Trigger warning!! This content includes mention of self harm scars. Read with caution
Uncertainty
Summary: I wake up in a bed that isn’t my own beside a familiar face. Memories of the previous night flood back. The things he saw and the things we did. I can only hope that these feelings last.
A small groan left me at the light streaming in past the gap of the curtains. The warmth on my face making me aware of how hot I was beneath the covers. My body shifted in it's place to roll over but I only got part way there before I heard a sigh from beside me. Slowly I turned my head, eyes landing on Klaus's sleeping face. It took me a moment to register why he was here, or rather why I was here. Seeing him seemed to dawn the realisation that this was not my room, not my bed, not my curtains.
The previous night came back to me in pieces.
Dancing at the ball with him after he had been too stubborn to invite Camille. Hayley had begged me to go and promised it would be a night to remember. I suppose she was right.
Klaus hadn't ever shown romantic interest in me. He was kind to me because I was to him and apparently he respected that I stayed with Hayley through everything with his family. Unfortunately for me I had liked him more than he did me and only Hayley knew it. So when his gaze flickered to my lips, I couldn't help myself.
Too many times had I imagined last night. His hands lifting me up, squeezing, stroking, gripping. His mouth kissing, biting, sucking. But I never believed it would actually happen and not the way that it had anyway. What I had imagined was purely fantasy, unrealistic. Given his nature I assumed he might be rougher and uncaring or maybe I was fearful that would happen.
Instead he laid me down so carefully, the moment we got to his room he seemed to slow and start savouring. I was undressed slowly and I wasn't allowed to help, only watch his face as he revealed more and more skin. Somehow I had forgotten about the scars that covered me.
I only remembered when his eyes softened, hands hesitating. Just like that I knew why I hadn't been with anybody like that in so long. Nausea hit me and I sat up, eyes watering as I grabbed my dress from where it was still laid out on the end of the bed but Klaus gently tugged it back from me.
"It's okay." Was all he said and I had never seen so much sincerity in his eyes before.
I hated how obvious the marks were and knowing they wouldn't fade anymore than they already had. His hands moved back to my hips, caressing gently but I could still feel his gaze wondering across the straight lines that marred my stomach and thighs.
"They're old." I whispered to him, "I haven't done anything for a while now." The way my voice wobbled made me feel worse, like I'd ruined my only chance.
Klaus had nodded and leaned back down to kiss my lips but I felt small and pathetic after being so exposed so I pulled away. Instead he kissed my shoulder just gently and lifted his hand to cup my breast.
"You're perfect." He told me, words quiet but clear as he pressed down on me to lay back down on my back. "These..." his fingers slid down to trace the lines, "are strength. They're apart of you and they don't take anything away."
Maybe those were the words that I had been waiting for someone to say. Or they were what I really wanted to believe for myself too but I didn't expect him to say them or believe them.
I didn't even know I was crying until his thumb swiped the tears away and he kissed my mouth again. That time I welcomed it.
From that moment he was even gentler, taking his time no matter how late it got. I was almost positive that he had managed to kiss every single mark on me before he guided my legs over his shoulders, promising I would like what he'd do.
Like was an understatement. His tongue was warm and rough against me, rubbing my clit so well that I came just from that alone. Just his tongue sliding over me, circling slowly and teasing me until I swelled. The sensitivity was euphoric, and his lips kept sucking at just the right times, tip of his tongue still flicking until the only word I knew was him.
Soon after his fingers were there too, just helping his mouth spread me open before they began to push in. My body hadn't felt so much in far too long. There was no way of calming or slowing my reactions. A few curls of his digits, which were placed strategically well, had my legs trembling around his head. They hit just perfectly every time, crossing over with the exact second his tongue would flex. When I came again he nuzzled closer, pulling his fingers out slowly before transferring them to his mouth.
Nothing about last night felt real.
Even the sting of him finally led inside me didn't bring me to reality. Klaus stayed still for a while, his hands still stroking the inside of my thighs but now his eyes didn't care for the scars, they were focused on mine. The blue of his iris' kept tinting gold, his features sharpening and relaxing every so often whilst his body twitched between my legs.
"This is perfect." I whispered and he smiled warm and soft like he meant the action. Just then his hips shifted, soon his body moving against mine in a steady rhythm. My hands grabbed at his hair, just holding a fistful of curls and having his face close. I could feel the heat of his breath brush my neck and shoulder, warming the skin until I was a puddle beneath him. Every thrust of his cock was like a wave of something I didn't even know existed.
There's no way of knowing exactly how long the night lasted.
I didn't want it to ever end and yet at the same time part of me considered fleeing now before he woke so that perhaps I could pretend it was all in my head.
Before I could act on such a thought, his eyes cracked open. His body reacted similarly to mine at the intrusion of sunlight before he saw me too. That same look of confusion I had earlier fleeted through him before that heavy realisation.
My hands held the duvet close to me despite the heat of the room. I looked back at him with uncertainty.
I wasn't the person he had been yearning for. He had never wanted me the way I did him and it would break me to hear his rejection after last night which is why I really wanted to leave.
Klaus inhaled slowly before exhaling and sitting up against the headboard. The back of his hand rubbed the sleep form his eyes and he glanced my way. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. If it was his way of asking why I was still here or something else.
My gaze darted away.
He had seen me in a way barely anybody had, he'd reacted differently to anybody and now?
With a slight wince of pain from the ache between my legs, I moved to step down from his bed. My back was bared to him as I stared at the floor, unsure how I could leave his room entirely naked without anyone seeing.
A cool hand slid round my waist and pulled me back, my body coming into contact with his chest.
"You're shaking." He murmured, voice husk with fatigue as he pressed a small kiss to my head. "Come lay down."
It wasn't so much a demand but a plea disguised as one. His tone almost questioning as he pulled the duvet back. I settled back beside him, feeling him press close.
"I'll put the fan on in a moment." Klaus whispered, his face in the back of my neck making my spine tickle.
I wasn't so sure what was going to happen but I knew that I wasn't leaving any time soon. I knew that he saw me for who I was and am and that he accepted both.
I just hoped that he could love me like I did him.
Male privilege is when my ex spent months isolating me, physically and mentally abusing me, draining my bank account, sexually assaulting me, and I still lost all my friends because she said I was a toxic man, despite me sharing proof of the abuse. Male privilege is being told you're a man only to paint you as the aggressor but being called a lesbian or nonbinary when they like you. Male privilege is being denied entry to domestic abuse and homeless shelters after fleeing years of IPV because you started testosterone. Male privilege is doing survival sex work to make ends meet to try to avoid eviction. Male privilege is still being stalked years after the fact because you didn't die like they wanted.
my stomach genuinely hurts and i want to cry watching that video. that’s enough internet for today.
nonblack ppl truly underestimate how Black people are constantly being traumatized simply for existing and needing to participate in this antiblack world to survive. we have to compartmentalize and look past so much antiblack violence and hate from other ethnic groups just to be able to get the work done that would collectively benefit yall more than it would materially benefit us.
yall make organizing and practicing resistance a lesson in the Black diaspora swallowing poison to get to the cure.
📍Pairing: detective ateez ot8 x detective afab reader
📍Summary: "Breaking Point"
📍WC: 3.3k
📍AU: detective/mafia
📍Genre: action, dark romance, poly romance
📍Beta readers (and sole motivation): @yourfatherlucifer, @flurrys-creativity , @bunnliix, @adelusionforyourthoughts and occasionally @daemour
📍dividers by @cafekitsune banner made by me! ageless blocks will be blocked immediately if you interact with this post
📍AN: I HIGHLY recommend skipping this chapter if any of the following warnings below the cut are triggering or you are just not in a good headspace to read about a traumatizing event that befalls reader. It is not described in detail, but is described as having happened off screen. The trauma is not caused by any of the main cast, or idol representing character (i in fact refused to give him a name)
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📍Warning(s): extremely dark and triggering themes such as: mentions of r@pe, torture, graphic depiction of murder of minor character. Graphic details such as blood, stabbing, and talk of explosives. Kidnapping, held hostage, a somewhat cliche mafia scene with dark twists because trauma.
The bright lights woke the two men from their awkward slumber, Hongjoong being the first to lift his head despite a swollen eye. For three days of torture, the two of them were still pretty much in tact. It left Hongjoong feeling a bit… disappointed.
This was the feared Blood Hounds?
The red chains around their necks were a give away, and with five of them it shouldn’t be too hard to cause some damage. So why were they mostly just bruises and busted skin from punches? The brass knuckles hurt something fierce, but aside from a dislocated shoulder all his bones were intact. He assumed it was the same for Seonghwa.
Twenty-four hour observation, no food or water but sleep was provided surprisingly. Probably to keep them coherent enough for the questioning.
And that was just as dull. Despite hunting them down, they knew so little. Didn’t even notice their connection to the law, or their full place in the Black Pirates. That was probably due to the Red Wolf that did the questioning. The man sat behind the lights, late thirties, early forties, and had his jacket open to expose his bare chest and the red wolf on his side. He even flaunted it often, making Hongjoong assume this man’s ego was bigger than the abandoned building they were in.
That was fine by him, it made it easier to play the game.
“Let’s start from the beginning shall we? The black pirates are responsible for the hit on our territory a few weeks ago, correct?” The way the man emphasized ‘our’ just showed his pride over this situation. If Hongjoong had to guess, he was given this interrogation role as a test, most likely an ass kisser that worked his way up the ranks. A true coward under it all.
It made it hard not to mock him. “Not sure what you mean, please elaborate.” He licked some of the blood off his lip, tilting his head back and knocking it against Seonghwa to wake him up a bit more. The bright lights around them were annoying, but only really kept them awake now that they were.
The man stood up and began to circle them, a little ticked off it seems with how harshly he glared. Hongjoong just yawned, seeming unaffected. Bored even. Because he was.
That just pissed off the wolf even more, throwing one of the lights to the ground in a rage as it broke and sparked out. “Three days we’ve been at this! How much longer are you going to keep playing this game?!” He shouted out, stomping over to Seonghwa and out of Hongjoong’s sight and gripping his hair.
Seonghwa spit in the man’s face. “As long as we want. Really, do you think you’re terrifying?” While he had a lot of bravado in his tone, Hongjoong could sense the underlying fear there. He knew his partner.
It had been three days and they weren’t sure if they had been out longer than a day. They had gone through scenarios like this dozens of times in case they were captured. Wooyoung could use his connection to the Pink Boas and as a freelancer to get out of his ties to the Pirates, something his mother had said she would always help with, but if it was any other member but Yeosang they had a plan.
Three days. That was the minimum needed for rescue. It gave Yeosang plenty of time to track their whereabouts, and the others to mobilize an extraction. It would have begun the moment there was an attack on the safe house. But Hongjoong knew it wasn’t for them that his partner was scared for, but he was sick with worry over you. Had you made it out? Did you go to Yeosang or did you run? What if you fought?
Even Hongjoong couldn’t deny that was an option, knowing how feisty you could be. You weren’t the type to run anyways, but for once Hongjoong wished you were.
Sure their torture was pretty minimal but for you? A random woman in a Pirate safe house? Oh they wouldn’t attempt to question you, he knew that. He tried not to think about it though, tried not to let the unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach bother him. The implications that they were going easy on the torture on purpose and that it might have something to do with you.
The real torture was not knowing if you were safe. The hits, starvation and dehydration were nothing. The soreness of his muscles he thought would be a nice excuse to beg you for a massage. Still, none of that compared to how he was sure Seonghwa felt.
He had watched over you since day one, first like a protective mother to see what damage you would do to his nest, then you were part of it. They wanted to make it official, maybe have you spend a few nights in their bed after all this was over.
So he knew Seonghwa didn’t care about the punch the man threw, jolting to the side as it connected with his jaw. He spit out blood onto the concrete just in Hongjoong’s view, but he kept his face stone cold. He never liked when Hwa’s pretty face got hurt.
The smug look on the man’s face was just as disgusting. “Then maybe a little bit more?” He nodded to two of the men and they left the room. There was a door opening somewhere, loud bass heavy music filtering out that hummed through the concrete under their feet.
“Of what? Boredom?” Hongjoong through out with a bout of dry laughter. “I’ve had more intense fucks than this. Not even a whip or paddle or a knife? Booooring.”
“Don’t give him any ideas, love, he’s already struggling with his creativity.” Seonghwa added on, finally lifting his head. “I think he might make it in a kindergarten painting class now.”
In retaliation he grabbed Hwa by the hair again, yanking him up. Hongjoong was proud of the sinful moan Seonghwa let out, resulting in their ‘interrogator’ dropping his head and stepping back with a groan of disgust. “Seriously? Are you two getting off on this?”
“Hardly. It’s not rough enough.” Seonghwa hummed out, licking his lips as he turned as if to look at Hongjoong. “You do it so much better baby.”
“Ugh, gross.”
Hongjoong had took a risk that the red wolves wouldn’t use them against each other sexually, too homophobic to do any touching or raping of sorts. He was glad that the risk was paying off.
Off in the distance they could hear the door and music again, and that feeling of dread returned.
The wolf smirked, motioning to one of the men and pointing to the lights. Hongjoong watched with a frown as the hound turned two of their lights to the door, shining on the dark hallway just outside. A spotlight for a show.
“What? Got some fancy torture machine you’re going to bring out? Really, it’s like you want to get us off.” Despite that growing pit in his stomach, Hongjoong forced the taunt out.
He wanted to wipe that disgusting smug smirk off his face the second the spotlight illuminated up the three people in the doorway.
Seonghwa’s pained gasp hurt as much as the sight of you. “Angel?”
Hongjoong steeled his expression, taking in the sight of you to fuel the growing rage and bloodthirst that was building. Every cute, every drop of blood, every bruise, he would pay them back tenfold. None of that mattered compared to the mental damage they no doubt did on you, as you hadn’t even reacted to Seonghwa calling out for you. Body limp as you were dragged further into
“Not so cocky now?” The wolf hummed out, making his way over to you and with each step Seonghwa and he began to thrash in their chains. “Oh you really don’t want me near her? Where do you think I am when I’m not here with you?” He slid up behind you, hand running over your exposed stomach and down.
The way you tensed and began to shake wasn’t lost on the two men, both unable to look away from the one part of your naked body they had tried so hard to ignore. When the disgusting man cupped your bloody privates, Hongjoong let out a yell, thrashing even more against the chains. They had been loosening them slowly, but now it hadn’t been fast enough.
Not when the blindfold was removed from your eyes and the dead look in them brought tears burning behind their eyelids. Not when you wouldn’t look at them, you didn’t even seem mentally there.
“Can’t say her pussy was so good that I’d fight like this for it. Maybe her mouth if she hadn’t tried to bite off my dick. Ass far too tight…” He grabbed your mouth as he talked, smearing some of the dried blood from your lips and then thrust his hips against your back. Hongjoong knew he was taunting, just rubbing in the damage he had done to you, and it was working.
Seonghwa tried calling out for you again, desperation and pain in his tone that twisted Hongjoong’s heart further. Once more you didn’t react.
“You son of a bitch let her go.” He threatened lowly, throttling hard enough the studs that kept the chair in place were beginning to break.
For the briefest moments they froze, the brandishing of the knife against your throat giving them pause. You didn’t even flinch, but you trembled. The fear radiating off of you was palpable. What the fuck had he done to get you like this?
Only the beating of their hearts told them time was still passing, even their breath halted, the smug look on the wolf’s face growing by the second. He opened his mouth to taunt, but all hell broke loose before he got a word out.
The next few moments rushed by quickly, all starting with Seonghwa finally picking the chain and the metal falling loosely around them. Either because he finally got it loose, or because of who they saw just in the shadows of the bright doorway. Before the wolf had time to react, the knife was pulled out of his hand and tossed to Hongjoong who caught it easily, just as a gun was thrown to Seonghwa, thanks to Jongho rushing into the room and dislodging you from the man.
Finally, just in time, the others were here. That bit of relief had the other two men moving with confidence, fueled by their rage of what was done to you.
You fell limply against Jongho’s chest as he kicked the man right into one of the spotlights. He tripped over it, both crashing to the ground, which Hongjoong took as his opportunity to pounce on the man.
He spared no mercy as he first slit the man’s throat, just a bit shallow so he would suffer, then jabbed the knife into him over and over before he could bleed out. He kept eye contact, wanting his fury known. Even long after the body was limp beneath him he kept going, Seonghwa having effectively eliminated the blood hounds with a precise bullet to each of their skulls, leaving no enemy alive.
Only his rage.
One stab for each mark on you. Each bruise. Each cut. For the number of times this disgusting being had probably violated you. For the dead look in your eyes, the way you trembled.
It was all Hongjoong could do, screaming at the dead man as if it could somehow take away the pain he inflicted on you.
Seonghwa had to walk over and peel Hongjoong off of the dead body, grabbing his wrist to get him to drop the knife. They shared a look, Seonghwa shaking his head and then nudging his chin in your direction. He followed, tensing up at the sight of you huddled against Jongho’s chest, holding onto his shirt with such a death grip.
Hongjoong knew you both still didn’t trust or like each other, so it shocked him out of his rage, the pain boiling to the surface once more. Jongho was leaning against the wall, holding you to him with both arms around your back. You were laying your cheek against his shoulder, breathing heavily and uneven but seemingly dazed. Tears had started falling down your cheeks, and Jongho looked as pained as Hongjoong was feeling.
“We need to get her out of here Joongie.” Seonghwa gently prompted, rubbing his lover’s back. Despite how distraught he had been moments ago, Seonghwa sounded much more clear headed now. It helped ground Hongjoong, dropping the knife.
“Where… where are the others?” Hongjoong managed to get out, still panting from the excursion of, well, murdering someone brutally.
Jongho didn’t even look up from you, gaze glued to your face, following each tear that fell down your cheek. “Yunho is out front with the van, Mingi is setting up the explosives on the ground floor, San and I split up and he checked the floor below us-” He stopped as he heard music, the base vibrating through the concrete, and then it stopped. “That music was louder on the first floor, we took out the guards there when it was vibrating the place…” He trailed off when they heard screams.
San’s screams.
They were screams of anguish.
The three of them shared a silent look of understanding before glancing at you. He must have found the room you were kept in, aware the building was currently clear of enemies if he had entered the room to begin with.
Hongjoong looked at Seonghwa with a pleading look. “He’ll need you, I won’t be calm enough.”
“And I would be?” He hissed out, motioning to you just to have you flinch. It was both a good and bad sign. Good that you were still, to some extent aware of your surroundings… but that meant you were probably aware of what they just did. “Angel…” He sighed, relenting as he pocketed the gun and moved around slowly so as not to spook you. “Get her to the car, and then let's blow this place up.”
Seonghwa left then, hurrying down the hall and leaving behind silence. Hongjoong was afraid to reach for you at first, freezing up when his bloody hand got close. You stared at the blood there, seemingly more present, then looked up at him. He gave the softest most gentle smile he could muster at the moment. “Hey firecracker. You're safe now.”
Your gaze shifted to the dead body behind him, then back to him questionly. “Yes, I killed him. He hurt you, he didn't deserve to live another second. Now… do you want to go home with us? We can clean you up and feed you. Does that sound nice?”
The both of them waited for some answer from you, and it came in the form of wrapping your arms around Jongho's neck. The man held on tighter, looking up at his leader for answers on what to do.
Hongjoong motioned at the door. “Carry her out, she's probably in a lot of pain so be gentle. You have Yeosang on the line?” He pointed to his ear where the piece was. At Jongho's nod while he slowly picked you up, Hongjoong grabbed it and stuck It in his ear.
“How bad is it?” Yeosang immediately spoke into the piece and Hongjoong could hear a nervous clicking on the other side. “When I saw them grab her the other day I tried to get Yunho there I-”
“Yeosang. This isn't your fault.” Hongjoong chided as he followed Jongho out of the room, keeping an eye out but he knew Seonghwa would have dealt with any strangers on his way. “She's alive, but I need you to warn the others. Where is Wooyoung?”
“He's with Minjae at the base. He was going to bring them in as backup if needed. He won't… he won't handle it Captain.”
“I know. So you're going to tell him to check the other locations and safe houses we have with Minjae and the others and that I want a full report tonight. We need to…” his gaze flickered back to you, still trembling in Jongho's arms and hiding your face against his shoulder. Jongho himself looked as pained as Hongjoong felt, but he was whispering gentle words to you so low that not even Hongjoong could make them out. “We're going to give her time to rest before Wooyoung sees her.”
“Understood? What else?” There was a firmness to Yeosang's tone that took Hongjoong by surprise, but he pushed on.
“Just warn Mingi and Yunho not to panic. Hwa is with San. If Yunho has a blanket or something to cover her, he needs to have it ready. Contact Wooyoung’s mother for a female doctor, Firecracker might trust-”
Hongjoong broke off when he heard someone else on the connection. Seonghwa. “Joong… there are pictures of what he did to her. The bed is soaked in blood and the chains…”
“What the fuck do you mean?” Mingi's voice suddenly cut in, broadcasting on all channels. “What the fuck did they do to our Princess?!”
“Easy Mingi. She needs us calm right now okay? Get this building ready to blow.” Hongjoong attempted to pacify him as the ascended the stairs. The skipped the floor below, hitting the ground floor and headed for the entrance. Mingi met them first and Hongjoong quickly moved to get in the way.
He hated the way his eyes went big and glassy, the color draining from his face as he stared at you. When Mingi tried to reach out though, Jongho stepped back, shaking his head. “She just stopped shaking. Don't. No more surprises for her.”
Hongjoong was shocked by the defensiveness of Jongho’s tone, so was Mingi, both staring at him like the many just grew a second head.
Jongho dipped his head and just rushed off for the door, past the two dead guards there. So Mingi turned to Hongjoong, finally taking in the blood that covered him before asking. “Tell me that belongs to the one who hurt her.”
“It does.” It was Seonghwa that answered, holding an angry San by the back of the neck as they descended the stairs. “He's nothing more than a mutilated corpse. We started a fire in the room she was held in, but let's burn this whole place to the ground.”
“Is she…” San prompted, blood sneered on his cheek and a crumbled picture in his hand. “She’s alive right?” He refused to look at either of them, his shoulders and voice trembling.
Hongjoong knew that this was hardest for San no doubt, with his experience and his past with you. Softly Hongjoong patted his broad shoulders. “She needs us to be strong, okay? Would our firecracker want us looking at her like she's broken goods?”
“No.” The three others, and Yeosang, all chimed in.
“Then let's go. It's about time we take her home.” He guided them outside to the waiting van, the door was open and Jongho was sitting on the floor, his back against the driver seat a very pissed off Yunho sat in. The man was gripping the steering wheel hard enough the veins on his hands were sticking out.
Hongjoong forced Mingi up front, climbing in the back with Seonghwa who was already covering you up with the blankets since Jongho refused to let you go. Er, well, you were now holding onto his arm so Hongjoong could only assume you didn't let him.
That just hurt more.
No more than a few seconds of pulling away from the building did a series of explosions go off, the building crumbling to rabble but for Hongjoong that wasn't enough. He couldn't take away what had happened to you, just the place it did. Nor could he undo the fact it happened to you… because of him. Of them and where they had you.
Only silence accompanied the somber tension in the van.
Taglist will be added to reblogs so they will be easy to ignore!
The bar was set very high, but this might actually be the best installment of the series in every way: the writing, directing, voice acting and animation are all better than ever, with the latter experiencing a particularly big jump in quality. Maybe all of it is due to the fact that this installment has two more extra episodes and longer runtimes, giving the show even more space to develop. But really, Zerocalcare's bitingly insightful and emotionally impactful writing remains top-notch. There were so many moments where I felt like the show was seeing through me in a way that was almost scary. Just like the two previous installments, the show has your heart in its grip before you even realize it, all while making you laugh like crazy. All in all, My Two Cents continues Zerocalcare's sublime streak.
