“Oh, d—don’t run away. Please, it’s okay. I won’t hurt you.” From Siobhan, unprompted
Adam was already moving to flee, afraid of his presence causing yet another human to react with fear and hatred towards him. However, the small voice that called out to him held no malice, and invited him to stay, promising him he would not be hurt. His large figure paused, coming to a stand-still, before slowly turning to face the young woman.
He didn't dare say a word, wary it may startle her if he spoke. Instead, he waited, unsure of why she would request he not run. Surely she was afraid of him. So many were upon first seeing him. They reacted poorly, screaming, running, or even attacking him. Why was this encounter different?
In an attempt to make himself seem non-threatening, Adam curled in on himself, crouching down to try and appear smaller. He didn't dare approach the woman. He would let her come to him, if she chose to. His only hope was that she was not lying to him, and would not attempt to harm him.
Sooo… I haven’t written anything in a long time. But I got tagged in something recently by @karimac and it’s given me the courage to post some stuff in my notes. I really don’t care if no one reads it, this is more about getting my stories out there.
I wrote this almost 4 years ago, have not proofread it, honestly haven’t even read over it before posting. It is real-person fiction but the main character is my OC Siobhan. Still, if RPF is not your thing, scroll by.
Set of Kings
Siobhan Dockery x Sebastian Stan OC story (thought I don’t think Sebastian is in this part)
No clue on word count
Probably some cuss words, maybe some allusions to bad childhood.
Minors not allowed!!
With Mamma Mia under her belt and finally of legal age, Kings was to be her first real step into the industry. Not that Mamma Mia wasn’t a real experience. Hell, she got to work along side the great Meryl Streep, Christine Barinski, and Pierce Brosnan to name a few of the wonderful cast. But that film ended up benefiting her bastard of a father more than her. At least financially, though she couldn’t and wouldn’t trade the exposure and experience. But that film was meant to help her with her schooling. New York itself was an expensive city, not to mention the local university. But as she was not of legal age when filming took place, and she did not know any better at the time, her father had access to her bank account and when the paycheck came, it was promptly transferred to him. She couldn’t even hire anyone to fight and try and get it back. That cost money for which she was lacking of. Now that she was 18, the money left by her mom and stepdad was accessible, but she didn’t want to use it...not yet at least. She needed to prove to herself she could do this. Sure her father had offered her money for school as long as it was of his choosing, not to mention he would most likely hold it over her head and she would never be free of him.
So, another project it was. The film schedule would affect the first few weeks of the fall semester, but it was necessary if she wanted to keep attending. In all truth, she probably would have auditioned for this part either way. She made it the first few rounds, but initially lost it in the end. To her fortune, the original actress had to step away and she was asked to fill the spot. At the first rounds of auditions, Siobhan was merely trying her luck and hoping for, if nothing else, the knowledge that she gave it her best. Now though, it was a matter of financial need.
Her friend, Rachael, and herself had come up with a plan to help pay for their education, but that would not be put into play until next semester. Siobhan needed to to be able to put forth money now. At only 18, and unwilling to bring her only legal guardian into her troubles, a student loan was out of the question, not that she had met the deadline. She had a scholarship or two that would help with the tuition, but she had to take on the housing and supplies alone.
So here she was, on the set of Kings (thankfully filmed right in the city). It was daunting already. She was to play the daughter of Ian McShane’s character, King Silas. Today was mostly about meeting her cast mates and some last minute fittings. Shouldn’t be too stressful, if she wasn’t the youngest and most green of the cast.
I might spit out a little rpf thing with my oc later (literally just about my oc, but a real person is involved sort of) about what today means to her. Would literally be a true word vomit.
But I want to kind of talk out to myself some here first (and you lovely people get to witness it too) about why I think today hits me so hard and why I do not like making fun of it (I get dark humor, but imo only certain people affected by such events have the privilege of making those jokes, ie a person who lost a dad is allowed to make dead dad jokes).
Putting a break here because this may get triggering for some.
I think it hit me this morning why, even though I was quite young (6 yrs old) and lived a couple of states away, today’s event left such a mark on my young soul. And it comes back to the state of the world today and the constant televised violence and hatred and just evil represented every day.
As an adult I can understand and rationalize some actions. Not saying it’s an excuse or right or wrong or justifying what someone did, but I can think about and put myself in someone’s mind to understand why they felt the need or want to do what they did, horrible as it may be.
At 6 yrs old, I had already been through a trauma even if I don’t fully remember it. I survived a brain disease at 2 yrs that made me restart certain milestones (I had to be potty-trained again, learn to walk again, needed help with words I knew before I was sick). In other words, I think my cognitive life started with an aptitude for absorbing information and taking it in and processing things because my brain was trying to catch up and learn what it had lost (I know that sounds counter intuitive but I’m rationalizing here).
So 6 yrs old I was in 1st grade when the planes hit the towers. I remember my mom picking me up from school (they didn’t dismiss as far as I know), I remember watching the footage on TV, watching people jump from the buildings, watching as the towers fell, and watching the aftermath throughout the day. I don’t think I had school the next day. I even remember that it was a Tuesday.
But most of all, I remember being terrified. And I internalized that. As much as I didn’t understand about the world, I knew my country was about to go to war. I knew that my life would never be the same and yet wouldn’t really change. Not right away. And I was absolutely irrevocably terrified that my dad was going to go to war and die (clearly I didn’t understand how drafting and the army worked yet).
But that’s what stuck. That fear that I was going to lose someone I loved, even if it was an irrational thought. And I think my little brain also understood that, if I was that scared over something that wasn’t going to happen, how scared was everyone else that was actually there. The people in the towers, the people on the ground, the people who had no idea what was happening until it was too late or already over.
I could not make sense of it. That’s the key.
It did not make sense.
Why someone would do this. Why someone would bring this feeling of fear and sadness and tragedy upon others just for the sake of doing it.
As an adult I know more about why those people did what they did. I know more about the heroics of the passengers of Flight 93, the firefighters and civilians who put themselves in harms way, even giving their own lives, to save others.
But that 6 year old little girl in me can still not make sense of why it happened.
From an outsiders perspective, someone might say I have a fascination of 9/11 and the events that took place that day. I’ve written it into a core piece of an original character. I’ve written essays about it, read books about it (both historical fictions and non).
I recently went on a trip with a group of friends to the Titanic museum a few hours away from where I live and one of them couldn’t help but sob as we walked through.
9/11 is my titanic. And if I ever get the privilege to go to the memorials and museums, I hope I’m either alone or with someone who truly understands the mark that day left behind on me and so so many others.
Don’t come here with your jokes, your memes, you can do that with others who are ok with it. I am not.
And don’t you dare! Come here with conspiracy theories about the towers. Don’t you dare disrespect those who lost their lives and those who lost their loved ones from the hatred of others!
Believe what you want, there is scientific, physics, and mechanical evidence and explanations behind the collapses. But if you insist that “oh the government lined it with C4” or anything along those lines, or bring up anything that takes away from the lives changed and the tragedy of today, fucking go away! Talk amongst others who agree with you, not with me.
Here’s another one from the vaults of my notes app.
Again don’t like don’t read. No minors are allowed on my blog!
Memorial
Siobhan Dockery (my OC) X Sebastian Stan (yes he’s actually in this part)
Warnings: mention of death, 9/11, past trauma, idk what else I didn’t reread this and it’s been years
Quick summary: Siobhan is a cast member on Kings (2009) filming in NYC and everyone takes a day off together to watch a memorial for 9/11.
Ummm…yeah I think that’s all. Again, didn’t reread this before posting, any and all mistakes are mine. Also copy and pasted from my notes so formatting is probably shit.
Most of the cast and a good deal of the crew were scattered around the hotel lounge. Some people had taken advantage of the extended weekend to go home or take a quick vacation. The ones that stayed had gathered to watch the memorial this year. Siobhan decided last minute she should attend too. She wasn’t thrilled about it to say the least. It’s wasn’t that she thought this day shouldn’t be commemorated, quite the contrary. It just brought back a flood of memories she’d rather forget forever. Her cast mates weren’t aware of her feelings toward today, she hadn’t felt the need to share. Hell, hardly anyone knew just how close she was to this event, not even her best friend. She didn’t want their pity. Anytime it would come up in the two years after it happened, that’s all she could see. ‘Poor thing, how tragic.’ That was probably the most common. When she moved back to New York, keeping this under wraps was a priority.
But today…today was about facing the music, at least a little. Siobhan couldn’t run from this her whole life. If her career took off, it was bound to be brought up. She had to learn to accept it herself before the public forced it upon her. Today marked 7 years since her life quite literally went up in flames. September 11, 2008 marked seven years since her mom and step-dad were killed in a terrorist attack that claimed almost 3000 lives, and left her alone at the ripe age of 11.
Siobhan sat off center and close to the back of the room. A few friends she had made during filming were seated nearby, Sebastian among them. That knowledge comforted her a little. She couldn’t describe it, there was just something about his presence that calmed her.
The memorial started with the short video of the phone calls made by those trapped in the towers and the passengers who grounded Flight 93. Video footage of that day began to play, witnesses and survivors recounting their experience. Before long it switched to a live feed of a military man on a podium. He looked familiar but Siobhan couldn’t place him. He began to speak about the military lives lost, particularly the ones from the Pentagon.
“I know every life that was lost that day was a tragic loss and each one deserves to be remembered and celebrated forever. However, this year I want to talk about one specifically. George Gaylord…”
Siobhan flinched at the name. She couldn’t focus on the speaker’s next words for a few moments, too distracted by internal panic bubbling up. She didn’t even notice Sebastian next to her turn his head when he noticed her tense.
“…He was my friend for many years and a dedicated husband and father. His little girl may not have been of his own flesh and blood, but he loved and cared for no less. I don’t know if she ever knew this, but he often talked to me about officially adopting her.”
What? Siobhan gasped quietly, her lips parted in shock.
“He met her and her mother shortly after they landed in New York in search of a better life. Roxana Dockery, Roxie, never made a decision without considering the effect it would have on her daughter.”
Siobhan’s vision became blurry at the mention of Roxana. It was quickly becoming too much, too soon.
“From the handful of times I had the privilege to spend time with all three of them, I can tell you they were a very happy family. Roxie hardly talked about they’re time before New York, she said she’d rather focus on the good times to come than the bad ones that came before. George always admired her spirit and strength.”
Siobhan fiddled with her hands, trying desperately to stem the panic attack building. So far, other than Roxana’s surname, nothing was said that could indicate her place in this story. But if she were to leave or breakdown here in the lounge, there’s no doubt the dots could be connected.
Sebastian was sitting next to but slightly behind Siobhan. He had noticed her fidgety state, but didn’t want to draw attention, it was obvious to him she was trying very hard to contain whatever was swimming in her head.
The speaker paused for a bit to composed himself before he continued. “I wanted to tell you all how wonderful and brave George was, and how much he cared for his family.” His voice began to shake as he continued. “On September 11, 2001, Roxie was working in the North Tower when it was struck. She didn’t make it out.”
Her eyes started watering again. She willed them not to fall.
“George and their little girl were in the Pentagon. As soon as word was out about the towers, he made it his mission to protect little Siobhan.”
There it was. If the connection wasn’t made by her friends and coworkers, it soon would be. Not that it mattered. Siobhan could barely focus on anything but the flood of memories, words from the TV drowning in the background.
“…went to his office…”
The rush, the panic of a little girl who understood something bad was happening but confused why no one would say what.
“…same area as the plane…”
She could hear the roar getting closer and closer before a weight crushing her. The burning, acrid smell coming from everywhere, yet nowhere.
“…gave his life protecting her…”
The pain in her side and the fear made her want to scream. Scream until her voice was hoarse. But she couldn’t, no mattered how hard she tried, she couldn’t get her body to listen. Something was above her, blocking the heat from the flames and most of the ash falling in the air. She could only cry, weep until the darkness took hold.
A hand on her shoulder suddenly brought her back to the present. With tears silently falling down her face, she discreetly glanced at those around her, trying to gauge who else noticed. Before she could turn to the owner of the hand, it had to be Sebastian, he was the only one close enough, the speaker’s words caught her attention.
“In the aftermath of everything, I never had the opportunity to speak to Siobhan. To let her know how much her parents loved her. I lost track of her over the years, but I know she turned 18 this year. She was forced to grow up without her parents and I hope, that if she is watching this, she knows she’s never alone.”
Siobhan couldn’t listen anymore. As quietly as she could without drawing attention, she gently moved Sebastian’s hand and left the lounge. Her feet led her down the hotel hallways, out the front door, and through the streets of New York, oblivious to anyone else passing by or following. Without realizing it, she ended up on one of the sets for the show. It was the one used for banquets and parties. A room off to the side of the main one held the object of her desire. She sought it out unconsciously. Only a handful of things could help when her brain decides to go haywire like this.
She approached the piano swiftly. It was a beautiful instrument in any case, but this particular one was gorgeous beyond words. She sat at the bench and let her hands move across the keys of their own accord. The sounds of Bach, Mozart, and even Beethoven floated through the room. No piece in particular, just sections of her favorites, transitioning to and from with the waves of anxiety and calm that flowed through her mind.
As Siobhan felt her mind relax, she couldn’t help but feel she wasn’t alone. Turning, she saw Sebastian leaning in the doorframe.
“What are you doing here?” She asked him.
He pushed himself off and walked to the piano, standing on the opposite side. “I wanted to make sure you were ok.” He he put his elbows on the piano and leaned forward slightly. “Are you?”
Siobhan paused her fingers, “Figured it out then?” Sebastian nodded. “Think anyone else did?”
He shrugged. “Hard to tell. Don’t think they’ll say anything if they did. Not unless you say something.” She raised her eyebrows in question. He gave her an understanding smile. “You’re not exactly an open book, and any sane person is going to realize it’s a sensitive subject.”
“Good,” Siobhan huffed, “I don’t need their pity.” She started playing again, a slow melodic tune. Looking at her fingers dance over the keys, she missed Sebastian’s look of concern.
His attention turned to the music. “You’re good. Where’d you learn?” A change of subject was needed.
Siobhan brought her gaze to his, “My mom taught me the basics. Apparently one of her friends growing up was always playing and she tagged along to lessons. I taught myself the rest, helped keep my mind off things and keep her with me.” She teared up a bit. She didn’t remember much of her mother anymore, it was too painful. But the music and piano playing always stayed. “How much did you hear? Earlier?”
It was a double question. She wanted to know how long he had been there, observing her. “Long enough to know you’re talented.” He answered one while glazing over the unspoken second. “I don’t know many people who can change pieces, much less composers, so seamlessly.” She looked at him, a bit stunned at his musical knowledge and ability to identify the differences. “My mom’s a piano teacher. Actually how I got my name,” he smiled at the mention of his mother.
Siobhan couldn’t help but smile back, both at his own and the piece of personal information he shared. “Bach?”
Sebastian raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement, before indicating the piano. “Know any fun ones? Not that I’m complaining about the the classics.”
Siobhan stopped her hands, giving him a mischievous smirk, she jumped into The Entertainer by Scott Joplin. “This was the first one I taught and memorized myself.”
She became so caught up in the music, and frankly the beautiful man in front of her, she never noticed a few of her coworkers pop their heads in. Sebastian simply nodded his head at their silent questions, not wanting to draw Siobhans attention to them. He watched her face relax more and more with every note and every word of conversation. All too soon, the piece came to an end.
The silence between them was comfortable. Siobhan knew she needed to move and go about her day. Enjoy the time off work. But one, she didn’t want to go anywhere that could remind of what this day was. Going home alone was a bad idea. It would only lead to lots of ice cream, loathing, and depression. Two, she really wanted to stay in Sebastian’s company. It was selfish of her. Surely he had better things to do than to spend his time off with her. She wasn’t anything special. Honestly she had probably scared him off of anything to do with her, much less friendship.
“Want to hang out?”
His question cut off her internal rambling. “Huh?”
“Want to hang out today?” He repeated. “You seem like you could use a friend.”
“A friend?”
He chuckled. “Yes, a friend. You know, someone to spend time with, hang out, confide in, be yourself without judgement, someone who’s there for you when you need them…,” he paused for a moment, “We are friends, right?”
“Well I- I didn’t want to assume,” Siobhan sputtered. She wasn’t good with new people, and it’s not like she had a whole lot of people lining up to be friends growing up. Really she only had Rachael, and that’s probably just because they were roommates freshman year. Sebastian was still patiently waiting for her to answer. Taking a deep breath, “I consider you a friend, but I didn’t want to assume you thought of me as one. We’re coworkers and I’ll admit we work together well, at least from my-“
“So, I consider you a friend. You consider me a friend,” he interrupted, “Therefore we are friends, yes?”
She sighed through her nose before nodding, “Yes, Sebastian. I suppose we are friends.”
“Great! Then we can hang today and I can reacquaint you with the city.” Sebastian leaned back from the piano and moved to stand next to her.
Siobhan stood from the bench and the two started making their way out of the building. “That’s right, you’re from New York aren’t you?”
Sebastian held the door open for her. “Well sort of. I spent my teen years here, but I’m actually from Europe.” The door closed behind them as they started down the street, no destination in mind.
“Where is Europe?” Siobhan asked. She could tell Sebastian was hesitant to tell her. “Come on now. We’re friends, right?” she teased, “Friends tell each other things.” She poked his arm to emphasize her statement. “You’re words.”
He smiled and shook his head lightly at her antics before, somewhat reluctantly, saying he was from Romania.
Siobhan stopped in her tracks. He couldn’t be serious. It’s too freaky of a coincidence to be real. “Really?”
“Yeah. I was born in Constanta.” He was a bit nervous. Some people didn’t react well with that knowledge, given the country’s recent political history.
Siobhan smiled, “Acolo a crescut mama. M-am născut în București. (That’s where my mother was grew up. I was born in Bucharest.).”
Seb’s eyes lit up when he heard his native language. “Sunteți din România? (You are from Romania?)”
She nodded and switched back to English. “Yes. I was a baby when we moved, so I don’t remember much, but it was something my mom was very proud of. She even incorporated the language into my schooling, though I admit I’m very out of practice.”
The two started down the streets again. “It sounds like you remember it well enough,” Seb told her.
“I know enough to get by,” Siobhan blushed at his compliment, “but I’d struggle with full conversations. Not exactly a lot of people around here who know it. After…well, everything, I tried to keep teaching myself, but that really only gets you so far, you know?”
Sebastian gently bumped your shoulder. “You have me now.”
“That I do.”
They continued to walk in comfortable silence. There were people hustling along around them, but not as many as there could be. It seems the memorial service was enticing many of them to stay home or at least in proximity to a TV. Siobhan was thankful for it. She loved the city, she wouldn’t have fought tooth and nail to go to school here otherwise, but sometimes people were just too much to handle.
“You drink coffee?” Sebastian asked her.
She gave him a look of disbelief. “I’m a drama student at NYU juggling classes, work, and adult shit. Coffee is my life.”
Sebastian laughed full-heartedly. “Well there’s great a cafe not far from here I visited a lot growing up. Interested?” He offered his arm to her.
“One thing you will quickly learn about me, Sebastian,” she said, linking her arm through his, “I will never turn down the opportunity for coffee with a friend.”
He smiled and they started towards their destination. “I’ll make sure to remember that.”
Siobhan Dockery
*At some point the characters of Anya and Siobhan will cross over in a way. I will write separate parts because I think it’s important to distinguish them. These parts will only differ slightly before the two stories veer off. In Anya and Bucky’s story, things no longer follow the MCU timeline after Civil War.
**Siobhan will eventually play Anya in the MCU, she gets officially introduced and plays a brief part in Age of Ultron. These stories will be labeled as “Siobhan’s Anya” and will roughly follow the MCU timeline.
