The Enquiring Carapacian

A blog documenting the crime, detection, and apprehension within Derse and Prospit. Ask here, mobile chums==> policestuck.tumblr.com/ask

[policestuck]

Dave is online

im back. not for long though. johns attacks have been getting less frequent, which would be great if bigger threats didnt rush in to fill his place on the crime echeladder like a bunch of crazed children snatching up boondollars with their grubby little hands. theyre digging deep into team moral. roxy flinches every time the emergency hotline rings. i havent heard from rose in months. work is taking over my life, and im really thinking about implementing a mandatory naptime into officer protocol. anyway, this is just a quick update. keep an eye out for the mob group. the tall one has a mean right cross. its almost like he knocked me back to my cringey recruit years

damn it

no no no no no no no no no nononononononono

duty calls i guess

[policestuck]

John has many regrets

Sorry Dad...

[policestuck]

Son, I am very disappointed in your decisions. Have I taught you nothing?

You taught me how to make cake…

[policestuck]

YOU TAKE THOSE STOLEN GOODS BACK THIS INSTANT, YOUNG MAN

What stolen goods?

[policestuck]

John, Haven't You Realized Yet That Your Current Path Is A Stupid One?

Personally, I’m having a great time! 

[policestuck]

for the thieves: is it more fun to raid prospit or derse? which planet has better jail food?

Oh! Prospit has best food!

But Derse is also pretty fun sometimes~

[policestuck]

John, seriously. Stop messing with the po po! Don't let con air be your role model! And put the bunny down for goodness sakes!

NEVER

[policestuck]

Everyone except Dave. In the case of Dave losing his shades how bad did he freak out?

Oh I don’t know but I wanna SEE!

[policestuck]

John has no regrets~

Hey guys! Man, these are good.

[policestuck]

Dave is Offline

Officer Snoop is gonna be MIA for a little while, see?

[policestuck]

Hey, heard about the Midnight club, or whatever, and was wondering if ya'll found any other mobs that need a good beating.

look anon, whatever you heard, stay out of it. the gang youre referring to is dangerous, both in their crimes and in the fact that theyre a big unknown right now. they might talk with a stupid accent that sounds like a drunken speech impediment, but dont take them so lightly. when i need you to beat the shit out of somebody for me, ill let you know. in the mean time, just

what was that

hang on

[policestuck]

Do you guys do the stereotypical thing and save kittens from treeees?

is that a real question or are you joshing me

the amount of cat kidnappings within derse has skyrocketed. the main demographic of the kidnapper suspects? trees. dastardly plants. its the drp’s job to make sure the cat population stays safe and secure

plus cats are cute and trees are a lot less scary than mobsters

[policestuck]

hey dave. how've ya been? haven't heard from you in a while. caught john yet?

not doing so hot. the big stack of cash for johns apprehension did jack, and im starting to think hes got people on the inside. been chasing egbert and his stolen goodies long enough for this case to start pissing off the queen. if she wasnt nice before she sure as hell aint nice to cops who cant get their job done. hence the bruises. atleast some of them. the others came from other side jobs mucking up the whole process. 

turns out egberts little stunt was some kind of glorified inspiration for organized groups to take action. ill get better. in the meantime they make for some great stories at parties.

[policestuck]

heyyy copper, what's your feelings on inspector jade?

who, harley?

shes alright i guess. shes good at what she does.

and dont call me copper. thats fucking rude.

[policestuck]

were past diplomacy, harley. were so far past it that we now exist in a pocket dimension where diplomacy isnt even a concept. its on. your move.

Jade’s Rap:

http://policestuck.tumblr.com/post/138923129031/dear-dave-this-means-rap-war-d

[policestuck]

Friendly Mushrrooommmm 8D

do i need to round up a drug bust orrr

[policestuck]

DAVID! Have any fun cases lately?

not really. chasing egbert is pretty great. gotta love the view. things have cooled down since his huge spectacle raid on the queen, though. well, chilled off as much as derse can chill at least.