Discover Top Posts Tagged with #office quotes

*Sirius when the 7th year Prefect forces him to stop blasting music at 4 in the morning*

Sirius: You all took a life here today.

Sirius: The life of the party.

#incorrect quotes #harry potter #gryffindor #sirius black #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #hogwarts #marauders era #marauders #the office #office quotes

#cninzihni #alıntı #office #dwight schrute #Dwight #Office quotes #kaybetmeme etiketleri

OFFICE FANFIC;

Title: She Bleeds Orgasm In Techni-Color

What a sloptastic and fuckable day, Dwight K Schrute exclaimed in a moaning cry as he let out a mighty blast of acidic urine, instantly melting the rustic wrap around deck while he stood in the doorway of his house. Slapping his nipples with unrestrained delight in the morning sunlight, he continued “I can’t wait to see all my good friends down at the office!”

After chasing his brother Mose down to slap him unconscious with his scabby and peanut butter covered cock while singing TDN’s “joy to the world ” Dwight fucked off to his car, which he nicknamed “the slut-butt-fuck-truck” (no one else called it that) which appeared to be red in color but was actually perpetually covered in fresh blood from the hourly mongoose sacrifices Dwight makes to Michael, his boss

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Back at the office; Micheal, meanwhile was calling everyone into the conference room for an important meeting, the camera zooms in on Jim smiling as he watched Pam walk into the conference room before him, Stanley is annoyed at having his work interrupted, Kelly is hanging onto Ryan’s shoulders like a tied sweater and Andy does a silly walk as he escorts the remaining employees into the room with a broadway style tune made up on the spot

“Today’s meeting” Michael announced in a very important and official voice “is about…” *michael drumrolls with his fingers on the door beside him* “work place sanitation! And the overwhelming amount of complaints from our sanitation crew about the frequency of which they must perform upkeep on our printers which seem to be oozing blood and semen on an almost DAILY BASIS! I mean, come on guys, what are we? A bunch of animals?!

“We already had to hire an entire new cleaning crew after the incident with the horse” Micheal, says clearly glaring at Kevin “Do not question my accountant methods, Michael. When god comes to you in a dream in the form of shrek, you do what he tells you” “And what was the need for all the dead rabbits, Kevin?” Michael pleads “the vets said Mr Sugarcube’s anus will never shrink back any smaller than the size of a bowling ball!”

Just then, Toby walks into the conference room, removing his overcoat and headed towards a chair in the back of the room “hey guys, sorry I’m late, I forgot to grab breakfast and the ole’ tummy got grumbly and I just had t….Michael, are you alright?” Camera zooms to Micheal; eyes locked in on Toby with pure hatred no living being has ever experienced. As if his eyes were a portal to hell itself. Micheal, eyes still fixed firmly on he tardy HR man, is shaking violently as eyes roll back into his head mouth bubbling with pink froth. After slamming into the wall and collapsing face first into the floor, the office boss begin loosen his belt buckle, reach around his rear and dig into the back of his pants. We cannot see, but can only assume that he has shoved his entire hand up his own back door, all the way down to the wrist.

The employees walk out of the room, slightly annoyed as they had 3 hours of their work delayed by yet another typical meeting that could’ve been done via email. Michal, however remains alone rolling and writhing in the floor, mouth and partially unbuttoned shirt caked in thick trails of sweet south side fudge

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At this time, Dwight walks in “oh hey Dwight” Pam greets him joyfully. With out a word, Dwight charges towards her and humps the reception desk mercilessly and with the contemplative mad fury of a baboon in heat for 15 uninterrupted on screen minutes while maintaining eye contact and screaming at the top of his lungs.

A scared and pained expression flashes across Dwight’s face before he ducks out of frame “NO NO NO. THIS ISNT CASUAL FRIDAY YET! GOD DAMNIT, YOU FUGLY MILK SLUT!” Michael is shown to be standing behind Dwight, with a rolled up newspaper, dissuading his excitable employee from crotch-rubbing the surface off of yet another office fixture.

Ashamed and whimpering, Dwight crawls over to his smelly shit covered mound of fucking dookie where he pretends to work all day next to jim, the office torture warden. Shaking his head in relenting mercy, Micheal approaches Dwight. Kneeling down, he produces from his pocket, a handful of hardened biscuit crumbs, 3 insect corpses, a paper clip, and an ancient cursed Aztec gold coin from the raided treasure chest of Cortéz. The dejected paper salesman timidly but greedily licks Michael’s peace offering up until Michael is laughing at Dwight’s tickling tongue.

The episode concludes with Jim pulling one of his classic pranks on Dwight; stapling Shrute’s nuts to his own forehead. Only for the camera to slowly zoom out to reveal Jim had accidentally stapled his own ballsack to Dwight’s head. Jim looks towards the camera as the entire office looks on in smiles and laughter. A laugh track plays in the background as it zooms in on Jim’s face. The laugh track continues for several minutes as does the camera zoom, revealing details which should not be possible with the early 2000’s film technology being used. Before we know it, the laughter has seamlessly morphed into ear piercing screams of absolute and incomprehensible horror and pain. Cut to credits with office theme song playing