Alastor's Gay Wife AU
What if Sapphire died before Alastor and he became Saphire's wife's Beard?
Because it was expected that Alastor would remarry for the kids sake? And because it's expected that as a healthy hetero couple they'd have more kids.
(I just want a scene where smoking hot two winners drape themselves dramatically over Alastor and call him their hubby, the father of their children, really hamming it up all three inwardly cackling, just to see half of Hell explode.)
I don't think Saffie needs to die for that honestly, her and her girlfriend Willow definitely would have made those jokes anyways by the simple fact that Willow was always at "their" house so she was basically like a "second wife." Alastor would be reading the newspaper on the couch trying so so hard not to pay attention to the two lesbians in the background loudly bragging about being Alastor's favorite wife. He'd be cooking a meal for three while the two lesbians he willingly tied himself to are dramatically swooning over their "pretty husband cooking them some gumbo" while they're waiting at the dinner table. He'd be getting ready for a hunt (an actual one not a murder one) and his two lesbians would be fanning themselves and fake-whispering to each other about how MANLY he's being, look at their big strong provider.
He does, in fact, find them and their jokes hilarious, and it would be SO MUCH BETTER in the afterlife. Neither of those two lesbians or their kids give a single shit that he killed people. They never felt unsafe around him and never would, so they don't care, even though they're a little miffed that they never somehow managed to figure it out while alive. (Motherfucker WE THOUGHT YOU WERE SMUGGLING BOOZE, HOW DARE YOU MAKE US FEEL LIKE FOOLS?!)
So when they see Alastor again it's business as usual. Alastor is back to being their lovely hubby and the father of their little sprout. Not clarifying that this is platonic because why the fuck would they, this shit is hilarious. Look at that dumbass TV head dude who tried to invade heaven, he's losing his goddamned mind over there, lmao.
The three of them thrive on chaos.
As for kids, I only really imagined there being one kid, because like. Asking for the one kid from a guy who isn't actually in a romantic or sexual relationship with you is already asking for quite a lot. If there WERE more kids though I'd say there'd be a years long age gap, and Alastor would die soon after their birth. Maybe a pair of twins. So Clementine would be born around 1925, and the twins 1933. It would also give another really good reason for Willow to move in permanently.
