Thanks for reaching out! I am so grateful you're interested in A Fraction of Justice!
Listen, I promise you I want a regular release schedule as much as you do! But sadly, my life is a little too busy with other things to be able to write and post the chapters with a ton of consistency.
In an ideal world, I'd love to be posting every three to four weeks, but sometimes life gets busy! I promise, I'm always brainstorming the next part of Alexander's story and writing it out as often as I can.
Speaking of which, I've been hard at work on the next chapter and can't wait to share it soon!
🎄🎅Merry Christmas 🎁❄️ to those who celebrate! ☃️🛷Happy Holidays⛷️⛸️ to those who don’t! I hope no matter where you are or what your holidays look like this year, you can let a little love in and relax, just like how Alexander is trying (and maybe failing) to do.
Chapter #25. Alexander does his level best to tell all about his recent misadventures.
She stared at me earnestly, her fingers leaving warm impresses along my spine and in my lap as she gently supported my weight. I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that she meant what she said: she genuinely wanted to listen to me.
This was… a novel sensation. I felt the slightest tightening in the back of my throat as I considered it. She was perched just above me, her hair cascading in waves down her shoulders as she regarded my comparatively small person, cradled between her fingers and thumb. I shifted around beneath her touch, feeling hesitant but eventually resting my hands atop her thumb (there was nowhere else to comfortably place them as her largest digit had commandeered the better part of my lap). This was all a bit too intimate for my tastes, but I supposed it was a small price to pay for having her rapt attention.
I allowed myself the small risk of leaning my weight on her fingers behind me, releasing all resistance to gravity from my muscular system. In spite of myself, I had to admit that simply relaxing felt wonderful… there was a part of me, I couldn’t believe such a part existed, that wanted to forget about the living hell that was the veterinary clinic and simply luxuriate in rest, right here.
But of course, there was no time for such ridiculous indulgences. I had to seize the moment while I actually had a human willing to hear me. Surely she would grow complacent and disinterested over time. I had to strike while the iron was hot.
As I craned my neck to take her in, the tension in her jaw, her furrowed brow and hard eyes told me just how defensive she was over me. Not that I needed her to protect me… nor particularly cared how she felt. Why did I feel the sudden need to shift beneath her thumb again to compose myself? I tried to ignore whatever it was and tilted my gaze upwards to lock on to those warm irises.
I cleared my throat and stacked my spine, ready to confide in the one human I could at least somewhat trust. She gazed back into my eyes, and I could practically feel the anticipatory worry coming off of her in waves. Get ready for your blood to boil, Natalie…
“Well?? I’m holding my breath over here… I can’t ever get you to shut up and now is the time you decide to go silent??” She pressed the pads of her fingers against me as she stared, hungrily awaiting the news.
“Oh, alright! Calm down! I’m getting to it! You humans, always so demanding! You want what you want and you want it NOW. Have some patience and decorum will you???” I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest as I jutted my chin in defiance. But as I gazed into her irises and felt the soft warmth of her hand surrounding me, I burst into a grin in spite of myself.
She couldn’t help but bite her lip and roll her eyes, “Is being shitty to me like the way you get life force or something? I liked you better when you were all cute and high off your ass—“
“Excuse me? When I was what?”
“Nothing, don’t worry about it… tell me what happened!”
“Fine! We’ll put a pin in that then…” I eyed her disapprovingly as I prepared myself to tell all, “Well, from the moment she took me away, it was simply reprehensible! You disappeared behind the door and they carried me off and… they were so infuriatingly condescending! They spoke to me like a petulant child, while poking and prodding. I kept demanding that they treat me and was flatly ignored. I have abrasions and bruising along my obliques from the pressure of their fingers….” I watched as her eyes got wide and her brow furrowed in concern. Her fingers moved in just a millimeter or two closer, as if she could shield me from what had already happened, “They were awful, especially the one with the black hair—“ I couldn’t help but clock the almost involuntary twitch of her brow as I spoke, “She, in particular, had a penchant for cruelty. Her male counterpart was stupid more than anything else. The other woman, she was kind. She kept doing her best to advocate for me, but to no avail….”
“Alexander… I’m, I’m so incredibly sorry. I should never have taken you there. I-I didn’t know!” I was hardly listening to her, however, as a sinking feeling permeated my every muscle, “H-hey…. Hey, earth to Alexander…. Hello? What’re you… why are you 1000-yard-staring right now like you’ve just seen a ghost?”
“Hm? S-sorry… it’s just… it’s nothing… where was I? Yes…. The woman with the glasses. She seemed compassionate but she was weak and low down in the pecking order so it did me no good. I… I remember her, the black haired one, pinning me down to take a picture of me… I ran… she grabbed me. The pain was unfathomable… and then… well… it was dark for a while? I had tubes coming out of my mouth. I remember my heart racing and…. I was lying down and I couldn’t breathe. They held me down and stuck a needle in my arm… I…. I was in a lot of pain, I think….”
She paused for a long while, “… You... think? Um, look I don’t know how to say this delicately, without you getting pissed off at me… but it sounds like, while they were very very condescending and disrespectful of you, which, to be clear is fucking awful… they didn’t technically do anything legally wrong… you made it sound like there was hell to pay. Please, don’t misunderstand, I am more than happy to file complaints for negligence… I just don’t think it’ll result in anything more than a slap on the wrist without stronger evidence. And… please don’t scream at me, but I don’t think them teasing you counts as grounds for litigation…” she winced as she spoke, no doubt expecting me to berate her, but her words were the least of my concern.
My mind was a blur. My heart thundered in my chest as she spoke. I was certain something particularly awful had happened… something unforgivable. But the sequence of events vaporized in my mind’s eye… like a candle snuffed out, leaving behind only a wisp of silvery smoke where vibrant heat and light should be. A sinking feeling emerged in the pit of my stomach.
“Did they administer the wrong drug, like you were afraid of? Were there clear signs of malpractice?”
“Yes! There were!”
“Okay, like what?”
“I am certain there were!! I just… um…” I stared up at her, wide eyed and blinking like an imbecile, panic rising ever so rapidly in me.
“You don’t remember do you?” She looked crestfallen as she spoke.
I grit my teeth, snarling, “Don’t say that! I do! Of course I remember! I always remember! I have an infallible memory. I just… have to think…”
“Alexander? Hey….” The pad of a thumb tucked under my chin, but I pulled away and stared at the lines in my hands, refusing to meet her gaze. Her persistence was beginning to irritate me. Didn’t she know a man who needed to gather his thoughts in peace when she saw one? She continued, undeterred “…there’s no shame in forgetting. They put you under, it messes with your memory. I… and don’t get mad at me for saying this, but… I could tell you were scared when she took you away. Is it possible your fear of what could’ve happened is what you’re calling to mind?”
Her thumb pressed into my cheek and I squirmed to avoid her, “Stop it! Stop with the coddling, I don’t need it! When have I ever asked you to caress me? Please, I'm trying to recall something very important and all you’re doing is distracting me! And what sort of a question is that? Are you accusing me of making things up?? I know my own mind. If I felt like that, something must have happened…”
She seemed taken aback, “I’m sorry! Look, if you say something happened, I believe you. All I want is for you to know I’m on your side, that I care about you and that I want you to feel better. I mean, look, I want to kill them already for being shitty and cruel to you. That’s seriously fucked up. I’m not trying to condescend to you, just to comfort… and, for the record, I’ve never once called you weak…” she leaned in closer, a finger tip gliding over the crown of my head. I didn’t like her dominating over me like this. It was a mockery of my very stature. I couldn’t help but burst.
“Now is not the time to get defensive! Please, allow me to focus for a singular moment on the task at hand! And stop with all the petting, it’s simply maddening!” I batted at her fingers, my hair falling wildly in my eyes.
She whisked her hand away, it was suddenly at least twenty degrees cooler as the current of air generated from the movement of her arm cooled my skin. I had to catch myself with my hands pressed into the soft fabric of the bedsheets to keep from falling flat. Her eyes were hardened, glassy.
She tucked one arm beneath the other as she leaned on the bed, suddenly distant, hurt, “Goddammit, Alexander, I’m doing everything I can think of to be supportive. Okay? You act above it all and like you fucking hate me but I know that’s not true. So please stop it. Let me show you some love and support. I’m just trying to be kind. It’s not gonna kill you to be touched or taken care of….”
“Look, Natalie… I don’t have time to address your wounded pride and I’m not interested in having an argument right now about your violation of my personal space—“
“—violation? You didn’t act that way when you were high off your ass an hour ago. You loved it when I held you. You leaned into the warmth of my hand and cuddled against me. What’s changed now? Just that you feel like you have something to prove and it’s you versus the whole world? Hm? Is that it? Because it doesn’t have to be like that. Don’t you see that now? I’m right here, Alexander, and I want to help.”
What on earth was she talking about?! Yet another thing I was apparently incapable of recalling. I burned. This wasn’t fair, none if it was… I knew I’d been through something excruciating and I was determined to get to the bottom of it, but, instead, I had to listen to this human blubber on about how she couldn’t play with me like a doll as much as she desired. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.
She didn’t like that seemingly at all, “Hey! You have no idea what it was like for me in that waiting room. I was terrified for you. And they kept telling me all this shit about how your leg was broken and surgery was the only option. I kept asking and asking to see you, just to hold you in my hands and know you were okay and they told me you were fine. They kept shooting down my questions, assuring me… That you were better off in the back, so you’d stay calm… b-but I guess you weren’t. They were torturing you and I was just sitting there in the other room! You were terrified and I wasn’t there to help! That breaks my heart. Do you realize that? I’m sorry, okay? If, if I made the wrong decision… If you’re angry with me…. I understand. I do. It’s all my fault that they frightened you because I hand delivered you to them. I never meant to hurt you, Alexander. Please believe me. Hate me all you want, okay, because I’m not turning my back on you. I won’t stop looking out for you even if you hate my guts. I’d never do that… b-but I have to know, do you really not give a fuck at all about me? Because just a little while ago, you said some things… that, that made it sound like you don’t totally hate me. You seemed to enjoy me treating you with softness. I just want to know if that’s true because I…. I care about you… okay? I do. And not just in a shitty condescending or possessive way, like you always accuse me of. You’re not mine to own. I know that. You’re your own man. You’re here by accident. You never asked for this… or me. I see you, Alexander. I know you’re a person who’s trying so hard to make something of himself in spite of the odds. So, please, please let me in a little, will you? I promise, all I want is to help.”
I paused for a moment, taking it all in, beneath a furrowed brow and tight jaw, before meeting her gaze. She wanted to help, did she? Was it possible that I could trust her with my long term aspirations? Would she listen with respect if I told her I had plans to change the world, rather than laugh in my face? Would she really dedicate herself to helping me parse out this case currently before us? I felt a twinge of possibility stir in my soul… a ray of hope ignite the blood in my veins.
Her huge golden brown eyes were on the verge of tears, and I couldn’t help but release the tension in my shoulders, relenting. With a sigh, I spoke to her, softly, with consideration, “Okay, alright. Come here…. Give me your hand…” I stretched out my arms, inviting her to bring her fingers closer. I couldn’t exactly get up and come to her after all.
She hesitated, giving me a distrustful and quizzical look as if to question wether this was a trap. I gestured hurriedly for her to move her hand before me, “C’mon, closer. I won’t bite… this time, I promise…” I couldn’t help smirking in the crooked way I tended to do, which had always been rather embarrassing for me. She inched ever closer until the pad of her middle finger was before my lap. I cupped it with my right hand, the full width of it barely fitting between my fully outstretched fingers, as my left hand came to rest on her nail bed. I stroked her nail a few times, “There, there… is this what you needed?”
She stared at me, her face twitching, before she burst into laughter. I was shocked, what was so funny??
****************
That was truly the most awkward attempt at comfort I’d ever seen! He was just sort of stiffly petting my nail bed while looking rather uncomfortable himself. My body shook with laughter, “You poor little bastard!!” I wasn’t even angry or hurt anymore. How could I be? His face turned a bright shade of red as he stared with sharp eyed intensity, truly baffled, “Your comfort game needs a little work, sweetheart!” I started crying I was laughing so hard.
“W-what?? I thought…” he blubbered wordlessly.
“Oh my god, you tried, little robot. You really did. D-don’t worry, we’ll find a heart to put in that hollow tin exterior some day!” I gently rubbed his chest with a finger. It was surprisingly warm for such a cold-blooded little nightmare.
I expected him to get huffy and double down but when I looked at him, he couldn’t help but smile, in spite of himself, “I’m no tin man, I’m a gallant romantic who’s interpersonal skills are unmatched, thank you. But nice quasi-sophisticated literary reference, I didn’t realize you could read!”
“Oh, shut up!”
“What? You seemed to think it completely acceptable to express your surprise when you discovered I was literate!”
“Okay, okay! Touché! I’m waving the white flag! I get it, little man, I can never match you in a game of wits. But none of that changes the fact that you can sometimes be a little prick who needs to learn how to relax and accept a little physical contact every now and again.”
“Never! I’ll never surrender! You can’t make me! I refuse! Now, please, be quiet so I can follow my own train of thought….” With that, he flopped back on the bed, his arms folded over his abdomen while he stared up at the ceiling. I waited quietly, trying my best to be patient, passing the time by watching the rise and fall of his tiny chest, as I matched the tide of his breathing with my own.
He was like a statue, stock still, unmoving. The only way I could tell he was a living breathing thing was that his eyes occasionally blinked. He lay there like that for five, ten, fifteen minutes, then finally, and almost so quiet I could barely hear, “Damn it all…”
“Nothing?”
“I remember the fear, the pain. The odd and terrifying shapes of hands looming overhead. I remember the hazy buzz of conversation and trying really hard to read…. Something. But just what that something was—? My mind is suddenly a blank. I’m so exhausted, Natalie. That’s all. My psyche is stretched so thin….” He rolled his head to look at me, as I leaned over him with my chin resting on my hands.
“Then sleep, you ridiculous little thing. The mystery to solve won’t go anywhere in the next few hours.” I wanted so badly to caress his little chest and gently rub his scalp, but I resisted with all my strength of will, keeping my twitchy hands to myself.
He stiffened at the suggestion, “N-no…. I can’t just rest. I can’t lose all my momentum…”
“You also can’t solve a case if you’re dead from overexertion. You’ve had one hell of a day, give yourself a fucking break. And when you wake up, we’ll put our heads together and figure this out, okay? For whatever fucking reason, in spite of you being an angry little ass most of the time, I’m still gonna stand by you, even though you’re my—“
“--Little nightmare, I know…” his eyes were half closed as he huffed and rolled them toward the ceiling, before training them on me. Even in all his grogginess, his gaze was breathtakingly blazing behind those sleepy lids, “You are aware that any and all proposals for atrocious and ridiculous nicknames have to pass through the house…” he sleepily pointed to me, “…and the senate, yes?” He pointed to himself, before continuing, “That means your coining of me as such is not likely to be codified into law.”
I couldn’t help but scoff, as I joked, “You’re half asleep and you still somehow manage to be a dick. You’re lucky you’re cute…”
“I take issue with that…” he shook his head and crossed his arms, the ghost of a smirk barely hidden.
“You take issue with fucking everything. Go to bed, Alexander!” I wanted to kiss him on the head and tuck him in. Instead, I pushed up from the mattress, planning to give him some space to sleep, but before I could even gather my feet beneath me, he halted my movements.
“Wait, one last thing….” His sleepy eyes opened partially, enough for me to peek at the brilliant blue beneath them.
“No, nope, I’m not getting tricked into another insult before bed. Sleep! I like you better when you’re conked out. I’m just saying, when you were loopy you were so cuddly and sweet. Now you’re back to griping and grumbling…”
He shook his head from side to side, his right arm stretching out toward me, “I have one favor to ask…”
“I know, you want me to leave you the fuck alone, I’m going, okay? As someone once said to me recently, have some patience and decorum!” I started to shift again and his words froze me in place.
“Will you hold me, while I sleep?”
I just about melted into the carpet fibers. He smirked that little crooked smile of his that I’d seen so very rarely.
He raised his brows, no doubt taking in my bright red blush and hitching gasp. He smiled teasingly, staring up at me through his brow in a way that made me melt even more, “Don’t look too excited about it or I’ll change my mind…”
I was breathless, sinking back down on to the surface of the bed, I let a single finger descend to brush his hair from his tired eyes, “Is that what you really want? You won’t be pissed at me later?”
“As you say, I’m always pissed about something. I’ll find something you’re doing wrong, don’t worry…..” I hesitated, lifting my finger and inch or so off of his body, “But yes, I’d like you to. Just hurry… it’s hard to stay awake right now, answering this monotonous battery of questions….” My heart skipped a beat, or two, or three, as he smirked again, his eyelids getting heavier and heavier.
“O-okay…. If this is what you want, I’ll be so careful, I promise… come here, Alexander…”
Very very gently, I dug my fingers into the fabric beneath him, and scooped him up, supporting his head with the pad of my thumb, and very carefully cradled the heel of his injured leg beneath the tip of my free finger, as I had done only a little while ago while he was out of it. See? You can be sweet… it won’t kill you… “You’re going to remember and we’ll get this all sorted out… but in the mean time, I’ve got you, little nightmare… sweet dreams…”
***************
The moment her warm fingers rose to press softly into my spine, my hips, my shoulders…. I felt my heart race a little faster. I kept my eyes closed and stayed limp, but inside I was electrically charged with feeling.
Had I ever asked to be cradled in the hand of a human before? I didn’t think so. Yet, here, in the crook of her palm, I felt things I never thought were possible in the presence of someone so large and foolish: I felt safe, warm, and, dare I say it, contented to be there.
I was crushed by my current gaps in memory recall at the moment. I wanted more than anything to bring those maniacs to justice as swiftly and aggressively as possible. However, at the present, such proof eluded me. Yet, somehow, I believed her when she said with confidence that we’d figure it out.
We.
What a funny little personal pronoun. One I’d hardly ever considered all the days of my life. For once, the human was right. I did see myself as one man against it all. Maybe there was some validity to what she’d said next, that it didn’t have to be that way. I trembled at the thought. I was getting far too ahead of it all and only setting myself up for disappointment and misery when she inevitably let me down…. Wasn’t I?
A whisper stirred my eyelids open and I peered up at the woman gazing down at me, “Alexander?”
Her voice was soft, the consonants of my own name rustling my hair as her breath cascaded over my prone body. I raised a brow, too sleepy to move anything else, “Th-Thank you, for… letting me in a little bit…” she seemed as though she wanted to say more, but kept it to herself.
After a moment, where I almost dipped out of consciousness right then and there, I rolled over my left shoulder, outstretching my arms, and hugged her thumb to my chest. The tip of that strong, imposing digit, that was almost as big as me, was aligned directly with my face. I pressed my cheek into it, feeling the heat and rhythm of her pulse beneath, “Is this what you wanted? Is this what high Alexander would do which you seemed to love so much??”
She beamed, holding me ever closer beneath her sparkling gaze, “You’re recreating it so perfectly, fantastic job!” She was truly beside herself, I could tell. I could feel her heart racing beneath my cheek, after all.
I smiled, as grogginess, coupled now with unrelenting softness and warmth from her skin, took hold of what little consciousness I had left, “I demand to know just what exactly I did that left you so ridiculously enamored while under the influence…. You’d better tell me when I awake!”
“Not in a million years! I know you, little nightmare. The second I tell you, you won’t speak to me for at least a week.”
“I think I can handle anything you can throw at me. Get out of the habit of underestimating me!”
“Sweetheart, I know you can do anything you set your mind to, but, believe me, when I say I think I’m estimating your capacity for this quite accurately!”
“Mmmm, that bad huh?”
“Go to sleep, Alexander. I’ll be right here when you come to.”
“I demand satisfaction upon waking. I will not waver on this.”
“Uh huh… now, hush.”
“...Goodnight, Natalie….”
“Goodnight, Alexander… Sweet dreams.”
And slowly, as I seemed to sink ever deeper into the warm, silky surface of her cupped palm, I drifted off to sleep, held aloft by the first human I’d ever actually wanted, at least at certain intervals, to touch me.
Tomorrow I’d work to bring destruction to my enemies, but tonight, I’d give myself the gift of rest…. And what a glorious gift it was!
What if Alexander and Natalie suddenly switched sizes?
This is just a fun little one off to explore these two and their dynamic a bit more. I promised you guys this, forever ago, for hitting a new follower milestone and now it’s finally here!
I have to thank a million times over @not-a-space-alien, @kitn-underfoot, @sizechaun, & @littlescaryinternetguy for beta reading for me and giving me some amazing feedback!
**Please let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list**
This is a size switch AU story of Alexander, a well-dressed, silver-tongued miniature person, who’s highly intelligent (perhaps, too much for his own good). He has aspirations of becoming the world’s tiniest lawyer. When he meets Natalie, will she help or hinder his progress?
Set in a universe where miniature people (around 5 inches tall) are kept as pets for the rich, this story follows one very tiny, academically minded man, who, after enduring abuse at the hands of the ignorant humans around him, becomes hell bent on finding a way to fight this oppression through the legal system. Will his case win out? He has to get humans to listen first. When he finds himself out allied with one, will she finally be the first to hear his message?
A mixture of fluff and angst, mature (Language, adult themes and violence) but SFW. This story uses the pet trope as a means to explore themes of overcoming trauma and fighting back against abuse, as well as learning to love oneself.
Word Count: 9,264
Read Time: Approx. 70 mins
CW: adult language, angst, fear play, dehumanization, non-sexual nudity
A Fraction of Justice: Not all that Blisters (Size Switch AU)
[Alexander’s POV]
I was lying prone on my stomach, deep in a tantalizing sleep. It was, in fact, some of the best sleep I’d gotten in some time. Natalie and I had been burning the candle at both ends helping her prepare for an upcoming exam. While she had retired to her bedroom around 3 am, I’d insisted on staying in the living room, surrounded by open tomes, and a tablet for doing research. I’d wanted to master one last sample case study before getting some rest myself.
Evidently, I’d passed out in that endeavor, no doubt splayed out on my stomach, lying on top of her open textbook. Not much for a bed in the comfort department, but nevertheless, come dawn, I was out cold. On a different morning than this one, I could imagine a better rested Natalie rubbing the sleep from her eyes and shuffling into the living room, ignited with inviting, golden, morning sun, only to wake me with her bemused chuckling, finding me unconscious, curled up on the surface of her book.
Instead, this morning was distinctly different.
There were no peals of uncontrolled laughter or the caressing of giant fingers on the crown of my head to wake me from my dreamless sleep. No, I was bolted awake, instead, as I shuffled my leg slightly. One small shift of my weight and I was greeted with a sudden, heart stopping CRASH of a hardback colliding with the wood floor beneath. Had I been more awake, I would have questioned how on earth the shifting of my meager few ounces could have possibly made such a reaction happen. Since my brain did not have the capacity for such critical thinking in its unexpected and sudden state of consciousness, I instead grunted, snapping open my eyes as I pressed my palms into the ground beneath me, and lifted my head.
Like encountering a sudden step down when walking, my hands were jarred by feeling a variance of textures beneath them. Instead of the consistent, flat surface of the page I was expecting, my hands rested on the rough edges of paper, and the fabric of the couch, which seemed suddenly much more pliable beneath my weight than I’d previously remembered. Similarly, as feeling returned to the rest of my body, I was shocked to find myself lying on what felt like all manner of other books and fabric.
Incapable of understanding what I was feeling, my eyes adjusted to the painfully bright light of the unfiltered morning sun. I squinted, shielding my sensitive irises and blinking rapidly. Slowly, the world came into sharp focus.
Why is the arm of the couch so close? I could’ve sworn when I’d surrendered to sleep I’d been at least two feet (in human measurements) from the wall it created compared to my little body. Now, my nose was so near to bumping it I could feel the tickle of its fibers on the sensitive nerve endings. In fact, as I raised my trunk to greet this corner of the living room (the same space in which I’d first found myself when Natalie had accidentally brought me inside) everything seemed somehow different? Smaller? Was I experiencing delirium from pushing myself too hard these last few days? Tucking my left leg under me to try and sit up, I felt all manner of obstacles shifting beneath my weight. That’s the first time I looked down. I couldn’t believe what my eyes were undeniably showing me.
I was not just lying on the singular textbook. No. The pages that used to stretch on and on around me, each about four times as large as my whole body, were now dwarfed by my outstretched palms. Two hands side by side could cover the surface of a page with ease. My heart stopped. No way!!! This couldn’t be possible. It was simply, logically, out of the question. Wasn’t it?!? Beneath my legs, other books, the tablet, the cushions of the couch, all of these were touched by my outstretched form. My entirely nude form.
Then, down below on the surface of the textbook, a wrinkled scrap of multicolored fabric caught my eye. Reaching down, I pinched it between a thumb and forefinger, raising it to eye level. Adrenaline coursed through my nervous system as blood pounded in between my ears. It was undeniable. I laid it out in the palm of my hand. It was ripped apart along all the seams, but the front was still somewhat in tact. That damn unicorn decal, sickeningly cheery as ever, was now half the size of my thumbnail.
Somehow, inextricably I was…. Human sized.
My heart soared as I bounded to my feet, rocked by this completely different perspective. Everything was so pathetically small. As I stood, I couldn’t help ducking my head, as though I was large enough to collide with the ceiling itself.
To any human, I was now unremarkably normal. To me, I felt like a giant. Furniture that had once towered over me like empty monuments of wood, fabric and metal to the prestige and supposed superiority of humankind, now seemed laughably unimpressive. As I turned my head, I could take in so much more of the room at once, with effortless ease. Gazing back down at the mess of clutter left scattered across the couch, I bent at the waist and with a thrilling rush, actually picked up a book for the first time in my life.
Cradling its spine in my right hand, I leafed through pages with nothing but a tiny bit of pressure from my fingers. My face felt warm as my heart thundered away. The tome I couldn’t have pushed an inch if I’d put my back into it, was now an insignificant weight in my palm. I felt a catch in my throat. Was this what it felt like to occupy a world that was built to accommodate you?
I turned over my shoulder to look at the potted rose bush, still sitting before the window by the front door, just as Natalie had set it down that day I was tangled in its branches. Setting the book down, I limped over until I was standing before it. The whole plant that I had once hidden inside of, now barely came up past my thighs. It was disorienting seeing these things from such a different perspective. So many tiny details of the plant faded and blurred from this new vantage point. I made my way back to the couch, sitting down on it properly for the first time in my life, I picked up a book again. Still thrilled by the sensation of being able to do so.
Before I could delve too much more into my emotions, however, the sound of an alarm clock blaring from across the apartment pricked my ears. Natalie! For a moment I’d forgotten her completely. But now, I realized with embarrassment, I was sitting, stark naked in her home. I needed to alert her to this miraculous change!
I wouldn’t begin to batter my brain with the impossible implications of how this had come to be…. Not yet. I would indulge in the pure ecstasy of it having happened first. Tucking the book under one arm, clutching the pathetic little scrap of fabric that had once fit over my whole body and snatching up a throw pillow to cover myself, I took steps towards Natalie’s bedroom.
The vertigo of walking through this space was akin to arriving on land after weeks at sea. The disorientation was nausea inducing. My body, mind, and senses were all adjusting to a very different world all at once. I caught my shoulder on the threshold of the kitchen from the living room, as I heard Natalie snooze her voice activated alarm. Well, I couldn’t hear her voice but the tinny buzzing had ceased. I stopped for a moment before the pantry door, pushing it open with light pressure from the back of my hand.
The motion-censored light ignited with a distinguishable click as I stood there, gawking at the very same structure I had fought so dutifully to climb, injuries and all. Where I had been found by her. Loomed over by her. Picked up and manhandled. Where I had bit her and she’d dropped me. All of that had taken place in this cramped, dusty little hole of a pantry? No wonder she’d chuckled when she watched me cling for dear life to the edge of the shelf that, at the time, felt so impossibly high. Now, that same white wooden slat didn’t even rise past my shin. I palmed the stupid little doll shirt again, utterly amazed.
Shaking it off, I ventured forward, toward Natalie’s room. Pressing into her partially closed door, I whispered sharply, unsure if she’d tried to go back to sleep, “Natalie! You wont believe this!” It was still loud enough that it should have caught her half conscious attention.
Pushing the door open, I could now see into the room: the comforter undulating in peaks and valleys that would have been climbable only last night. But as I scanned the full breadth of the mattress, I saw no shock of dark, wavy hair. No olive arms or feet peeking out from between the cascading sheets. The bed, as far as I could tell, appeared to be empty.
“N-Natalie? Are you awake?” Perhaps she was in the bathroom? I didn’t want to startle her if she needed her privacy. I was, after all, now the size of a human man just standing, barely covered in her most private space. I wondered with a thundering heart what it would be like to behold her, human to human. Would she be shorter than me? Given the average differences between male and female bodies, it was highly likely. The thought made me chuckle in spite of myself. Still, when I turned to look, the bathroom light was off and the door was only cracked by a quarter. My brow furrowed. Where was she? I called out again, suddenly worried for a reason I couldn’t clearly articulate.
*************
I groaned, feeling pissed and immediately in a ticked off mood. How could someone so little be so fucking loud all of a sudden?
Up until a few minutes ago, I’d been totally conked out, warm and so, so comfortable in bed. When my alarm went off, I didn’t even bother opening my eyes. The world could wait. I needed sleep, goddammit! I’d just settled back in to catch some more Z’s when Alexander started vying for my attention.
Last I knew, he’d been in the living room. It’d made me sad to go to bed without him near but I knew what picking fights over stuff like that would get me, so I shut up about it. I wanted to spare myself the earful. After retiring to bed, I’d just assumed he’d fallen asleep on the couch. Come morning, I was looking forward to sleeping in for a little longer before waking him up with the smells of breakfast.
Instead, here he was whispering louder than I thought possible for someone with the lung capacity of a mouse. Also, how had he managed to crawl into my bed to be so near me in the first place? That was the only reason I could explain to myself why his voice seemed to be so much louder than I was used to. I wondered, with a sluggish mind, if the comforter had trailed close enough to the floor and he’d climbed up. Honestly? That’s impressive, little man! You just really wanna be close to me all of a sudden? That thought made me happy. But then his voice seemed to boom directly overhead, which, how? I clamped my eyes shut, rolling over and groaning. Be quiet, Alexander!
“Natalie?? Natalie where— oh….”
Before I could ask him nicely to shut the fuck up if it wasn’t an emergency, cold air rushed all around me and light suddenly flooded in, as though the roof had been ripped off of the building. What the fuck?!
Utterly confused, I shot up, eyes adjusting from their groggy state. When my vision came to, all I could see looming over me, backlit from the sun filtering in through my windows behind was… a… a… MONSTER!!!
It was something… vaguely person shaped but too big…. much much too big for that to be possible. My mind was unable to reason, unable to problem solve or think rationally. I could not comprehend that the familiar voice I’d just heard and this monstrosity, this silhouetted something were one and the same.
The second I laid eyes on whatever it was, I screamed at the top of my lungs and scrambled to get as far away as I possibly could. Barely able to rise to my feet on the surface of the confusingly unsteady sheets, I suddenly realized it wasn’t just the monster that was huge.. so was my bed! My attempts to stand resulted in me taking in the oceanic scale of my mattress, which seemed to stretch onward all around me: the wrinkles in the sheets, like undulating but motionless waves.
I trembled, also recognizing that I was completely naked, the folds of my pajamas now rising and falling beneath my feet. I was shivering from head to toe, but wether that was from cold or pure fear, I couldn’t tell. My limbs were quaking against my will, as I felt a tightening in my chest. It was nearly impossible for me to focus on any one thing for any period of time, my head was on fire and my eyes twitched, trying to take in the sheer monstrous scale of everything around me. My bedroom ceiling soared above me in some atmospheric blur, the walls Ising in the distance like some man-made Grand Canyon. I shook my head wishing I could block all of this out. As my heart thundered against my ribcage, I couldn’t take this feeling of being trapped and in mortal danger like some frightened little animal, I scrambled as fast as I could, falling all over myself, when I heard a voice, distant but all too loud, crash into my ear drums.
“Woah, woah Natalie! Calm down! It’s just me…” as the words rattled my skull, an inky shadow like some carnivorous bird of prey circling overhead, cast out the light above me as a palm came crashing down directly in my path. I tried my best to halt and turn on my heel but ended up colliding directly with the wall of flesh.
Caught with nowhere to run, I pressed into his palm, pathetically attempting to cover myself as I craned my neck high, high above, while the voice continued, “…It’s Alexander.” I could feel his chuckle reverberate through his palm that I was now stuck to like an insect on flypaper, “You don’t recognize me?”
My heart stuck in my throat. It was him. Those piercing blue eyes were unmistakable. But he was huge!!! So completely, overwhelmingly huge! His bare chest rose and fell to the tide of his breathing. I couldn’t wrap my brain around how big each of those lungs had to be. He was almost silhouetted by the light from the window but I could see his sharp jaw, his cascading bangs, his furrowed brow and tense lips. Fuck, fuck fuck! I was so small now, so defenseless and vulnerable. For so long Alexander had wanted to tear me limb from limb for condescending to and manhandling him. Well… now he could if he wanted to. I shook from head to toe, trapped with nowhere to run.
*******
She cowered against me. I had no idea what to do with her. She was clearly quite frightened. Welcome to every day of my entire life. I’d had this fantasy a million times in my rage-addled brain: I’d pored over just how to get back at her for the million infuriating moments she’d made for me in my time here. Let’s see how you’d like it being bandied about and dropped and trapped and prodded all day long. For going on decades now, I had thirsted for power over those who’d mistreated me.
My gaze fixed on her outstretched hand, pressing firmly into the flesh of my palm. Bending a bit at the waist, I reached towards her with inquisitive fingers. She screamed when I pinched her wrist between finger and thumb, but I hardly noticed. I was fixated on the limb I now held captive. So small. Is this what I had been? Is this what I looked like to them? To humankind? With bones so tiny and delicate it looked like a stiff wind could break them? Her entire cranium was no larger than the pad of my index. Her outstretched hand, one I had been held in countless times, now hardly stretching over a nail bed. I heard nothing but the blood pounding in my own ears as I marveled at how inexplicably strange this all was.
“ALEXANDER! PLEASE!! You’re hurting me!!” I snapped to, looking down to see I still had her wrist trapped between my fingers, and that in my analysis of her newfound form, I had, absentmindedly, lifted her off of the surface of the bed. She weighed practically nothing at all! She was twisting and writhing, face a bright red, her toes desperately searching for the ground just fractions of a millimeter out of reach. She was staring directly at me. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and in that moment, staring at the form of this woman that I held aloft with the greatest of ease, I felt a weight drop into the pit of my stomach.
What am I doing??? Blood rushing to my face I lowered her down, gently releasing my grip. She snatched her hand away immediately, cradling her wrist in her other hand. She stared daggers into the fabric of the sheets before her.
“Natalie, I—“
But before I could begin my apology, her face twisted into a grimace and she suddenly started to cry and shout. "P-please, if you’re going to hurt me just do it quickly… I know you’re angry. You’re always so fucking angry. Well, looks like you got what you wanted… s-so, have at it, enjoy your… p-power over me…”
My heart of stone softened. “I don’t want to hurt you. Natalie?” With a trembling finger, I touched the tip of her chin. She jumped and I sought her eyes. “I promise I don’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I frightened you.”
Her eyes shimmered with still more tears. “D-did you do this, somehow? Make us trade places? To show me how awful it is??” Her voice was shaking as she asked the question.
I felt a twinge in my chest, but I couldn’t name the precise feeling. "No! No!! I have no idea how this happened! I swear to you. You’re giving me far more credit than I deserve. I’ve studied law not quantum physics… well, I’ve studied a little… just a few theorems….” I saw the slightest twitch out of the corner of my eye as she dipped her head, clearly, disinterested. I swallowed, recovering, while I reached for her pajama shirt and draped it around her bare shoulders. She was nowhere close to fitting in it now, “Ahem, anyway…. I’ve no hypothesis as to how this happened. It seems impossible. Perhaps it is some strange hallucination. But in any case, I’m not planning to harm you. Have you been infuriating, at times, during our journey together so far? Yes. But you managed, in spite of yourself, to keep me alive so…. That’s the least I can do for you. After all, it’s only fair!”
************
Way to be fucking encouraging. Was I supposed to be thankful he’d decided I deserved to live? I found I did believe him when he said he wasn’t trying to hurt me. That was at least one less thing to lose my mind over. I pulled the thick, scratchy fabric tighter around me. How had he survived like this for all of his life? It’d been approximately ten minutes and I was ready to throw myself off the edge of the bed. I wiped my tear stained cheeks with the back of my hand. Maybe this was all just a bad dream and I’d wake up any second and we could laugh about this while he lounged in my cupped palm.
“You’re still upset.” It was a statement not a question. I clenched my jaw, straightening my spine and glaring up at him.
“Yes, you emotionally immature dumbass, I’m still upset. Whoopdie fuckin’ do, you can open doors and pick up books now. Great for fucking you. Meanwhile, my entire world has been ripped away from me and turned upside down.” He said nothing, but the lines on his face told me everything he was thinking. This was what he’d been ranting and railing about non-stop since I’d found him in the pantry. I sighed, acquiescing, “I’m sorr—“
“I’m sorry. Truly. I’m very rarely wrong, so I mean it genuinely. I was so wrapped up in my own improved circumstances, it was hard to remember the fear that you must be experiencing. I’m sorry, Natalie, for frightening you.” His face flushed suddenly. He cleared his throat, before extending a finger towards me, the underside turned upwards. I stiffened. The digit stopped just short of my personal space, “Forgive me for my ignorance?” It was my turn to blush, I reached out with a cautious hand and squeezed the tip of his proffered finger.
“You’re forgiven. For now.” My hand rested on his finger. I could feel the thrum of his pulse, strong, steady. That made my own heart quicken its pace. Each ridge in the pad was distinct. It was overwhelming at this size how much more detailed every minuscule thing became!!
***************
I exhaled air from my nostrils, incapable of keeping my baffled thought from being spoken aloud, “Was I really this small to you?” She had been staring at the stark contrast of her outstretched hand over just the tip of my finger, but now cast her flustered gaze askance.
“Y-yes. You were so….” Sh stumbled, trying to find the words.
“…Infinitesimally delicate…” I breathed.
“I was just gonna say cute… but… yeah.” Now she was the one laughing. I stared at her with a curious, questioning gaze, “How the fuck did you have the courage to bite me at this size?? You’re fucking terrifying.” She shoved playfully at my finger. I couldn’t deny the smirk playing on my lips
“You deserved it.” I meant that in earnest.
“I know.” She replied with equal conviction.
“I deserve it too after the fright I gave you. Eye for an eye as they say….” Half joking, half in earnest truth, I brought my upturned index finger to just before her lap, “You can return the favor now, if you’d like…”
She burst into immediate laughter, “What the fuck??? I’m not gonna bite you!” She crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow as she continued to chuckle, “What do you take me for? A dirty little rat who can’t control his animal instincts?”
“You’re still on that, are you? You do realize I could, now, easily take that as an invitation to imprison you in a glass bowl!”
She scoffed, rising to her feet, the fabric of her pajama shirt she was using to cover herself tucked beneath her arms, thrusting her chin defiantly in the air, “You wouldn’t have the balls!”
It was my turn to raise a brow, I was certainly never one to back down from a challenge.
“Is that so?” As she opened her mouth to quip back, I quickly gripped her torso, fabric and all, between a thumb and forefinger, lifting her into the air, as I straightened my spine and stood, holding her just before my eyes, “I tend to take questions of my ability rather seriously, Ms. Marquez.” My gaze met hers, and I immediately felt a wave of adrenaline crash through me.
Instead of the confident smile of the woman I’d come to know who always seemed to hit back when it came to verbal swordplay, her eyes were almost popping out of their sockets, her heart was thundering wildly against my thumb, her whole body trembled as she squirmed uncomfortably. She was so… small. I was hardly applying any pressure at all, yet she was utterly powerless to break my grip. As she struggled, she made the mistake of peering past my fingers, taking in just how high off the ground she currently was. She immediately cried out, fighting with all her might against me.
***************
THIS WAS TERRIFYING. All in a breathtaking rush, I went from relying on my own two feet, to being whisked into the air, pressure all around my ribcage as I found myself suddenly, before his eye. An eye that was as big as my whole head. I could count every sandy eyelash, every slight wrinkle around the corners. I could feel his breath on me. This was far and above too much for me to handle. Why wouldn’t he let me go? Didn’t he see how scared I was? I couldn’t help remembering, with a pang of guilt, how many times he’d protested against my fingers, heart fluttering against my skin, and I’d simply laughed at him. I had no clue it felt like this.
I continued to push and writhe. In my desperate attempt to free myself, I caught the mattress out of the corner of my eye. I did a double take. It looked like I was suspended on the very ledge of a ten story building! A building which happened to be made of a male chest, abs and hips, in one impossible wall before me. My head was pounding as I struggled to get oxygen to my lungs. I couldn't help it, I was starting to hyperventilate. I squirmed even more, tears pricking my eyes as all this went completely ignored. What was wrong with him? My vision dipped to black and that was the final straw.
“P-put me down! P-please! Put me down, NOW!”
“Don’t worry, I won’t drop—“ it was almost a light chuckle, as if my reaction was somehow funny to him.
“ALEXANDER PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW!!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. He did as he was told without a moment’s hesitation, crouching before the edge of the mattress, his chin resting on the bedspread. I collapsed, my legs like Jell-O. I couldn’t breathe.
“Natalie, you seem to be taking this rather hard, are you quite alright?” Fingers seemed to grow in size as they bore down closer and closer.
“D-DON’T! Don’t touch m-me! I need… I need a minute, please!” I was curled up into a ball, running my fingernails along my scalp like some pet bird ripping out its own feathers from stress. That’s all I was now, wasn’t I? I shuddered.
This was never something I’d had to really think about. It’s not like I ever had to worry about being in this situation. But now? As tears cascaded down my cheeks, and my breath caught in my throat I finally, really understood the source of Alexander’s anger. I was breaking after fifteen minutes, yet he’d lived his whole life this way. I hastily wiped my face with the thick scratchy shirt, each of its stitches incredibly distinct.
Through watery eyes, I looked up at the man who had once wrapped himself easily around my thumb, now towering above me, his head propped up on a fist. His striking blue eyes shimmered, his brow furrowed with concern. For once in his life he was silent. He blinked rapidly when my eyes met his. “I… I didn’t know being picked up felt… like that. No wonder you chewed me out for it every time….” He shifted his arm slightly and I could feel the ricochet effect through the surface of the mattress, to me. It made my heart skip a beat. Even his absent-minded motion was impossible for me to ignore. Tears swelled in my eyes again as I began to feel utterly overwhelmed by it all.
I opened my mouth to continue when he suddenly blurted out, “I’m rather famished. Are you?” I blinked, shaking my head. This wasn’t what I was expecting him to say. It definitely pulled me out of my sad sack, pity party.
“W-what?” I mumbled.
“I’m hungry. I assume you are, too. I don’t exactly have much… Well, to be precise, any culinary experience… I thought, perhaps, you might be willing to tutor me?” I couldn’t help but notice the subtle change in the color of his cheeks. He ran a hand through his cascading hair. My shoulders relaxed from my ears a little as my heart soared. Awwwww, he was trying, for me! He was doing his best to comfort me.
“Okay, but… it’s not my fault if you fuck it up because you won’t listen to me or follow directions.” I teased.
“I am a great follower of directions when I choose to be, thank you!”
“Oh, so up until this point you’ve been ignoring me and pissing me off by choice?” I felt a weight lifting off of my shoulders. Everything was far from fine, but it was okay to have a moment of fun. For the first time since I’d woken up, this felt… familiar.
“If you have to ask me, I evidently was doing a very poor job of making that explicitly clear.” He smirked, his eyes bright. I’d never seen eyes quite that blue before. It was like they glowed. He paused for a moment, I could see a new idea flashing behind his gaze, “I’ve no desire to hurt you, Natalie. You’ve now found yourself in a stress-inducing, highly demoralizing position. Far be it from me to add to that any further. You have been rather irritatingly flippant towards me in the past, but I am not so emotionally compromised that I intend to seek revenge for past wrongs. You know what it’s like now, and I think that’s more than enough. I don’t want you to fear me, despite all appearances and history to the contrary, I am capable of some degree of compassion.” I swallowed. I had no idea what to even say. I just sort of stared, wide-eyed as he stood to his full height. I found it necessary to swallow again.
Towering like a skyscraper, his half naked form dominated my whole point of view. Had I noticed he was ripped before? I didn’t think I’d noticed he was ripped before. Suddenly finding myself choking, I turned away, face burning hot.
“Ah…” He clicked his tongue, I still couldn’t bear to look up, “I… er… I need something to wear… May I—“
“Yup, uh huh… have an old pair of sweatpants in the bottom right drawer… Feel free to—“
“R-right, um, yes… I’ll just… walk over there…” He pushed himself away from the bed, and started to turn towards the dresser. Oh! Oh my god, he had a pillow for the front… but not the… I bit my lip and buried my head in my arms. I heard the scrape of wood as a drawer was opened, then a rustle of fabric. Not soon after, I could actually hear his individual footfalls on the carpet, like some giant out of a children’s cartoon.
He cleared his throat and I could tell he was standing before me again, “I, uh, I’m decent…” I swept the hair from my eyes as I craned my neck upwards. I almost burst out laughing. He’d managed to grab, not the pair I was thinking, but my stupid ass sweats from high school with bedazzled flowers. Without him having to turn around I knew stamped across the ass was the word “SEXY” in all caps. They were a white elephant gift and, sue me, I was a sentimental bitch. But I wouldn't be caught dead actually wearing them.
“Don’t, don’t you start…Natalie! Why? Why do you insist on continuing to insult me with the worst possible fashion choices one could possibly fathom in the darkest recesses of their mind??” They barely fit him, seeming to suffocate his waist. His face was bright red.
“Oh get over it, you big baby. At least you have something on, I’m just swimming in this!” I raised my arms to undulate the pajama shirt fabric.
“Be careful what you ask for, I’m sure you have the rest of those doll clothes lying around here, somewhere….”
I raised my hands defensively, shaking my head, “I yield the remainder of my time, your Honor.” Lawyer jokes. I was making lawyer jokes now? How else would he manage to ruin me???
***********
I laid the flat of my hand against the mess of sheets just before her reduced corpus. I watched as she sucked in a hesitant breath just as my skipping heart pounded out of its syncopated rhythm. Would she allow me to hold her? What an utterly remarkable reversal, me, holding someone between my cupped hands?? I never fathomed it could be possible. We stared at each other, neither breathing a word. Finally, determinedly, with that firm brow and cocked chin that she always displayed when she’d made up her mind about something, she tucked the fabric under her arm, and, took steps towards my hand. I smiled as the t-shirt was dragged behind her, looking like some pooling and elaborate train of a designer dress.
Gingerly, I pinched the fabric with my free, right hand, relieving her of the burden of dragging it herself. That’s when the flat of her bare foot pressed into my warm and waiting flesh and I almost gasped for air. What an almost indescribable feeling, to be a vessel for someone’s whole self. As much as it set part of my cerebrum on fire, I could begin to understand why humans wanted me trapped between their fingers so often. It was an experience unlike any other, tinged with uncertainty, strangely intimate, altogether wonderful. Rather quickly she found her way to sitting in the center of my palm, and I lifted her up to my eye-line. “Perhaps we can try this again?” I kept my voice low and soft.
“Perhaps we can.” She flashed her eyes up at me like some double confirmation. I stayed staring at the tiny woman nestled in my palm, buried under a mound of fabric: her hair, messy from sleep, cascading all around her. She reached out a hand, no bigger than my finger nail, and placed it firmly on the tip of my nose. I practically flinched. I didn’t know how I felt about all this sudden intimacy. I would have railed against such things before. She seemed to be encouraging it. What to make of that?
“This is… weird, right?” She broke the silence.
I cleared my throat trying my damndest not to move, “It certainly is unorthodox.”
“Food?” She guided me back to the task at hand.
“Yes, yes.” I took measured steps toward the kitchen, eyes glued to her. I knew being handled while walking could be a nauseating experience. She seemed fine, if not a bit overwhelmed by the sight of her own home towering around her.
Soon, I found myself before a cutting board, littered with vegetables, Natalie perched upon my bare shoulder. Why was I nervous hefting this kitchen knife? How hard could it possibly be?
“Dice it.” She commanded, matter-of-factly.
“… Mmm, yes, of course… I’m going to… do that… now…” Did I sound as utterly lacking in confidence as I felt?
Rich laughter poured from her small body, “You don’t know what dicing is??? You know property laws dating back to the late 70s, by heart, and you don’t know how to dice a tomato??” She was howling with laughter.
“Well! You make it sound—“ My cheeks flushed as I mumbled.
“Shut up , shut up, shut up, oh my fucking god this is funny. Put me on the cutting board. C’mon, chop, chop, the water’s gonna boil over by the time you get this done.” She was awfully demanding for one so little.
I couldn’t help rolling my eyes. How was she still pulling my strings like a puppet when I was ten times her size? Just because she was small, didn’t mean she still couldn’t find a way to get under my skin. I let her slide out of my loose fist and onto the board with a rotund, ruby red tomato, measuring the majority of her height, placed at its center.
“Okay… Alexander pay attention! You’re gonna cut it in half here.” I did so, seemingly much more nervous about her proximity to the knife in my hand than she appeared to be. “Then put the other half over there for now. Now, cut it along the curve like this.” She gestured broadly, using her whole body to demonstrate her meaning. I’ll admit, even while she was using me as the butt of her joke, her fully embodied commitment was rather endearing. We carried on like this. I managed to cut myself with the knife… twice. She told me it was because I lacked proper form. I wasn’t aware such a thing existed. She had me sautéing and basting and boiling in no time (not without almost constant laughter on her part). At one point she’d tried to convince me to don a frilly apron of hers with garish looking chickens and eggs patterned throughout, citing its convenient front pocket, but I managed to set a boundary on that one. After all, she could no longer force me to wear anything! I sort of relished in that freedom. I tried to ignore the rhinestones of my current pant situation as they sparkled in the oven overhead light.
After a period of pure torment that apparently was cooking, while I wiped sweat from my brow and nursed my cut fingers, we finally, blessedly, sat down to eat. “That was…. altogether unpleasant.” I groaned.
“Really? I had a great time!” She was stuffing her mouth, unapologetically. The action made me smile for some reason.
“Well of course you had a fine experience you didn’t have to do anything.” I teased.
“Dude, if I hadn’t Ratatouille’d the situation we’d be eating char for lunch.” She spat back. I stared at her numbly, “Ratatouille? You know? The Disney movie? With the rat? And the guy? The rat’s a chef?? Not ringin’ any bells for ya?”
“Sounds like a profoundly stupid film.” I was just being honest.
She stuck her tongue out at me. I shook my head.
“Whatever, when we switch back, I’m gonna make you watch a ton of Disney stuff just to laugh as you bitch about it.” She returned to her meal, unbothered by the sentence that hung in the air like a hangman’s noose in my mind’s eye. The food that had tasted heavenly on my tongue, now turned to bitter ash. My complexion waned.
“T-Turn back?” I practically choked on the words.
“Well, yeah. I mean whatever this is, it’s gotta be temporary right? If this was, like, a thing, you’d be hearing about it on the news. I mean, who knows? Maybe this is just one really fucking weird dream. Or we took acid and forgot? I dunno, I’m just saying, it’s not like this is forever….”
I swallowed but tasted nothing, feeling the pulse in my neck quicken. “Natalie, I understand this is…. Much less advantageous for you… but… I can’t go back. I’ve dreamt of nothing more than leading my life with dignity and… respect. I can walk out in the world with both, now.”
She stared at me, blinking once, “I don’t know that it’ll be up to us…” She mumbled under her breath, her words so quiet I had to strain to hear, “But… I… Come on, you know I can’t live like this.” Well, I’ve done it against my will my whole life, what makes you so special? “I mean.. I know it’s not really fair of me to complain to you, of all people, it’s just… I mean, Alexander, I have a family.” A knot stuck in my throat.
“Well, like you said, maybe we’ll have no say in the matter.” I forced a tasteless bite just to avoid the conversation. We didn’t speak for the rest of the meal, both of us suddenly weighed down by our respective heavy consciences, neither of us wanting to lose our autonomy.
Cleaning up was far more successful than the cooking had been, but there was no longer any banter. She sat where I had placed her, atop the microwave. She regarded the things nearby: the loaf of bread, the bag of clementines, a haphazardly re-wrapped portion of a chocolate bar, with utter disgust. All of these things, things that she had once been able to pick up with ease, were now looming over her, like stoic mockeries of her own pitiful size. I was painfully familiar with such a feeling. I felt badly for her, I truly did.
Once the kitchen was spotless, no easy feat given its usual calamitous clutter, I sort of stood there leaning against the counter, unsure what to do next. She was the one to break the silence, “Thanks for cleaning up. This is the best this kitchen’s looked in years…” She was trying her best to offer an olive branch.
“It was nothing. You know, I might be able to help with the rest of the apartment too, if you’ll let me.”
**********************
If I’d felt overwhelmed by cleaning before, the task seemed (and probably was) near to impossible now. I shrugged my shoulders. “My trash heap is your playground, go fuckin’ nuts.” I wasn’t one to turn down free help. As long as this isn’t how it’s always gonna be. Every time the panic-inducing thought slipped in, I chased it away. It’s just for now. It HAS to be just for now. I knew Alexander well enough by now to know that like a mouse with a cookie, giving him a challenge or a puzzle to solve was like a drug. He was beside himself. Was it normal to look at this giant of a man and still think he was laughably adorable?
We whiled away the rest of the afternoon and evening cleaning and reorganizing every nook and cranny. Well, he did most of that. To an absolutely asinine degree. He used a tape measure to make sure each book on the shelf was the same distance from the edge. He organized all my records by genre and release date. He rearranged my plants based on the trajectory of the sun through my windows. He even took the time to meticulously fold every item of clothing I had stuffed in my dresser.
Meanwhile, I managed to find something to entertain myself at each stage. I dug out an old handheld video game system, that had once easily fit between two cupped hands and now was a challenge just to hit the buttons. He chuckled softly at the beeps and tinny music coming from the outdated machine. I marveled at trying to use my computer now stretching on, the size of a movie theater screen. I tried writing my own name with a pencil and paper, only to come away with a page full of graphite squiggles and pretty sore arms.
By the time the work was done, it was well past midnight and we were both exhausted. His bangs pestered his eyes as he collapsed on the floor by the bed, having set me down on the edge, I peered down at him while he caught his breath. He leaned his head back and rolled toward me, peering up at where I sat. Seeing those bright blue eyes gazing up at me over brows and messy curtained hair, I felt my spine straighten. If I squinted, it was almost like he was little again, craning his neck to meet my gaze. His voice warm and all-consuming, broke me of my thoughts.
“Is it time to retire for the night? I, for one, am exhausted and my leg is killing me.” He grumbled, I nodded. I’d forgotten about his unhealed injury. He’d been going without complaint all day and I couldn’t exactly see it from my limited vantage point, I’d forgotten that he was still hurt. “Do you need anything?” I shook my head no. He started for the door, “Goodnight, then—“ Where was he going?
“Wait!” My tone sounded a little too small and needy for my liking. I cleared my throat, “Uh, I mean… Don’t you think we should sleep near each other just, you know, in case?” I saw his lips press into a thin line. Being reminded of the sheer possibility that he could wake up without this new body seemed to distress him greatly, so much so, that I felt guilty for bringing it up. Still, I didn’t want to be left all alone in this giant bed all by myself. Alexander may have loved his personal space, but I kind of wanted to be looked after right now. He nodded curtly, as he took steps towards the bed. He hesitated for a moment, clearly unsure how to make this less intimate than it already clearly was. I shuffled over to the pillow on the opposite side. He did his best to slip under the sheets without disturbing the mattress too much.
Then, much to my fascination and delight, I found myself lying on my side, face to face, eye to eye with him. I reached out and with a chilly hand, pressed my palm into the bridge of his nose. He blinked, while sucking in air. I couldn’t help smiling. “No matter how big you are, you’ll always be my little nightmare…” a smirk curved his lips as his left hand shifted from where it lay on the bed. Slowly, cautiously, a finger tip approached, and very lightly brushed my hair aside. Where his fingertip touched, my skin was abuzz with electricity. My heart skipped a beat and I held my breath. As though he were waking from a dream and suddenly found himself an inch from my body, his eyes widened and he mumbled, “G-goodnight, Natalie” and then promptly rolled over. I shook my head to hide my smile. This poor boy needed to learn it was okay to express feelings other than pure rage.
I rolled over to face him, and speaking to the back of his head, I wished him a goodnight, before drifting off to sleep.
I awoke softly at first, seemingly on my own for no particular reason. I could feel the slight draft of air tickle my body as I shuffled a bit in bed. That’s when I heard it. Almost impossible to place at first, so soft it almost blended with the mechanical drone of the air-conditioning, the sound of someone crying. Not someone, of course, Alexander.
I knew before I even opened my eyes. My heart sank. Feeling a tightening in my own throat, I met the pristine morning light with heavy, sleep-ridden eyelids. Rolling over my shoulder in my perfectly proportioned bed, I saw him, curled up against the farthest corner of my pillow, hunched over, his shoulders hitching with each wracking sob. As I adjusted myself in bed to see him, I watched his spine tense, as he froze, casting a glance behind him. The face I saw was the most pitiable, splotchy and tear-stained countenance of a man who’d lost everything in the stroke of one unexplainable night. When he landed his gaze on me, his eyes brimmed with fresh tears, as he painfully choked out these few words:
“I was so close. I had everything I’ve ever wanted for a day. One pathetic day. And now… I’m… back to nothing.” Without hesitation or self consciousness, he rose to standing and crossed to me, I quickly gathered him in my hands and held him close to my heart. I stroked his trembling shoulders with the pad of my thumb.
“Don’t talk like that. It’s not true.”
He scoffed, pushing himself away from my skin to look me dead in the eye, “Oh really? How should I talk about it then? Shall I rejoice in being dependent on people forever? Shall I jump for joy that I will never be taken seriously? That I have no control over my own destiny? The world is actively hostile to people like me. I’ve no means to self-actualize like this. Not because I’m not capable, but because your society won’t give me the chance. But, no, you’re right, let me see if I can arrange for a fireworks display to celebrate this momentou—“ Gingerly, I placed the pad of my index finger over his lips.
“Hush! Alexander? You aren’t nothing. You’re dead wrong about that. You, my little nightmare, are everything to me. Do you realize I would be flunking out of law school right now if it weren’t for you? Hell, you just spent the last twenty-four hours taking care of me when I needed it most. You inspire me every day to work harder and rise to my fullest potential. And yeah, okay, sure, you may need a little help getting around and you’re never gonna suck less at cooking, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you are brilliant…. And I know I don’t have to tell you that twice. I’m pretty sure you enjoy telling me as often as you can manage. If anyone is going to wrangle life into submission and take control of his own future, it's you. Little or no…” I trailed off as I watched his shoulders rise and fall as he chuckled and shook his head, bitterly. What had I said wrong? My face burned.
“Is that all I am? A pocket-sized aide, turned miniature tutor?” When his gaze returned to mine, his eyes were blazing blue.
“You know that’s not what I meant…”
“Isn’t it though? All you humans care about is what I can do and be for you. How I can entertain you and fulfill some niche set of tasks—“
“Now, hang on. I admit, that was a poor choice of words. But give me a little more credit, here. I’m not like that shitty lawyer you had to put up with from before. I understand empathy and, maybe in spite of your low opinion of me, I can learn from my mistakes, okay?”
He sighed, squirming a bit inside my hand. He cast his gaze askance while he blinked once, twice, three times, considering my argument, “I just… I’m so beleaguered by this approximation of my worth to what duties I perform.” He squeezed the flesh of my palm in frustration.
“I understand that, completely,” I encouraged, while he simply scoffed in response, “Well, I mean I know I don’t get it, exactly, but I can empathize, okay? Stop trying to make me out to be the bad guy when I’m trying, here. I just want you to know that I… I… don’t… you know, I don’t, uh… hate you…” I swallowed hard, suddenly feeling quite flushed, “What I mean is, I’m not out to get you. I’m grateful for all the ways you help me, but I don’t expect it and I’m doing everything I can think of to help you in return. I know you think I’m a fucking idiot, and, I dunno, maybe I am in some ways, but I’m an idiot who’s got your back. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. I’ll still be here even after you piss me off for the five thousandth time this week.” He cracked a ghost of a smile at that. There you are behind that prickly exterior.
“You humans are extremely difficult to train. I hope you can appreciate what an uphill climb it was to even arrive at this destination,” He leaned back, allowing his weight to be supported by my curled fingers, an act of relaxation he almost never indulged in. I felt my heart skip a beat as I felt the warmth of his body ignite the sensitive nerves on my fingertips. He continued, “I suppose I don’t hold you in utter contempt, either. Perhaps having some support won’t be as burdensome and infuriating as I previously hypothesized.” He swept his bangs from his eyes, “While most of your earlier statement was, frankly, offensive, you were correct in your assertion: I am rather brilliant aren’t I?” He flashed me a winning smile and arched his brow.
“Oh fuck off! You’re not guilt tripping me and fishing for compliments at the same time! No, I’m not playing your stupid game! God, you’re such a little nightmare! I mean you’ve been through a lot, I know, but, jeez, Alexander! You don’t know how to turn it off, do you?”
“Even at night, the sun shows itself by the glow of the moon…”
“Oh my fucking god, you’re unbearable! Forget I said anything at all to try and cheer you up. Now I’ve gotta suffer through the consequences of my own actions! Ay, dios mio, what have I done?” I placed the tip of my index finger on his bent, left knee and shook it ever so slightly. Enough to demonstrate my pretend frustration without actually jostling his body.
He was beaming by the time I finished, “I’ll make sure you’re spared when the revolution comes. You turned out to be less wholly insufferable than I’d first surmised, Ms. Marquez.”
“And that’s as close to a compliment as I’m going to get from you, I am sure.” He laughed. I adored that little laugh. “Let’s go back to sleep and ignore the world for a few more hours, how does that sound?”
“Honestly? Rather ideal.”
“May I hold you in my hand for you to rest in?” I felt his hands reflexively tighten on the skin of my palm. He thought for a moment before releasing a breath he had been holding.
“Yes, you may.”
For the first time since I’d known him, he allowed me to hold him closely, head resting on the pad of my finger, as he curled up over my beating heart. As I closed my eyes and began to drift, I heard a muffled voice.
“I suppose I’m really not getting rid of you am I?”
“Not unless you kill me… Wait…Don’t, don’t get any ideas, okay? Somehow of anyone I feel like you could figure out how to kill a human and get away with it.”
He laughed, wriggling to get more comfortable in my featherlight grip, “Hm. I suppose I’ll let you live to see the light of another day…Goodnight, Natalie.” And then, I could have sworn I felt just the smallest amount of pressure and dampness against my finger. Almost as if a pair of tiny lips were kissing it goodnight. But maybe it was just wishful thinking.
After the day we’d had, who knew just what was real anymore?
I tried my best to keep my overwhelming enthusiasm under wraps. That poem, from The Fellowship: he knew it all by heart! With a blush of color brightening my cheek I couldn’t help but be totally enamored with the grumpy little man I held aloft between my fingers. I set him down to the right of my place setting where his food was carefully plated on that selfsame saucer from earlier in the day.
“You know how to use chopsticks, right?” He craned his neck to meet my eyes as he settled into a half way cross-legged position before his dinner. His bandaged leg still splayed out to his side. His lips pressed together as he raised an eyebrow. He didn’t have to say a word for me to tell he was insulted by the fact I’d even dared to ask him the question. “Here, then, you angry little fella…” pinched between my thumb and forefinger were two halves of a broken toothpick. I figured those would be about the right size for him to use as eating utensils. When he gingerly plucked them from me, I saw I was right, they worked pretty okay, even though they were definitely too long. Watching him make do with these sorry excuses for chopsticks, I made a vow to myself that I’d make sure to go buy him proportionate things so he could go about his day a bit more easily. At the very least, poor Alexander deserved to get a decent set of clothes… ridiculously cute as he was in that little unicorn shirt.
As he leaned down to eat, clearly quite hungry, he mumbled between bites, “You know it’s considered rude to stare…” he flashed his eyes at me.
He was right. I was ogling at him in all his adorably tiny movements, “S-sorry. I’m sorry… You enjoying your dinner, at least??”
“Alright, in fairness to you, the food is delicious…” he took another tiny bite of stir fry as I gripped my chopsticks and began to eat as well. Not too keen to shit on my desire to be a chef when you’re reaping the benefits of it, now are ya?
“How’re you feeling? You’re less warm to the touch and your eyes look a little less glassy…” I’d pressed a finger to his forehead as I spoke. He didn’t snarl at me when I touched him, for once, instead, he simply nodded in agreement.
“Still experiencing a bit of disorientation and dizziness. My head is pounding… but you’re right, the fever seems less rampant and I’m not dealing with aches and chills at the moment. I’m sure we’ll get this infection down soon… at least I certainly hope so.” Oh, right. Because you want to dart out of here as soon as you can. I’d almost forgotten. I cleared my throat and adopted a chipper tone to distract him (and myself) from my somber mood.
“Well, good. That’s good. I’m glad you’re feeling a little less shitty. Does that mean you’d be up for some studying after this?”
His spine straightened a bit as his eyes brightened. With a tipping up of his chin and a cocky smile curving his lips, he replied, “What do you think?”
Soon we were settled back on my desk, the tabletop lamp emitting a warm glow across the wooden surface littered with paper, various textbooks and case studies. He looked like a kid in a candy store. My heart melted. Was this all it took to make his day? Just stick legalese in front of him, wind him up and watch him go? It certainly seemed so. He tucked his hand under his chin, tracing his bottom lip as he leaned down to read the various titles that lay at his feet.
I could tell his leg was starting to bother him again. He favored the other side as he stood and tried to avoid putting at much weight on it as possible when he did shuffle about the desktop, “Hey…” I breathed softly, he tore his eyes away from the abstract he was reading, already annoyed at being interrupted, “I pretty much know the answer will be no, but it seems like your leg is hurting you. I could pick you up and hold you so you don’t have to put weight on it…” I sounded like a pathetic and whiny child begging to ride on the swing set one last time.
Without hesitation he quickly dashed my sliver of hope, “No. I’m not your teddy bear. I’m fine. Now can we finally get to the task at hand, please?” Ugh, fine. I nodded my head. “Thank you…” he practically rolled his eyes as he said it. He hopped up on my textbook, his arms folded over his chest, bare feet sticking slightly to the page with each tiny shift of his weight. He looked so little compared to the vast pages with their columns of text. In fact, if I laid him down, he’d probably only take up about a quarter of one page. He cleared his throat, “Shall we?” Pinching a pen between my fingers, I nodded in the affirmative and he began to read the chapter aloud.
*****************
She looked the perfect picture of a good student. Did that make me the teacher? That didn’t seem right. But then again… I did know more than her…. After all, I had twenty years of observational experience. That made my spine stack a little straighter. Just because I was always the smartest person in whatever room I happened to be in, didn’t mean I always got to celebrate it.
A smile curved my lips as I began to read. Clear, crisp, eloquent…. I sounded great and I knew it. It’s what I’d been trained to do for the better part of my life! Once I got done with the first two pages and needed to step off to turn the page, I hobbled down, ignoring the searing pain in my knee, determined to do it by myself. When I took a step forward I was halted by an index finger bumping lightly into my chest. What was she doing? Brow furrowed, I gripped her finger to push it out of the way, she stayed firm, and immovable despite my considerable effort. That was rather humbling. I couldn’t even budge a single outstretched digit? As I struggled with her, she reached for the bottom right corner of the book, pinching the page between two fingers. “Slow down, I just wanna help. I’ve got it. It’s the least I can do, that way you don’t have to walk every time, deal?” I dropped my hand and relaxed, nodding. For once, she’d come to a reasonable conclusion which seemed like a fair enough compromise.
The old man never turned his own pages. Even if we had to skip to another section of the book and I was lifting my own body weight in paper, he’d make me do it myself, while chastising me for not doing it quickly enough. I stood still while her wrist slid up and over my head, effectively flipping to the next page.
An irksome thought began to worm its way to the front of my consciousness, as I climbed back up on the book: had I escaped that old house and fought for my life only to end up precisely where I had begun all those years ago? Was I still just a little desk toy for some human to use as they saw fit? It seemed as though I was quite literally doing the same thing I’d always done.
Bile rose in my throat as I ran my fingers through my hair. I could hear the rhythmic scratching of her pen as I read, my mind wandering from this task that came to me as naturally as breathing. Here I was, as I’d always been: The perfect little helper. The smell of paper glue, the feeling of human body heat at my back and the sensation of being watched by giant eyes sent me back, far back in my memory.
I was suddenly thirteen again, dress shoes planted firmly on that familiar old mahogany desk. I stood at attention as I did every morning; 5 am sharp, never late. My hands clasped behind my back, I played the sentinel nervously, fighting the urge to fidget as I waited for him to put his morning paper and cup of bitter English breakfast tea down to acknowledge me. Mentally checking my posture, I made sure to hold myself in the dignified way I’d been taught: feet a little less than shoulder width apart, knees unlocked, hips square, hands clasped behind the middle of my back, elbows bent on either side, my chest proud, my neck tall and my chin forward but poised. I stared straight ahead, looking at the corner of the marble mantle piece I’d grown accustomed to staring at every morning for the last 1,046 days or two years, nine months and twelve days, if you like.
Today just so happened to be my birthday. I was thirteen, growing ever slowly out of childhood and stepping into adolescence. One year older meant one year wiser and I was grateful for that. In my approximate three years with the old man so far, I’d read 123 novels, 18 books of poetry and of course lots and lots of legal discourse that, if I were being completely honest, was still rather difficult for me to grasp.
I chased my thoughts away as the old man, now in his mid-sixties, grunted, mumbling something about his ongoing dissatisfaction with the state of investigative journalism these days, and neatly folded his paper. Sipping his tea, he opened the desk drawer below my feet, the rolling of which vibrated my entire body. He retrieved the two tools he always did, a magnifying glass and a pair of tweezers.
With the sharp clattering of cup on saucer, and an gruff, “Alexander…” as a greeting, he set about our morning routine.
“Good morning, sir! How are you? I think today’s going to be particularly special!” His giant, glassy, grey-blue eye meticulously passed over every fiber of my tailored tweed suit, complete with a starched dress shirt, waistcoat and tie with a decorative clip, which he’d always warned me against losing since it was so incredibly small (I lost it nine years later when one of the hospice nurses had taken it upon herself to ‘fix up’ my space on the library shelf).
“What’s got you in such a chipper mood this morning? Is there not work to be done?” He frowned, disgruntled.
“Of course there is. I’m sorry, sir.” It wasn’t his job to remember my birthday anyway.
“Stand up straight, Alexander! You’re slouching!” I quickly corrected the error. He pinched the knot of my tie between the tweezers, rotating it slightly in the light. The sharp metal edges of the tool lingered dangerously, pressing into the soft flesh of my neck, “After so many failures it seems you’ve finally mastered the Eldridge knot.” It was a statement not a compliment.
“Yes, sir.” I was stiff as a board until he released the metal hold on my necktie. The moment he let go of me, he snapped his fingers.
“What’re you standing around for? Get to it! Page 261, section 42 E…. Has your idle brain already forgotten from yesterday?” I’d jumped at the sound of his command, terrified to make a mistake. As I fumbled with the pages, trying to get there as fast as I could, I suddenly felt a sharp crack on the back of my head, making me yelp. “We haven’t got all day… my tea will be cold by the time we get started…”
When I had begun reading, he’d jabbed me in the ribs with his pen, correcting me for slouching, mumbling, and a variety of other offenses I was never aware I was making in the moment. Eventually, he became fed up with me and plucked me up by the necktie lifting me in the air. I choked and writhed, tears welling up in my eyes. After a bout of struggling, I bawled out of childish frustration as my legs swung wildly and I clawed at his immovable calloused fingers, whimpering to be put down.
When he did finally toss me back onto the desk he’d shook his finger at me and prodded me in the chest. I couldn’t make myself stop crying, he raised his voice berating me for that weakness.
“You’re pathetic. You think an attorney is allowed to cry in court?”
“No, sir.”
“No of course not! How can I get anything at all done when you’re howling and leaking all over official court records?”
“I-I’m sorry! I’m trying!”
“If you were trying you’d have gotten yourself under control. I have no sympathy nor time for your emotions. You serve one purpose, that is how you earn your place here. Do you understand that?”
I was knocking at the knees, completely bewildered and unable to keep my tears at bay. “ALEXANDER!!” His voice had ripped through my body like a sharpened blade but the real heart stopper came as he lifted the back of his hand, twice as large as my entire body. I was utterly stunned into silence, having no desire to be struck.
“Have I made myself clear? No more of this nonsense or I’ll be forced to dispose of you.”
It was the last time I’d ever cried in front of him.
I was brought back to the present moment, the sound of my own voice in my ears as I completed the next sentence. I didn’t realize I was quaking until a shadow was cast over me and I could sense something large approaching from behind. Terrified and operating only on instinct, I whipped around, saw a human hand approaching and cowered, guarding my face and chest with my arms.
“Woah, hey! W-what’s wrong? You’re…trembling… what is it? What’s got you so spooked all of a sudden?” Her concern was genuine. I gulped in air as I found myself in a seated position arms held up defensively. She’d dropped her encroaching hand the second I flinched.
I righted myself, struggling to appear nonchalant, clearing my throat and pushing my bangs from my eyes, “N-nothing, sorry. I… you took me by surprise that’s all!” I didn’t sound convincing, even to my own ears.
“Alexander… don’t lie. Why did you flinch from me like that?” I avoided her eyes, chest still rising and falling with shaky breaths. There was no avoiding this conversation was there? Not with her annoying persistence. I could feel her eyes boring into me as I curled into myself. Her voice was reduced to almost a whisper.
“Did- did you think I was gonna hit you just now?” I hid my face behind my hands, feeling more and more exposed every second. “Oh my god you did… I would never… I was trying to comfort you… you looked like you were about to cry…hey, Alexander? Can I see your eyes please?” The sound of her voice, so distinctly different from his, began to steady my breathing. Cautiously, I opened my eyes and met her gaze, brimming with tears as she looked me over with genuine compassion and concern, “Alexander, I would never hit you. Have I… did, did I do something to make you think I would?” She was blinking rapidly. I could see she was beginning to blame herself.
“No, you haven’t… I… I don’t know what came over me…”
She looked at me, puzzled, clearly trying to figure out what had so suddenly shifted my demeanor. I watched her eyes flicker with an idea as I stared back in stunned silence.
“You were abused weren’t you? In your old home? Is that why you ran away?”
Abused. What a strong word. I knew I had been. Logically, I knew. But that single word still packed an immense emotional punch. Setting my jaw and blinking back tears I nodded. What on earth possessed me to let my guard down and tell her the truth, in that moment, I still have no idea.
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry…”
I swallowed hard, setting my shoulders, “It’s fine. I’m perfectly fine. I apologize for interrupting your note taking, I’ll get back to it.” I pushed myself up to standing, shaking it off.
“Woah, woah, hold on. That’s not what matters right now. Can we talk about what just happened for a minute?”
My brows knit together, as I stared at the floor of printed text beneath my feet, “I-I’d rather not be an imposition to you. There’s work to be done…”
“Alexander, I’m not angry with you. You didn’t do anything wrong.” I bore holes into the floor with my eyes, unable to meet her gaze. There was a moment of pause, where all I could hear was my own tense breathing, “You’d mentioned once that you read out loud for your owner before. Is this what you did for him? What we’re doing now? Was he a lawyer? Is that why you know so much weirdly specific stuff about law?” I nodded, heart threatening to break free of my ribcage, “You wanted him to be proud of you, didn’t you?” That hit a nerve. My chest caved and I bit hard against the tightening in my throat. I’d trained myself not to cry, not to let emotions get in the way, I wasn’t going to let this overtake me. “But nothing you ever did was good enough was it?” How did she know that? Why was she saying all this? To embarrass me?
I felt angry, vulnerable, laid bare. She saw me far more clearly than I was comfortable. Why was she doing this to me? I shook as I spoke with an unsteady voice, “I really don’t appreciate this sudden bout of armchair psychology. Frankly, Natalie, you know nothing about me, and I really don’t care to discuss these things with a human, of all people. What could you possibly understand about my experience?” All this time I’d been directing my poison at the floor, getting increasingly more passionate in my speech, “I mean you threw me in a box like some accident prone runt of the litter, for crying out loud! How was that supposed to make me feel??” I lifted my chin at this last part, “Don’t act like you understand me and what I’ve gone through because you couldn’t even if you tr—“ I quickly trailed off, as I observed what was in front of me.
Instead of meeting her hard and defensive eyes, the first thing I saw was a delicate paper flower, pinched between her finger and thumb. I stared at her, dumbfounded.“I’m so sorry for humiliating you, while you’ve been with me, Alexander. I truly am. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt over and over again by the people who were supposed to care for you. I don’t want to keep doing that. Will you accept this as an apology with a promise that I’ll make it up to you?” She gently twirled the paper sculpture between the pads of her fingers, before continuing, “You’re right. I don’t understand. But I want to. Will you teach me how to be better?” Her eyes were brimming with tears. I stared slack-jawed almost unable to move. Finally, I managed to take two decisive steps, and grip the stem of the flower I had made, just above her finger tips, the moment I latched on, she spoke again, watery eyes seeking mine, “I’m proud of you, Alexander.”
I balked, stumbling away, the air suddenly dissipating from my lungs, “Stop that! D-don’t tease me!!”
“I’m not. I mean it. I’m proud of you. You’ve overcome so much just to be here…”
In my clamoring back, I hit my legs on the corner of the textbook and collapsed in a seated position on the stack of pages, “Natalie!!” I groaned out a warning. My breath was hitching as my face grew hot, my brow furrowed as deeply as it could and tears pricked at my eyes. I won’t cry in front of her, I won’t cry in front of her, I won’t….
“You have every right to love yourself. You should be more than proud of the man you’ve become.”
With a cracked sigh, the dam I had so meticulously built over the years, burst open. I began to weep.
**************
The second he started to sob, burying his head in his hands, I couldn’t help the tears streaming down my own cheeks. Very slowly, gently, I laid the little flower he’d made for me at his feet, releasing my grip on it as it softly fell onto the surface of the desk. I was about to remove my fist from his personal space when something completely unexpected happened. He rushed forward, throwing his body in the gap between my index and thumb, wrapping his arms around the base of my thumb and squeezing as tightly as he could. For a moment, I panicked, lifting up so that he wouldn’t accidentally bend his injured knee.
Once he was standing upright, I relished in the significance of this moment. His cheek was slick with tears as he buried his face into my hand, his shoulders wracked with sobs. Slowly, slowly, I wrapped my fingers around his little body, embracing him back.
Even as I thoroughly rejoiced in this moment of tenderness between us, I felt deep and profound shame slither into my thoughts. I hadn’t been much better than his former owner. Sure I hadn’t beat him or forced him to work for me… but I also hadn’t treated him with the respect he deserved. Far from it. No wonder he was so belligerently angry with me all the time. I was treating him as I saw him: a heart-wrenchingly adorable little living doll that I could pick up and talk to when I wanted and could toss in a drawer when I didn’t.
My chest ached that it took him reacting to me like an abuser to finally get that. I never wanted him to flinch away from me like that again. I’m sorry I failed you. Give me a second chance?
His wracking sobs had quieted down to sniffles now. With shame filled eyes he hazarded a glance up at me, sort of leaping back from his compromising position of clinging to my thumb for dear life. I released my hold around him and made sure he found his way to sitting without hurting himself. Wiping his eyes with the back of a hand he sighed, smiling wryly, “Well, that was…. Embarrassing…” we both couldn’t help but laugh at this. I reached for a Kleenex and ripped off a small piece for him. He took it, gingerly, and began to clean himself up, “Th-thank you.” I wiped my own eyes with the rest of the sheet.
“I’m sorry for everything you went through. I promise I’ll do my best not to piss you off so much moving forward. I won’t stick you in a box anymore….” Another tear streamed down my face as I finally realized, with shame, how disrespectful that had been.
“It really doesn’t matter where you put me, if I don’t want to be there I promise you I’ll find a way out.”
I couldn’t help laughing, “Oh, don’t worry, I believe you! I haven’t forgotten when you bit me!”
“You deserved it!”
“I admit, I really fucking did!”
“Thank you for finally listening to me and working to not be such a condescending ignorant brute…” there was a sparkle in his eyes as he said this, it was his turn to joke.
“Well it took a lot of screaming for you to finally make sense to my thick, dumb skull but I think we got there eventually.”
There was a pause, satisfactory, contemplative. Finally he cleared his throat and addressed me again, “Y-you can pick me up now, if-if you’d like…”
I smiled down at him, chin resting on a propped up hand, “No thanks. I like looking at you right where you are.” There was a flash of something in his eyes, as he smiled. As though that had been a test and I’d passed it. That made my heart swell.
Things are going to be so much better between us from now on, Alexander. I promise.
This is the story of Alexander, a well-dressed, silver-tongued miniature person, who’s highly intelligent (perhaps, too much for his own good). He has aspirations of becoming the world’s tiniest lawyer. When he meets Natalie, will she help or hinder his progress?
Set in a universe where miniature people (around 5 inches tall) are kept as pets for the rich, this story follows one very tiny, academically minded man, who, after enduring abuse at the hands of the ignorant humans around him, becomes hell bent on finding a way to fight this oppression through the legal system. Will his case win out? He has to get humans to listen first. When he finds himself allied with one, will she finally be the first to hear his message?
A mixture of fluff and angst, but with much more angst at the beginning (Chapters 1 - 11). Mature (Language, adult themes and violence) but SFW. This story uses the pet trope as a means to explore themes of overcoming trauma and fighting back against abuse, as well as learning to love oneself.
Link to Pinned Masterpost
Size Switch AU: All that Blisters
Chapter #1: Mahogany and Jade
Chapter #2: 9-1-1
Chapter#3: Preparations
Chapter #4: Who’s at the Door?
Chapter #5: Jack of Hearts
Chapter #6: Up in Smoke
Chapter #7: Backyard Matador
Chapter #8: Fore
Chapter #9: Roadkill
Chapter #10: Inferno
Chapter #11: Knock, Knock... Who’s There?
Chapter #12: Vestal Livery
Chapter #13: Breaking Bread
Chapter #14: Test of Knowledge and Skills
Chapter #15: Difference and Distance
Chapter #16: Pansies, That’s for Thoughts
Chapter #17: A Chink in the Armor
Chapter #18: For the Love of a Bard
Chapter #19: Be this the Whetstone
Chapter #20: An Apple a Day
Chapter #21: Maladies
Chapter #22: Morbidities
Chapter #23: Malpractices
Chapter #24: High or Hell Water
Chapter #25: Give a Little
Chapter #26: Birds of a Feather
Chapter #27: A Balm for the Mind
Chapter #28: Rosemary for Remembrance
Chapter #29: Flock Together
Chapter #30: Uncharted Waters
Chapter #31: The Pricking of Thumbs... and Eyes
Chapter #32: An Uneasy Alliance
Chapter #33: Between a Rock and a Soft Place
Chapter #34: Kinstugi
Chapter #35: La Petite Aiguille
Chapter #36: Alassëa
Chapter #37: Festsitzen
I couldn’t help myself, I burst into laughter. “What? Did, did I just hear the words that came out of your mouth correctly?? You’re a pet! You don’t know jack shit about legal stuff. It doesn’t even apply to you…” he made a disagreeable little face at that. Between chuckles, I managed to keep going, “Maybe your owner had on, like, Judge Judy or something and you liked all the drama. Poor little guy, you didn’t think any of that was real did you? It’s all scripted, you know that right?” As I wiped a tear from my eye, he boiled with rage, his little brows furrowed deeply over his eyes, his full lips pressed together in a tight pout, his arms crossed. Oh boy. Someone’s about to throw another fit. Was I babysitting a pet or a toddler? The line was becoming more and more unclear.
“Hey, don’t get pissy with me… look, I promise you, property law is literally the most boring fucking subject on the planet. Like, look at this…” I stretched out my arm reaching for the computer mouse, my elbow resting right beside him. He flinched, squirming away. I wished he wouldn’t do that. I wasn’t going to hurt him. All I wanted was to just pick him up and cuddle with him… What was so terrible about that? I shook the mouse to wake up my monitor and then scrolled to the next question in my practice exam, “…who in their right mind gives a flying fuck about the Cambridge Property Indictment of 2015? I bet you think that’s wildly interesting?” I said it sarcastically, but as I pulled my eyes from the screen and stared down at him, he, to my utter confusion, did seem excited. Like the class nerd that’s practically falling out of his seat to answer the question, he was suddenly all squirmy and flushed in the face. All that judgmental talk about intelligence, and this was what interested him? How? Why? I was in law school and I’d rather set myself on fire than read about this shit.
He whipped over his shoulder, leaning his weight on his hands to get a better look. He was whispering the words of the question as his eyes flitted across the screen. What the hell are you doing, little guy? His fingers flew up to his chin as he traced the edge of his bottom lip, thinking. After a very short pause, he shouted triumphantly, pointing at the screen, “C! The answer is C!”
Awww, okay. This was admittedly cute. Somebody wants to feel included doesn’t he? Good guess, little man, but no way that’s the right answer.
I smiled down at him, he returned my gaze with a grumpy little sneer of superiority. He was so sure he was right, but what could he possibly know? Confidently, I clicked on B. The program made an error noise and displayed my incorrect answer in red. The choice highlighted in green and shown to be correct, was, in fact, C. He laughed, and pointed, proud to have outsmarted me.
My ears burned, how did you—??? “Okay, ha ha, very cute. Look at you knocking it out of the park with a little beginner’s luck! I know you want to show me you’re very smart. Well, good job, little man.” I gave him and thumbs up and then patted his head with the tip of my finger and he snarled at me. “Now, eventually, I do have to actually get work done so… you want me to put a movie on my phone or something for you?”
He grumbled, “NO! I can use this to… uh…” he seemed to falter, as if he was recalculating what he was going to say, “I..I’d like to look at these with you.” I raised an eyebrow, literally why? His shoulders drooped, he spoke through gritted teeth “Please….” He was peering up at me in earnest, bright, blue eyes begging me to include him in my studying. Well who could say no to that, I mean, come on! Look at that cute little face!
“You are officially the weirdest pet in the whole world… but, fine, let’s get your leg all bandaged up and then you can ‘help’ me…” For some reason, this made him absolutely delighted. His eyes sparkled, then he quickly realized he was revealing too much and tamped it down, clearing his throat and trying to appear nonchalant. I saw that, you weirdo.
***************
What was wrong with me? In my enthusiasm, I’d almost given myself away, twice. I needed to develop a better poker face, within the next five minutes, or I was doomed. I hated the way she looked at me in that sort of dreamy, half-lidded condescending gaze, a smile curving her lips. It was a look of adoration. It made my skin crawl. I wasn’t anyone’s adorable anything. Yes, I was, out of necessity, forced to stay here, forced to be cared for by a human, but I was not hers to coddle and coo after. I was a man on a very important mission. Plain and simple. I wouldn’t let her, or anyone else, get in the way of that.
She rose from her chair and disappeared again, now I had a few precious moments to myself. I took a deep breath and shook my head. Suddenly, I found myself laughing, out loud. What were the odds I’d end up in a law student’s clutches? It was the best possible option of the worst possible scenario. I leaned over and peered at the textbook splayed out to my right. It was opened to a page about circuit courts. My heart beat faster. All this information, right at my finger tips! And spelled out for me with an index and everything! Here, I could actually read about complex legal concepts with context and without the presumption that I’d already passed the bar. No more piecemeal learning. I could finally, earnestly, educate myself! I couldn’t help smiling as I pressed a palm onto the glossy page. But then, I had another, less encouraging thought. It would be difficult to sneak around her desk at night, what with it being in the bedroom. Before in the old man’s library, his bedroom door would close and I had the whole office to myself. Here, in this set up, I’d have to get creative on how to approach this. Before I could devise a plan, I’d run out of time to collect my secret thoughts, because here she came again, something enclosed in her fist.
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I was apprehensive about her doctoring me up. Her fingers were massive columns of flesh that bruised my skin at her lightest touch. How much excruciating pain am I about to be subjected to? There was simply no way she was going to do this dexterously enough to not do at least some damage. After all, she practically flayed me earlier with nothing but a cotton ball! Sweat started to bead on my brow as she sat down and leaned in. I tried my best to look calm, despite my stomach thrashing with nausea and the sound of blood pounding furiously in my skull.
“Awww, don’t be scared, little guy. I’m gonna be very gentle, I promise.” Still not a good enough poker face, huh? She saw right through me, “See, I’ve got some gauze and I’m going to cut up this bandage to fit you. I think it’s thick enough to keep your knee in place while it heals, without needing a stint. We’ll see. I know you think I’m this big, clumsy giant, but I’m going to be very careful, okay?” I simply nodded. If I spoke, my trembling voice would give me away. She held the bandage over my wound to figure out where she’d need to cut. The stretchy, beige material was wider across than the entire length of my leg. I hate this pathetic little body of mine.
As she brandished a pair of scissors, long and sharp enough to run me through if she felt so inclined, she flashed her deep brown eyes at me. “You know, I just realized, through all the excitement of your little fits and fights, you never told me your name. Care to share with the class?”
No, I don’t want you getting attached. I ran my fingers through my hair. She just stared at me, unrelenting. I refused to meet her eyes.
“Oh, that’s how we’re gonna be?” She smirked, I scowled, “Okay then, I guess I’ll just have to call you Cutest Widdle Guy Ever—“
My face burned bright red, “Alright! Alright!! It’s…Alexander.”
She lit up at that, eyes sparkling, a huge smile brightening her face, “Ooh! That’s lovely. It suits you.”
No cutesy, embarrassing remarks? Huh, that wasn’t so bad. Then, she continued, “Alexander… I really like it. It’s all stuffy and formal, like you… I can call you Alex for short! Oh, or… Xander!!”
“No you cannot.”
“Awww, c’mon Xandy! Ale-ale-oxen-free!”
“Do not call me that.”
“You’re no fun. You know that? Little grumpy guy…” I wanted to hurl myself off the edge of this desk and pray I landed head first.
“Are you done psychologically tormenting me? Isn’t it time you move on to the physical pain?”
“You are such a drama king! I swear to god, I don’t know how someone with less patience didn’t just wring your little neck before now…” Believe me, people have tried. “Well, come here. Let’s get you all fixed up. You know, it’s kinda funny… When I was a little kid, I was convinced I’d grow up to become a vet…” Yes, yes, that’s very nice. I do not care one bit about your boring, human backstory. As she droned on, she placed her magnifying glass into a stand that held it in place with an adjustable arm. She fiddled with the lamp and lens until it was trained over my knee. On my end, below, I got a gut-wrenchingly magnified image of her eye. Even more monstrously huge than normal.
Her fingers approached my ankle, she pinched it between thumb and index, lifting my leg up just sightly. My throat clenched as she got to work. “P-Please… be careful…” I hated how frightened and meek my voice sounded. The monster eye stared down at me with concern.
“Hey, I’ve gotcha. Don’t be scared. I’m sorry I hurt you earlier with the cotton ball, I promise I’ll be more careful. I’m taking good care of you, against your will, remember?” There was no edge to her voice. It was soft, gentle, genuine. In that moment, I softened. I wanted wholeheartedly to trust her. Besides, what other choice did I have? I brushed my hair from my eyes and nodded, my heart thundering away in my ribcage.
She pinched a minuscule wad of gauze and laid It gingerly over my torn knee. It was the perfect size. Slipping a pad of sticky notes beneath my heel, she freed up both her hands to attach the bandage. “Okay, we want this nice and firm so your kneecap is held in place but tell me if I’m cutting off your circulation, okay?” I winced, hesitantly nodding. The second the pad of her finger made contact with my swollen flesh, I was prepared to scream in pain. But, instead, by some unknown miracle, her massive fingers were featherlight. Very gingerly, she managed to wrap my knee and in a few moments it was all over. It was very rare that I was ever wrong, it was even more rare, in my experience, for humans to be good on their word. They so often overestimated themselves. I’d never admit it to her, but I was genuinely impressed. My entire knee was no bigger than her fingernail, yet, she’d managed to heal instead of hurt me.
She pushed away the magnifying glass and pulled the light from directly overhead, her head propped up in her hand, she gazed down at me with warm eyes, “Torture over. That wasn’t so terrible was it? How do you feel?” I was just grateful not to have to stare at every coarse eyelash, and swirl of color in her deep, brown irises.
“Fine. Good. Th-Thank you.”
“He does have manners! I’m shocked!” My face burned and I pulled away from her gaze staring at my leg. “Hey…” softly, carefully, she tipped my chin to face her, “If you can keep it up and stop being such a dick, maybe this won’t be so bad, huh?”
“You’re not getting away with me tromping around in a rainbow unicorn shirt and no pants, I will not respond to embarrassing nicknames and if you do something stupid, I have no choice but to call you on it, someone has to teach you… That is where I draw the line.”
“Damn… well, it was worth a try. That was, like, almost sixty full seconds of you actually being pleasant to be around.” She wasn’t angry though, a smirk brightened her eyes. I had an impulse to smile with her, but she wouldn’t win me over that easily. I stayed straight faced. She sighed, clearly disappointed. I’m not interested in befriending you, you get that right? I’m getting the hell out of here as soon as possible, so don’t get used to me. “Well, I’m gonna get back to it… If you wanted to watch or whatever.”
With a curt nod, I started to shuffle myself to face the computer monitor. It was awkward, as I still couldn’t bend my leg, I could feel her watching me. “Here, do you need help? I can pick you—“
“No. No, thank you.” I was not going to let her get used to that privilege, otherwise, I was fairly certain my feet would never touch the ground again. I cringed at the idea of being carted around like a child’s favorite stuffed toy. I wanted this leg to heal as soon as possible, I didn’t need any other reasons for her to see me as helpless. Eventually, I got myself turned around, facing the screen. I was still closer to her body than I would’ve liked. Her arm manipulating the mouse only a few inches away.
“Alright, little smarty pants. Let’s see if you can guess your way through this next one-“ she was saying this as a favor to me. To make me feel included. She had no idea I would be looking to answer them earnestly, and test my own knowledge.
I read the question. I knew the answer was B, but I pretended to be sheepish. She liked that. I know far more than you, wipe that smug look off your face. She guessed D. She was wrong, obviously. It took all my strength not to laugh at her. Rookie mistake, common misconception.
We moved on. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep up this act. She clearly didn’t know anything and she would absolutely fail her upcoming exam at this rate. Had her professors taught her nothing? Next question… “It’s A.” The answer was obvious. It was easy if you knew anything about property tax codes.
“Okay, I hadn’t even finished reading it…” She clicked anyway. Green. My chest swelled with pride. “Dude… What? How? Are you, like, secretly good luck or something? ”
My face burned. You’re skating on thin ice, here, she’s going to start to figure you out if you don’t quell your inner know-it-all. I bit my lip, avoiding her eyes, “It just made the most logical sense, I guess. Like you said, beginner’s luck, right?” It killed my very soul not to take credit for what I knew was knowledge I had earned with my literal blood, sweat and tears.
***************
As I scanned the next question, I mumbled my thoughts out loud, “Uh oh, this one is about dogs, well, other animals, too, I guess. You okay with that?” He crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows. “What? I’m genuinely asking, you did nearly get murdered by one seemingly recently.”
“Fair enough. I can handle it.”
“Okay… let’s see… it’s asking about the second clause of Section 151 of the Massachusetts Animal Laws and Regulations… Shit, we just covered this last week…. I’m so useless at this… Okay, it’s like… ‘The mayor or board of selectmen, as the case may be, shall annually issue a warrant to the animal control officer’….” I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. He seemed very squirmy and nervous, like he was holding something back and was about to burst. Finally, he distracted me so much, I couldn’t help but address it, “What, is it? What’re you freaking out about down there?”
His face went red again, as if he’d been caught.
“Alexander… What?”
He swallowed hard, practically mumbling, “That’s the second clause of Section 151A.. Not Section 151…”
“What? I can’t hear you, little one, when you whisper like th—“
“‘An animal control officer shall not be a licensed animal dealer registered with the United States Department of Agriculture. An animal control officer shall not give, sell or turn over any animal which may come into the officer's custody to a business or institution licensed or registered as a research facility or animal dealer with the United States Department of Agriculture either privately or in the course of carrying out the officer's official assignments as an agent for the officer's municipality. A municipality shall not give, sell or turn over an animal which may come into its custody to any business or institution licensed or registered as a research facility or animal dealer with the United States Department of Agriculture.’” He repeated it verbatim at lightning speed, before clasping his hands over his mouth.
“…. What… the… fuck?? How did you… You haven’t been guessing this whole time, have you?” He looked terrified. All traces of attitude and wit had flown out the window. He was trapped, vulnerable and exposed. I had no idea why. I wasn’t going to punish him or anything. “Woah, hey, I’m not gonna, like, rat you out to the Thought Police or something, you can tell me. How’d you learn all this stuff?” His brow furrowed and his chest heaved.
“It’s nothing… it’s just… He was a lawyer… the, the old man…” was I supposed to know who that was? He registered my confusion, “The man who, who kept-“ his face twisted into a grimace, “me… I picked some things up over the years.” So clearly there was no love lost between his owner and him. I wondered if that left him with nowhere to go?
“Okay, see, that wasn’t such a big deal. That’s cool, so he taught you some legal stuff? Why were you so afraid to tell me that? I’m not gonna, like, hurt you for being smart. If that was the case I would’ve just killed you five minutes after we met, you were already being a smart ass, then!” He didn’t really seem to be listening. I wondered if that was the whole truth. Had he been abused, or something? Was he scared to tell me? He was already so worked up I decided not to push it. “Hey, Alley-oop—“
His head snapped up, “Don’t—“ there was my mean little guy.
“Will you help me?”
************
My heart rate was finally coming back down to rest. I had been on the cusp of just telling her everything. I don’t know what came over me. I couldn’t trust her. She was condescending, ignorant… She’d shown a sweet side, but that was fleeting. You certainly are desperate for solidarity aren’t you, Alexander? If I was going to find a confidant, it would have to be someone highly intelligent, well-versed in law, who could appreciate my case in its entirety. Not this flailing student. Her sudden question jarred me.
“I’m sorry?”
“Maybe you won’t be such a little asshole if you’re doing something that interests you. Will you help me study for the bar? I’m clearly shit at it, and you seem to know a lot. Like, a lot. Will you… teach me, Alexander?”
Why was my face turning bright red? Why did hearing that make my heart soar? That was the kindest thing any human had ever said to me. I guess I was pretty starved for praise, “Okay.” I bit my tongue and kept myself from remarking that she had a lot of work ahead of her. Could I mold her into a worthy ally? I wasn’t sure. But, if I could earn my keep here, it guaranteed the care I needed to get back on my feet.
Her soft chuckling pulled me back into focus. She pushed her chair away from the desk and leaned down, propping her chin up on her folded hands, directly in front of me. At this position, she was still looking down at me, head resting on the surface of the desk, but I estimated my eye-line may have actually been higher than hers if I stood to my full height. I didn’t absolutely detest her being so close this time, “Wow. I can’t believe I found a nerdy pet. Like, of all of the little guys like you running around, I found one who’s a nerd for property law. I guess we were meant to meet huh?”
I hazarded a ghost of a smile, “Yeah, maybe.”
She glanced down at the thick bandage, “How’s your leg?”
I brushed my fingertips over the rough surface of the tan colored wrapping, “It’s okay.”
Her brow furrowed slightly as she sought my eyes again, “I wish I could give you medicine but I have no idea what the doses should be, you know? I don’t want to accidentally kill you. Not after I just got my study buddy.”
“Nope. Absolutely not.”
“…Annnnnd there’s that shining personality coming through. You’re such a little contradiction you know that? You’re, absolutely adorable with your beautiful blue eyes and your pretty little face and then you open you mouth…”
“I don’t know about that, I’m just defending myself against the worst possible nicknames in the known world.”
“Ouch! Worst possible? Is that a challenge? Because I think I can be even more creative…”
***************
“NO! No, no, please no. No. Don’t look at me like that… Ugh! What have I done?” He buried his head in his hands. I wanted to pet his head and shoulders so badly. Instead, I blew on his hair, making it fly in all sorts of wild directions. He jolted upright at this, flailing his arms, “Stop it! Focus! You need to study and stop using me as a distraction!”
“Ugh! Fine! Damn you for making sense!” We went through the rest of the section. He passed with flying colors, explaining to me the gaps in my logic as we went. He only missed one question, which I could tell genuinely pissed him off. What a little nerd!
Finally, my eyes were getting bleary. I couldn’t help a huge yawn. After all the excitement of dealing with this little pint-sized terror, I’d forgotten how utterly exhausted I was. Now that things had settled, my mind and body were shutting down. I couldn’t stare at the screen any more, I needed to sleep. “I can’t do any more. It’s time for a nap. I’m so fucking tired.” His little mouth hung wide in protest, he sputtered. Clearly this was fun for him. He stared at me with adorable pleading eyes. “Stop that! I can’t, I literally can’t stay awake any longer.” He glared at me, “ I know, I know, I wasn’t the one nearly eaten and dragged though the mud today. You’ve got me beat in the sob story department, but I can’t learn anything if my brain has shut off. C’mon, after everything you’ve been through, you must be halfway to keeling over. You should get some sleep.” His little shoulders slumped. Poor little guy. But even as he pouted, an uncontrollable yawn came over him, “Ha! See? I’m right!” He rolled his eyes, reluctantly nodding.
*************
“You already had a bath, but I need to take a shower before crawling into bed. Now, I don’t know what kind of shenanigans you’re capable of getting up to when my back is turned… You may be a lame-ass little nerd, but you’re too smart for your own good and I still don’t trust you. So, don’t go anywhere okay?” I supposed it was her way of asking me not to crawl off of here and snap my own neck. With a deadpan look, I simply gestured to my leg. “Oh. Right. You can’t, can you? Good. I mean. Not that, I’m not glad you’re hurt… I just—“
“Jesus, I get it. Go shower. I’m not going anywhere.” Unfortunately. I was still sort of pissed she’d made us stop. I could’ve kept going for hours, just like with the old man, despite how exhausted I was, we’d press on. I wanted to learn as much as I possibly could. I watched as she receded to the bathroom door and I heard the rush of water pouring against the porcelain basin of her bathtub. The rain continued to drown the world outside her window. I decided while I was alone, without a human looming over me and trying to ‘help’, I’d test out my leg in its new bandage. I crawled over to a ceramic mug with Lord of the Rings memorabilia on it (Yes, I had read all of the books, aloud, when I was learning to read, and yes, of course, the similarities I shared with Hobbits were painfully obvious but I always preferred the Elves, myself). I used its lip to stand up, gingerly testing how much weight it could hold. I couldn’t quite plant my foot flat on the ground yet, but I got about seven steps, balancing precariously on the ball of my right foot before crashing into the keyboard. It was amazing what a difference adrenaline made. I had managed to almost run when I’d feared for my life. Now, the best I could do was hobble. Luckily, the accidental button mashing just led to an error sound, and no hotkeys were pressed. I breathed a sigh of relief as I settled back into a seated position.
Just then, she emerged from the shower. I didn’t immediately turn to look, but I heard the door squeal open and heard the muted thumping of her feet on the carpet. It sounded like she was getting closer. When I turned, she was leaning over the desk, reaching past me for something. She was wrapped in only a towel. Her wet hair was clinging to her neck and one side of her face, her cheeks flushed from the heat of the water. Immediately, I averted my gaze, face bright red. I hoped she couldn’t tell. If she did, she was kind enough not to say anything. I certainly didn’t want to be accused of gawking. Especially not from this low vantage point. She shuffled a few papers aside and found her hairbrush, of all things, buried beneath a pile of other items. She disappeared again. My shoulders relaxed.
As I listened to the drone of a hairdryer, I ran my fingers, back and forth, over my bottom lip; a habit when I was thinking. I hoped she’d let me sleep on the desk. I knew humans were creatures of habit and I had a feeling wherever she placed me the first time would be where I would go. I wanted to make sure I had easy access to everything when she was gone or asleep. She returned, this time clothed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. “Alright, come here, Xanadu.” She crossed the room and reached down to scoop me up. I decided to pick my battles and not mention the god-awful nickname this time. I had bigger fish to fry.
“Wait! I was thinking I’d be fine to just sleep up here. You can just bring me a shirt or something to lay down on…” She raised her brows, chuckling.
“Absolutely not!” What?? No! “I want you nearby in case you need something. And what if you fall? There’s no way I could catch you in time.” I sputtered in protest, “Calm down. Hey, I’m not going to make you sleep in the bed with me or anything. I know you’d hate that. Look, I’ll just…” Without asking she pinched my ribs between her fingers and easily plucked me off the desk. I clung to her knuckles as she crossed the room. I hated how minimally dressed I still was. “Why don’t I put you right here? Comfy and cozy, yeah?” She opened her beside table drawer about a quarter of the way, shoved all of her assorted junk to one side and sat me down in the corner closest to her bed.
“I don’t want to be stuck in here, please, listen to—“ She reached down and pressed a finger to my lips, dwarfing my entire face. Only my eyes peered out above the edge of her nail.
“Hush, little man. I don’t have the energy to argue right now but if I don’t put you somewhere secure I won’t be able to sleep because I’ll worry about you the whole time. I just wanna keep you safe, so shoot me!” I probably would if I could. Damn this woman. She’d grown on me, just the slightest bit, and now it all came crashing down again. She disappeared and came right back with extremely soft, baby pink socks in her hands. We have a theme going with the emasculating colors, here, don’t we?
“Shut up. Get over it. Pink used to be for boys. They’re the softest thing I own, I’m trying to be nice.” It was as though she’d read my mind. She plucked me up again, this time holding my chest with her finger and spine with her thumb, raising me up just enough to pile the fabric beneath me and then sat me down again. Okay, they were incredibly soft and comfortable. I admittedly felt my eyelids drooping as I settled into this nest of pink fuzziness. She leaned in, smiling as I laid back. “Get some sleep. I’ll be right over here if you need anything.” Her hand twitched. I knew she wanted to touch me. I was grateful she didn’t. She flipped off the light switch, casting the room into moderate darkness. I heard the rustle of sheets and the squeak of box springs as she climbed into bed. I laid there, in the quiet, feeling the thrum of my own heart, as I listened to her breath. She seemed to have fallen asleep instantly. Maybe I could afford an hour or two of rest myself. But not for long, I was still sharing space with a human, after all. I closed my dry, bleary eyes and drifted off to sleep.
Chapter #13. Natalie reveals some new information that gets Alexander all excited.
Previous: Chapter #12
Next: Chapter #14
CW: Angst, injury, adult language
Tag list: @gatlily @grbene @patrocolus3 @lucentbliss @beautifulunknowntrash @titan-god-420 @andraimeide @themarlo
________________________________________
A FRACTION OF JUSTICE
Chapter #13: Breaking Bread
Word Count: 2,758
Read Time: Approx. 21 mins
[Alexander’s POV]
She placed me on her desk, seated with my legs stretched out before me. I felt very…. Exposed… to put it lightly. The second the pressure from the pads of her fingers subsided, I heaved a sigh of relief. She trained the blindingly bright desk lamp on me and then excused herself to grab some supplies.
Left to my own devices, I took in my surroundings, cursing my injured leg. Now would be a perfect opportunity to slip out of sight. A desk was always a wonderful piece of furniture to be placed on because it was practically guaranteed to have easily claimable cables that snaked all the way to the floor. The desk, like everything else in this pigsty, was a disaster zone. Papers of all kinds, notepads, sticky note squares, pens, textbooks, empty glasses, a wadded up napkin, and now me. A student’s hovel if ever I saw one…. Which I hadn’t, but I could imagine. I grimaced. Part of me seethed with jealousy. Oh, to be allowed to pursue a higher education. Being plopped onto a desktop made me feel like I was right back to square one: being used by a human as a tiny, unpaid and under appreciated secretary. A dark cloud hung over my countenance.
This desk was up against a windowless wall, a cork board overflowing with pinned notes, reminders, memorabilia and photographs littering its surface. It loomed so far directly above me, however, that I couldn’t make out anything in the way of details. To the right, was a streaked, dusty full length mirror, just beyond that was a closet door in the corner of the room. Along the perpendicular wall were two windows, with the blinds pulled almost halfway shut. I watched as the rain battered the glass and shook the wispy branches of the young tree planted outside. Directly across from where I sat, was her bed. Unmade, of course. I pinched the bridge of my nose. Her matching bedside tables were littered with jewelry, mail, even more empty or half filled glasses. How much water did one human need?? As I scanned from left to right, I noticed a bra, flung over the lampshade. My face flushed hot. And I stared at my hands. No man in turmoil has ever benefited from thinking about that when the chips were down.
Perhaps I was being unfair. She wasn’t anticipating company, after all. Not that she considered me company. Perhaps she’d normally clean up more. I hoped so. I’d like to think she wouldn’t want her private undergarments on full, potentially flammable display. Beyond that, was a bathroom door, I wondered if it was the same one I’d already been in, or if that was a separate bathroom entirely. Darkly, a smirk played on my lips. It was hard to keep track of architecture at my size. Especially being carted about with no sense of direction. I had to get better at that. The more I knew the lay of the land the easier it would be to escape.
Finally, against the bathroom door wall, was a large mirrored dresser. At this point I think it’s unnecessary to add that it, too, hardly had an inch left of visible counter space. I swallowed. Pain was coming back to my shocked, weary body. I’d gotten some relief from the hot water until I’d been unceremoniously plucked from the basin. My face turned red, again. It had only been a moment, but I supposed she’d now seen me naked. I was never comfortable outside of three layers of tailored wool or polyester. This egregious embarrassment of a smock was nearly as humiliating as being entirely nude.
I dug my fingernails into my scalp. I wanted to scream. I wanted to break something. How much more suffering am I meant to endure?
Just then, she burst through the door. Speak of the devil….
“Woah, hey, little fella… you okay?” She rushed over, and her face swooped in far too close for comfort. I could feel the warmth radiating from her cheek. I cringed and leaned away.
“I’m fine… just a headache. I’m fine. You’re much too close to me, back off.” Her brow furrowed, hurt. I heaved a sigh. You’re acting like a child. Please, I can’t handle one more immature, emotionally volatile, overly grabby human. At least for today, try to behave like an adult.
She flashed me a look. But bit her lip as she settled into her chair, and grabbed a large, square, plastic bottle, brown with a white cap, and unscrewed the lid. Hydrogen peroxide, I assumed. Ah, she’s going to try to keep my leg from getting infected. Good. So she’s not completely dull and useless.
She pinched a cotton ball between two fingers, and tipped the contents of the bottle into the fibrous material. This was going to hurt. She saw me staring at the soaked cotton in her fingers.
“Hey, this is gonna sting a little bit, but it’s going to help—“ stop with that condescending tone of voice!
“I know how hydrogen peroxide works.”
“Okay! Jesus, I can’t read your fucking mind. I don’t know everything you’ve ever learned!” She pursed her lips. I eyed her suspiciously as she leaned over me, fingers drawing ever closer. She didn’t seem to notice, or care.
The rough cotton made contact with my rent flesh. My eyes watered but I was determined to power through this and give her zero opportunities to fawn and fuss over me. God, that burns!! That would have been bad enough, but this imbecile decided it would be a great idea to rub the wound, despite the fact that the cotton was more than big enough to cover the entire area. The coarse fibers, extremely coarse for me, at my size, were practically digging into and raking my torn up knee.
“What on earth do you think you’re doing? That hurts!!”
“I told you it would, didn’t I?” She pointed a finger at my chest. I didn’t like how big they were: her fingernail, painted an awful shade of green, was almost as large as my face. “You were all shitty and dismissive but I tried to warn you…” No, you small minded giant… it’s the fact that you’re scraping the first layer of my epidermis, or what’s left of it, clean from my leg. That’s what hurts! She started raking even harder now, out of frustration.
“OWW!!! Stop it! Just stop! Give it to me, you don’t even know how to—let me do it myself!” I lunged for the cotton ball, my fingertips barely brushed it. I couldn’t reach. My blood boiled as I watched a smile curve her lips. She was playing with me. I was immediately reminded of those two brats in the library… and my life’s work, gone in a moment. Snarling, my chest exploding with rage, “GIVE IT TO ME, NOW!”
“Goddamn! Okay, okay! What the fuck is your deal, little man?” I snatched it out of her grip, pressing the cool, burning liquid to my tattered, fizzing wound. I clenched my jaw through the pain.
“What is my deal??? I’m a highly intelligent, sentient, genetic offshoot to Homo sapiens, that’s you, by the way, in case you weren’t aware, that is effectively enslaved to my evolutionary cousin simply because I’m smaller than you. I can’t even meet my own basic needs without relying on you ignoramuses for help. There is no dignity in this life! That, is my deal!!!” She stared at me wide eyed. I was red in the face, chest heaving, arms crossed squarely over my chest.
“Well…fuck. When you put it like that—“
“Don’t curse! It’s unbecoming and a sign of lower intelligence.”
“Excuse me?”
Ah, I see you need me to explain the insult. With pleasure! “It delegitimizes your argument and makes you appear emotionally immature.”
“Where the fuck did your smart ass come from? Who taught you to speak like that?”
Doubling down on the utter lack of intelligence and emotional maturity, I see. Certainly fits the profile. “No one taught me. I taught myself. Well, the old man, technically, taught me to read…. Or, finished teaching me… all those years spent as nothing more than a living, breathing text to speech algorithm… and I have nothing to show for it.” I swallowed the lump that was rising in my throat. I was giving her far more detail about me than I’d ever intended. I course corrected, “It was extremely lucky for me, I suppose, that he never figured out how to use his phone for all that or I’d have been out of a job…”
She stared at me, completely lost, “W-What?”
At this point, I’d finished soaking the wound. The chemical had popped, fizzled and settled, the pain dulling with it. I plopped the wet, bloodied ball on the desk beside me, “Never mind, forget it. Can I have something to eat, now?” I was halfway to fainting at this point. It was hard just to keep my head upright.
“Oh!” She scoffed, “Are you in the habit of asking for things after insulting people?”
I shrugged, halfheartedly, “I’m sorry,” She crossed her arms, leaning her elbows on the desk only a few inches from me, her body casting a shadow as she towered over me, raising an eyebrow. I sighed rolling my eyes. Humans and their power trips!! “Okay, I’m sorry. Can I have something to eat, please, my dearest and most wonderful human caretaker whom I love with all my pathetic and adowable widdle heawt??” I clasped my hands together in a mockery of pathetic begging. Is that what you wanted to hear?? I stared daggers at her.
***********
I was gonna kill him! If I didn’t leave the room right now I was going to wring his shitty little neck. “Fuck you…” emphasis on the fuck, you little motherfucker. I jabbed him in the chest, not enough to hurt, but to clearly communicate my disapproval.
With that I leapt up and walked out the door. I was seething. The one part he’d said about how unfair it was to be treated as less than.. that made sense and I could empathize with his frustration… but, what had I done? I could have locked him up in a cage or tortured him or stomped him to death.. but I didn’t… well, I did put that bowl over him, but only for, like, ten minutes! That didn’t count! Why was he so pissed with me, when I was just trying my best to help?
What a little asshole.
I headed to the kitchen, anyway. Remember, Nat, you promised yourself you’d keep him alive wether he liked it or not, and he, clearly, does not. Ugh, why did I have to be a good person?
Washing my hands, I paused, trying to think of what I had already prepared that I could give to him. I had Mediterranean style chicken and grilled veggies… glancing at the ceramic toothpick dispenser shaped like a hedgehog on the counter, I had an idea. I re-entered my room with a saucer, plated nicely with three little shish-kebabs made from toothpicks, of course, alternating with grilled bits of chicken and veggies in a tiny, colorful display. I even drizzled them with tzatziki, using the tip of an egg spoon.
The moment I set the plate down, before him, he practically began inhaling the food, not even bothering with a ‘thank you’. “Careful it’s… hot…”He’d displayed a quiet dignity, an almost balletic grace about him, even when dangling precariously from my pantry shelf. Not so now. He was as ravenous as a starved rabbit, his teeth tearing and chewing almost faster than he could bother to breathe. I watched, shocked. “Haven’t eaten in a while, huh?”
He simply shook his head, refusing to pause for a moment. Poor guy, clearly he was starving. I wondered when he’d eaten last. His face was turning red as he continued to eat, “Woah careful there you’re gonna choke yourself. I don’t know if I can do the Heimlich on you without accidentally breaking your ribcage so…”
He paused, staring up at me through his brows, his cheeks losing all color. He shifted awkwardly, “What? It was a joke,” really? All that fearless attitude in the face of someone twenty times bigger than you, and that freaks you out? “Do you have no sense of humor? I’m messing with you. Eat.” He didn’t need to be told twice.
I watched, my chin propped up on my elbow as he licked the second toothpick clean. His curtained bangs, cascading into his eyes, he shook his little head every now and again to clear his line of sight. You’re a total asshole but you’re kinda, almost cute. Maybe, now that you’re eating you’ll be less of a little sourpuss.
Tentatively, I reached out a finger, approaching his little head. His eyes snapped in my direction, before he scooted away, “What do you think you’re doing??”
“Well… I was just— I thought, you’d be less… sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you…”
“Scare me? Did you not hear a single thing I just said? I’m eating for crying out loud! Don’t touch me!” Jesus, you’re insufferable. Maybe I’ll just stick you in a hamster ball and throw food in there a couple times a day. Have fun not ever being touched and being all on your own, wise ass! I tried to breathe. He wanted to be respected. I could appreciate that. He didn’t want to me to reach out and touch him, fine. I wouldn’t push the issue.
I realized I felt a little disappointed. I guess I’d thought we’d made a tiny bit of progress what with the food as a sort of peace offering. I thought maybe he’d let me interact with him more. It wasn’t my fault he was so damn adorable!
I cleared my throat, trying to start over, “I… uh, I haven’t actually told you my name, yet… I’m—“
“Natalie Elena Marquez. I know. I saw your lanyard in the pantry.” He finished off his last few bites, “You attend Harvard, so clearly, you aren’t entirely inept.” I scoffed. Did you just insult me again? My hand twitched reflexively. You’re lucky you’re cute, little man. I’m getting closer and closer to ‘accidentally’ dropping you. “What’re you? Twenty years old? Studying what? Business Communications? Psychology?”
“I’m twenty-eight and I’m going to law school! Jesus fucking Christ!! You’re seriously fucked up you know that? I don’t know if some former owner of yours dropped you on your head a bunch or something but I hope you do realize I saved your life, twice in fact, today. You’re right, the world does see you as something little better than a domesticated animal. Maybe I should start doing the same? I’m choosing to be kind to you, but that can change real quick…”
“Yes, yes, that’s all fine… did, did you say law school?” It’s like he hadn’t heard a single thing I’d said.
“W-What? Yeah….”
************
My jaw was practically on the floor. This mess of a human? In law school? It seemed laughable. But none of that mattered. I now had vicarious access to Harvard Law School. My heart thundered in my chest. I could do the exact same routine with her that I had with the old man…. I could rebuild my case. Maybe, I could even manipulate her into taking me to the library itself… the four-hundred year nexus of legal study in this country. Then, I could run off, into the depths of legal volumes, never to see her again! I felt like I was going to pass out. I couldn’t believe my good fortune!!!
“Why are you looking at me like that???” I was snapped out of my fantasy. I shook my head and shrugged, my bangs falling in my eyes. Under no circumstances could I allow her to know. This was my secret. I wouldn’t have everything taken away from me again. I cleared my throat, trying to play it cool.