#passive suicidality

[gerranhowelllover]

[notavampiretrustme]

I think chronic/ passive suicidal ideation is akin to the non descriptive feeling of homesickness while you are still at home. A sense of “I want to go home” without knowing what your brain means by “home”. All you know is you long for it

[s1lver-l1nes]

Me rn

[axei]

HE WAS 25 WHEN HE DIED???? FUFKING TWENTY FIVE????

HE WAS 21 DURRIMG TORCHWOOD ONE. HE WAS FUCKING 22 WHEN HE MET JACK. OF CORSE HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF, HIS ENTIRE LIFE ENDED BEFORE HE HIT TWENTY THREE.

Dude. I'm losing my mind. Everything makes so much more sense now.

He was kind of selfish and short sighted? He was 23. Of course he was.

He changed drastically as the show progressed, maturing a lot? Of course he did, he was in his early twentys.

He was weirdly horny about a lot of stuff? HE'S TWENTY THREE. FUCKING OF CROUSE HE ISS.

This is the worst information i've ever heard. They would've had so much time together. He was so young.

Of course he made rash decisions. Of course he was impulsive. Of course he had a lot to learn. Of course he almost burned down the world because of his first real girlfriend. OF COURS EHE WAS A PA. HE WAS TWENTY.

He was a fucking baby.

Genuinely every rewatch/listen is going to make me even more upset now. I thought he was at least late twentys at the start, into at LEAST his thirtys when he died. I thought he just looked young.

OH MY GOD ALL THE SHIT THAT HAPPENED TO HIM IN "the death of captain jack" HE WAS LIKE 21 FOR.

AUFH

Fucking no wonder he tried to kill himself after getting his shit absolutely rocked by murderers. Of course he was confused about his sexuality. Of course he found solice in his very attractive boss's bed. OF COURSE HE HAD ISSUES WITH HIS BORDERLINE ABUSIVE FATHER. HE WAS LIKE TWENTY TWO.

Of course he didn't have a sense of identity.

OF COURSE HE LOVES THE BOND MOVIES AND STAR WARS HE'S A BABY. HE WAS A TEENAGER LIKE FOUR MINUTES AGO.

[entomophone]

doodle inspired by a tweet i saw :3

[lextrow-writes]

The difference between Sirius and Regulus is passive suicidality and active suicidality btw

[j-a-n-e--d-o-e]

Hello 👋

I really enjoy your marriage of loyalty au, and wanted to share a version of Perseiras death.

So she fades/kills herself during, maybe before ww1. But WHY exactly in that period? Because that is the moment Where feminist movemen Where peacking Up (in very general terms). She was probably put as a symbol of that movement, literal loyalty being assulted and abuses in her on marriage? That would give any author/painter/intelectual so much to eat, they would be obbsesed, adding the Fact that Athena and others gods would stroke the flame because f@ck Apollo.

Rebellry and so much, that would revitalise Perse so much, the cries the beating of the druns, the determination. I'm just imagening Perse downturned and Broken sitting Up from her loom, calmly walking Up to Apollo Who is with one of the muses. While in the back It play a song:

Si tú marido the pega (Colora)

Dale golpes tú también (Colora )

Y si con la mano no puedes (Col- perse)

Metele con la sartén

(in english: if your husband Hits you, hit him back, and if you can't with your hand, hit him with a fryng pan... A very good song that I can't remeber the name of) And decking him in the back of the head.

It's the first time in centuries shes felt so Alive. And if she phyaically and mentally abuses Apolo? Thats part of the fun, if he tries to hurt her back? She finds no trou le in leaving him bearly breathinng, she is the war goddess between them.

Just imagine her last days on Olympus and Atlantis going around telling each and every god the cold hard thruth how they suck how they are not so hight and mighty and how pathetic they are. the only one she spares is Ares, Who he tells with a "I shall gift you the bloodiest wars you have ever experienced"

Imagine when she kills herself is with the hight of freedom, the marriage that started to keep her loyal ended in revelry. The moment she dies is when the event parking ww1 occurs.

Also expanding this theme, that WHY Percy Jackson is so ironic, so sarcastic so uncarring of the gods. She dosen't care about them. Also, Percy Going 'I'm a dead girl/goddes/ walking', like Verónica in desd girl walking(reprise) specially at Gaia. Heads Up Gaia I'm a dead woman walking.

Also I think Percy deserves to die as a mortal, she has lived better as a mortal than as a goddes, and she had to deal with a lot of shit.

And at the end of the day, what is greater rebelion against the gods than dyng?

Ok but i kinda love all of this, especially the implications that loyalty/rebellions death indirectly triggered ww1. It was a series of seemingly random events all happening at once that dragged the whoke worls into it after all. Almost like the cosmos shifted in response to some great tragedy.

I dont think Persedione would ever be abusive but once the mortal understanding of loyalty and marriage changed to allow it she would definitely hit back.

As you rightly pointed out Persedione is a war goddess, she knows how to fight and she has millenia of pent up rage.

Apollo would be getting a massive reality check because wdym my wife could rock my shit and only didnt brcause of the marrital vows I've been treating like a jump rope?!

Dionysus can see where this road ends, after all what kind of son would he be if he couldn't, not to mention that the mania burning through her falls squarely in his domain. His mother is going to kill herself and tear everyrhing down arround her as she goes.

He could stop it but why should he? Life has never been kind to his mother, and she deserves to seek something better. Even if that does mean throwing herself into the arms of death. Its not like he can't follow her there in his aspect of Zagreus after all.

Athena should be happy to see her daughter this invigorated and alive once more, so why is dread beginning to pool within her. Regardless she will hwlp her precious baby in whatever way possible.

Are's has seen the look in Persedione's eyes before upon the battlefield. Soldiers making a suicide run, generals realising that reinforcements aren't coming and their men are going to die... Its the look of someone that knows their end is near and intends to make it worth it.

Are's asks what she needs of him, he doesn't disrespect her by asking if she's sure.

She smiles softly before giving him a bloody kiss on his cheek and promising him a war like no other in gratitude for his care all these years.

Not for the first time Are's wonders if things would have been better if his mother had succeeded in pushing his hand over Apollo's. He could never have loved her as she deserved but surely it would have been better than this.

Hera watches on already grieving the dead woman walking and trying to ignore the oart of her that burns with jealousy. Her best friends suffering will end soon but Hera's own will continue.

Kym is close to fading, she's been fighting it for so long because of her sister. The fear of leaving Persedione alone was suffocating so she pushed on.

But something has changed and Kym? Kym smiles as she realises it's almost over. For now though? She's more than happy to help Perse throw Olympus into chaos and violent storms.

As much as Persedione is tearing shit down she is also giving itty bitty slices of truth and advice in the hopes that once she's gone and everyone has to face consequences for once on their immortal existence they get their shit together.

Its her final act of love, the last bit of care she holds for so many of them.

When she returns rebellion, oaths, rhiptides and naval warfare are her dominant aspects and she makes it everyone's problem once she realises that many of them didn't bother to listen to Loyalties final warnings.

Olympus did everything they could to chain up and supress her 'darker' apects and now they're free and calling the shots.

Zeus is one of the few that suprisingly listen.

The sea family try to listen but end of going completely off the deep end given they lost too daughters not just 1 in this au.

Athena and Dio cling to each other. Anchoring themselves firmly through the others resemblence to the lost goddess. Perse had athenas nose and eye shape, her olive skin... Dio has his mothers wild curls and sultry lips.

Artemis, Hermes and Apollo refuse to learn.

Olympus splinters.

Some build back stronger, others wrot in their own denial.

//

Ngl this is making me think of the marriage of loyalty au where Persedione killed Apollo in order to fulfil the 'death do us part' aspect of their marrital vows and free herself before going on the run.

[deadbeatbf69]

having high functioning depression is so humiliating because I shower everyday and have an extensive skin routine but I also don’t see the point in anything and always have a plan for my death.