In this headcannon you are a fellow object, cause I said so. I’m thinking….welcome home mat or whatever. Also you gender neutral (as in project any gender baby, love you the same) in this, so imma use all pronouns in reference to you. You sorta a butler person/maid however you wanna interpret it. You give off silly/goofy/parental/still polite Alfred vibes.
.
.
.
.
.
You really don’t know how you did it, but you pulled 3 baddies and made all of them love each other.
???
Dorian is all about Friendship, Reggie loves hate, Skylar loves love and you just pray that no one gets Florence dirty.
Reggie is always the one stirring shit. You have it tallied. Dorian has been at 0 for the past decade (/joke), Skylar just reached double digits (bc of love, like she was scheming in the name of love) and Reggie is reaching his hundreds (he’s planning a party for that/silly).
Reggie actually holds back with y’all. He’s already well into his thousands w/ the rest of the house
Skylar, Dorian and you have vastly different ways of dealing with his bs.
Skylar kinda just goes along with it, let’s him get it out of his system till he goes too far and she reels him back in (to varying degrees of success)
You feign helping him, but you are the most sly and cunning ragebaiter in the entire house (that’s why Reggie loves you, afterall) and you sorta act like you’re going along with it but you are secretly pulling strings and he eventually wants to stop, but thinks it’s of his own accord (for like an hour. Will give you shit for 10 hours while hate-fucking you.)
Dorian stops it at once and Reggie goes to either you or Skylar.
Skylar definitely is the most affectionate. By a long shot. No one else is nominated. You all are emotionally constipated, she swears.
Also the most optimistic. Reggie acts like he hates that about her, but he secretly thinks that’s one of her best traits. Dorian has a HUGE soft spot for her (and you and Reggie, but hers is the most obvious one). Dorian also is a bit paranoid, but he really wants to see the best in people/objects so I think she helps him with that.
Skylar, looking something up: How to…. Dorian: Protect yourself? Reggie: Kill a man? You: Get the blood off my carpet?
Skylar also probably cries the most. Especially during tragedies. Dorian’s or your clothes are usually the victims of her tears. You always carry a box of tissues with you and tape to shut Reggie up when he goes on about how stupid/cringe the film was.
Dorian is pretty stiff in almost everything, imma be honest.
But as time goes on, he softens up.
Reggie in a good mood is practically a national holiday. You can tell whenever he kisses you, Skylar and Dorian and compliments you FIRST THING IN THE MORNING
(Reggie is NOT a morning person)
Dorian: I think he finally killed someone. Skylar: Ugh…I’ll ask Phoenicia who. You: Depending on who it is, I might even clean up their body for their funeral.
You love ragebaiting Reggie.
Skylar is sadly too easy of a mark and is always like “Alright, sweetie ☺️”
Dorian gets a migraine and you kinda feel bad adding onto his stress.
Reggie LOVES HATES it. He WILL crash out at you (But makeup sex is wild). It’s probably a secret turn on to him whenever you do that. Is there such thing as ‘annoying little shit’ sexual? Cause he’s on that spectrum.
Arguments occur a lot. Especially early on in the relationship.
Reggie isn’t without his flaws, but Dorian’s stoic nature and his sort of expectancy for you all to betray him, you unwilling to let them know when or why you’re lying/playing an act and Skylar’s anxiety for the player breaking her suspension of disbelief (and also being useless once realized) certainly aren’t leagues better.
During an argument: “Damn. And I thought I would have to do all the heavy lifting.” “SHUT UP REGGIE!!” “Well, fuck damn, you all suddenly got hotter.”
The more time you all spend together, the easier it is to sort of adjust to everyone.
Horror movies bring y’all closer together, tbh
Imagine 3 grown ass adults cuddling up around the one stoic mf and screaming their lungs out
Y’all literally pile up on the same bed (Dorian’s) and sleep it off. I don’t even think you are still scared, but you just want to be included. Reggie is, but will deny it while his face is buried in Dorian’s chest, his legs are tangled up with Skylar’s and your hand is in his. Skylar pretends like she is, but she’s not. She WAS during the movie, but afterwards she’s fine (unless something spooky is happening. Babe will cry)
Dorian pretends like he’s not, but his heart is beating fast anytime a tree rustles too loudly (Reggie can tell with his head on his chest, but he won’t bring it up, unless it’s just them and Dorian will deny it). Dorian is still the first to check out any suspicious sounds, with you second and Skylar third and Reggie last.
Imagine a burglar walking in on Dorian in boxers and a tank top pointing a flashlight at them, you in your sleepwear, Skylar in a large carebear hoodie that swallows her shorts and Reggie with the most extravagant night robe ever and a silk bonnet.
Nah, Dorian is clocking their ass while you call the cops with a shivering Skylar and a cheering Reggie in your arms
When Dorian and you are gone for whatever reason, Skylar and Reggie start acting like they are in a Home Alone movie. “How long should we boil the oil? It’s giving me nausea, Sky.” “Wikihow says 6 more hours.” “….if I start getting pimples on my fucking face, I’m going to strangle [name] and Dorian with my bare hands.”
Complete and total understanding of personal space.
Reggie isn’t big on obvious affection, Dorian likes his personal space, Skylar can read a room and you don’t rely heavily on physical touch to express affection.
If someone is upset, the others are going to give them some time to cool off (how much depends on the person. Reggie needs the most and Skylar needs the least) before you all start to interfere.
Skylar and Dorian have built in bs detectors for you and Reggie. You could fool the whole house (even Mayor Celia) but never both of them. Like, NEVER. Skylar always gives you both a ‘I’m not mad, I’m disappointed’ look/speech while Dorian just deadpans at you both.
Y’all hate Keith
Reggie is insulting the old man the moment he sees him. You out bs him. Skylar just avoids him or join you with out bsing him.
The moment Keith passes, y’all are on Dorian. Even though he assures you that he’s fine, y’all know he’s still a bit hurt by it and y’all become guard dogs.
You and Reggie are more intimidating than Skylar, who looks adorable when she’s glaring at Keith for saying something incredibly suspicious. But Skylar’s side-eyes are the best out of you all. Reggie might be great with a glare, but even he feels thoroughly judged with Skylar Specs’ infamous sideeyes.
Reggie and Skylar have impeccable taste in fashion. They go shopping for you and Dorian a lot. Sometimes they go with you if you have the time. When Dorian comes, people assume he’s y’all’s bodyguard, cause why is bro looking at the salesperson who raised their voice at you like they did a federal crime?
Speaking of which, Reggie takes no bullshit from ANYONE and expects you guys to do the exact same. Some bitch says Skylar’s glasses are cringe? “She’d better flip her hair in their stupid face and catwalk out of there.” (She doesn’t catwalk, per se…). Mother Nature’s least favorite child said Dorian dresses like he’s given up on life? “If he doesn’t flip them off, then I don’t know what I’ve been teaching him.” (He doesn’t. A stern glance usually makes them back off). Some mf that’s pissy cause life does NOT favor them comes to you about how fake your branded clothes are? “If they don’t clap back at lightning speed, then they aren’t my partner.” (You do.)
Reggie (will never admit that he) respects all of you. So he expects you all have the same respect for yourselves. He does like clapping back for you guys, though. It’s like his love language.
Reggie can’t throw shade cause mf can go below the belt if you really piss him off
Y’all once added all your last names together. Mainly cause you and Skylar thought it’d be funny and Reggie said he really didn’t give a fuck and Dorian just wanted to share a last name like a family.
Reggie WILL march EVERYONE back and you all just end up choosing an ENTIRELY new last name
You all have 1 brain and 1 braincell. Dorian owns the brain, but the braincell continuously migrates from Skylar to you to Reggie.
Reggie is a fucking prick, sometimes. You: We’re all cleaning and you can’t even lift a finger? Reggie: Do I get to choose which one?
But he will help (hire someone to do his share)
Overall, can be a very cute polycule, but Reggie’s a bitch who loves keeping things spicy, so yeah
