Discover Top Posts Tagged with #of being alone

lestat and armand fawning to their abusers needing them for salvation “basking in their mercy” lestat and armand moulded by the sexual trauma they’ve experienced and seeing love through the lens of someone who exploited their vulnerability lestat and armand clinging to anyone who will give them a sense of companionship and being unable to cope with abandonment lestat and armand two sides of the same coin

#they’re so special to me #they deal with their trauma differently but deep down they are the same they have the same desire to be loved and needed and the same fear #of being alone #iwtv posting #armand #lestat de lioncourt #my ramblings #my meta #amc the vampire lestat #amc immortal universe

Ooooh you want so badly to come over and hug me

#puppy #puppyposting #puppyyap #hell is a teenage boy #yearning #im so tired #of being alone

sometimes i fear that someone who loves me will look at me one day and wonder, "why her?"

#fear #emotions #late night thoughts #thoughts #fears #insecurity #im scared #of abandonment #of being alone

time for a random snippet on this miserable thursday evening, i’ve been reading through what i’ve got so far to cheer myself up and this scene really made me smile, nothing like these two being shy and awkward as they figure each other out.

“Matteo?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you… could you maybe take a look at my computer? I dropped it the other week and it’s been playing up ever since,” David said.

“Sure!” Matteo said, jumping up from the stool and beckoning him to his room. David trailed behind him.

“That’s not… you don’t have to, just because… I won’t get angry if you don’t want to. I don’t have any money,” he said.

“I want to help, I don’t charge my friends anyway,” Matteo said with a smile, but he frowned when David’s face fell. He looked torn between telling Matteo to fuck off and breaking down. “Everything ok?” Matteo asked gently.

David took a deep breath and rubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah fine,” he snapped. “Sorry,” he added immediately.

David was even worse than him, snapping, pushing whenever he felt vulnerable.

“It’s ok,” Matteo said. “Ok, show me the damage,” he said, clearing his desk.

When David didn’t say anything he turned around and spotted him looking through some of his drawings on the wall. He’d been plotting out a new game idea last night, had lost himself in creating characters and building worlds. He always did get carried away with fantasy. But David wasn’t looking at his fantasy landscape, fuck, he wasn’t looking at those at all, he was looking at Matteo’s mystery boy drawings. Fuck fuck fuck! Why the hell had he pinned them up on the wall? Why hadn’t he taken them down before David came over?

“Is this me?” David asked, amused now. Matteo rushed over and tried to pull them all down, shoving David aside in his panic. He was beyond embarrassed. David was going to think he was lame. No he would think he was a creep, watching him, doodling him. This was supposed to be his second chance and he was already blowing it.

“It’s not you,” he insisted, but his reaction had given him away. It was obviously him.

David tried to grab them, but Matteo held them out of reach.

“I like them though,” David said, smiling. He held his hand out for the pictures.

“Why?”

“Well if they are me, I’d rather be mystery boy than angry boy.”

“I don’t think you’re angry, sad sure, and lonely, but the anger is just a front,” Matteo said. “But you are a mystery. I... I’ve wanted to get to know you for a while,” he admitted.

David stared at him, still smiling.

“Sorry, was that ok?” Matteo mumbled, worried he’d pushed too far.

“It’s ok,” David said.

Matteo rifled through his pictures of David and found his favourite one, mystery boy David, sitting under a tree. So many times Matteo had seen David sitting by himself and wanted to invite him over to join them. He’d never been brave enough. He had watched him though, a lot. That time David had gotten a message or something on his phone and it had made him smile. Which had made Matteo smile and all the boys tease him. He didn’t care. He drew his own rendition of that scene, this time with David getting a message from Matteo, just a hello, but it making him smile the same way. God he was so lame, but he handed over the drawing anyway, then marched back to his desk, face burning. He shoved the rest in his drawer and tried to calm down.

When he looked up again David was smiling down at his picture like it was the best thing he’d ever seen. Matteo had to look away and focus on the desk for a minute to calm himself down. He swore his heart was going to explode. It didn’t and he managed to pull himself together enough to beckon David over.

#this is only a little bit of a very cute scene #they are both so sweet and awkward around each other #and this story has already grown beyond the half plotted out thing i found in my drafts #it's sort of enemies to lovers #but more like a boy who's angry at the whole world who meets a boy that can make him smile #and he tries his damn hardest to hate #but it's not possible #and he's tired of hating #of being alone #so yeah that's what this is #druck fics #davenzi fics #theo writes

I’m super exhausted for today. I’ve spend time with my full family, so mom and 2 borthers. My brother made fun of me for buying Ryon cds, told me I should got running shoes and start runing and not spendin money on ‘some japaneses’, and was bossing everyone around, called my japanese flashcards ‘chinese signs’ knowing exactly how insulting that is, didnt listen when I was wanted to share some knowladge about learning language, even if he started to learn latin for his new girlfriend and I thought it may be usefull for him.

I was trying to spend sometime alone, but they were talkin a lot to me all the time. My younger brother was a little mean to me too.

Why is my family so abusive jesus fucking christ.

Also I have runny nose and my throat hurts too :c

#i want to move #but i dont have money #maybe if i will got this work i have intership for #but im also scared of living alone #of being alone #of eating alone

everytime i hear abt a tgirl or transfem being murdered or killing herself i always think what if the world were different and she was allowed to thrive and then i think abt joining her

#passive suicidality #chronic suicidality #transfeminity #the transfem experience #of being alone #the-kill-all-tmes-lady

it sucks being a clown all the time.

#im scared #of being alone