*Deidara walks into the kitchen to find Hidan sitting at the table with his head in his hands*
Deidara: Oi, what’s the matter with you, hm? Finally figured out that your God is fake?
Hidan: Shut up, asshole. I had waaaay too much to drink last night, and —
Deidara: Let me guess, you’ve got a hangover? Tsk; you need to learn to hold your liquor better, so this stops happening.
Hidan: The hangover ain’t the problem! The problem is, I’m ninety-nine percent sure that I made out with mask-boy last night!
Deidara:
Deidara: You … made out, with Tobi?
Hidan: Yeah. I don’t know what happened! We were out here slamming down shots and suddenly his mask was off and our mouths were wrestling!
Deidara:
Deidara, shaking with anger: Hidan. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now, hm.
Hidan: What the — are you serious?? You can’t be mad at that, you don’t even like that guy! You complain about him all the time! So why —
Deidara: *shoots his hand out and grabs Hidan around the neck* That doesn’t fucking matter, you absolute dumbass. Tobi is MINE. One day his persistence is gonna wear me down and we’re going to start dating. I’ve been preparing myself for that day. *tightens his fist* YOU’RE NOT GONNA MESS UP MY FUTURE LIKE THIS, you arrogant shit!
Hidan, starting to black out: B-blondie — c-can’t b-breathe …
*Tobi walks into the room*
Tobi: S-senpai? What are you —
*Deidara let’s go of Hidan and pushes Tobi against the wall*
Deidara: You bastard! You know damn well that you are MINE, you rotten lousy Uchiha!
Tobi, in a shocked Obito voice: Wait, you knew all this time that I’m —
Deidara: *pulls Tobi’s mask off, leans up, and kisses him*
Deidara: Work on your technique, hm. Just because you’re cute doesn’t mean I’m gonna be stuck with a bad kisser for the rest of my life. And if you ever presume to cheat on me again, with this fucker or anyone else, I’ll give you scars that’ll make those ones on your face look like nothing. Now go get dressed; I’m taking you out for breakfast! *turns and storms off*
Obito, still standing dazed against the wall: What the hell just —
Hidan: I’m never drinking another drop of alcohol as long as I live.
