Jul 22
“I am tired of pretending I give a shit about you,” says the one who has risked life (ha) and limb to make sure that Julien stays safe. Says the one who has followed, and will continue to follow Julien. Says the one who keeps Julien next to him like a heeled dog, waiting for the word to lunge and defend him.
“I never asked for you to care about me. I don't care that you don't give a shit about me,” says the one who has looked to Occtis for guidance and answers. Says the one whose mission is to hunt and take revenge on those who have harmed him and Occtis. Says the one who refuses to leave Occtis alone, refuses to leave his side, stays to protect him at all costs.
#Occtis is not pretending and Julien would not be fine if Occtis suddenly ceased caring#Occtis does care. He cares in ways different that he has been cared for#He thinks that caring means dedicating his life to someone. He doesn’t understand that care can be simple as asking someone if theyre okay#He doesn’t understand that the caring read about in novels during his spare time is different#That it’s an unattainable fantasy that only lives in books and fiction of his world#Care is something he seldom experienced. So he expects the bar to be far higher than what he can ever give#Julien is affected by Occtis caring. He doesn’t understand that.#He has been cared for. But there have always been drawbacks#His father cared but there was abuse. Physically it’s possible Raimond hit him. Mentally the pressure got to him from a young age#His mother expected and expects so much of him. She cares but she has her own motives too#Occtis is different#Occtis cares in a way Julien has never experienced before#There is no pressure. No ulterior motives. Occtis wants what Julien wants. For his family to pay for what they did#They may want this to happen in different ways but Julien can tell how Occtis merely wants Julien’s help#Occtis doesn’t want to get something out of Julien. Occtis wants what Julien already does too of his own volition#The symbiosis of their relationship is something neither of them have experienced before. They don’t know how to handle it#So they fight.#Argue a little#Have spats for small reasons#They haven’t had to express these emotions before with anyone. So they have high emotion high intensity talks and arguments#Maybe they’ll get there in time. Maybe they won’t#Either way. They have something unique with each other#I just hope we get to see it explored more in canon#knightingale#occtis tachonis#sir julien davinos#julien davinos#idk what to tag this as man. word vomit level extreme#cr meta