Journal Entry #1
today in my bullet journal i decided to describe this day in one word. Frustration. although that word can be applied in my everyday life I think today it’s the most perfect word to describe it. My feet hurts like the devil made it his horn sharpener. I walk in heels everyday to feel like i’m powerful and confident but today, I just feel pain. not because I’m ashamed of myself or i was weak but it’s just that I’ve walked so many paths to go through this day and each path, I encounter a sense of anxiety and frustration. I am no longer my own confident and spontaneous self. My professor today told me that i was being lazy. I couldn’t absorb the words that she was saying but i know it already cut through my chest. I beg to disagree with her. I am not lazy. Of all things, i am not lazy. Being lazy is probably my biggest downfall if i WAS lazy but the thing is I am not. It’s frustrating to see how adults who believe they understand us , define us by our “short comings”. I just hate how everyday they seem to always find a hole in my projects and in my skills. I know i have a lot to improve but they are my teachers, and they don’t help me. It’s so easy for adults to pour down their pressures on to our shoulders. In every start of a school year there will be a lot of changes and i believe that some of our teachers rather implement changes in the most short cut way. changing the way they treat their students in a way that will pressure them to produce the REQUIRED projects and outputs will only produce half baked learners. they may know only bits and pieces but not entirely. Sorry my teacher-side, is talking. As i go through this course I come to realize that well, my teachers are not really good teachers. Although I myself have a lot of things to learn before i can say i am a good one myself. I see how they implement rules and objectives that contradict their teaching style. In my observation this contradicting cycle made us , the students be a walking ball of lumpy half baked and -to mention weak students. Every night i reflect and criticize myself , am i doing the best i can and the answer is always, “well maybe, but we dont know the standard for the best for sure” and it frustrates me. One thing that student’s may learn how to improve themselves is to get feedback from the teacher. BTU WE DONT GET THOSE! that’s why we dont know what we should do. all we ehar are insults and borderline downgrading praises. I’m frustrated.
