"I'm a dad, boys." | Offenderman x f! Reader
>> The Slender brothers gather after Offender calls them saying he has something important to show them.
Spoiler: it's his own little family.
Fluff, established relationship/married couple, baby fic, brief mention of pedos getting eaten and raped (aka what they deserve 🥰).
1.7k words | AO3
Standing around in their eldest brothers living room, the three Slender beings shared a few looks, one of impatience, one exasperation, and one of curiosity.
Splendor, in his polkadot suit, sat prim in an armchair, hands on his knees as he tapped a foot with nervous excitement. “What do you think Fen called us here for?” He asks again, looking to his other brothers for an answer. “Any ideas? Any?”
With a drawn out sigh, Slender– thee Slenderman– pinched the space between where eyes would be on any other humanoid creature. “For the last time, Splendor, no. I haven't the slightest clue what that rake could've called us together for. All he said was that it was important and for us to immediately meet up.”
With a huff, Splendor leaned back, arms crossed. His ever-present grin curled down into an exaggerated frown, annoyed his curiosity was once again unsatisfied.
All he wanted was to know what the important news was! And he hated waiting!
In another armchair, Trenderman stirred a cup of tea, lounging casually yet purposefully, shirt catching the light shining in through the window, making the colour of it pop more.
“You know how Fender is, Splen. He's probably going to regale us with tales of his newest perverted exploit.” He took a sip of tea, liquid slowly trickling lower in his cup despite his lack of mouth. “Or that he discovered another ring of pedophiles and all the terrible but deserved things he did to them.”
Splendor pauses for a moment. Then, simply, “I'd like to hear about him eating and raping pedophiles.”
Slender just sighed.
It wasn't much longer before the three felt the familiar burst of energy that came from their kinds way of teleportation outside. Through the window facing the front of the mansion, the three brothers saw their other brother walk up the steps with an almost cheery gait, sly grin stretched wide with excitement. His trenchcoat was wrapped tight around him.
They waited until he joined them, Offenderman tipping his fedora in greeting.
“Gentlemen! So good to see you all!” He cheered, arms spread wide as he stood in the doorway. “How are you doing? Good? Good!”
With an exasperated– if fond– sigh, Slender gestured for his brother to come closer. “Yes, yes, good to see you too, Fen. Now, please tell us why you called us all out of the blue for an ‘emergency meeting’.”
With a slight cackle, the Offenderman– or Fen/Fender as he was known to those he was close to– walked further in, an arm over his chest; none of the others missed the large shape under his coat.
He stood before the fireplace, grin sharp and full of excitement.
“I have extremely important news to share with you three– and the rest of the family but they're less important.” He said, hands carefully gripping the front of his coat. “Any guesses?”
Slender, if possible, looked worried. “Please don't flash us.” He muttered, used to his odd brother's ‘jokes’ by now.
Splendor clapped excitedly. “Ooh, is it a puppy?”
Trender sipped his tea. “Are you pregnant?” He asked dryly.
Fen paused.
“… actually that's a good guess.”
“What–”
Before Slenderman could get another word out, Offender yanked apart his trenchcoat. “Surprise!” He yelled, showing off… you.
The three of them stared at you, only one of them capable of actually gaping but the other two would as well if they could.
You waved silently, awkwardly smiling. Strapped to his chest by his tentacles, you were forced front and center with Fen’s family.
“Hi.”
“Isn't she a darl’?” Offender cooed, nuzzling the top of your hair.
“Uhh… is that it?” Splendor asks curiously, a little disappointed.
Slender sighs. “Fen, if you just have a new bedmate, you didn't need to–”
“Ah, ah, ah! Bedmate?! Pah, you insult us both!” Offender hugged you to his chest. “This is my wife, I'll have you know!”
There was a pause as the other slender beings mulled that new information over.
Finally, Slenderman spoke– well, ‘spoke’. “Ah. That's… hm. Congratulations?” He glanced over at the other two, both of them shrugging.
Offenderman was known to take partners, being quite the whore when it came to humans. But… a marital partner? That was… new. Very new.
“And that's not all!” Practically bouncing on his feet, Fen’s tendrils reached for the opening of your baggy coat. “Ta-da!”
Ripped open, this time the slender brothers were truly struck silent as they saw what else their brother had brought to them.
A baby.
Strapped to your chest in a harness, the little hybrid looked much like its father, pale and featureless except for a mouth and vague outlines of a nose and eyes– courtesy of your own genetics, no doubt. It suckled on a pacifier calmly, clothed in a bright blue onesie with sunflowers on it.
Offenderman just stood smugly, preening as he presented his new family to his original one.
It took a moment for what they were seeing to fully register, but when it did, Splendor leapt to his feet, squealing with delight.
“Oh, this is so much better than a puppy!” He crouched in front of you and the little one, waving a mile a second.
“Hi! What's your name? How old is it? What sex is it? When was it born? When–?”
Chuckling, Fen gently lowered you onto your feet, tentacles receding. You answered, a little awkwardly but much more comfortable now that your partner's inhuman family seemed to be okay with your presence.
“Oleander. He's a boy.” You say, wiggling his little hand in a wave. “He's five months now, and was born last October.”
Swallowing, Slender inched closer. “Fender… how? We've never– there's never been a baby of our kind! And certainly not with a human!”
Shrugging easily, Offender just said, “Until now, brother. Me and my poppet were, uh, thorough in our love.” He grinned lewdly. “It's not like I've ever been with another person long enough to know for sure if we could reproduce.”
Slender could admit that was true. Typically, creatures like them just… appeared. Sometimes young, sometimes grown. But always knowing basic information to survive and never as a newborn.
Looking over, he saw Trender also cooing over the infant, holding a measuring tape between his tendrils as he muttered about making the little one a new wardrobe– “Consider it a late baby shower gift, ma'am. It won't take long at all, promise!”
And little Oleander seemed to be enjoying the attention, playing with his uncle Splendor’s tentacles, enchanted by the bells on them.
It made something warm in his monstrous, old heart.
“I always thought if any of us had a child, it would be Splendorman.” Slender says quietly, Fen chuckling.
“Y'know, so did I. Guy loves children.” Then he paused. “Actually, I think I'm going to have to make sure he doesn't kidnap my kid now.”
Chuckling a bit at that image, Slender looked at you, taking in the human his brother had married. Gods, he still couldn't wrap his head around the fact his brother, Offender, was married. It went against all laws of nature.
“So… your wife.” He stated, spotting his brother frown.
“No need to worry about her, k? She won't blabber about our existence or anything. She's safe.”
“Hmm. I'll trust you on that. You've known her the longest.”
Something fond crosses his brother's mostly blank face, a softening to its edges.
“That I do…” He whispered, taking a moment to drink you in amongst his kin. Snapping out of it, he gave his older brother a pat on the back.
“You get in there, meet your nephew. I'm gonna go warm up some milk for him. It's nearly his feeding time.”
Watching Offender head to the kitchen for a moment, Slender soon turned to face the newest members of their ever growing and weird family. Slowly, he walked over, crouching.
“Hello, ma'am.” He said politely, a little happy that, aside from nervousness born from meeting new people, you didn't seem afraid of any of them. “And this is Oleander?”
“Mmm-hmm. Say hi, Oli.” You make him wave again, the baby cooing around his pacifier. Slender feels his rotten heart melt. He'd always had a soft spot for children, hence why his mansion was always full of those that were outcasts or looking for a place to belong.
Maybe when he was older, Oleander could play with some of the other children here? Slender knew Sally would love a new playmate.
The rest of the day passed far too fast, everyone getting to know you and about your son, how he was growing fast and what milestones he'd reached so far. Offender said everything with pride, tending to his son's needs with ease and happiness. He fed his son a bottle of milk then burped him, then changed his diaper later on as well; the brothers observed how he'd insist on it, letting you rest.
When he was out of ear shot, you mentioned how you'd barely been allowed to leave the bed during your pregnancy, and that was during the first trimester.
“Protective doesn't even cover it. One time I got up in the middle of the night to get a snack and he damn near had a heart attack searching for me.” You rolled your eyes as you told them the story, but a soft smile was on your lips. “And he only got worse over the months.”
Before you had to leave, Fen produced a few photos for them of Oleander– “He won't stop taking pictures of him! He already has three albums full!” You complained, making Offender retort with a “And what's wrong with that?! Our son deserves to be immortalized in picture!”
It got a few laughs from them, Trender eyeing the photograph while muttering about different designs, and Splendor mentioned getting him some toys as well (Tren couldn't be the only one getting their nephew gifts, after all). Slender just grabbed an empty frame and wondered where to put it.
Just as evening was descending, the both of you took your leave, baby asleep in your arms and Fen whispering about a soak in the tub when we get home, how about that, sweetheart?
And with one last wave goodbye, you were gone.