#officerdave

[policestuck]

Dave is online

im back. not for long though. johns attacks have been getting less frequent, which would be great if bigger threats didnt rush in to fill his place on the crime echeladder like a bunch of crazed children snatching up boondollars with their grubby little hands. theyre digging deep into team moral. roxy flinches every time the emergency hotline rings. i havent heard from rose in months. work is taking over my life, and im really thinking about implementing a mandatory naptime into officer protocol. anyway, this is just a quick update. keep an eye out for the mob group. the tall one has a mean right cross. its almost like he knocked me back to my cringey recruit years

damn it

no no no no no no no no no nononononononono

duty calls i guess

[policestuck]

Hey, heard about the Midnight club, or whatever, and was wondering if ya'll found any other mobs that need a good beating.

look anon, whatever you heard, stay out of it. the gang youre referring to is dangerous, both in their crimes and in the fact that theyre a big unknown right now. they might talk with a stupid accent that sounds like a drunken speech impediment, but dont take them so lightly. when i need you to beat the shit out of somebody for me, ill let you know. in the mean time, just

what was that

hang on

[policestuck]

Do you guys do the stereotypical thing and save kittens from treeees?

is that a real question or are you joshing me

the amount of cat kidnappings within derse has skyrocketed. the main demographic of the kidnapper suspects? trees. dastardly plants. its the drp’s job to make sure the cat population stays safe and secure

plus cats are cute and trees are a lot less scary than mobsters

[policestuck]

heyyy copper, what's your feelings on inspector jade?

who, harley?

shes alright i guess. shes good at what she does.

and dont call me copper. thats fucking rude.

[policestuck]

were past diplomacy, harley. were so far past it that we now exist in a pocket dimension where diplomacy isnt even a concept. its on. your move.

Jade’s Rap:

http://policestuck.tumblr.com/post/138923129031/dear-dave-this-means-rap-war-d

[policestuck]

Friendly Mushrrooommmm 8D

do i need to round up a drug bust orrr

[policestuck]

Hey cool kid. have you ever taken down crime with just your sick rhymes?

that is the best question

the answer is no. i start crime with my ill beats. shit is so twisted im practically a felon. somebody arrest me. no. wait. ill arrest myself.

[policestuck]

You seem familiar Dave.... do you have any siblings?

yeah. swell guess, anon. you get a gold star. the strider family is a long, extensive tree of blonde-haired assholes. we go on forever. its like the circle of life. just when you think youre rid of us, BAM, here comes another one, katana and all.

ive got a sister, who im actually not supposed to talk about. 

i wont mention her name, but shes doing some undercover work. just routine stuff: kicking ass and taking names. i couldnt be prouder.

ive also got a brother. his name is dirk strider. but the smartass fucked up his life. nothing i could do. we dont talk much anymore, but when we do, its not what i would call a fun time.