought, briefly, that maybe (Y/n) had been the one to kill Ben.

Any flickering suspicions were waved off just as soon as they appeared when their first mission came around. It had been the first since the accident.  They had been the first one of the siblings to be ready, the first one on the scene, and the first one to leave.  They had turned invisible, stormed back home, and lay crying on the front porch, feeling too weak to go inside and face a house without him anymore. They had stayed in a state like this for months much longer than their previous feelings of happiness.  

(Y/n) has since then admitted to never thinking about Ben before then, most likely why they had broken down so severely.

Present times were not much better, and perhaps worse than they were in previous years. The current year was 2006, (Y/n), along with their remaining siblings, are 17 years old. (Y/n) has spent the last year or two of their life perfecting their invisibility powers. Though perfecting seems to be an extreme and incorrect term to what they did achieve. If someone had said they perfected their ability, Reginald might laugh. Which would be absurd, as Reginald did not laugh, he's a solemn man.

(Y/n) had merely figured out why their powers were so finicky. They had never learned how to stop them from being so, or how to properly use them. Their abilities were still as useless as they had been before.

Klaus has spent the last two years of his life preparing for moving out, by being more drugged up, and high out of his life, as he's ever been. At this point, the family should be worried, but everyone is too wrapped up in their own silly world to notice any one other person's pain.

Diego's stutter had long since left, only coming back when he was angry.

Through the years, Vanya left the sandwiches at the bottom of the stairs less frequently as she had before, losing hope, and falling away further from any leftover bonds with her siblings.

Luther had miraculously grown closer to (Y/n), and with some strange, mysterious force, grew apart from Allison. Allison had big dreams, she was going to get out of this house, and she was going to become a star. (Y/n) didn't doubt it, but didn't see much of a future for any number of the unordinary siblings. Especially for someone that could get it all merely by speaking. They didn't admire their sister at all but could tell they'd be going somewhere a lot further than themselves. At least Allison had plans.

It didn't matter for now though, Allison wouldn't be leaving until she was at least eighteen. No one would be gone for at least another year. (Y/n) could only stomach the idea for so long, and had no choice to bend to the will of their emotions, flickering in and out, waiting for at least one sign to take them out of the hell of life.